All I could think about was Gray.

His smile, his laugh. He's perfect to me… but I'm not to him… He doesn't want me.. Where did I go wrong?

Don't I have sleeping pills stored somewhere? There it is.

Take just two… it read… who gives a damn about what it reads? Not me, that's for sure. Maybe I should just die already… why am I still here, anyway? What's my purpose of living? If he doesn't want me… well… everyone's been trying to cheer me up.

I didn't even know what I did.

But he left me, for her.

She tricked him. Poisoned his mind, I know that. Because I didn't do anything. We never fought, not until that night, when she just spoke to him, she was so jealous of us that she did it. He confronted me then.

"You cheated on me?!"

"No!"

"I don't believe you." He said. It hurt so much, I thought he trusted me…

"I'm telling the truth, you have to believe me, Gray!" I pleaded. "Where would you even get such a horrible idea! I-"

"Don't lie!" He hollered. "Juvia told me, and I know she'd never lie."

That witch.

"She's lying!" I reasoned. "She's just SO jealous of us that-"

"Stop it! She'd never do that! You know what? I'm leaving."

He left, I was alone.

He wished he didn't save me all of those countless of times….

He wished he let me die… so just let me die then…

"There's always cutting." I muttered.

Then I remembered.

I let one last tear trickle down my cheek, as I pressed the blade onto my wrist.

For a moment, I couldn't feel anything. Nothing, just emptiness. Several more tears escaped my eyes and fell to the floor with a splash. I let the blade slip away from my hand and plummet to the ground with a clash. The metal blade met the cold stone floor with a ringing sensation that echoed through my ears.

I had failed, yet another time. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even cut away the pain, the pain I deserved so very much. Why was the universe denying this from me?

Then it hit me, all at once. First the fire sensation riveting through my wrist, it hurt, it ached, it burned as I held back a scream. Then a new blaze scorched and seared through my body. The torment didn't seize my body this time, a different vibe replaced the old discomfort, a new thrill that sent my body into a frenzy and the adrenaline rushing.

I stared at it, a drop of blood smudged its way down to the palm of my hand and dripped onto the floor. Several more took its place. My eyes were now clouded with tears, unable to fall, I swiped away the tears with my now-empty right hand and stared down at the mess of my left hand.

Blood now oozed from the slit and formed a pool of crimson-red liquid at the base of my knees. I quickly grabbed a cloth from the nearby chair and pressed it against my sweltering, hot skin.

The initial touch of the cloth irritated the wound and I cringed in discomfort. I pushed back the tears willing to fall and bit my top teeth down on my bottom lip as I increased the pressure on the wound.

It hurt.

I sighed, it was the one thing I couldn't handle.

Pain.

I opened the bottle.

He hates me, he's said it countless of times. "Well then.." I said. "Then it's one for every time he said he hated me."

He glares at me every time he sees me.

"And one for every time he glared at me." I said.

There were so many in my hand, I didn't even know I had grabbed this many, so much hate… so many glares… so much love for him and her…

They had gotten together over the Summer. I was devastated. How could he have gotten over me so quickly? I couldn't even cry anymore, because that would show how much I missed him. And I couldn't let him see that. Because they would just laugh at m like I was pathetic, maybe Gray wouldn't, maybe he'd feel sorry for me… but Juvia would…

I still remember what she told me when they started dating.

"Gray-sama, is Juvia's now… got it? Juvia doesn't want you anywhere near Gray-sama."

"Bitch," I said. "You told gray that I cheated on him… didn't you!"

She laughed. "Yes, Lucy-san. But you can't ever tell him that… or Juvia just might tell everyone that you just lied… and we both know that everyone trusts Juvia more than Lucy-san!"

So….

What's my purpose of living now?

I don't get it… why didn't God just let me die?

Well if he won't make me die… I'll just die!

I'll commit suicide… for Gray. He doesn't want to see me anymore, so he wouldn't even care, so I'll just die… but no one will care, that's the way I want it. I want everyone to be happy… but… just without me…

"See you in the nice life… Gray… I'm sure we'll be together then!"

I swallowed.

Hard.

Then the started spinning round, and I collapsed.

Then everything went dark.

And she never woke up.

Sigh… suicide… I hate it. Just saying, but you should never commit suicide. Ahem… - I KILLED LUCY! NO! – Sigh… I didn't want to, but that's just how it turned out.

I hate myself.

HOW could I kill Lucy?! Nevermind, please don't hate me for killing Lucy! To be honest, Lucy should've just gotten over Gray and lived her life… maybe she would've met another man! Though I'd love it if Lucy had gotten revenge on Juvia! For some reason, I HATE Juvia, she is like, SO annoying!

So anyway, PLEASE review! It's the reason for my existence! It's the reason that I'm gonna make Juvia pay! Damn bitch... I'm gonna make you pay for seperating Gray and Lucy... if you didn't... LUCY WOULD BE ALIVE!