Rating: PG-13
Summary: Parody of 'Light My Candle'. It's positively riddled with inside jokes, just so you know. I'm not sure what has posessed me to post this. It's probably boredom.
Bad taste, bad taste, react as you must. Reviews and flames alike welcomed.
Do My Laundry
(Almost-love scene. Mark turns and Roger snatches keys from his back pocket. Mark leaves and Roger waits patiently.)
Mimi: (knocks thrice)
Roger: (mock sighs)
What'd you forget?
Mimi: (is coy and strangely fat)
Got some tide?
Roger: (is a struggling artist and recoils in disgust and fear)
I know you, you're – you're revolting
Mimi: (shrugs)
It's nothing, I need detergent
But I thought that it wasn't urgent
Would you do my laundry?
What are you staring at?
Roger: Nothing, your grime in the moonlight
You look unworthy
(hands her his shirt)
Can you take it?
Mimi: (looks dubious)
Just haven't cleaned much today
But now I've work to do anyway - what?
Roger: Nothing. Your style reminded me of-
Mimi: I always remind people of – who is she?
Roger: She's fired, her name Starch
Mimi: Wow, I'm parched! Sorry 'bout your Lark
Would you do my laundry?
Roger: (is slightly annoyed)
Well?
Mimi: (is trying to be seductive)
Yeah? OUCH!
Roger: (hides glee)
Oh the soap! It's-
Mimi: -painted, not tainted. I like it between my-
Roger: (is insanely fearful)
–toes! I supposed! Oh well, good night.
Mimi: (walks away with hip sashaying and knocks thrice again)
Roger: (is seriously aggravated)
You ran out again?
Mimi: No, I think that I dropped my keys
Roger: I know I've seen you out and about, when I used to go out
(looks pointedly at soap)
Your soap is out
Mimi: (is totally frustrated)
Ugh, I'm willin' to pay to get those damnéd keys back.
My car is black, plus the fact is phat
Roger: Fat?
Mimi: (is on hands and knees "searching for keys")
They say that I have the best ass below fourteenth street
Is it true?
Roger: ('s mouth is agape with frank shock)
What?
Mimi: (is pleased)
You're staring again
Roger: (is flustered and trying to be nice)
Oh no, I mean you do have a nice, I mean-
(remembers himself)
You look so dirty
Mimi: Like your ex-employee
Roger: Only when you crawl
But I think I saw you once last fall
Mimi: Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club
That's where I work, I dance
Now help me look!
Roger: (is shuddering)
Yes, they used to tie you up
Mimi: (is less indignant than she should be)
It's a living
Roger: (is mocking)
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs
Mimi: (reverts back to old ways)
We could do the laundry
Oh won't you do the laundry?
Roger: (refers to car and overweight!Mimi)
Why don't you forget that plot?
I think that you should walk
Mimi: (looks squarely at non-existant Roger!flub)
You're one to talk!
My P.O.E.s (Place of Employment) too damn far
I really need that car
Roger: I once owned a Corvette. I used to have thighs like that
Mimi: (is more indignant about weight than stripping)
I figured that's what you'd say
Roger: I used to sweat
Mimi: I got a cold!
Roger: (is now completely righteous)
Uh huh, I doubt for flab
Mimi: They like a little cushion
Roger: Uh huh
Mimi: For the pushin'
Roger: (is hopeful)
Oh here it-
Mimi: (is equally hopeful)
What's that?
Roger: (is Stef (i.e. emo and has hair in his left eye))
It's a candy-bar wrapper
Mimi: We could do the laundry
Oh please let's do the laundry!
Roger: That was my last cup
Mimi: I'll have to adjust, thank God for the moon
Roger: What the hell are you saying? I thought that you came here for soap
Mimi: Bah hum bug, bah humbug
Stubby hands
Roger: (glares)
Yours too
Mimi: Big… like my father's
Do you wanna dance?
Roger: (is WTFing)
With you?
Mimi: (scoffs and twirls)
No, with my father
Roger: (would prefer that alternative)
I'm gay
Mimi: No effing way
(snags Mark's keys from the beginning of the scene)
No one who wears plaid so happily can be gay
Roger: ('dot-dot-dot's)
Mimi: (walks out)
Roger: (continues to wait patiently for his (boy toy) roommate's return)
Mark: (returns and squeals)
You wore the clothes I asked you to? You're so sweet! And blatantly gay.
Roger and Mark: (have hot, rampant man-sex)
Scene: (ends)