Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy are the owners of the following characters. I make no profit from the plot.
Author's Note: This takes place somewhere in season five of Angel, before the episode The Girl In Question. It was just a plot bunny nipping at my heels. Plus, Nina Ash really needs some love.
Control. Nina Ash was full of it.
Talent and a careful hand was a part of making her art. She controlled the brush, the charcoal, the clay to create. Everything was the subject of that balance. She feared that she would lose that control when she became a werewolf. That it was possible to lose her talent.
She didn't know how to deal with the animal in her, that thing that rose up in her three days each month. The monster that compelled her to throw her head back and howl. It begged her to rip and tear and sink her teeth into sweet living flesh. Even after the moon cycle passed, she could feel it inside of her. The vibrant, primal creature itching for the next full moon to shed its human skin.
"Nina?" Angel's voice brought her back from her reverie. She refocused her eyes and looked over at him. "Are you feeling all right?"
They sat in his loft, at his coffee table. She, on the floor, Indian-style and he, on the edge of his plush chair. The sunlight beamed in from the windows. The special glass filtered the rays in a way that allowed them to touch Angel safely. Sometimes, when they were quiet, she couldn't help but stare at the way his skin reacted to the light. His normally pale and cool flesh allowed the light to bounce away, instead of absorbing it. It made him glow but not in a strange, supernatural way. The glow made him seem more human somehow.
"You've barely touched your food," Angel noted. Nina glanced down at her plate in surprise. The eggs were halfway gone, the bacon had disappeared but the waffles – her favorite – those remained untouched.
"I – I guess I just wasn't all that hungry," Nina lied, setting down the fork that she'd been holding in one position for the last several minutes. She wondered if he heard the rumbling of her stomach. In an effort to defend her case, she pointed out his fault as well. "Why aren't you drinking?"
"I – uh," Angel seemed taken aback by her sudden interest in his eating habits. It only took a moment's hesitation for Nina to see that she'd gotten the upper hand. She grinned, defiantly pushing the plate away from her.
"Why does it bother you so much?" Nina asked, folding her arms. "I know what you eat, I know why, so what does it matter if I see you do it?"
"It's... embarrassing," Angel said quietly and looked away. Nina frowned. That was the answer she'd expected but not the one she'd hoped for.
"It shouldn't be. I don't mind, Angel. Really."
"If I get a cup, will you eat?" Angel countered, raising a brow. Sometimes he could be quite clever. Nina pursed her lips and sighed. The thought of chowing down on those waffles just didn't sound that appetizing. Angel got to his feet and lifted up her plate. Her obvious distaste for starches must have been written across her face because he added, "I'll just get you more bacon. Not so crispy?"
"Deal," Nina nodded. He walked off into the kitchen and a moment later, she could hear and smell the bacon sizzling in the pan. That sweet, salty aroma wafted toward her and she very nearly began salivating over it. She distracted her hunger pains with a deep drink of coffee. When he returned, with half of the plate filled with succulent strips of pork, her eyes widened.
"You must think I'm a pig," Nina partially joked as he set the plate down in front of her. She took up a strip and bit into it. Instead of returning to his regular seat, Angel took to sitting on the floor opposite of her. He set his coffee mug down after taking a few swallows. This impressed Nina. Not only was he drinking with her around, he was doing it right in front of him.
"I like a girl that can eat," said Angel with a half-smile, watching as she tried to keep from devouring the whole plate.
"Mmm." She sounded with satisfaction. After she swallowed, she complimented him. "You're a good cook, you know, for a vampire. I didn't expect that."
"I had a lot of time to practice but not too many to eat it."
"But you cook for me every time I'm here," Nina said before popping another piece into her mouth. "Almost feel like I owe you something."
"Well, you usually don't abandon my waffles so easily." Angel laughed.
Nina drank down some coffee before responding. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on. I feel kind of weird."
"What do you mean?" A look of concern flashed across his face. If she was looking to get out of an explanation for her unusual actions, there was no way she was going to be able to know. Soon, she knew, he would get that look of determination. If the answer to that didn't suffice, she knew he'd be escorting her to the medical offices in the law firm below and it would become more of a problem than it needed to be.
"I'm not really sure," she said slowly, trying to put it into words. Her skin still tingled, like it did hours before sunset. Her senses were still more or less at their peak, her smell and taste especially. "It's always weird, the day after. But I feel like... like I'm hung-over from it."
"That explains the meat," Angel said teasingly, looking pointedly at the now empty plate. "Do you want me to call in someone? See if everything's okay?"
"No, everything's fine," Nina shook her head, knowing that suggestion was going to pop up. "I don't feel like I'm going to change. It's just... like I'm really awake."
"You sure?" Angel checked and she nodded. He accepted it and drank from his mug again. She could smell the blood, but her senses weren't attune enough to know if it was human or not. Her brains however were; Angel didn't drink human blood. It was always the blood of an animal.
"Plus," Nina adjusted her sitting position, pulling her knees underneath her. After he pushed his mug away, she picked up her napkin and leaned forward slightly. He watched her slightly confused until the napkin touched the corner of his mouth, catching the tiniest bit of blood. Now it was her turn to be impressed. She usually wasn't this casual with him, nor he with her. "It's Saturday and I was maybe hoping you didn't have work to do today."
"I don't," Angel said, relaxing as she dabbed at his mouth. When she sat back, he continued. "But don't you have class? Or Jill?"
"No and no," Nina announced proudly. "Jill and Amanda are visiting our brother for the day. My realism piece is supposed to be done by Monday, but I haven't even started it yet."
She added that last part a little ashamed. Angel's eyebrows furrowed and before he could ask, she kept on. "I've had a lot of energy lately, so I've been taking a couple of extra classes. It's dumb, I know, but after I changed, I had like, this surge of creativity. I couldn't put my charcoal down."
"Now you're tapped?" Angel asked and Nina sighed dejectedly. It felt like it was all sucked out of her. She'd spent the past few days before the full moon just staring at blank paper. She attempted changing mediums, switching from pencil to pen to pastels, but still ended up with nothing. It wasn't going to be a very 'real' realism project. "You're just overworked, Nina."
"But I have no inspiration whatsoever," She let a little of her frustration slip into her tone and Angel looked at her apologetically. She leaned against the sofa behind her, huffing quietly. Angel rose to his feet and walked around to her side, sitting down on the coffee table. He lifted up her hand from her knee, holding it comfortingly.
"It'll come back," he said. He stretched out her arm until he was able to affectionately kiss her hand. Nina smiled, soaking in the feel of his lips on her knuckles. She loved how old-fashioned he could be – the handsome gentleman. Yet it wasn't like something she'd see in a play or a period film, it was just naturally Angel. It was just somewhere in his nature to offer his arm and open up doors.
"Promise?" She said, inching closer to him. He let her hand down, but still held onto it. She leaned against his knee and threaded her fingers through his. With his free hand, he grasped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head upward.
"Yeah," he nodded shortly, drawing ever closer to her face. Nina anxiously awaited his lips on hers, wondering what it would be like this time. She found that Angel had several different kisses; among them were lusty ones, gentle ones, ones that meant hello and ones that meant goodbye. She felt a little like melting when he kissed her.
Angel released her chin, moving his hand to the back of her head to support it. Excitement coursed through her as his mouth shifted against hers. Nina invited him inside of her mouth, her pulse quickening. She could taste the blood he had drank, but she didn't revolt against it like she supposed. Instead, she ran her tongue across his and crawled closer to him, placing herself between his knees. Her olfactory sense was full of him. A mix of fresh linen, sandalwood and that smoky smell of cooked meat.
Suddenly she found herself heated and wanting him. She let go of his hand so that she was able to unbutton his shirt. Angel broke their kiss when she got the first two undone and in a flash, his hands were on the upper part of her arms. Nina snapped her eyes open to meet his, very nearly growling in disappointment. That was a strange reaction, to be sure. Angel stood, pulling her up to her feet with him. Had she been too forward too quickly?
To her shock, instead of pushing her away, he merely raised her arms until her hands were in the air above her head. Her brow arched with puzzlement to which he smirked. He answered her by yanking her shirt up and off her torso. He bent his head toward her neck, setting moist kisses under her jaw. Nina lowered her arms, draping them over his shoulders. Angel's hands swept over her ribs and then upward to clutch at the breasts through her brassiere.
The breath hitched in her throat for a second, followed by a tiny sigh of pleasure. Angel caught her mouth again, ravishing her. He traced the roundness of her hips before skillfully popping the button and unzipping her jeans. He pushed them down past her thighs and all she had left to do was shimmy out of them. Nina followed his lead as he edged her backward and onto the couch.
He leaned over her, letting her catch her breath. He dipped his head to leave a trail of kiss along her collarbone and between her breasts, folding himself to press his mouth to her stomach. Her fingers found their way to his hair and gripped his locks. Nina positively trembled with desire as she bent her knees to his side when Angel returned to her mouth. He laid down and settled his weight on top of her. His hips rolled, grinding against her. From the back of her throat she produced an unfamiliar sound, she purred.
"Hmm," Angel sounded, pulling back from her lips. She wondered if he was going to tease her for her purring, but there wasn't humor in his eyes. It was interest, focus. He put his weight back onto his arms and looked her up an down. "Perfect."
That was a little more than perplexing. "What's perfect?"
"When was the last time you were the subject?" Angel asked before planting a chaste kiss on her lips. Nina watched in utter bewilderment as he hopped to his feet and stalked off.
"Like, freshman year," Nina answered without thinking.
"No, stay there," Angel instructed when he saw her begin to get off the couch. She froze, remaining on her side. She mostly did so because this was one of the strangest things Angel ever did and he tended to do a lot of them. He was at the window and tugged the drapes closer until there was only a small stream of light. Then opened a cabinet, extracting a sketch pad and a pencil.
"Oh, you can't be serious," Nina said as he moved the coffee table out of the way. Angel laughed lightly.
"Why not?" Angel made sure of the lighting before positioning his model. He moved her arm away from her front, opening her up. Nina watched with something almost like a glare. He paid no attention to it and after brushing her hair out of her eyes, he kissed her again.
"I'm the artist, remember? Not the model."
"You can be both, trust me," Angel responded, sitting down in his usual chair. He opened up the pad and positioned his pencil onto the paper. She heard the scratch of the lead and stared at Angel, astonished. It wasn't that she felt rejected or mislead, she was just honestly baffled by the whole situation. Though the edge of lust subsided, her heart rate didn't rest. She couldn't help but fidget.
"Stop," Angel ordered softly, glancing up at her. "You know better. Just relax."
"It's just..." Nina could feel the burn of his eyes as they roamed her body. He studied her differently than she had noticed other artists doing. His dark eyes held more than just concentration; it felt like he was seeing more, looking through her. Even with her underclothing on, she never felt more exposed. A blush rose hot in her cheeks.
"Nina." The scratching paused for a moment as his eyes met hers. He noticed her embarrassment. This deepened the flush unfortunately.
"You're a vampire, don't you have photographic memory?" Nina countered. "I don't think you need to see me to draw me."
"No, but this way is more intimate," Angel explained. "You must have felt it at some point. Like a connection."
"Last time I was drawn, I had all my clothes on."
"You could take it all off." Angel smiled, broad enough to show his teeth. He was taunting her again. Then his eyes slipped away and he continued the sketch. "Your clothes are a distraction. You're beautiful just the way you are."
Nina let the moment of silence age before speaking again. This was new territory for her concerning Angel. A few guys in the past had told her the same things but for incomprehensible reasons, it meant more coming from him. "You think I'm beautiful?"
"Of course." The smile touched his mouth again. "Just lie still."
Several long moments marked by the etching on paper and the stream of piercing glances at her body passed before he spoke again. "It gets easier, trust me."
"What does?"
"Being what you are. You'll learn how to make it all work. Your old life, the things that were important to you, they don't have to go away because you're something different."
"How?" Nina relaxed her face, watching him calmly. Her pulse slowed. The sound of his voice seemed to have a pacifying effect on the thing inside her that kept her anxious. The beast was in repose. He sat comfortably across from her, his leg bent to use his knee as a table.
"You're not a normal girl one day and a monster the next; if you think of it like that it'll just tear you apart. You might not have much control over the wolf – but it is possible that you can learn."
"I guess I just don't know how to deal with it. I try, but it's... hard."
"I can smell your anger, frustration." Her stronger emotions had no mask when it came to vampires. "Even when the moon isn't full, you're afraid you'll change."
"I just don't feel like me sometimes," Nina breathed out. "Three nights seems to take a lot out of me."
"But you're safe now. And these new things you're experiencing, they're not entirely evil. It's just woken up a part of you that's primal – instinctual. The awareness you might even find useful. And," Angel smirked behind his pad, but she heard it in his tone. "I don't necessarily mind the sensuality."
"Um," Nina bit her lip, pleased and flustered at the same time. "You noticed?"
Angel made a noncommittal grunt, brushing his hand across the paper. He held out the sketch, scrutinizing it and made a couple of adjustments before he seemed satisfied by it. Then he stood up and strolled over to the couch. Nina propped herself up onto her elbow as he knelt next to her. He flipped the pad over and showed her the portrait of herself.
"You're still Nina," Angel whispered, reading her expression as she stared at herself in pencil form. Nina had seen his quick sketches, of demons, of people – all done from memory and in less than ten minutes. She didn't know that his eye for detail extended to nearly perfect lines, curves and shades. She almost forgot for a moment that the figure on the couch was her. Her right hand hung languidly on her full hips, the arm following the dip of her waist and flowed seamlessly into the rise of her breast. Her body was angled just so that it looked like she might spring up from her place at any given moment. Her lips were parted just slightly, her eyes wide and aware on the paper, staring with intensity.
This was a drawing of an intimate, alert creature, almost wild. Nina stretched out her fingers toward the portrait, but didn't come withing centimeters of it. When she turned her eyes back to Angel, he leaned in closely, quickly, capturing her lips with his. The shock of his tongue forcing its way into her mouth reawakened the rush of heat in her center. The taste of blood was faded, replaced by his own unique flavor that was even more tantalizing. The pit of her stomach tightened and she had almost moved against him, but the sound of the sketch pad falling to the floor some feet away interrupted her.
"Relax," Angel coaxed when Nina turned her head away. She felt her nose crinkle and she would have snarled if she hadn't choked it down before it came out. This was too much, she feared. Something in her stretched and made the hairs on her arms stand up. She flexed, considering flight but Angel held her in place, clenching his hands on her shoulders. She snapped her gaze to his eyes, breathing in sharply through her teeth, reacting to his restraint before she realized what she was doing.
"I – I think I'm losing my mind," Nina muttered, her eyes softening to be apologetic. Angel lifted himself to the edge of the couch, pulling her to him.
"You just have to let go," he said gently in contrast to his hold on her. He tilted his head, kissing at her jawline and then over the rapidly pulsing jugular. He winded one arm around her, letting go with his other hand to slide it down her side. When it climbed back up, he used it to tug down the strap of her brassiere to kiss the skin underneath. Nina still breathed hard, fighting with herself. The full moon was behind her, not to mention it was broad daylight – there was no way that she could transform now.
But if she yielded, if she gave into Angel's tempting lips and hands, what would she become? She thought the wolf would be a stationary part of her. That it would only rear its ugly head three days a month, and leave her in peace. Now it seemed to be infecting every part of her, taking control of her senses, imposing its own instinct upon her rationality. It was like fighting nature – she knew very well that these reactions, these feelings, they were hers, in spite of the feral nature. It was exhausting to be so torn.
So she relented to Angel's advances, twisting to find his mouth again. She sat back against the arm of the couch then returned to her previous task of relieving him of his shirt. After the toss of that particular article, she moved deftly to his pants. Graciously, Angel helped her and didn't tell her to slow down. On the contrary, he crept his fingers up her back and unclasped her brassiere, fondling her smooth, naked breasts.
Her own hand slipped between them, following the line in the middle of chest down his stomach. Angel's mouth moved away, allowing her to breath and his face was buried in her hair as her touch moved down past his hips. She felt the swollen muscle through the fabric of his boxers, hardening still against her palm. Angel growled lowly at her caress, not violently, but full of desire. She felt the sound rumble through his chest into hers.
"See?" Angel whispered to her ear. Her own bestial sounds becoming audible when he shoved his hand between her thighs, mirroring her touch. "We're not that different."
Before she could agree and admit that he was right, he was pulling her panties off. In his speed, she would have thought they'd be damaged, but they dropped to the floor intact. A shiver ran through her as he moved her down from the sofa arm to lie beneath him. She watched as he positioned himself between her legs, hands on her hot thighs.
"Don't think," Nina felt his lips move as he swept them across her forehead. Then the touch of his member against her needing mound and with a speed that nearly frightened her, he plunged inside. She yelped, more from surprise than anything else, and her whole body tensed. This wasn't right. Part of her – the part she was most in tune with – adored this, had wanted this. Yet another part of her was confused – flattered, but territorial.
"You can't always be in control," Angel said, holding her to him, almost like a restraint. Indeed, she almost felt like escaping. "The change, the art, even this – you just have to let it happen."
Taking Angel's words to heart, Nina closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She willed her body to relax and when it did, she felt safer. She searched for his mouth as he moved inside her with gentle, kneading thrusts. The beast inside that so threatened her life was awake, aware – but she realized a distinct difference. As she put her arms around Angel, embracing him, feeling his muscles tense and relax, she began to understand what he meant.
It was a freeing sensation. To let go of the restraints she built on the thing inside her. She bent her knees more and let her fingertips trace Angel's spine. She breathed in his changed scent, familiar sandalwood with salt and heat. It made her hungry for more, her insides tightening and burning. Her fingers flexed and her short nails dug into the hard flesh on his shoulder blades. Angel jerked forward, moaning against her jaw.
Without fighting the wolf, without being constantly wary of her actions, her emotions – Nina no longer felt torn in two. She realized that these weren't inhuman wants or animalistic instincts, they were just another part of her, just as Angel had said. She turned her head and caught Angel in another passionate kiss. It felt the tug of something needing to satiated, she could feel it building, making her tingle all over. She braced her knee against the back of the sofa and turned her torso – altogether, she pushed Angel and rolled them off the sofa.
"Nina," Angel gasped as his back hit the floor. Nina smiled and bent down to kiss him sweetly. The confused expression on his face faded when she repositioned herself and sunk back onto him. She rocked her hips, sighing. Angel's hands came to hold her by the hip as she moved. She opened her eyes again and was more than pleased by the sight in front of her. She watched with something akin to amazement as Angel's eyebrows drew inward over his shut eyes, his smirk widening for a second, flashing his teeth.
Nina looked down at his hands on her, his thumbs rolling over the outline of bone. She touched his hands, then his wrists. She slid her hands up his arms, noticing again how the light made him gleam – it was so beautiful. Her hands then roamed his chest, unaware that she was take note of every curve, every line as she moved down his torso.
"Nina," he groaned out when her strokes changed direction. Nina's eyes flickered back to his face – the light made him look so enchanting, so desirable. She lifted her hand to cover his cheek and her thumb pressed against him lips. He kissed at her digit before gripping more tightly on her hips. He began to help guide her, increasing the speed of their making.
Nina splayed her palms against Angel's chest, keeping herself balanced. She matched his movements beneath her, her stomach becoming as tight as the muscles in her thighs. She felt the deep sound resonate in his chest before it came out of his mouth, an indelicate syllable. They each were racing the other for completion. The tingling sensation flooded her, sharpening the feel of Angel inside of her. She tilted her head back and knew the primal sound that was rising in her throat. Angel arched his back, finishing as deeply inside as possible. Wet, hot release flushed Nina, followed by a sweet numbness. And the sound she almost thought about biting back was a strong, delightful moan.
"Angel," she half-way whispered, sliding her eyes shut. His hands let go of her hips, climbing up to her back and pulled her down on top of him. She sighed at the feel of his fingers in her hair as he kissed her. She opened her eyes again and smiled widely at the satisfied expression on his face. The light caught his eyes, brightening them. She put her hands on the floor, lifting herself up to better study him.
"Hm?" He sounded, as Nina's eyes roved his naked figure. She grinned suddenly and dipped down to briefly kiss him once more. Against his lips, she whispered, "Perfect."
"What?" Angel said as she got to her feet. Nina scooped up the pencil and sketchpad and set herself down in Angel's usual chair. She flipped to a blank page and balanced the pad on her knee. She looked at him again – lying there on the floor, his knee bent, hair tousled. And she began to draw.
"When was the last time you were the subject?" Nina repeated his question from earlier, to which Angel laughed. "And don't move."
"It's been a very long time, Nina."
"Just relax." Nina said, feeling once again like her hand, the pencil and the paper were in perfect sync again. Angel sighed and settled into the position.
"Inspiration's back?"
Nina smiled, looking over the pad for a moment to lock eyes with Angel. He mirrored her smile and she appreciated when he held even after she turned her attention back to the sketch. The side of her finger moved, smudging gently.
"Well, you did promise."