The first time he swore in front of a television camera, Logan was nine. Once they were past the red carpet and inside, Aaron promptly took him to the bathroom and backhanded him across the face. When they came out Logan had a bloody nose and Aaron told everyone he had fallen down. "None of your mother's grace," he had laughed with one hand clapped down firmly on Logan's shoulder.
Lynn stood to the side, a hand daintily on Aaron's arm and a tight smile in the corners of her mouth. Logan was sent to the car and spent the rest of the night trying to break into the mini bar while the driver watched him through the divide.
"This is Logan with your inspirational message. 'In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down.' Brian Weir. Leave a message after the beep."
--
Santa Clause doesn't exist.
The Tooth Fairy doesn't exist.
The Easter Bunny doesn't exist.
Cider tastes like fizzy apple juice.
--
To the tune of Jingle Bells:
Duncan Kane, Duncan Kane, Duncan Kane is gay
He's the gayest lord in the bastard squad
Oh, Duncan Kane is gay
Duncan and his friends
Together they are gay
Duncan, Logan, Dick
Run around all day
The gayest one of all
He owns a Barbie doll
He's the subject of our song
And we'll sing it all day long
Duncan Kane, Duncan Kane, Duncan Kane is gay
He's the gayest lord in the bastard squad
Oh, Duncan Kane is gay
Logan gets suspended the Christmas right before he turns fourteen. Another boy spends a good bit of winter vacation having his nose put back together and Duncan does not receive a doll of any kind when December 25th rolls around.
--
Dick used to pass notes to Logan in history. He would tear scraps from his notebook and cover them in matters of vital importance before sliding the paper across to the other boy.
Mr. Stevens is such a dick.
Only cause he doesn't have one.
He's a total fag.
Mrs. Stevens looks like a drag queen.
That's cause she's a dude. Imagine if her real name was Steven!
What the fuck?
Cause his/her last name is Stevens.
You're not funny.
Whatever, Stevens is still a dick.
--
hey dood, u goin 2 shelys 2nite?
yea. fucking need a goodnite!
u drivin? coud u gimme a ride
sure. c u l8r. 9?
thx!
Logan doesn't really remember leaving Shelly Pomeroy's party the December after Lilly died. He remembers a girl -- a brunette, tall, stupid -- someone utterly unlike Lilly, and he remembers giving Duncan a cup of liquid poison to make him feel better. He doesn't remember how Dick got home, he doesn't remember fucking the girl but he's sure he did.
Veronica turned up and got wasted, that he remembers. They used to be friends but he didn't even think of her when he drove home over the limit to fuck a girl who didn't look like Lilly.
--
"Logan, are there problems at home?"
"Why what makes you say that, Rebecca?"
"Ms. James."
"Of course."
"Logan, you seem... detached. You've been late to a lot of your classes, getting into fights, detention. Is there anything you would like to talk about?"
"My girlfriend just died, what do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything. Logan, this session is for your benefit. To help you deal with what happened to Lilly."
"What happened to Lilly? SOMEONE did that. A fucking ashtray to the head doesn't just HAPPEN. Whatever."
"All right, okay. I realize you're upset but we need to handle this in a mature way, Logan. There's no need for vulgar language."
"Yes, let's not make this vulgar. I mean we're only talking about my girlfriend being MURDERED. What the hell's vulgar about THAT?"
"Okay, Logan. Do you want to go back to class?"
"Yes."
--
Celeste flew Duncan away for vacation the summer before junior year. Logan spent most of his time taking to Dick online or bumming beer off the crazy janitor, Lucky. He surfed once during the whole summer, his board gathering dust.
easyrider: Caitlyn?
bigDick: ... 6?
easyrider: Whatever. Shells?
bigDick: top choic e seven.
easyrider: Fickle, man. who gets 10?
bigDick: Your mom. ha!
easyrider: Shut the fuck up.
bigDick: She's HOT!
easyrider has signed off at 22:53.
Sometimes he would just drive round and round and round Neptune. Anywhere really. He would pull out onto the PCH and just drive until he was about to run out of gas. Logan really wished he was getting 'Baked in Ensenada' rather than 'Fucked Over in Neptune'.
--
A large print of Dali's The Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory sits against the wall in one of the upstairs studies. Logan doesn't understand why because they have at least two originals in storage. He doesn't see the point in them.
The thing is, everything in the picture is melting apart from these weird prison-like grids, and Logan thinks Dali must have been pretty fucked up. A lot of the time now, though, he feels like he's stuck under that block of floating bricks, clinging to the hand of a melting clock.
Logan wonders if Dali had a Lilly. He doesn't know anything about Dali though, except that he paints melting clocks and has some famous picture about jerking off. He only remembers it because the stupid painting once got him detention for laughing and making hand gestures behind Duncan's back on a field trip.
--
Mr. Echolls,
I write to you on behalf of the counseling department at Neptune High. We have had scheduled sessions with Logan for a number of months now and it is my opinion that Logan is experiencing trouble adjusting after his mother's recent death. He has become further withdrawn and is lashing out at his peers and teachers. I would request that you arrange an appointment with myself to allow us to further discuss how we can help Logan through this difficult time.
You can reach me at extension 2145.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rebecca James.
"Logan. 'We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.' Martin Luther King. Leave it after the tone."
--
Dear, Veronica
Fuck.
Veronica, I'm sorry Duncan ra
Fuck.
Veronica. I'm sorry I drugged Duncan. I'm sorry I licked salt off your neck. I'm sorry I spilled a drink down your dress on purpose. I'm sorry I helped write on your car. I'm sorry I left you
Fuck.
Veronica. I'm sorry.
Fuck.
There are better things to do with a physics notebook but Logan still ends up with page after page of heartfelt, hopeless chicken scrawl screwed up into little balls all around his desk.
--
"You've reached Logan with today's inspirational greeting. 'When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that is it still an evil.' Max Lerner. Leave a message."