I stared down at the angry red scratches on my wrist, before catching sight of my best friend, Gwen. I quickly pulled down the sleeve of my black school jumper, wincing as the thick wool dragged over the delicate skin.

'What was that?' She was closer than I thought.

'What was what?' I tried to act innocent; it normally worked. People always thought I was innocent. I was too happy to be in any sort of emotional pain. The scratches were just their imagination. Unfortunately, Gwen wasn't buying any of it.

'Give me your wrist.' She said, gentler than her voice had ever been before.

Cockily, I held out my right wrist; the one without the marks of pain and self hate. But, Gwen caught my bluff. She snatched the other one quickly, but realised she'd been too rough when she saw my grimace.

'Sorry, Merlin,' she apologised sincerely before slowly rolling up the black jumper's sleeve that had hid my burden for so long. 'Oh, Merlin!' she gasped, running a thumb along the long red marks before noticing I was trying not to cry out in pain. 'How long?' She asked tentatively.

'3 months,' I didn't look her in the eyes. I didn't want her pity, her sympathy. I wanted to go home and grab that razor blade and drag it across my skin in a punishment for being so utterly stupid and letting her see how I dealt with the burden of being different. Depressed. Dead inside.

Swiftly, Gwen grabbed the non-injured wrist and dragged me over to Arthur, our Drama teacher's assistant. But, of course, Ms. LeFray was off helping another group prepare for the impending GCSE exam. So, I found myself standing awkwardly in front of him, with Gwen keeping me stationed with a firm grip.

'Arthur, I need you to sign Merlin's diary.' I hadn't even seen her pull it out of my bag, and glared at her when I realised that's the only way she could've gotten it. She smiled sheepishly, before Arthur asked why. That's when I realised Gwen was going to tell Arthur everything she knew about my self-harming.

'Don't' I growled. 'Don't you dare'

'Why not Merlin? Why shouldn't people know? Why shouldn't-?'

'Because they can't!' I cut her off, catching a group's attention working adjacent to us, but I didn't care. 'Because I don't want people's sympathy, those pitying looks! This is my burden to carry and my burden alone! No one was ever meant to know, especially not you!'

Gwen gasped, I knew I'd hurt her, but I didn't care anymore.

'How can you say that? You're cutting yourself and you don't seem to want help.'

'I am not cutting myself!' I sneered. 'I have simply been dragging a blade across my skin to relieve the emotional pain.'

'Will someone please tell me what's going on!' Arthur looked exasperated.

Without any warning, Gwen switched her grip from my right wrist to my left and shoved the rough fabric up my arm. Everyone gasped; everyone except Arthur. He simply rubbed his own wrists, as though imagining the pain I was going through. Except he couldn't. No one could. Not even I understood why I was compelled to punish myself.

'Gwen,' Arthur sighed gently, 'I'll take Merlin to the health office. You can work on your Drama piece.'

I was shaking now. I'd never shouted at Gwen before, and I'd most certainly never done so in front of a teacher. But, here I was, lower than I'd ever stooped before, and I found myself longing for that blade.

I felt a comforting arm wrap firmly around my shoulders and escort me out of the door. It was only until I felt the cold November wind whip my short black hair around that I realised we'd passed the nurse, and we were now sitting on a bench in the expansive courtyard of Camelot High School.

'What do you want?' My voice was harsh. A lot harsher than I'd intended, anyway.

'I want to talk to you. You need someone to talk to.'

'What do you know?' I snapped, suddenly exhausted.

'I know a lot more than you think,' the blond smiled sadly. He then rolled up the sleeve of his own plaid jumper, probably from some posh store I'd never even heard of, and revealed thin white scars striping his tanned wrist.

I gasped, 'They're beautiful.'

'No,' he looked a little shocked, but then a shadow crossed his face as he saw I truly believed it. 'No, they're not. They stare at me with bright blinding whiteness. Threatening me to open the wounds again. But I won't. I hurt too many people, and I won't do it again.'

'I don't understand.' I was finally breaking down. 'I've been through depression before, and it was nothing like this. Before, I was happy then angry, manic, ecstatic, and then happy again, all within the same day. But, now…now, it's like there's no feeling. I'm just a ghost, walking around, living everyday life, with no feeling whatsoever. Not even my own mother sees what's wrong. I smile, but it's fake. And I don't know why. I have every reason to be happy, so why aren't I? I have every reason to be sad, so why don't I cry? I just hurt and hurt and hurt.' I was crying now, though; I don't know when I'd started, but now I couldn't stop.

'I know,' Arthur looked into my eyes with his intense blue ones. 'You feel like no one cares. No one loves you. Because if they did, they'd notice that you weren't alive. Not really. But, at the same time, you dread to think what would happen if someone found out. Because then where would you be? You'd be the centre of everyone's faux pity and love. Now,' Arthur sighed as he saw me looking at him in pure awe, 'let's get you cleaned up.'

He took me to the boy's toilets and wiped my tearstained cheeks. He then wet the paper towel and softly soothed my flaring red skin. He was gentle and sweet, and I wanted nothing more but to have those tanned, muscular arms wrap me in an embrace. And then, they did. He hugged me and rested his sturdy chin on my raven hair, stoking it gently.

'Don't ever be afraid of talking to me,' he whispered eventually. 'I expect by tomorrow you'll be receiving that faux love and pity. But don't worry. I will stand beside you, not physically per se, but emotionally and mentally for as long as you need.'

'Even if it means forever?'

'Even if it means forever.'

When I finally got my act together and looked a lot less ragged and distressed, I shakily made my way back to the Drama studio, Arthur close behind. I could tell immediately that the news of my outburst and self harm had spread through the class, and, judging by some guilty expressions, they hadn't hesitated in broadening the knowledge further than the Drama studio walls.

I caught sight of Gwen still looking hurt and broken. I made my way over to her, and I could tell she'd been crying, too.

'I'm so sorry,' I sighed. 'I know I should've told you, but I thought I could handle myself on my own. Apparently not.'

'Merlin,' Gwen held my hand gently, 'I know. I know it's hard. But you've got to know I'll always be there for you.'

'Thank you.' I gave her a weak smile before feeling a firm hand on my shoulder. 'And thank you.' I glanced up at Arthur's angelic face. We'd only known each other properly for less than an hour, and I was already starting to feel closer to him than I had to anyone else I'd ever met, including my own mother.