"Abel It Should've Been Her" is burned on your brain from the windows of your car – and sometimes when the nights are very, very dark and there is nothing new to add to your desktop and the residents of Neptune seem almost normal, you are apt to agree.
Hundreds of people would have turned up for your funeral – not all of them would remember you very well, but the daughter of a Sheriff would always get a good turnout in a town this small. Lilly would want to sit in the front row and before most of the mourners arrived she would pull Logan up into a reserved seat, your dad would just nod at her sadly as she smiled back with pouty lips pressed close together.
It wouldn't really matter where anybody sat, he would think. It wouldn't bring you back if Lilly stuck to the arranged seating plan. She would say a few words about you and the stories would be almost appropriate – all about your PG-13 fabulousness – she would finish by telling everyone that you are one of her favorite people. If you could see them then Logan and Duncan would be nodding in tandem.
Although he would have broken up with you two weeks before it happened Duncan would fall into the role of the boyfriend anyway – only your Dad (who saw you crying in the bathroom the weekend before) would be careful to say 'ex'. It would afford Duncan a lot of grief and an explanation for the new bottle of antidepressants on his kitchen counter.
Logan would not be so lucky because there is only so much public grief you can show for a girl you were not dating – and he has so much more than that inside of him for you. He's been a little in love with you since he was twelve (like a lot of people have) and although he would still love Lilly she would end up breaking up with him when it got too hard for her.
She would say that she was "totally mourned" but then more and more different guys would arrive in her pool house during the weekend. And Logan would just stop visiting Duncan at home.
Lilly will still shine alright, but your death would leave her a little tarnished. Just like the rest of them, all three of the remaining fab four would be part of the 09ers, they would still be beautiful and rich but they would not be bound as closely as if you were there.
They certainly would not become closer without you as the sticky, sweet buffer between them all. Nowadays people (including yourself) think of Lilly as the glue that held you four together – but you all played important parts and no matter who left you would have all ended up detached and fraying.
Your mother would still leave your father though. Celeste Kane would still hate you a little, but your parentage would not be an issue anymore - outside of blackmail. Lilly would be louder than ever before and eventually Logan would join her – the two of them ruling the 09ers loud and obnoxiously, afraid that if they clung to anything real it would slip away like you did.
Duncan wouldn't know how he was allowed to remember you.
The memorial services would not be as flashy, they would not be so commercial, but they would be just as important to Neptune High.
You would have gone out loved, not raped. And wanted, not hated. You wouldn't have had to deal with any fake smiles and the idea that who you were dating could really redeem you.
Yes, the cold, white letters imprinted in jealous hand across your car are still burned in your memory – but you only let yourself think about it on the dark, dark nights and the counterfeit days.