Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling. This was written loosely in the form of "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe.
A/N: This poem was written for enchanted-jae for the H/D Owlpost 2018. Thanks so much to the mods of this awesome fest!
Just a Kiss and Nothing More
Harry threw a witty jeer while Draco flashed a wicked sneer.
All across the bullpen, maddened Aurors' eyes did roll;
Bent their heads over the papers 'bout the latest evil capers
Hoping that this quarrel tapers, ends before they lose control.
Tempers hot and bothered never mixed well as a whole,
And their patience took a toll.
...
For, like clockwork, the two fought, and this time 'bout the coffee pot.
Aurors sighed and grumbled as another clash they bore.
"Why do those two always bicker? They're good partners—that's the kicker!"
Stated Ronald with a snicker. "All this shouting's uncalled for."
They continued working as the yelling they ignored;
Tried, at least, though 'twas a chore.
...
With an irritated huff, Dean Thomas screamed, "I've had enough!
How do I get work done when those two are being such fools?
Though with anger they have acted, we all know they're just attracted.
We have all been quite impacted ever since we were in school.
Time for us to act like Cupids, though it's only Yule.
That, or turn them into ghouls."
...
Neville spoke up with a snort, "Leave murder as a last resort.
Fighting always stops when one of them turns shades of blue."
"I can't stand much more this squalling," said Zabini, slowly drawling.
"All of this is so appalling—time to go to someplace new.
Maybe I'll take Granger up on that job o'er at Spew."
And, with that, he bid adieu.
...
"Huh," said Dean without a fuss, "That's no surprise—it's up to us.
Let us make those pricks confess how much they want to bone."
Ronald jumped up with a posit, "Let's shove them both in a closet!
Jam the handle—we will cause it so that they can be alone.
Time to be alone to hash it out; perhaps atone.
Else, my best friend I'll disown."
...
All agreed to this great plan; and, quickly, down the hall they ran,
Found an empty closet, then they set their foolproof plot.
Ronald wrung his hands while crying, "Harry, oh, how terrifying!
Here a monster's surely lying—tried to maim me, but I fought.
Slithered to the dark when I gave it a hearty swat.
Kill the beast, 'cause I cannot!"
...
Harry hurried to their place with Draco Malfoy keeping pace.
(All the rest were hiding sniggers up their Auror sleeves.)
"Everybody, stand aside!" the fearless Harry Potter cried.
Everyone, of course, complied, though Draco was extremely peeved.
"You are not invincible, as much as you believe.
I'm afraid you're quite deceived."
...
"Shut it, Malfoy," Harry said. "Without me, likely you'd be dead.
I'll go in there by myself, and you can kiss my ass."
"Bet he would," Dean Thomas muttered. Ron's expression swiftly shuttered.
To the side they promptly scuttered, let the duo bustle past.
Shortly, Neville shut the door 'fore Ron said something crass;
Fixed the lock on the door brass.
...
"What the hell is going on here?" Harry yelled, "It seems as if we're
Stuck inside this closet. Can you all help get us out?"
"Promise, that's what we are trying. Harry, please, just stop denying
That you have been simply dying, dying to snog that git's pout—
Though I'm sure that it's like making out with a cold trout,"
Ron said, wrinkling his own snout.
...
"Potter, you must be embarrassed! I know I must be the fairest
Being you've seen with your four eyes." How Draco Malfoy cocked!
"Malfoy, you can quit your crooning. You are just as guilty swooning.
I have caught you often mooning Harry like your head was knocked."
Much more gently, Dean said, "No more lies you need concoct.
Speak, and this will be unlocked!"
...
Neither talked at first; the three anticipated so much worse.
Suddenly, a heavy thud fell hard against the door.
"Merlin, did they kill each other? What will we tell Malfoy's mother?"
Neville whispered with a shudder. "Hope they tripped and nothing more."
Muffled sounds then scuffed along the dirty marble floor—
Noises they could not ignore.
...
For, across the threshold, were alarming sounds of smacking flesh.
Rhythmic pounding, pounding right against the wooden door.
Rowdily, they both were moaning. Oh, the two were clearly boning;
Least, that's what they were intoning—one released a raucous roar.
Ronald reasoned, "Maybe they're just building new rapport.
Just a kiss and nothing more."
...
Sounds of pleasure boldly came across the heavy wooden door.
Ronald, Dean, and Neville ran away, and this they swore—
"Just a kiss and nothing more."
A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!