A/N: For those of you who have read my other stories, this is of a similar vein, only told from Dr. Clarkson's point of view. It has also been adjusted to incorporate events from the second series, which I finally saw a few days ago. With that in mind, later chapters will contain spoilers form the second series. Anyway, enjoy!
John Clarkson surveyed his marital bedroom and as he did so, the clatter his wife was making in the kitchen became dim and distant. The sheets were clearly rumpled and the pillows had been strewn across the floor. Also on the floor was a man's white undershirt, which was decidedly not his. Kneeling to examine the shirt, Dr. Clarkson was somehow unsurprised to see it was decorated in lipstick stains of the same shade his wife wore. In short, the room told the messy tale of a debauched romp. Since Constance hated mess and disorder, John could only conclude she had deliberately left the room in this state in order to provoke some kind of response.
He was definitely having some variety of response, but was momentarily baffled as to its exact nature. John was used to examining symptoms and evaluating them in order to come to a rational conclusion. This way of thinking was so ingrained in him that he unconsciously identified his own symptoms before evaluating his emotional response. Heart rate, normal, facial expression, minimal, stance, neutral. Prognosis: apathy. John Clarkson was surprised to acknowledge that the discovery that his wife, the mother of his children, was having an affair did not affect him. He felt no anger, disappointment or regret. Goodness knows he had been unfaithful often enough himself not to begrudge her whatever pleasure she was gaining from a good old fashioned sordid affair. Granted, he had not been so blatant about his own affairs, had not flaunted his infidelities. He had considered Constance's feelings in that at least. If anything hurt it was that she had not considered his.
John sighed, knowing even that accusation would be construed as hypocritical. He had gone into their marriage knowing it would be a sham and Constance had only just caught up. He deserved every form of petty revenge she could devise and more. What's more, he was resolved to take it without complaint and lay no blame at his wife's door. Their situation was completely his fault.
Dr. Clarkson was wearing a mourning band for Constance when he first visited the Crawley's manor house. He felt fortunate, yet entirely undeserving for obtaining a promotion of this kind and being able to move to such an idyllic place. A place where he could theoretically forget the complete mess he'd made in Whitby. Theoretically he could also forget the daughter who was currently not speaking to him and the sons who now had trouble looking him in the eye. Except for Nathan, who was too understanding for his own good, but John wouldn't set him at odds with his siblings if he could help it. No, it was best to remove the cause of their disagreements. Theoretically, that was. John sighed. He knew all these well reasoned theories would fail to pan out in real life. The point was that his moving had given him a temporary respite from an unbearable situation.
The door was opened with an efficient, almost robotic swish by an immaculately dressed footman. Dr. Clarkson's breath almost caught in his throat and he was disgusted with himself. Really, those kinds of reactions to other men had started most of his troubles. Still, the tall young man with the pale face and darkly defined eyebrows that framed deep eyes was most attractive. It was then that John began to rationalise his initial attraction. It was most inappropriate to harbour feelings for the staff of someone who was effectively your employer. What's more how old could the footman who was the focus of his sudden internal struggle be? Surely he could not be much older than his youngest son? That thought certainly took the wind out of Dr. Clarkson's sails. He put the thought out of his mind and remembered to be nervous about the upcoming meeting, as the anonymous yet attractive footman led him to the library in order to meet Lord Grantham.