PART 1
She sat the edge of the bed, holding a pillow in her hand which she held close to her heart. Her locks covered her tear-filled face, which she moved with her soft hand to tuck them behind her ear, with the rest of the hair which held with a little clip. Her swollen eyes were now visible which silently spoke so much about her. Her heart forced down a tear out of them which travelled down her cheek. Her pink bordered white chiffon sari rested unpinned at her shoulder while her loose blouse seemed to slide down. She stared at the floor and felt a storm in her heart, which she didn't want to reveal and cried noiselessly.
"I am sorry but, woh kabhi MAA nahi ban sakti…" She heard in her mind and clenched her fist hard, pressing the pillow against her chest. She tried hard but couldn't resist her tears and they filled her face one more.
She wanted to cry loudly. She thought in her mind, "Kaash mein sab kuch badal sakti, kaash aisa kuch kabhi hua hi na hota, kaash mein doctor ke pass gayi naa thi, kaash mein aur Abhijeet kabhi ek hue hi na hote, Kaash! Kaash!"
"Tarika! Meri white shirt kahan chali gayi?" He moved hurriedly out of the bathroom buttoning his jeans. He reached the cupboard and opened it broad. He searched every shelf allowing few of his clothes fall down. He ignored them initially and searched more carefully. "Kahan hai?" He asked Tarika when he failed. "Hmm..?" He asked again picking up the fallen clothes.
He narrowed his eyes when she didn't reply for the third time. "Tarika?" He asked and moved slowly. He was worried now.
"Mere cupboard mein dekho….. Hoga Shayad." She answered softly as sorrow slowly engulfed her throat.
Abhijeet sensed instantly, that something was wrong. He took fast steps and moved to other side of the bed, where he found that she was crying. He led a long breath and occupied the seat next to her. He moved the cushion from her hand carefully and took her soft hands in his. He had only one thing in his mind that he has to be strong. He can't break into a thousand pieces, and if so happened, then he won't be ever able to get back his Tarika. He led another breath and looked into her eyes. "Tarika….?" He whispered.
She kept staring at the floor and tried hard not to cry. She had promised Abhijeet that she will not cry, she didn't want to break it but her stabbed heart forced a tear out of her eye. She closed her eyes tight avoiding any more tears and clutched the bed sheet as hard as possible. She asked softly, "Shirt nahi mili?"
Abhijeet wiped her tears delicately and held up her chin to turn her face. "Tarika….." He whispered
"I am sorry." She whispered and broke into tears before her husband. "I am so Sorry Abh-Abhijeet." She cried loudly.
"Hey, Shh! Don't cry…." He said babyishly, and wiped her tears. She knew she won't be able to control anymore. She turned towards him and fell in his arms. "I am so sorry Abhijeet, I am so sorry." She kept mumbling as Abhijeet pulled her closer to his chest and placed a consoling hand on her head. "Tarika… it's… It's ok."
"It's not Okay Abhijeet! It's not okay….." She said crying. "Mein….. mein….. tumhe itni bhi khushi nahi de sakti Abhijeet?" She sobbed and hugged him harder.
Abhijeet pulled her blouse back on her shoulder carefully and rubbed her back with successful pats. He smiled lightly and whispered, "Yeh kya haal banakar rakha hai Jaan? Aise koi rehta hai?"
"Tum baat ghum-ghuma rahe ho Abhi….." She lifted her head to meet his eyes while her hands slid down from his neck to his bare chest.
"Nahi jaan…" Abhijeet said placing her head back on his chest, "Apna khayal nahi rakhogi toh….."
"Kya faida Abhijeet?" She interrupted with a cry. "Kyun khayal rakhun apna? Ab kya baki reh gaya hai ki khayal rakhun?"
"Mere liye." Abhijeet's voice trembled. "Mere liye toh rakhogi na? Kitna pyaar karta hun mein apne Tarika se, hai na? Toh meri jaan itna bhi nahi karegi? Hmm?"
"Sahi keh rahe ho tum….. aur ab isse zyada kar bhi kya…" She stopped midway and cried.
A tear trickled down his eye. He rubbed it quickly and said, "Aise mat bolo jaan…" He stopped to sigh and added, "Ab jo hamare kismat mein nahi hai…."
"Nahi!" She shouted and more tears poured down her eyes. "Meri kismat Abhijeet. Sirf Meri!" She cursed, "Agar tumhari mujhse shaadi nahi hoti toh….."
"Shhh! Tarika…. Yeh, yeh …..kya bol rahi ho?" He whispered fighting back his tears. "You're the only reason I live Tarika! Shh!"
More Abhijeet was trying to console her, more she felt uncomfortable. She knew Abhijeet's every word was just to make her happy, which was hurting her even more. His every comment made her more and more guilty, and pushed down more tears down her eyes.
"Tarika….." He began, moving hair from her face. "Tum hi toh meri takat ho na? Toh, agar tum hi tut jaaogi toh mein kaise sambhalunga apne aap ko?"
"It's all my fault Abhijeet, all my fault. Isme tumhari koi galti nahi. Problem toh mujhme hai nai… mujh mein?" She yelled and cried harder.
"Ismein tumhari ya meri galti nahi hai Tarika. Humne shaadi ki hai Tarika….. Jo tumhara hai, who mera bhi toh hai na? Toh tum yeh kyun bol rahi ho tumhari galti hai?"
"Yahi toh problem hai Abhijeet. Agar tumhari galti na bhi ho…. Phir bhi tumhe…" And she again broke into tears.
"Tarika, aise mat royo. It makes me feel so bad Tarika. Please. Aur sach kahun toh, it really doesn't matter ki hume bachcha ho bhi ya nahi. Just be with me forever."
"Oh come on Abhijeet!" She raised her head. "Aur jhoot mat bolo! Please!" She begged folding her hands.
"Tarika….." He said taking her hands into his.
"Tum aisa nahi bol sakte Abhijeet. Don't you remember the first thing you told me after marriage? Yahi ki tumhe ek cute sa baby chaiye…. How can you forget it Abhijeet?"
"Tarika…Maine is liye kahan tha kyunki mujhe pata nai tha." He answered practically, in a serious tone, losing his patience now.
She broke into tears again and covered her face with her hand. Abhijeet sat beside her, now a bit irritated and angry.
"Stop crying Tarika."
"It's all my fault… all mine.." She kept on mumbling.
Abhijeet stood up and looked for his shirt. Tarika's crying was nothing new, instead now had become a part of the daily routine. She cried every time, morning to night. She cried at the dining table, in the kitchen, in the bathroom and all possible places. She had stopped going to the lab or the bureau since last week, when she came to know Shreya is pregnant. She was scared what if someone asked her about being pregnant? The only time she went out of her house was when she had to visit a gynecologist. She moved about carelessly in the house and stared at her marriage pictures all around the house. She cried all day and felt sleepy most of the time, which worried Abhijeet badly.
He tried to be patient, he tried to be good but every time she mumbled the same thing, with a fresh new start, as if it was her first time regretting, it angered him even more. He had heard her words a thousand times but tried to be strong so that she doesn't break even more.
But even so, a man also has a patience level. He looked through the cupboard for other things and heard her saying the same things again and again.
"I am sorry Abhijeet… I am.."
He tried to be calm and quiet but how long? "SHUT UP TARIKA!" He yelled and slammed the cupboard door.
She stood up with a jerk and stopped crying instantly.
"JUST SHUT UP!" He yelled again throwing his shirt on the bed.
"But galti meri…." Tarika began and Abhijeet banged his fist on the cupboard. She continued. "Meri hai galti! Hamari shaadi hi nahi honi…"
Abhijeet moved and clutched her arms. "HAAN GLATI TUMHARI HAI! SHAADI NAHI HONI CHAHIYE THI HAMARI! KHUSH? NOW JUST SHUT UP OK? TUMHE KYA LAGTA HAI IT'S VERY EASY FOR ME? HUH? HAAN, THA YEH MERA SAPNA TARIKA! YAHI THA MERA SAPNA KI MUJHE EK BETI YA BETA HO, PAR AGAR AISA NAHI HO SAKTA TOH KYA KARUN MEIN? KYA KARUN? KISI AUR SE SHAADI KAR LOON? NO TARIKA! NO! BE PRACTICAL. LEARN TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON. TUM YEH NAHI SAMAJH RAHI HO KI YEH SAB ACTUALLY HAMRE RISHTE KO TOD RAHA HAI, AND I DON'T WANT IT! I DON'T WANT KI HUM AISE JHAGRA KARE JABKI HUME SAATH HONA CHAIYE! TRY AND UNDERSTAND! OKAY? SO JUST SHUT UP. PLEASE!"
She kept staring into his eyes for few seconds. Abhijeet knew it must be hurting so he left her arms and turned to take his clothes.
"I am sorry…" Her voice diminished as she again broke into tears, again.
Abhijeet couldn't resist any more. His heart pushed tears out of his eyes. He was fed up, he was irritated and what not. He turned at her again. "Please Tarika…. PLEASE!" He said folding his hands. "Tum jitna royogi na jaan, utna dukh mujhe hoga. Please Tarika, don't do this to me. I don't want you to cry like this. Live like this. PLEASE!"
She wiped her tears slowly and looked at him.
"Thanks! Ab mat rona Please!"
"But I am sorry…. Galti toh meri hi….."
Abhijeet knew he would burst any moment. He sighed and took his clothes. He wore them quickly as he saw he was very late for the bureau. He moved here to there for things and ignored her. She kept staring at him as he gathered all his things and marched out of the house.
She said to herself that she will not cry, not at all. She tried hard but….. She felt that she had lost the battle and tears emerged out of her eyes and she went into her lonely world once again.
A/N: I love this story, I don't know why. Now, I know that KamiKaze Me has also posted a story which is somewhat same to this. I never knew she has posted on this topic anyway so it's not like anyone's copying anybody. Second, I don't want anyone comparing our stories, it's a request. She's a fabulous writer and that is her piece of work so no comparison. Thank You.