Title : Where I belong (Sidefic for Targets)

Author : Dùlin

Archive : This fic is archived on this site with permission. If you want it, please ask. I don't bite … much.

Disclaimer : Still not mine. wallows in self-misery I prayed, begged, even asked Santa, but nothing worked, not even trying to lure Duo out with pancakes and syrup.

Category : AU, Drama

Rating : PG-13

Warnings : Heero POV, probably sappy, yaoi, romance ...

Pairings : 1x4x1, 2x3x2, 5xS

Takes place five years after Targets

Author Note : This one is for Amejisuto. She read Targets, loved it, and wondered if maybe one day I'd do a little one-shot a few years down the road to follow. I said I'd give it a thought, but after writing 33 parts of that one, I just wanted to do 'something else'.Then, not long ago, inspiration struck rubs lump on her head, so I decided to give it a try. So here you go. And everybody glomp Ame for her unending support that gave me the will to write this.

O.O.O.O.O

He's doing it again.

Every time he's got one of those boring reunions, at the Parliament or at one of his numerous boards of administration, he's doing it.

It only lasts a few seconds, his eyes dart towards me, meet with mine, and he smiles, that little secret smile that he has just for me, that only reaches his eyes and sends sparks in that incredible mix of green and blue.

That's his way of telling me I am right where I belong. At his side. In his life. And every time he tells it, I believe him. Not just because I have to, but because it is right. It feels right.

I have no clue what this particular reunion is about, as usual. Officially, I am his personal bodyguard, although it's no mystery at WEI that we share the same house, and our lives. He doesn't want to hide it, and I'm mostly okay with it. I'm not really big on showing my affection in public, but I will never deny him that rush of pleasure every time I do something as inconsequential as catching his hand when we're walking on the street, or kissing his cheek while we wait for a shuttle. He likes it so much that every time, I could swear he is almost purring. Except that humans being are not supposed to purr. Guess I know now, why Duo nicknamed him Cat.

Of course, no one else but our close entourage knows where I really come from and the circumstances that led to our first meeting … which was far from ideal. Basically, me trying to kill him and not being able to, even after being promised one million dollar by the worst scum of the universe. Then, he spent about two months fucking with my head and trying to make me understand that I was a human being and not a killing machine, and some years to make me realize that however hard it was for me to adapt, he would not give up on me. On us.

I spent most of my life resigned to the fact that I was from the shadows. My life was not supposed to turn out that way. Let me think … an orphan, raised by an assassin, left alone at 19 to cope with a world he did not understand and already one of the best hired killers the world had ever known, famous for never missing his targets. I was doomed to live fast, make a lot of money out of killing people who were just names on paper for me, retire around thirty under a false name with enough money to live for the rest of my life and probably kill myself with boredom after that. And that only if no one had decided to have the guts to come after me because they wanted my very risky place as the best on the market. No real name, no real identity, no memories of who I was before Odin found me. One of the shadows, doomed to live and die in the shadows, my face forever forgotten.

He saved me, and sent me to hell in one night. The moment I came to kill him, I was paralyzed as I watched him displaying my own emptiness, my pain, as they were his owns. Bringing me back a piece of my soul I had no idea was missing, and demanding that I give him back a piece of his heart I didn't know I owned.

We should never have met. In fact, the events leading to me accepting the contract on him and miserably failing to kill him and then falling in love with him some times look like they were planned a long time ago, by whatever deity saw fit to take my well-being as his or her cause. I still can't believe, even today, after five years, that every morning when I wake up he is there, that he waits for me in the evening when I come home late, that he worries the rare times I get sick, and that he isn't bothered by my endless fussing when he exhausts himself with work. I didn't know I was such a worrywart, by the way. I mean, when my own health is at stake, I take far less precautions that he does. But then, he gives me those damn puppy eyes. Duo knows how to do it too, I saw him do it to Trowa. From my place, it was hilarious, but somehow, I'm sure I look even worse than Trowa when Katoru looks at me that way. He has a gift to embark me on a guilt trip for not taking care of myself. I guess I am still learning.

At least, he didn't ask me to marry him. I know he wants to, but since we can feel so much of each other, he knows that I am not ready for that kind of commitment. I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him, but making it official … I can't get out of my head that I remain a nobody while he is the richest man in the Earth Sphere and the colonies. Not that his marriage to another man would shock people that much, and he would kick my ass for the sole fact that I always look up to him, but … I don't know. What we have is special, more special than human words will ever be able to say. The connection we share goes far deeper than just … love. I love him, I am what Duo would call 'head over heels' in love with him, and yet I care far more about him than that. I know that losing him would break me to an extent that makes me shiver. He knows it, and that's why he didn't protest when I told him I wanted to be the one to protect him. He knows I need it, and I know he himself is less nervous when I am guarding his back. And if anyone makes a comment on that sentence, I'm gonna blow their brains out.

I haven't given up on weapons. I've never liked to kill, it just so happened that it was one of the only things I was taught to do for a living. But at 19, after a life spent killing people since I could walk, I felt so tired already. Ever since I killed the Doctors back then, I have tried to avoid killing as much as possible. Not that it is always possible when you're protecting the CEO of WEI, but I've discovered than having attackers rot in jail for the rest of their days is also very satisfying. I owe Wufei a drink for explaining that to me. That man is a closet sadist.

I never thought I'd say that one day, but Duo and I are now very good friends. It doesn't bother me that he was with Katoru before, but this has probably a lot to do with the fact that he and Trowa have been happily married for two years now. Duo proposed to him in the middle of the new Maxwell Orphanage's playroom, and all the kids were begging Trowa to say yes. It was totally unfair, as Wufei pointed out, since Duo had all of the cuteness factor on his side, but it worked. They both live in Duo's little house in the L2 cluster. Duo still works for Howard and Trowa helps at the orphanage. Whenever the circus is in town, he gets his old outfit and goes to have knives hurled at him. I have to say it takes some guts to do that. Duo finds it very funny. I'm still trying to figure out what he would say if Catherine hit Trowa. But those two get along too well to get angry at each other.

In fact, Katoru and I are the only unmarried couple, since Wufei married Sally as soon as the traditional mourning period was over. They have twins on the way. I already know we will see a lot of them, because Katoru just loves kids. As for myself … it's not that I don't like kids, and god knows that with the number of nieces and nephews my lover has, I see more than my share of them. They just make me uncomfortable. Up until a few years ago, I never event stopped to consider that the people I killed had families, loved ones they left behind because of me. When I suddenly realized it, I had a bad case of depression.

There's also the fact that children always see through your masks, even when you hold them up with all your strength. When Duo stops by the orphanage and isn't in a good mood, they all know, even if he's got that smile on his face, the one that doesn't reach his eyes. It's always been difficult for all of us to tell when Trowa was mad, but they always know, and they always know how to make him feel better too. Wufei just melts around children in a way I would never have imagined possible. Maybe just because he's gonna be a father soon. He is intimidating, and the kids show him a lot of respect at his school, but most of all they love him and would do anything to please him and receive some praise. And Katoru is great with kids. He loves all of his nephews and nieces, and spoils them rotten every time they come to visit. But somehow, I know that he, just like me, is not ready yet for having kids of his own. When I by chance happen to stop at Maxwell Orphanage, I always have a bunch of kids following me around. Most of the time, they want me to tell them stories, because they know I don't like to play around like Duo does. It's wonderful to see how their eyes just lighten up when they listen to me. In those times, I feel almost at peace with myself and everything I've done in my life.

He's doing it again. I know he's bored, he's been watching me for the last fifteen minutes. I'm sure he is listening to what that old man in a boring suit is saying, but he's staring at me. I'm standing in a corner of the room, wearing black jeans and a black turtleneck. And I know that if he keeps staring at me that way, those jeans are gonna get pretty uncomfortable by the time we get out of here. Not to mention that he sends the most wicked things through our connection. He knows he can get me all hot and bothered with just a look, and he doesn't waste an opportunity to do it. Especially when people are around and I can't do anything about it, because Mr Winner and his bodyguard going at it in a board reunion would be out of place. Thank God that damn limousine is soundproofed, that way, we won't be a distraction for the driver.

He looks at his watch and calls the meeting to an end. I see him literally escape all those solicitors and walking towards me, and this time, he is smiling for real. I put my arms around his shoulders as we get outside, and he leans his head on me, and I can smell his shampoo and the way our bodies just melt into each other. I'm still on watch for any danger, but ever since I've started guarding him, he's been less attacked. Word still spreads fast in the underground.

It's in those moments, when I am holding him and he's holding me, that I know I have found my home. A place to rest, and be comforted, even cry if I need to. And I know he found that much in me too, and it keeps in awe that he needs me so much even after all that time.

His heart is where I belong.

OWARI