The Fragile
***********************************************
This is a POV songfic based on the song by NIN. Hopefully it's not too hard to tell who is thinking each part, but for those who aren't sure it goes Treize, Meiran and Wufei. So sue me if it's out of chronological order, just think of the second part as a flashback. :P
Pairings: hmm... 13x5/5x13... Sorry no lemon, not this time.
***********************************************
I wake in bed to find his small body pressed up against mine. I can smell sex upon him, an intoxicating scent that could drive even the most sane person over the edge with want and lust. I roll over slightly so I can look into his face, truly the face of an angel. Yet also the face of my worst enemy... yet while we sleep in this bedroom we are two different people. Two people who have nothing to do with the war, two people who are in love and in this one room for these two days we can forget all of that. Hopefully.
he shines in a world full of ugliness
he matters when everything is meaningless
It seems strange that in the middle of all this war and destruction I have found complete happiness. Yet it is not the happiness of the battle field, and I must admit that the battle field is quickly losing it's charm. Instead I find that pleasure and comfort in the arms of a boy who challenged me to a duel. He lost the challenge by sword... yet it seems we both lost the challenge of our feelings and yet won at the same time. Now the battles out there don't seem to mean as much to me, instead they are merely small wars that have not quite reached this room, and until they do, for this one night, I don't care about them.
fragile
Lightly I touch his face, running my fingers along his jaw line. He stirs slightly but does not wake, I don't want him to wake yet. He is at least entitled to sleep after the workout we had the night before. While he's sleeping he looks like a simple child, full of innocence and naiveté to the rest of the world and its horrors. If I had met him while he was sleeping I never would have thought that this young beauty was a professional trained terrorist.
he doesn't see his beauty
he tries to get away
Does he know he is still just a child? Does he know that, given the chance, I would stop this war just to let him return to the life he had before? He hasn't told me about that life, we don't share parts of the past, but I know a few things. I know he is currently sleeping in the embrace of the man who killed his wife. Perhaps that was the reason he resisted the first time I kissed him. Or perhaps he resisted because we were supposed to be enemies... or perhaps he resisted so I would only pursue him more and then, when I caught him, the prize would be even sweeter. Even terrorists are not above the games of love and lust.
On the risk of my thoughts turning philosophical I'm still amazed at finding him within this war. After all that has passed in these last few years, power rising and falling apart, it seems as if there is nothing a man can control. Indeed there is nothing we can control indefinitely, save perhaps...
I won't let him slip away
"Little dragon... my little dragon... I won't let you slip away."
It seems for a moment that he hears my words, for he snuggles closer. Wrapping my arms tighter around his body I move my head down and place a kiss upon his lips, my tongue lingering for a few seconds. Hmm, he still tastes of sweat and sex, intoxicating. Exhilarating.
I won't let you fall apart
He stirs again and his eyes drift open. I watch in amazement as his perfect features move into a light smile and his lovely dark eyes blink, still shining even through the haziness of sleep. Beautiful. Were there anything else as beautiful in this world I would destroy it so that he would remain the most beautiful. He is. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.
I won't let you fall apart
That small smile curves into a sly smile and I can feel him pressing up against me. I am suddenly made aware of both of our morning erections. The most beautiful creature in the universe, and the sexiest... he even surpasses Zechs in style, lust, chase and fulfillment. Not an easy feat.
I won't let you fall apart
"Ohiyo dragon." My voice is rusty, hoarse from a night full of gasps of pleasure and cries of ecstasy.
"Ohiyo," he whispers quietly, then buries his face into my neck. As he nibbles at the sensitive skin I release myself from these thoughts, content to enjoy the pleasure that is slowly ebbing through my body, content to enjoy these rare moments of bliss and lust and... sex.
I won't let you fall apart
Oh my sweet dragon, what do you have planned? My beautiful dragon... you are mine. I will not ever let you go and I will never ever let them hurt you, not as long as I can protect you with my own life.
**
He thinks I don't see him, he thinks I don't care. I see him there, him and his books. He is perched up on his stool, his long silky hair cascading down just past his shoulders. His hair is more beautiful then mine, sometimes I envy him that.
He thinks I don't see him, he thinks I don't care. But I do. I may be this esteemed child warrior, the one who marches off to battles screaming about justice and peace, but they never see the inside of me.
she reads the minds of the people as they pass her by
hoping someone will see
Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to speak to him? Even about things that mean nothing? To not be able to have a simple conversation with the man I love is something that hurts me everyday. To not be able to have a conversation with the man to which I am promised and married is even worse. They doubt my sanity, those out there. They doubt if we should have been married, if truly we are the ones who should carry on our clan's name. They doubt if their one daughter can do anything but fight and draw blood. They doubt if I can love...
if I could fix myself I would now
Love? Can I truly love? Do I truly love that quiet reading figure with his thin glasses and tender fingers? Fingers that have only seen the blood of paper cuts. Fingers that turn as many pages as the people my hands kill? Do I truly love him? Can I truly love such a weak man? Or is my mind simply following the will of those above us, those that rule our lives?
but it's too late for me
I follow their orders so often it's hard for me to remember what thoughts are my own sometimes. I have no way of knowing what my true feelings for him are. Perhaps that is why it is so hard to have those conversations. Perhaps that is why it is so awkward to look at him, to acknowledge his presence, much less speak or touch him. Much less... to love him.
I won't let you fall apart
He looks up from his book for a moment and his eyes lock with mine. They are the same color, our eyes, but I know mine have lost something his have not. His still have the innocence of a child... his eyes have not seen all there is of war. His eyes have not seen what I have. May they never see what I have seen.
I won't let you fall apart
He may be young and inexperienced and not worth a salt on the battle field, but I want to protect him. How strange that the so-called gender rules of the past have changed. I want to protect his beauty...
I won't let you fall apart
... his innocence...
I won't let you fall apart
... his eyes. I want to protect the look in his eyes. Even to protect that childhood confusion about our current situation. I'm sure he's just as confused as I am, but for different reasons entirely. But that confused look in his eyes is strangely enduring. Strangely I want to protect one of the people I would have considered weak in the past. Yet now in his eyes I see strength. Strength that can not be matched. Strength that can not even be matched by Shenlong. And it is that strength that I want to protect.
To protect Wufei... my child love.
**
we'll find a perfect place to go where we can run and hide
Another safe house? Another strange room. Another night sleeping in the same room as that snoring brat Maxwell. Thank the gods that this time to room is large and he's on the complete opposite side. After the safe house in the last city... never again! From now on the safe houses would have large rooms and the two beds would be on the opposite sides of the room. After sharing what amounted to a closet with Maxwell and his loud snoring I was ready to sacrifice the life of a fellow gundam pilot just to get a good nights sleep. Maxwell just doesn't know how much that pillow he woke up with on top of his face saved him. At least is muffled those accursed sounds.
The bed is stiff, usually that's to my liking but I find I am growing weak. Treize's beds are so soft and comfortable I am taking a liking to them... and waking up from these stiff safe house mattresses with more then one sore muscle. It just shows how weak I still am, not able to sleep on these mattresses anymore.
Just my luck. Maxwell's drifted to sleep and the room is so large he echoes. Of all the...! Oh well, does it really matter? We only have a few hours here as it is, a mere four hours before the start of our next mission. Sleep won't get me anywhere, but meditation might. Either way it's a welcome alternative to envying the 'Great Shinigami' his good-night's rest. Shinigami? Yeah... right.
I'll build a wall that we can keep them on the other side
How is one suppose to meditate though? It was so easy before. Just sit down and let everything go, stop thinking about everything and just let the relaxation slip through my body. It's not as if I'm over stressed, no Treize took care of that last night. So then why can't I relax now? It's not Maxwell's snores... they are just background noise to be tuned out. No, it's someone else... someone else that continues to haunt me.
but we keep looking
Meiran. She still haunts me. Reminding me what justice is and honor... and how I will never be able to step above my weaknesses. Once I promised myself I would prove her wrong, that I would earn her love, even though she was dead. I promised myself that I would earn the right to pilot her gundam, that I would earn the right to take her place in this war. But I know I've failed in that promise. So she haunts me still, until I can make amends for my weakness and frailty.
and we keep
I clench my fists and close my eyes, thankfully Maxwell is sleeping. At least he won't see me and my silent dry tears. Why did she have to die? She should be fighting, not me. She was so much stronger then me...
and we keep
She wouldn't have fallen in love with the enemy. She wouldn't be living a double life as a gundam pilot and the lover of Treize Kushrenada. She would have killed him in the first duel. She wouldn't have been this weak.
and we keep
She would have won. I... I can't win. I am too weak, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her gundam or her...
and we keep
I don't deserve Treize's love. Yet I have it. Why?
it's something I have to do
Perhaps I'll never understand. All I know is that despite my own weakness I lost love once and regretted it forever. I can't lose Treize. I don't know what I would do if this happened again. I don't think I could stand that loss again.
I won't let you fall apart
I was there too
Gomen nasai Meiran.
I won't let you fall apart
before everything else
Ai shiteru, Treize.
I won't let you fall apart
I'm hopeless. I'm weak. And yet all I can do is smile.
I was like you
**
***********************************************
This is a POV songfic based on the song by NIN. Hopefully it's not too hard to tell who is thinking each part, but for those who aren't sure it goes Treize, Meiran and Wufei. So sue me if it's out of chronological order, just think of the second part as a flashback. :P
Pairings: hmm... 13x5/5x13... Sorry no lemon, not this time.
***********************************************
I wake in bed to find his small body pressed up against mine. I can smell sex upon him, an intoxicating scent that could drive even the most sane person over the edge with want and lust. I roll over slightly so I can look into his face, truly the face of an angel. Yet also the face of my worst enemy... yet while we sleep in this bedroom we are two different people. Two people who have nothing to do with the war, two people who are in love and in this one room for these two days we can forget all of that. Hopefully.
he shines in a world full of ugliness
he matters when everything is meaningless
It seems strange that in the middle of all this war and destruction I have found complete happiness. Yet it is not the happiness of the battle field, and I must admit that the battle field is quickly losing it's charm. Instead I find that pleasure and comfort in the arms of a boy who challenged me to a duel. He lost the challenge by sword... yet it seems we both lost the challenge of our feelings and yet won at the same time. Now the battles out there don't seem to mean as much to me, instead they are merely small wars that have not quite reached this room, and until they do, for this one night, I don't care about them.
fragile
Lightly I touch his face, running my fingers along his jaw line. He stirs slightly but does not wake, I don't want him to wake yet. He is at least entitled to sleep after the workout we had the night before. While he's sleeping he looks like a simple child, full of innocence and naiveté to the rest of the world and its horrors. If I had met him while he was sleeping I never would have thought that this young beauty was a professional trained terrorist.
he doesn't see his beauty
he tries to get away
Does he know he is still just a child? Does he know that, given the chance, I would stop this war just to let him return to the life he had before? He hasn't told me about that life, we don't share parts of the past, but I know a few things. I know he is currently sleeping in the embrace of the man who killed his wife. Perhaps that was the reason he resisted the first time I kissed him. Or perhaps he resisted because we were supposed to be enemies... or perhaps he resisted so I would only pursue him more and then, when I caught him, the prize would be even sweeter. Even terrorists are not above the games of love and lust.
On the risk of my thoughts turning philosophical I'm still amazed at finding him within this war. After all that has passed in these last few years, power rising and falling apart, it seems as if there is nothing a man can control. Indeed there is nothing we can control indefinitely, save perhaps...
I won't let him slip away
"Little dragon... my little dragon... I won't let you slip away."
It seems for a moment that he hears my words, for he snuggles closer. Wrapping my arms tighter around his body I move my head down and place a kiss upon his lips, my tongue lingering for a few seconds. Hmm, he still tastes of sweat and sex, intoxicating. Exhilarating.
I won't let you fall apart
He stirs again and his eyes drift open. I watch in amazement as his perfect features move into a light smile and his lovely dark eyes blink, still shining even through the haziness of sleep. Beautiful. Were there anything else as beautiful in this world I would destroy it so that he would remain the most beautiful. He is. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.
I won't let you fall apart
That small smile curves into a sly smile and I can feel him pressing up against me. I am suddenly made aware of both of our morning erections. The most beautiful creature in the universe, and the sexiest... he even surpasses Zechs in style, lust, chase and fulfillment. Not an easy feat.
I won't let you fall apart
"Ohiyo dragon." My voice is rusty, hoarse from a night full of gasps of pleasure and cries of ecstasy.
"Ohiyo," he whispers quietly, then buries his face into my neck. As he nibbles at the sensitive skin I release myself from these thoughts, content to enjoy the pleasure that is slowly ebbing through my body, content to enjoy these rare moments of bliss and lust and... sex.
I won't let you fall apart
Oh my sweet dragon, what do you have planned? My beautiful dragon... you are mine. I will not ever let you go and I will never ever let them hurt you, not as long as I can protect you with my own life.
**
He thinks I don't see him, he thinks I don't care. I see him there, him and his books. He is perched up on his stool, his long silky hair cascading down just past his shoulders. His hair is more beautiful then mine, sometimes I envy him that.
He thinks I don't see him, he thinks I don't care. But I do. I may be this esteemed child warrior, the one who marches off to battles screaming about justice and peace, but they never see the inside of me.
she reads the minds of the people as they pass her by
hoping someone will see
Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to speak to him? Even about things that mean nothing? To not be able to have a simple conversation with the man I love is something that hurts me everyday. To not be able to have a conversation with the man to which I am promised and married is even worse. They doubt my sanity, those out there. They doubt if we should have been married, if truly we are the ones who should carry on our clan's name. They doubt if their one daughter can do anything but fight and draw blood. They doubt if I can love...
if I could fix myself I would now
Love? Can I truly love? Do I truly love that quiet reading figure with his thin glasses and tender fingers? Fingers that have only seen the blood of paper cuts. Fingers that turn as many pages as the people my hands kill? Do I truly love him? Can I truly love such a weak man? Or is my mind simply following the will of those above us, those that rule our lives?
but it's too late for me
I follow their orders so often it's hard for me to remember what thoughts are my own sometimes. I have no way of knowing what my true feelings for him are. Perhaps that is why it is so hard to have those conversations. Perhaps that is why it is so awkward to look at him, to acknowledge his presence, much less speak or touch him. Much less... to love him.
I won't let you fall apart
He looks up from his book for a moment and his eyes lock with mine. They are the same color, our eyes, but I know mine have lost something his have not. His still have the innocence of a child... his eyes have not seen all there is of war. His eyes have not seen what I have. May they never see what I have seen.
I won't let you fall apart
He may be young and inexperienced and not worth a salt on the battle field, but I want to protect him. How strange that the so-called gender rules of the past have changed. I want to protect his beauty...
I won't let you fall apart
... his innocence...
I won't let you fall apart
... his eyes. I want to protect the look in his eyes. Even to protect that childhood confusion about our current situation. I'm sure he's just as confused as I am, but for different reasons entirely. But that confused look in his eyes is strangely enduring. Strangely I want to protect one of the people I would have considered weak in the past. Yet now in his eyes I see strength. Strength that can not be matched. Strength that can not even be matched by Shenlong. And it is that strength that I want to protect.
To protect Wufei... my child love.
**
we'll find a perfect place to go where we can run and hide
Another safe house? Another strange room. Another night sleeping in the same room as that snoring brat Maxwell. Thank the gods that this time to room is large and he's on the complete opposite side. After the safe house in the last city... never again! From now on the safe houses would have large rooms and the two beds would be on the opposite sides of the room. After sharing what amounted to a closet with Maxwell and his loud snoring I was ready to sacrifice the life of a fellow gundam pilot just to get a good nights sleep. Maxwell just doesn't know how much that pillow he woke up with on top of his face saved him. At least is muffled those accursed sounds.
The bed is stiff, usually that's to my liking but I find I am growing weak. Treize's beds are so soft and comfortable I am taking a liking to them... and waking up from these stiff safe house mattresses with more then one sore muscle. It just shows how weak I still am, not able to sleep on these mattresses anymore.
Just my luck. Maxwell's drifted to sleep and the room is so large he echoes. Of all the...! Oh well, does it really matter? We only have a few hours here as it is, a mere four hours before the start of our next mission. Sleep won't get me anywhere, but meditation might. Either way it's a welcome alternative to envying the 'Great Shinigami' his good-night's rest. Shinigami? Yeah... right.
I'll build a wall that we can keep them on the other side
How is one suppose to meditate though? It was so easy before. Just sit down and let everything go, stop thinking about everything and just let the relaxation slip through my body. It's not as if I'm over stressed, no Treize took care of that last night. So then why can't I relax now? It's not Maxwell's snores... they are just background noise to be tuned out. No, it's someone else... someone else that continues to haunt me.
but we keep looking
Meiran. She still haunts me. Reminding me what justice is and honor... and how I will never be able to step above my weaknesses. Once I promised myself I would prove her wrong, that I would earn her love, even though she was dead. I promised myself that I would earn the right to pilot her gundam, that I would earn the right to take her place in this war. But I know I've failed in that promise. So she haunts me still, until I can make amends for my weakness and frailty.
and we keep
I clench my fists and close my eyes, thankfully Maxwell is sleeping. At least he won't see me and my silent dry tears. Why did she have to die? She should be fighting, not me. She was so much stronger then me...
and we keep
She wouldn't have fallen in love with the enemy. She wouldn't be living a double life as a gundam pilot and the lover of Treize Kushrenada. She would have killed him in the first duel. She wouldn't have been this weak.
and we keep
She would have won. I... I can't win. I am too weak, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her gundam or her...
and we keep
I don't deserve Treize's love. Yet I have it. Why?
it's something I have to do
Perhaps I'll never understand. All I know is that despite my own weakness I lost love once and regretted it forever. I can't lose Treize. I don't know what I would do if this happened again. I don't think I could stand that loss again.
I won't let you fall apart
I was there too
Gomen nasai Meiran.
I won't let you fall apart
before everything else
Ai shiteru, Treize.
I won't let you fall apart
I'm hopeless. I'm weak. And yet all I can do is smile.
I was like you
**