CAST OF CHARACTERS
DUNCAN, King of Scotland, played by John Cena
MALCOLM, Duncan's son, played by Randy Orton
MACBETH, Nobleman of Scotland, played by Triple H
LADY MACBETH, Wife of Macbeth, played by Liv Tyler
BANQUO, Nobleman of Scotland, played by Shawn Michaels
MACDUFF, Nobleman of Scotland, played by Dave Batista
ROSS, Nobleman of Scotland, played by Viggo Mortensen
ANGUS, Nobleman of Scotland, played by Hugh Jackman
FLEANCE, son to Banquo, played by Haley Joel Osment
THE PORTER, Drunken man, played by Stone Cold Steve Austin
GUARD ONE, Guards the door of Macbeth's castle, played by Orlando Bloom
GUARD TWO, Aids Guard One, played by Daniel Radcliffe
GUARD THREE, Aids Guard One, played by Ewan Macgregor
WITCH ONE, Magical being, played by Hulk Hogan
WITCH TWO, Magical being, played by Ric Flair
WITCH THREE, Magical being, played by The Rock
FIRST APPARITION, Witch's boss, played by The Big Show
SECOND APPARITION, Witch's boss, played by Rey Mysterio
THIRD APPARITION, Witch's boss, played by King Booker
SERVANT, Macbeth's servant, played by Finley
SEYTON, Macbeth's general, played by Bobby Lashley
MESSENGER, a messenger, played by Mel Gibson
SIWARD, a soldier, played by Richard Barlow
ACT I SCENE 1
AT RISE:
An open place. Thunder and lightning fill the air.
[THREE WITCHES enter.]
WITCH ONE
When shall we meet again, brothers? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
WITCH TWO
Woo! When the hurlyburly's done, when the battle's lost and won!
WITCH THREE
Finally, The Rock will come back ere the set of sun!
WITCH ONE
Where the place, dudes?
WITCH TWO
Upon the heath!
WITCH THREE
There to meet…
[Smells the air]
…With Macbeth
WITCH ONE
I come! Graymalkin, whatcha gonna do brother, whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?!
WITCH TWO
Paddock calls! Woo! Woo! WOO!
WITCH THREE
Anon if ya smell! What The Rock, is, cookin!
ALL
Fair is foul and foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air!
[Exit.]
ACT I SCENE 2
AT RISE:
A camp near Forres, a town in northeast Scotland.
[A trumpet calls, Enter KING DUNCAN, MALCOLM, LENNOX, with ATTENDANTS, meeting a bleeding CAPTAIN.]
KING DUNCAN
What bloody man is that? Can he report of the revolt?
MALCOLM
This is the sergeant who, like a good and hardy soldier, fought against my captors. Hail, brave friend! Say to the king the news of the battle.
CAPTAIN
Doubtful it stood, the merciless Macdonwald from the Western Isles, of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied; And fortune, on his damned quarrel smiling, showed like a rebel's whore: but all's to weak: For brave Macbeth, with his brandished steel, which smoked with bloody execution, unseamed him from the nave to the chops, and fixed his head upon our battlements.
KING DUNCAN
O valiant cousin! Worthy gentleman!
CAPTAIN
When the sun rises, ship-wracking storms and direful thunders break, so from that spring whence comfort seemed to come discomfort swells. Mark, King of Scotland, mark: No sooner justice had, with valor armed, compelled these skipping kerns to trust their heels. But the Noreyan lord, surveying vantage, with furbished arms and new supplies of men, began a fresh assault.
KING DUNCAN
And this... Didn't dismay D-Generation X?
CAPTAIN
No, they charged the enemy, and with great might buried their foe into the ground.
KING DUNCAN
I see. Give me my messengers, for I must send word to Macbeth.
[Exit.]
ACT I SCENE 3
AT RISE:
A heath near Forres.
[Thunder. Enter the THREE WITCHES.]
WITCH ONE
Where has though been, brother?
WITCH TWO
Woo! Killing swine baby, killing swine!
WITCH THREE
Brother, where thou?
WITCH ONE
Listen up dudes, a sailor's wife had chestnuts in her lap, and mounched, and mounched, and mounched. "Give me," quoth I. "Be off, witch!" the dudette cries. Her husband's to Aleppo gone, master o' th' Tiger: But in a sieve I'll thither sail, and, like a rat without a tail, I'll do, I'll do, and I'll do! Now, look what I have, brothers.
WITCH TWO
Show me, show me!
WITCH ONE
Here I have a pilot's thumb, wracked as homeward he did come.
[Drum within.]
WITCH THREE
A drum! Finally, Macbeth doth come!
ALL
The weird brothers, hand in hand, posters of the sea and land, thus do go about, about: Thrice to thine, and thrice to mine, and thrice again, to make up nine! Peace! The charm's wound up.
[Enter Macbeth and Banquo.]
MACBETH
You know, this weather sucks.
BANQUO
I know, but hey, listen, how far is it to Forres from here? I'm tired of riding these donkeys!
[Spots the THREE WITCHES]
Ah! What are those, they're hideous?!
MACBETH
I have no idea, but I bet they could give us directions. Hey, you three weirdos, how far is it to Forres from here?
WITCH ONE
All hail Macbeth, brothers, hail to thee, Thane of Glamis!
WITCH TWO
All hail Macbeth, woo! Hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor!"
WITCH THREE
All hail Macbeth, that shalt be King hereafter is you smell what The Rock is cookin!
BANQUO
Uh... What are they talking about Macbeth?
MACBETH
Beats me.
BANQUO
Ok, let me try to translate all of this nonsense, are you saying, that my buddy here is going to be Thane of Cawdor, and something about becoming a king? Hm, if that's so, then you must be able to read the future! So, do you mind telling me mine? Huh? Do ya, do ya?
WITCH ONE
Hail, brother!
WITCH TWO
Hail, woo!
WITCH THREE
Hail…
WITCH ONE
Lesser than Macbeth, and greater dude!
WITCH TWO
Not so happy, yet much happier, woo!
[Takes three steps then falls on his face, before standing back up.]
WITCH THREE
Thou shall get kings.. Yet thou be none… So all hail… Macbeth and Banquo…
WITCH ONE
Banquo and Macbeth all hail, brothers!
MACBETH
Hmm… I could become a king… Just need to figure out how…
[THREE WITCHES vanish]
BANQUO
Hey, buddy; snap out of it, did you get what they said? They said you get to be a king, and even though I won't be a king, I'll have kings, whatever that means…
MACBETH
Banquo you idiot, it means your children will be kings!
BANQUO
…Oooh… It all makes sense now, this is sweet!
MACBETH
Yes it is Banquo, yes it is…
BANQUO
Hey, who are you guys?
[Enter ROSS and ANGUS]
ANGUS
It is I, Angus, and this is Ross. We are sent to give thee, from the king, thanks; Only to herald thee into his sight, not pay thee.
MACBETH
..What?!
BANQUO
Hey, Macbeth, I think he's saying the king thanks us, but isn't going to pay us, even though he wants to see us. Keep talking my good sir.
ROSS
And for a pledge of a greater honor, he bade me, from him, call thee Thane of Cawdor; With this title, hail, most worthy Thane! For it is thine.
BANQUO (aside)
What, those freaks really could tell the future?!
MACBETH
Hey, wait a minute. The last time I checked, the Thane of Cawdor is still kicking, so did he kick the bucket or something like that?
ROSS
[Looks confused]
Kicked… The bucket?
BANQUO
What I think Macbeth here means is did the Thane of Cawdor die.
ANGUS
Who was the thane lives yet, but under heavy judgment bears that life which he deserves to lose. Whether he was combined with those of Norway, or did line the rebel with hidden help, or that with both he labored in his country's wreck, I know not; But treasons capital, confessed, and proved, have overthrown him.
MACBETH (aside)
It looks like those freaks were telling the truth.. I'm Thane of Glamis, and Thane of Cawdor.. All that is left is to become king..
MACBETH (to BANQUO)
It looks like your kids will become kings.. After all, if those weirdos weren't telling the truth, this wouldn't be happening.
BANQUO (to MACBETH)
Snap out of it Macbeth, if you're not careful you're going to get ahead of yourself and try something that you're not supposed to. Just, just let things happen, ok?
MACBETH
Thanks guys, I'll be on my way now.
[MACBETH exits]
BANQUO
Hey, wait for us Macbeth!
[Exit]
ACT I SCENE 4
AT RISE:
Forres. The Palace. Flourish.
[Enter KING DUNCAN and MALCOLM]
KING DUNCAN
Is execution done on Cawdor? Has D-Generation X yet returned?
MALCOLM
My liege, they are not yet come back, but I have spoke with one that saw Cawdor die.
KING DUNCAN
There's no art to fine the mind's construction in the face: He was a gentleman on whom I built an absolute trust.
[Enter MACBETH, BANQUO, ROSS, and ANGUS]
Oh worthiest cousin! The sin of my ingratitude even now was heavy on me. Thou art so far before, that swiftest wing of recompense is slow to overtake thee. More is thy due than more than all can pay.
MACBETH
Being your loyal servant is more than enough payment. Your job as king is to accept our loyal service, and it is our job as servants to serve you. When we do everything we can to protect you, this throne, and Scotland, we are only doing what we should.
KING DUNCAN
Welcome hither: I have begun to plant thee, and will labor to make thee full of growing. Noble Banquo, thou hast no less deserved, nor must be known no less to have done so: let me infold thee, and hold thee to my heart.
BANQUO
If I become favorable to you, the gain is yours.
KING DUNCAN
My plentiful joys, wanton in fullness, seek to hide themselves in drops of sorrow…
Sons, kinsmen, thanes, I will establish our estate upon my eldest, Malcolm, whom we name hereafter The Prince of Cumberland: which honor must not unaccompanied invest him only, but signs of nobleness, like stars, shall shine on all deservers. From hence to Inverness, and bind us further to you.
MACBETH
No problem, we can all chill at my place, and.. Bind.. Together.. I'm cool with that. Well, I've got to go tell my wife about this, so, take care.
KING DUNCAN
My worthy Cawdor!
MALCOLM (to KING DUNCAN)
Macbeth always did speak strangely.
MACBETH (aside)
The Prince of Cumberland?! How am I supposed to become king if that little brat is named heir to the throne? I'll never become king unless I take things into my own hands..
[MACBETH exits.]
KING DUNCAN
It is true, worthy Banquo; he is so valiant, and in his commendations I am fed. It is a banquet to me. Let's after him, whose care is gone before to bid us welcome: it is a peerless kinsman.
[Exit.]
ACT I SCENE 5
AT RISE:
Inverness, Macbeth's castle.
[Enter LADY MACBETH, reading a letter.]
LADY MACBETH
[Sits at a table, laying the letter upon it.]
Glamis thou art, and Cawdor; and shalt be what thou art promised, which shall to all our nights and days to come give solely sovereign sway and masterdom. Oh noble husband,
LADY MACBETH (continued)
what plan have you to accomplish such goals?
[Enter MACBETH.]
MACBETH
I'm glad you asked!
LADY MACBETH
Macbeth!
MACBETH
Hey baby,
[MACBETH and LADY MACBETH embrace.]
Since you want to know, this is what I'm going to do: We're going to act the way we would without this whole me becoming king business, you know the whole dinner thing, and then at night, when everyone is asleep, I will kill King Duncan, and I shall become not only King of Scotland, but the King, of Kings!
LADY MACBETH
To trick, then kill the king?
MACBETH
Exactly! Now come, we've got some.. Services.. To fulfill to one another..
[Exit.]
ACT I SCENE 6
AT RISE:
Inverness, Macbeth's castle.
[Enter KING DUNCAN, MALCOLM, BANQUO, LENNOX, and ANGUS.]
KING DUNCAN
This castle hath a pleasant seat; the air nimbly and sweetly recommends itself unto our gentle senses.
BANQUO
Even the swallows seem to like it here, they're nesting on his castle instead of churches. I've observed that wherever the birds live, things are pretty peaceful.
[Enter LADY MACBETH.]
KING DUNCAN
Look, our honored hostess! The love that follows us sometime is our trouble, which still we thank as love. Herein I teach you how you shall bid God 'ild us for your pains, and thank us for your trouble.
LADY MACBETH
All our service in every point twice done and then done double, were poor and single business to contend against those honors deep and broad. Your servants ever have theirs, themselves, and what is theirs, in compt, to make their audit at your highness' pleasure, still to return your own.
KING DUNCAN
Give me your hand: Conduct me to min hose; we love him highly, and shall continue our graces towards him. By your leave, hostess.
[Exit.]
ACT II SCENE 1
AT RISE:
Inverness, Macbeth's castle. King Duncan's room.
[Enter MACBETH, with KING DUNCAN laying in bed.]
MACBETH
Now.. It's time I brought forth my destiny.. I am the Game, Macbeth, the cerebral assassin, the best warrior in the world today, and soon I will be the king of kings! Now, King Duncan, your time has co-
[MACBETH, who was drawing his dagger is startled, as KING DUNCAN rises in bed.]
KING DUNCAN
Macbeth! What business brings you here?
MACBETH
To fulfill my destiny, I must kill you, right here, right now.
KING DUNCAN
Well then..
[KING DUNCAN rises to his feet.]
If you want some, come get some!
[KING DUNCAN spears MACBETH, and begins punching his face. MACBETH throws his off, and the battle begins. The actors use their wrestling moves on one another, ending with KING DUNCAN using the F-U on MACBETH, who lands on his feet, turns to the king and delivers the pedigree, before drawing his dagger and slitting KING DUNCAN's throat.]
MACBETH
Finally, it has been done. I am now Macbeth, King of Scotland, the king, of kings!
[MACBETH picks up the crown, placing it on his head with a grin. As he walks out of the room, he slits the throats of the two sleeping guards at the doorway.]
ACT II SCENE 2
AT RISE:
Inverness, Macbeth's castle.
[Knocking within. Enter the PORTER.]
PORTER
Knock, knock knock! Shut up!
[Knocking continues.]
Aa-aa! You don't ignore Stone Cold Steve Austin, and expect any favors!
[PORTER sticks his middle finger up at the door, PORTER (continued)
and then begins to walk away. Enter GUARD ONE.]
I can't do this yet. Where's my beer?
GUARD ONE
Beer? What is such nonsense?
PORTER
You know, it comes in a can, is an alcoholic drink, makes you drunk, beer.
GUARD ONE
I have heard of such things, but not as beer. Brandy is av-
PORTER
What? You mean to tell me, that you hired Stone Cold Steve Austin to be the Porter, and you have the audacity, to tell me that beer hasn't been invented yet? That Stone Cold can't have beer?
GUARD ONE
I'm sorry.
PORTER
You're sorry? You're sorry?! Well, I can understand that. No problem.
[PORTER turns to leave, before turning back to GUARD TWO, sticking his middle finger up at him, and delivering the Stone Cold Stunner to him. Enter GUARD TWO.]
GUARD TWO
Halt! Porter, halt I say!
[PORTER leaps onto GUARD TWO, and proceeds to punch his face in. Enter GUARD THREE. PORTER leaps up, and close-lines him, before stomping on him. PORTER turns, sticks his middle finger up at GUARD TWO, and delivers a Stone Cold Stunner, and repeats this against GUARD THREE. Knocking persists.]
PORTER
Alright, alright, hold yer britches!
[PORTER opens the door. Enter MACDUFF. MACBETH enters from his chamber.]
MACDUFF
It's about time! Is thy master stirring?
PORTER
Yeah, he's over there. I'm off to go find some beer.
[Exit PORTER.]
MACDUFF
Is the king stirring, noble thane? He did command me to call timely on him; I have almost slipped the hour.
MACBETH
I'll go get him.
[Exit MACBETH.]
MACDUFF
Something is strange about Macbeth and his porter..
[Enter MACBETH]
MACBETH
The king is dead! Murdered in my house by his guards!
MACDUFF
The king is dead?! Oh horror!
MACDUFF
Don't worry, the murderers, his guards, who held the bloody dagger, have been killed by me, so we don't need to worry anymore.
[Enter MALCOLM.]
MALCOLM
What is amiss?
MACDUFF
Your royal father's murdered!
MALCOLM
By whom?
MACBETH
As I just told Macduff here, the king's guards. Don't worry though, I killed them.
MALCOLM
Oh father..
MACBETH
Lets let Malcolm morn, come on, follow me.
[Exit all except MALCOLM.]
MALCOLM
What will I do? I shall not consort with them: to show an unfelt sorry is an office which the false man does easy. I'll to England. I'll shift away: there's warrant in that theft which steals itself when there's no mercy left.
[Exit.]
ACT III SCENE 1
AT RISE:
The palace at Forres.
[Enter BANQUO.]
BANQUO
You did it, Macbeth. You've accomplished your destiny, being thane of Glamis, thane of Cawdor, and now the King of Scotland, just like those old hags said you would. Lets not forget, they did promise that my children would become kings, not yours, and judging on the fact what they told you happened, I'd bet that my children will become kings, just like you have become king.
[Enter MACBETH, LADY MACBETH, and ROSS.]
MACBETH
Here's our chief guest.
LADY MACBETH
If he had been forgotten, it had been as a gap in our great feast, and all-thing unbecoming.
MACBETH
..Come again?
BANQUO
She's holding a formal dinner for you tonight, and my absence would have been very unlike me.
MACBETH
Ah, well, would you like to come to the dinner tonight?
BANQUO
Sure! I'd love to be part of a huge dinner for once.
MACBETH
Great, I'll see you then!
BANQUO
See you tonight, old buddy!
[BANQUO exits.]
MACBETH
May your horses bring you quickly to my feast! Farewell!
[Exit all but MACBETH.]
Those weirdoes told the truth to me, so it's a good guess they did the same to Banquo. I must find a way to prevent this, and keep the crown in my family.. I've got it! I'll attack Banquo in the dark, and kill both him and his son so there is no one left to become king in his family! Oh, do I love myself. This is why I'm called the cerebral assassin..
[Exit.]
ACT III SCENE 2
AT RISE:
The forest at Forres.
[Enter cloaked MACBETH .]
MACBETH
Banquo should be coming here any moment.. If he's on time with his errands.. There he is, he's dismounting his horse! He's about a mile away, but that's normal, everyone does that. His son's with him too, just as I thought, that's good, very good..
[Enter BANQUO and FLEANCE carrying torches.]
BANQUO
It will be rain tonight.
MACBETH
Huwah!
[MACBETH leaps from hiding, striking FLEANCE. BANQUO pushed MACBETH back, punching him over and over again.]
BANQUO
You traitor! Fleance, get out of here, before he kills you! Leave this to me!
[FLEANCE flees. MACBETH and BANQUO battle, exchanging several blows and wrestling maneuvers before MACBETH hits BANQUO with the pedigree, and slits his throat.]
MACBETH
Damn, Fleance is gone! No matter, I'll take care of him later.
[Exit.]
ACT III SCENE 3
AT RISE:
The hall of the palace. A banquet prepared.
[Enter MACBETH, LADY MACBETH, and ROSS, along with lords, nobles, and servants.]
MACBETH
You know your ranks, sit down where you belong. Everyone, welcome to my feast!
ALL LORDS
Thanks to your majesty.
MACBETH
We will mingle with you all and play the humble host. Our hostess will stay seated, but will welcome you at the proper time.
LADY MACBETH
Pronounce it for me, sir, to all our friends, for my heart speaks they are welcome.
[MACBETH begins to eat.]
My royal lord!
[MACBETH pauses, and then stands.]
You do not give the cheer. The feast is sold that is not often vouched, while tis a-making, tis given with welcome: to feed were best at home; from thence the sauce to meat is ceremony; meeting were bare without it.
[The ghost of Banquo enters and sits in Macbeth's place.]
MACBETH
Thanks for reminding me. May good digestion follow your good appetites!
ROSS
May't please your highness sit?
MACBETH
We would now have all our country's nobility under one roof, if Banquo would've kept his word and come tonight. That moron, he should've made it here, there's no reason he couldn't have come.
ROSS
His absence, sir, lays blame upon his promise. Please't your highness to grace us with your royal company?
MACBETH
Ross, the table is full.
ROSS
Here is a place reserved, sir?
MACBETH
What the hell are you talking about?
ROSS
Here, my good lord. What isn't that moves your highness?
MACBETH
Which of you have done this?!
ALL LORDS
What, my good lord?
MACBETH
You can't say I did it! Don't point your bloody finger at me!
ROSS
Gentleman, rise, his highness is not well.
LADY MACBETH
Sit, worthy friends: my lord is often thus, and hath been from his youth: pray you, keep seat, the fit is momentary; upon a thought he will again be well: if much you note him, you shall offend him and extend his passion: feed, and regard him not. Are you a man?
MACBETH
What kind of question is that, you know I am!
LADY MACBETH
This is a painting of your fear. Why do you make such faces? When all's done, you look but on a stool
MACBETH
Look! Don't you see Banquo sitting there? Why, what do I care? If the dead come to us from the grave, we might as well leave them out for the monsters to eat!
[Ghost exits.]
LADY MACBETH
What! Quite unmanned in folly?
MACBETH
I swear, I just saw him!
LADY MACBETH
Fie, for shame!
MACBETH
Here was just here, how is he gone..
LADY MACBETH
My worthy lord, your noble friends do lack you.
MACBETH
Forgive me for that, it's nothing for you to worry about, I guess I've drank too much already. Let us eat, gentleman!
[Ghost reappears.]
I drink to the future of Scotland, and to everyone at this table!
ALL LORDS
Our duties, and the pledge.
MACBETH
[Seeing the ghost.]
Will you leave me alone?! You're dead, so go to where the dead go!
LADY MACBETH
Macbeth!
[Ghost exits.]
MACBETH
Forgive me, I'm done. It was stupid.
LADY MACBETH
Let us continue our dinner.
ROSS
To the king's return to health!
ALL LORDS
To the king's return to health!
[All drink, and continue the feast.]
[Exit.]
ACT IV SCENE 1
AT RISE:
A cavern and in the middle a fiery cauldron.
[THREE WITCHES enter.]
WITCH ONE
Thrice the brinded cat hath mewed, dudes!
WITCH TWO
Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined, woo!
WITCH THREE
Finally, the Harpier cries, tis time, tis time!
WITCH ONE
Round about the cauldron go: In the poisoned entrails throw. Toad, that under cold stone days and nights has thrity-one. Sweltered venom sleeping got, boil thou first I'th charmed pot, brothers!
ALL
Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble!
WITCH TWO
Woo! Fillet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake: Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and howlet's wing, for a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble, woo!
ALL
Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble!
WITCH THREE
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf, witch's mummy, maw and gulf of the ravined salt-sea shark, root of hemlock digged in the dark, liver of blaspheming Jew, gall of goat and slips of yew, slivered in the moon's eclipse, nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips, finger of birth-strangled babe ditch delivered by a drab, make the gruel thick and slab: add thereto a tiger's chaudron, for the ingredience of our cauldron.
ALL
Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!
WITCH THREE
Cool it with a baboon's blood, then the charm is firm and good! By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes if ya smell what The Rock is cookin'!
MACBETH
There you are, you three weirdos! What are you doing?!
ALL WITCHES
A deed without a name!
MACBETH
..Whatever.. Now, I need the three of you to tell me something.
WITCH ONE
Speak, brother!
WITCH TWO
Demand! WOO!
WITCH THREE
..We'll answer..
WITCH ONE
Say if th'hadnst rather hear it from our mouths, or from our masters dude!
MACBETH
Your masters, I guess, I don't care!
THIRD WITCH
Pour in sow's blood, thus hath eaten.. Her nine farrow; grease that's sweaten.. From the murderer's gibbet, throw, into flame.
ALL WITCHES
Come, high or low; thyself and office deftly show!
[Thunder. FIRST APPARITION; an armed head.]
FIRST APPARITION
Macbeth, Macbeth, Macbeth! Beware Macduff, beware the thane of Fife. Dismiss me, enough.
[FIRST APPARITION exits.
MACBETH
Hmm.. Macduff, huh..
[SECOND APPARITION; a bloody child.]
SECOND APPARITION
Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth!
MACBETH
Ok.. I get the point..
SECOND APPARITION
Be bloody, bold, and resolute: laugh to scorn the power of man; for none of woman born
SECOND APPARITION (continued)
shall harm Macbeth!
[SECOND APPARITION exit.]
MACBETH
Oh, is that so? Then I have no need to worry then, because every man has a mother!
[THIRD APPARITION, a crowned child, with a tree in his hand.]
MACBETH
What are you, some cheap imitation of me, the King of Kings?
ALL WITCHES
Hush! Listen, but speak naught!
THIRD APPARITION
Be lion-metted, proud, and take no care who chafes, who frets, or where conspirers are: Macbeth shall never vanquished be until Great Birnam wood to high Dunsinane hillshall come against him.
[THIRD APPARITION exit.]
MACBETH
It looks like I have nothing to fear after all. Thank you, weirdos, now I bid you farewell.
[Exit.]
ACT IV SCENE 2
AT RISE:
Dunsinane. A court in the castle.
[Enter MACBETH]
MACBETH
I don't want to hear any more reports! I don't care if the thanes flee, I'll take them all down in one blow! Who cares if Malcolm or Macduff are with them? Were they not born from a woman? No one can beat me, that's all that needs to be said.
[Enter SERVANT.]
Boy, what's wrong with you?
SERVANT
There is ten thousand-
MACBETH
Geese, villain?
SERVANT
Soldiers, sir.
MACBETH
What's wrong with you, you moron?! What soldiers?! I see no soldiers! Damn you, where are they?!
SERVANT
The English force, sir.
MACBETH
Get out of here!
[Exit SERVANT.]
I want to hear this from a true warrior, Seyton!
[Enter SEYTON.]
SEYTON
Yes my liege?
MACBETH
What's really going on?
SEYTON
All is confirmed, my lord, which was reported.
MACBETH
Feh, no matter, I'll fight, til from my bones my flesh be hacked! Give me my armor!
SEYTON
Tis not needed ye
MACBETH
Put it on! Send out all our men, horses and all! Hang our people's fear and prove our strength!
ACT IV SCENE 3
AT RISE:
Dunsinane. Castle court.
[Enter MACBETH, and SEYTON]
MACBETH
Hang our banners on our outward walls! Our strength will make the opponents seem like nothing! Let them try to defeat us until famine and disease destroys the lot of them!
[A woman screams.]
What was that noise?!
SEYTON
It is the cry of a woman, my good lord!
[SEYTON exits.]
MACBETH
I had almost forgotten the taste of fear, oh how delightful it is! Seyton! What's keeping you?!
[SEYTON enters.]
SEYTON
The queen, my lord, is dead.
MACBETH
Dead? She shouldn't have died yet.. Argh.. Now is not the time for sorrow, it is the time for rage! Our enemies drove her to her death, and it is our duties to avenge that death!
[MESSENGER enters.]
What is it, boy?
MESSENGER
I saw.. Saw..
MACBETH
Saw what, boy?!
MESSENGER
A-as I did my watch upon the hill, I looked toward Birnam, and anon, methought the woods seemed to move!
MACBETH
You lying bastard!
MESSENGER
Let me endure your wrath; if it not be so: Within this three mile you may see it coming. I say, a moving grove.
MACBETH
If you're lying to me, I'll kill you with my own two hands! Come men, off we go to battle!
ACT IV SCENE 4
AT RISE:
The battlefield.
[A bloody battle. Enter MACBETH.]
MACBETH
Who is the man who was not born from a mother?!
[Kills a man. Enter SIWARD]
SIWARD
What is thy name?!
MACBETH
You'd be afraid if you heard it!
SIWARD
No, though thou call'st theyself a hotter name than any in hell.
MACBETH
I am Macbeth!
SIWARD
The devil himself could not pronounce a name more hateful to mine ear!
MACBETH
Have at you!
[They fight, SEYTON is easily slain.]
You had a mother! I laugh at you fools who think you can kill me! Why should I die like a foolish Roman, on my own sword?!
[Enter MACDUFF.]
MACDUFF
That way the noise is. Tyrant, show thy face!
MACDUFF
Turn hell-hound, turn!
MACBETH
What do you want to say, fool?
MACDUFF
I have no words, my sword is my voice!
[They begin to fight. MACBETH uses the pedigree on MACDUFF.]
MACBETH
Are you trying to kill me, or the air? Is that the best you can come up with?
MACDUFF
Lose hope in your spell, and let the witches tell you that Macduff was prematurely ripped from his mother's womb!
[They exchange several wrestling maneuvers. MACBETH attempts a pedigree, but it thrown off, and MACDUFF uses the Batista bomb, before chopping off MACBETH's head. Enter Malcolm.]
MALCOLM
What happened here, Macduff?
MACDUFF
Hail, king! For thou art. Behold, the head of tyrant Macbeth, slain by Macduff!
ALL
Hail, Malcolm, King of Scotland!
MALCOLM
We shall not spend a large expense of time before we reckon with your several loves, and make us even with you. My thanes and kinsman, henceforth be earls, the first that ever Scotland in such an honor named. What's more to do, which would be planted newly with the time, as calling home our exiled friends abroad that fled the snares of watchful tyranny, producing forth the cruel ministers of this dead butcher and his friend-like queen, who, as it is thought, by self and violent hands took off her life; this, and what needful else that calls upon us, by the grace of Grace we will perform in measure, time, and place: So thanks to all at once, and to each one, whom we invite to see us crowned at stone.
[Exit.]