"One of us
Equals many of us
Disrespect one of us
You'll see plenty of us"- "The Militia," Gangstarr, USA, 1995
Note: Set in 2015. Also, yes, bigoted school staff named for places in Florida because Florida sucks like that.
"Je...suis un...nouveau...chat."
Yasuko turned from her homework and gave her step-father a grimace. Grimmjow looked up from his work at the dining room table and shrugged.
"I have no clue what you said, but I also have no idea how I'm gonna handle Uncle Kisuke profiting partially in, and I quote 'freshly harvested guavas' for the Fall quarter of '76, so nothing makes sense."
Both turned to Ichigo, stepped halfway out of the kitchen, "Neither of those make sense and dinner's delayed while Chad tries to get the rat out from under the stove."
Kazui jumped up from where he sat at the television, watching a tape of Anpanman that his Aunts Yuzu and Karin had watched once upon a time, "I wanna play with the rat!"
Ichigo reached out and ruffled his hair, "So did I, but I think Papa Chad is the only one he's not scared of."
Kazui seemed to remember his earlier gloom and retreat. Ichigo walked back into the kitchen.
Grimmjow shut the book, "I'm done unless anyone knows what wholesale guavas were going for in Nara in '76. Come here, Kazu."
His Papa patting his lap did nothing to ease Kazui's mind. Kazui walked as if he were headed to certain death on the battlefield.
He sat on Grimmjow's lap, his head hung low.
Chad knelt down in front of him, Ichigo between Chad and Grimmjow, and a rat nibbling on a fish and cheese stick in his cupped hands, "A friend. Be gentle."
Kazui wiped his eyes and reached out to skim the rat's fur with his fingers.
"Wanna tell us what's going on?" Ichigo asked.
"I can't go to school this week," Kazui sniffed.
Yasuko took a napkin from the rack on the table and handed it to Ichigo, who dabbed at Kazui's nose, "Why not?"
"I tied the lunch lady's shoes to her cart."
Grimmjow laughed before he could stop himself, "What'd she do?"
"She told my friend Ahmed to get out of America and threw ham at his face."
Ichigo, Grimmjow, and Chad traded growing smiles before the rat was sat on the table and Kazui was in a three parent hug, cheers filling the room.
"You know," Yasuko stood and walked over, both looking at her little brother and trying to untangle her hoop earring from her hair-wavy, much like Chad's.
"You know, you may be a little kid who does a lot of gross stuff, but you're kinda cool."
"So, you're not mad?" Kazui looked between the three parents and one teenage sister.
"Not at all," Ichigo leant forward and kissed his son's forehead.
"You did great!" Grimmjow exclaimed, bouncing Kazui in his arms.
"I'll call Mum to bring some ice cream," Chad said before heading toward the telephone to call Keigo.
Yasuko looked wide-eyed at the table, catching Ichigo's attention.
"Yasuko, what's wrong."
She turned her head slowly back to Ichigo and Grimmjow before calling out to Chad.
"Papa, the rat's gone!"
Tuesday morning saw a small crowd at the gate of a Los Angeles elementary school.
Ichigo fiddled with the button on his sleeve, "Gin said since he's too pregnant-and therefore obviously trans-for it to be safe to go out, he wanted us to tape it for him."
Ulquiorra regarded him flatly as ever, but Ichigo knew he was being lovingly judged by the only person who came with a tie on, "smartphone cameras don't use tape."
Grimmjow twirled his pocket chain, searching for signs of the other parents as one came into view.
Szayel crossed his arms over his chest coolly, looking for all the world like he wasn't wearing a silk vest over his shirt over his binder in September in Los Angeles, "Nemu suggested I throw acid in the principal's face, but I think a well-liked chemistry teacher with the best grades in his whole high school as one of a small army is enough... also, we've all heard what jail was like fifty years ago from Yammy."
"Not to mention it's worse for people like us," Keigo called ahead of herself over the click of her heels.
Szayel raised an eyebrow in appreciation, "A blue power suit..."
She shrugged, "Hopefully it says 'I both watch Oprah and work remotely for a European app developer.'"
Chad closed the final button-as hot as it was-on his collared shirt, "We're all here."
"Wait up!" Renji yelled, running ahead where Byakuya strode behind.
"Renji! Byakuya!" Ichigo exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"
Renji stood where he had doubled over, full suit looking as oppressive as it must have felt in the hot sun, "Backup Uncles!"
"One backup uncle and one comic relief uncle," Byakuya smirked at his husband, who was far more open with how the clothing affected him than Byakuya ever would be.
Renji smiled with narrowed eyes, elbowing Byakuya's arm, which Byakuya returned with a kiss on the cheek, Renji hanging his head in defeat.
"This can be done anytime," Ulquiorra reminded them, "We have bigots to terrify."
They marched down the halls, more than one familiar with the school, Ichigo knocking at the door when they reached their destination.
"Who is it?" Came a voice from the other side.
"The Kurosakis, here to discuss Kazui's suspension."
"Come in."
The principal blinked with rounded eyes as the group filled up the room. Kazui being in first grade, he'd never seen all of his parents (and two of his uncles) at once.
"What are you, some sort of gang!? What's the meaning of this!?"
Ichigo stepped forward, "The meaning of this is you're punishing our son for standing up for a classmate against a xenophobe. That's the meaning of this."
"Well, let me just see his parents."
Szayel nodded toward Byakuya and Renji, "fair enough."
Byakuya and Renji stepped into the hall, leaving behind five men and one (rounded off to) woman.
The principal stood, "I said just his parents!"
Ulquiorra looked from behind the camera, "We have heeded your request. Sit down."
The principal began to turn red, "This is insane!"
"So," Keigo cocked her head, "Insanity as defined by Principal..." she read the nameplate on his desk, "Broward...is poly parenting but is not a middle aged authority figure terrorising a tiny six year old isn't..."
She glanced between the men on her side, "Are we really sure we want Kazu in a school that makes up its own definitions for words?"
"Elisabeth Monroe has not had a single complaint against her in forty years!"
"In other words," Ichigo cut in, "No-one's stood up against her until our kid did."
Principal Broward fell silent for a moment before leaning forward, bracing his hands on the desk, "I will not be reprimanded by some...some gang!"
Szayel laughed, "We're better than a gang-we're a real family."
Grimmjow stalked forward and grabbed Broward's shirt, leaning in close to give the version of Hueco Mundo he gave to mortals.
"Listen, mate. Not only is Szayel one of the best and most liked teachers in this district, but lemme tell you a little story. Once upon a time, I was drafted into a war I didn't even believe in. My unit got stranded, and the living had to survive off the dead. I haven't eaten meat since, but roast child-abusing xenophobe on a stick is beginning to sound tempting..."
Broward whimpered.
Ulquiorra called out to him over the camera, "We should probably discard the heads entirely-they would probably taste like uncleaned large intestine."
"What do you want?" Broward continued to whimper.
Grimmjow pulled back, standing tall and straight. He fixed Broward with a look of pure disdain and recited the conclusion they had all come to beforehand, "A public apology to Kazui for punishing him for standing up against hate- in front of the entire student body. And Monroe fired from the district."
A sudden stench filled the room.
"Fine! Fine! We'll hold a gathering in the auditorium tomorrow! He will be reinstated as soon as he wishes! Ms. Monroe will be fired immediately! Just get out of my office!"
Grimmjow dropped him and he flung himself into his chair.
Grimmjow pointedly sized Broward up before grinning with his teeth on full display, "I think our work is done."
Ichigo came up and took his hand, "Yeah, I think we got through to him."
"We should tell Kazu," Ulquiorra added.
"I'll make some of my homemade popcorn and we'll show Gin the video," Keigo added as they filed out of the office, Szayel giving the door a slight shake to dislodge Renji's ear without driving him into the wall.
"And chiles rellenos," Chad added.
"That's all you, Ichigo, and Byakuya," Szayel patted him on the back.
Once he was alone in the office, Broward pressed the intercom for his secretary.
"Linda."
"Yes, sir?"
"Call my wife. I need her to bring me a change of pants."
The next day saw Kazui hand Ichigo a paper emblazoned with gothic typesetting, bearing an apology and the district superintendent's personal signature.
Ichigo slipped it in a frame, taken from the closet, in front of his certificate of graduation from his ESL program many years ago, setting it on the shelf with the record player.
He stood back, hands on his hips, "Look good?"
Kazui nodded, grinning, "Yeah!"
"You should have gotten a trophy cup or a cash prize," Yasuko scoffed, "You stood up to a bunch of people each four times your size."
Kazui glanced at his friend standing behind him with a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream, "I did it because he's my friend."
Ichigo picked him up and nodded for Ahmed to follow, "That's the best reason of them all."
"Aisha," Chad said to their guest as he brought plates to the kitchen table at which she sat, "The store with halal meat was closed. Grimmjow never eats meat. Mushroom burger?"
"That sounds wonderful," Aisha smiled, returning her attention to a newspaper movie review she and Keigo were looking at.
Ahmed brought his bowl into the kitchen where Grimmjow took it for washing along with the dishes used in cooking.
"You got enough room for dinner?" Grimmjow smirked.
"Yeah, I really like French fries!"
Grimmjow sniffed the air, then looked between Ahmed at his right and Ulquiorra frying the portobello mushrooms at his left, "Do either of you smell something?"
"Smells like something's burning," Ahmed answered.
Ulquiorra paused, then reached for the oven mitt, "That would be the fries."
Gin laid in the bed-rather, two large beds with frames zip-tied together-between Ichigo and Szayel. Rangiku was spending the night with Nanao, from his early days in the Gotei 13, too much of a sister figure for Gin to involve himself with, and so he was spending the night with his other partners.
"Wish it was safe to be out...for multiple reasons, but I really would've loved to be there."
"Ah, the office started to stink by about three minutes in."
"It was the smell of his heart," Ulquiorra added, his lack of emotional affect only underscoring the meaning behind it.
Ichigo yawned and looked at the clock on the nightstand beyond Chad, "Ikumi put me opening tomorrow."
Chad reached over and turned off the lamp, "It's almost midnight. Let's sleep."
"There's one thing I truly enjoy about us," Ulquiorra spoke in the dark.
"What's that?" Gin asked.
"That we don't say 'good night' to each person before sleep."
Ichigo and Grimmjow grinned at each other in the dark.
"Good night, Ulquiorra," Ichigo said, with Grimmjow repeating.
Ulquiorra buried his head under the pillow.