It hadn't started out like this, and yet I somehow ended up here.
I've liked Adrien for so long already; each second felt like another almost blissful eternity, and the longer that I sat in it, the hopeful and hopeless feelings intensified.
I've known better for so long that he'd ever look at me and see me as more than a friend or at some points, it's felt like just being someone that he knows that can hardly say a single word to him; it's just his leagues ahead of me. I'm not quite the kind of woman that catches the eye of someone as famous or as handsome or as smart or as kind as him. He's what almost every girl my age wishes that she could date.
I know how far away he is from me, from the world that I've grown up in, and yet I still hope; I've never quite given up on him. I know that he'll likely never notice my feelings or at least never want to notice them; they, very well, could make things much more complicated, much more awkward between us. Hope is steady, resilient, and I haven't quite given up on it; it feels impossible to especially when he was the first person to strike me like this, to make me truly feel like I've fallen for someone, and yet a part of my heart questions itself even now.
Luka is someone that I can relate to; he's less distant, his flaws are just there, and yet he's unbelievably kind too. He jokes and laughs, and we like the same kind of music; there's something deeply comforting about being able to relate to someone, especially someone who notices me or at least speaks up more about the little things than Adrien does.
Romance is a slippery slope or feels like it; I haven't moved on from Adrien and yet a part of me wants to fall more for Luka, sees more of a chance there, and that's enough for my wandering heart to grow more interested.
Luka's closer to me with just a few hints here or there, and I have a chance. It would be wonderful to be loved, to feel close to someone on a level that always just manages to slip away from me.
He's sort of like me, and yet there's something beneath the surface that claws at a secretive part of me, one that longs to break free from the mold and just be, something that's emotional in a different direction than liking Adrien is. I want to push the envelope, push the boundaries, with Luka, not all the way, just peel a little more away at the surface, but with Adrien, I want the little things, the sweet things that stack up and hold each other up. With Adrien, I can't find a single thing not to love about him, but Luka bares his scars to the world, and you can just tell that sometimes things aren't easy to balance.
Luka spoke to me so clearly through his guitar, but yet there's a level of awkwardness beneath the confidence, that pushes us a little bit closer; he's confident and kind, but he also stunned me into awkwardness when he brushed my shyness off with a little bit of humor.
Luka makes conversations flow like waves on an ocean, and yet that isn't all that he does. He likes Jagged Stone too, kind of awkward but yet pushes past it, and there's something altogether endearing about that, like a chance that is unspeakable, lies just beneath the surface, even though I shouldn't act on it.
He's attractive in a way that Adrien isn't and yet at the same time is; he's attractive with his more rocker appearance and yet I like his kindness even more, his relatability much more than how tough he looks.
It hurts to like two people, even if I barely have let my feelings for Luka develop; I want them to be stamped down and yet he's kind of what I was looking for: a chance, someone that I can relate to, and someone entirely new.
I shouldn't like them both; my decisions shouldn't be so easily swayed, and yet I can't help but latch on to this for all that it's worth.