Author's note
Thank you for dropping by. I hope you enjoy. Your reviews are welcome and cherished, always ;)
o0o
"May I sleep with you tonight?"
"If I say no, will you then happily return to your room?"
Severus sighs at the boy's triumphant grin and makes way for him to enter.
They have just gone through a series of endless nights with Harry screaming and waking up several times due to nightmares, then terrified by the fact that he had waken up Severus, which took all of Severus' effort to assure that it was not a sin, and then they tried to get him fall asleep again only to scream and wake up once more after one or two hours. Dreamless Sleep worked but things were the same again after Harry stopped taking it. All methods were tried and failed before they resorted to a pretty childish solution, which was that Severus let Harry sleep with him to see if an extra drop of feeling safe and comforted would work.
It did. After three nights getting immediate response to his nightmare before it escalated, the nigtmares went away and never returned even when Harry went back to sleep in his own room.
There is an unexpected aftermath, however. Since then Prince Potter has turned it from a form of assistance preserved for incidents of nightmares to a casual bedtime option. Every now and then Prince Potter would simply grab his blanket and knock on Severus' door to ask for another night sleeping with him just because he wants it, and if he is rejected, Severus will have a sulky eleven year old to deal with.
He is twelve now. Well, he has just turned twelve for a few weeks, to be precise. In every way he is far too old for this kind of thing, but even Severus can't deny him that little piece of spoling. Not to a child who spent most of his childhood locked up and forgotten in a cupboard under the stairs.
The moment Severus hits the pillow, Harry rolls towards him and tucks himself to his side.
"Severus?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you plan to get married at some point?"
Severus rolls his eyes and asks with amusement:
"May I ask to whom?"
"You've got to find someone."
"And why exactly are we on this topic all of a sudden?"
"It just crossed my mind."
Severus looks down at the mop of hair leaning against his chest. This might very well have something to do with the woman standing at their front door in the storm a few hours ago. Did the sight of a random woman suddenly make him realize the lack of one in their household?
"And what has caused the idea to cross your mind?"
Harry doesn't reply. After a long silence, he asks:
"Have you ever been in love with anyone?"
Severus snorts:
"I do think it is not your business."
"It's not business. It's a family thing."
Severus sighs and starts to strike the mop of impossibly messy hair, feeling his heart melting down yet again. Recently that has happened so often that he doesn't really care to harden it up any more.
"When I was younger I did love a woman, but she chose another man over me. So the story ends there."
"Do you still love her?"
"That is irrelevant. She chose another man and I must respect that."
Harry pauses to think for a moment. It is a blatant lie, but of course the last thing on earth Severus would do is to wear that particular truth on his sleeve and walk around in daylight. It doesn't matter to anyone, to begin with.
"You are right, it's irrelevant."
Severus's hand continues to strike the child's hair, feeling sadness eating into his being, just like a thousand times before whenever said woman was brought up.
"Am I remotely correct to understand that you are feeling like having a foster mother?"
"This is not about me. This is about you."
"I'm well aware of that. But I would like to hear the 'you' part in this."
"I don't want you to stay single because of me."
"There is the possibility that I will stay single but you are definitely not the cause of it."
"I mean, seriously."
"I'm not unserious."
"I mean, if someone wants to be with you but she doesn't want me..."
"If her heart has so little space there is no room for you, then I don't want a place it it either."
"But I mean she loves you, she just doesn't want me. You will have your own children."
"I have my own child. His name is Harry Potter."
"I mean your children with her. Real children."
"You are a fake child then? I never knew that," Severus chuckles.
"I mean she loves you and will love your children. She just doesn't want me. Like my aunt, she loves Dudley but she doesn't want me. I wouldn't blame her though, it is just..."
"That's why I will never fall in love with any woman remotely similar to your aunt."
"See? You will reject a woman who loves you only because of me."
"Listen, Harry," Severus' voice falls quiet. "If a woman claims to love me yet wants to tear my family apart, I can do well without her so limited amount of love. You are not a barrier. You are simply a part of me that one who truly loves me will love too, and one who denies you the love you deserve might not actually love me as she claims."
"I don't want to stand in your way."
"Of course you stand in my way and you will always be there, silly boy. We are family. We are supposed to be together."
Emerald eyes rise to meet Severus' look, and a smile spreads on the child's face.
"Why are you suddenly concerned about my romantic life today?"
"I just want you to be happy."
"It may have escaped your notice but I am happy. Now shall we get the hypothetical woman who loves me and who might very well be nonexistent off our minds and sleep?"
"You are happy?," Harry blinks.
"Do I look like I'm not?"
"You look the same as you always do."
Severus wraps his arm around the little human being on his side and gently rubs comforting circles on the back of said human being.
"If you are worried about my happiness," he whispers, "you can cease to worry now because I am happy, and I am happy enough."
Another smile, and the child's eyes narrow. Severus pulls up the blanket to tuck him in and lays the customary good night kiss on the scarred forehead. He absentmindedly does up a missed button on the child's pyjama top and watches him sleep in silence for a long while. It never gets old.