"It's such a nice day for a walk in National Park," Ash said, while looking at the tight bushes and big trees surrounding the thirty year old man from Pallet Town and his youth friend Misty.
"It sure is, I really needed this day off!" Misty said. "My sisters only give me one day off per year, and only because I went on strike last year."
"I missed you so much, Misty!" he said.
"I still don't understand why we're spending the day here..." she answered. "Sure, with the Magnet Train in Saffron, the trip doesn't take much time, but why did you want to go to this specific place? You're not taking part in the Bug Catching Contest, are you?"
"Don't worry, the Bug Catching Contest is taking place in three days, not today," he said. "And why we're here? That's super secret stuff. You'll see."
However, even if the Bug Catching Contest wasn't taking place, there were still various Bug Pokemon crawling and flying around the park. And so, a green caterpillar started humping Misty's leg. "Caaaaaa!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" Misty screamed, while kicking the Caterpie away with her other leg, and then smacking it with her mallet.
"Hey Misty, be careful! You're hurting that Caterpie!" Ash protested, but it was already too late. The green Pokemon was blasting off again, faster than Team Rocket ever could.
Before Misty could protest, a flock of red-greenish dragonflies hovered close to the Cerulean City Gym Leader. "Yan Yan!"
"Hey, a flock of Yanma! Maybe I can catch one!" Ash said, while Pikachu jumped off his shoulder to fight. However, before the yellow mouse could even think about firing a Thunderbolt, the feisty redhead scared the flock of Yanma away by swinging around with her mallet.
"Ash, can we please just go? I hate this place!" Misty snapped.
"But Misty, I have a..." Ash muttered. But before he could finish his sentence, a purple moth-like Pokemon started hovering close to the two Trainers.
When Misty was about to get her mallet ready, Pikachu jumped protectively in front of Misty, waving the ketchup bottle he held in his hands. Then, he scared the Venomoth away by squirting some of the delicious red stuff at its wings faster than a Thunderbolt ever could've been. While the Bug Pokemon quickly flew away, tears started flowing from Pikachu's eyes. Why did he have to waste that ketchup if he could've eaten it instead? Only because of a stupid moth bothering his Trainer's best friend? "Pikapi..."
"Thanks, Pikachu!" Misty said. "When we're out of this shithole, I'll buy you a new bottle of ketchup to thank you!"
"Pi Pikachu!" he cheered, before hopping back on his Trainer's shoulder.
Then, the two walked onwards, looking for the fountain in the middle of the park. Ash told his friend there were really rare Pokemon there that weren't bugs. But all they could find was a purple-haired man wearing green shorts and a green shirt.
"Hey Bugsy, nice to see you again!" Ash said, while running at the Gym Leader from Azalea Town. The two battled back in 2000, seventeen years ago.
"Ash? Ugh, that smell! What's that appalling smell?" Bugsy asked.
"I don't know," the raven-haired man from Pallet Town said.
"Bugsy, those are his underpants," Misty said. "He still wears the same boxershort he put on the day he left Pallet Town twenty years ago."
"Why aren't you disgusted?" Bugsy asked.
"Well, I don't like it either, but I'm used to it. I've travelled with him for five years, I've gotten so used to the stench that I don't notice it anymore," Misty said.
"Oh wow, I feel so bad for you..." Bugsy said.
Then, Ash interrupted the two Gym Leaders. "Hey Bugsy, instead of talking shit about my underwear, how about a battle?"
"Fine, let's both use two Pokemon," the Azalea Town Gym Leader agreed, while hurling a Poke Ball in the air. "Spot, I choose you!"
While a Ledyba hovered around the fountain, Ash decided to use his Charizard. Fire Pokemon would always beat a bug, he thought.
"Ash, Bugsy, could you two please just battle somewhere else without those stupid bugs?" Misty begged.
"But Misty, Bug Pokemon are amazing!" the purple-haired man said, while his Ledyba started cuddling up to Misty.
"EEEEKKK! Get that thing away from me!" she screamed, causing the Ledyba to fly back to Bugsy in tears, much to Ash's and Charizard's laughter.
"It's okay, Spot! That girl is such a big dumb meanie, she just doesn't realize what an amazing Pokemon you are," Bugsy said, while petting his ladybug Pokemon.
"But Misty, I thought you liked Ledyba! When we were in Johto in 2000, you said you weren't scared of it!" Ash teased.
"Yeah, they're fine when looking at them from a distance! But I don't want that thing anywhere near me!" Misty snapped.
Then, Ash and his opponent started the battle. "This should be easy! That Pokemon cries when Misty is mean to him, we'll see what happens when Charizard scares him!" Ash thought.
However, Spot struck the big dragon with a Thunderpunch, smacking the Fire Pokemon into the fountain. The electric current surrounding Charizard after the attack caused an explosion, since water conducts electricity. The bang caused even more water from the fountain to splash on him. And so, Ash's strongest Pokemon collapsed after just one hit.
"What? This can't be..." Ash murmured, while returning the Pokemon to his Poke Ball. Then, Pikachu handed his half-empty ketchup bottle to Misty, so she could take care of it while the yellow mouse was busy battling.
"Pikachu, you rock, woohoo! Beat the fuck out of that gross, disgusting piece of flying shit!" Misty cheered.
However, Pikachu didn't need to even use one attack to end the battle with Spot. The Ledyba quickly hovered back to Bugsy with tears streaming from his eyes faster than even the heaviest downpour.
"Aww, Spot! That dumb bitch just can't appreciate how amazing you are! You don't have to battle anymore with her around!" Bugsy comforted his Pokemon. Then, he put the Ledyba back into his Poke Ball and chose another Pokemon.
"Go, Willy!" Bugsy shouted. A green, cocoon-like Pokemon emerged from his Poke Ball.
"Willy? You seriously nicknamed that piece of junk Willy?" Misty asked, unable to hide her laughter.
"Why not? Don't you think it's the funniest nickname anyone ever gave their Pokemon?" Bugsy asked.
"Um... Oh yeah, that's so original, I bet nobody has ever done that before!" Misty teased.
Meanwhile, the Metapod had to listen to the same conversation over and over again. Every time Bugsy battled someone, he would have to listen to this conversation. Why did he have to suffer the horrible fate of being named Willy? Why did his Trainer have to be such an immature prankster?
Then, Bugsy decided to ignore Misty and focus on the battle instead. "Willy, use Harden!"
"Harden? Willy and Harden? That's such a lame pun!" Misty laughed.
Then, the Willy in Ash's trousers also started to use Harden. Oh, Misty teasing and bickering, nothing was hotter than that, even though he did not understand why Willy was such a funny name. Oh well, he could always ask her after the battle.
"Harden won't protect you from this! Pikachu, Thunder!" Ash shouted, quickly weakening the slow cocoon.
"Willy, no! I guess you just weren't hard enough..." Bugsy softly said, under the impression his Pokemon was done for. However, the cocoon started glowing and was torn apart. Then, a beautiful butterfly flew out of it.
"Oh wow, now Willy isn't a Willy anymore!" Misty teased.
"Why not? He's still named Willy..." Ash asked. Why did Misty keep making these weird remarks about Willy's name?
"Ash, you're thirty years old! You should get this stuff!" Misty said. "Didn't Brock talk to you about love and sex fifteen years ago?"
"Yes, he did, but the name Willy was never mentioned in that conversation," Ash defended himself. "How am I supposed to know these things?"
Then, Bugsy knew what to do. "Willy, since you're no longer shaped like a willy, that name won't fit you anymore. So from now on, your name will be Will," he decided.
"Free Free!" the happy butterfly squealed. He finally got rid of his horrible nickname. Every time he battled challengers at the Gym, they would laugh at him. Now, those days were finally over.
When the Azalea Town Gym Leader thought about ways to destroy that yellow rat, he saw how Pikachu stared at the bottle of ketchup in Misty's hands.
"So Pikachu likes ketchup?" Will thought. "I like ketchup too!"
And so, the butterfly used his psychic powers to transport the bottle out of Misty's hands and squirted all the ketchup in his own mouth. Pikachu saw his biggest nightmare coming true. That was HIS ketchup, not Butterfree's! The tears started streaming down his cheeks even faster than Spot's tears when Misty was being a total bitch.
"That was hilarious, Will!" Bugsy said. "This is our chance! Pikachu isn't focused anymore. Let's finish this with a Psybeam!"
A colourful beam was shot at the ketchup-craving mouse, who didn't have the power to battle anymore. With his power food being gone and Will's Psybeam being strengthened by it, the blow was just too much for Pikachu.
"Pikachu, no!" Ash cried. He grabbed the yellow Pokemon and held him in his arms. "Are you okay?"
"Pika..." the Pokemon cried, while softly licking his trainer. Then, he fell into a deep slumber.
Then, Bugsy walked up to Ash. "This is the weirdest battle I've ever had. But I can't deny it was really, really fun! And thanks to you, my Metapod evolved. To thank you, here's a bottle of ketchup for your Pikachu!"
Pikachu instantly woke up from his slumber, grabbed the bottle and was no longer in pain.
"Glad to see your Pikachu's okay again. Sorry that Willy, um, I mean Will, had to torture him so much, but you can't deny it was the best strategy ever!"
"No problem, you did the best you could," Ash said.
"True. I'll be going back to the Gym now, Will is ready to beat the fuck out of all those noobs who don't know shit about Bug Pokemon!" Bugsy said.
When he walked away, his Butterfree squealed at Pikachu, apologising for what happened to the ketchup bottle. "Free!"
"Bye," Ash said, while Pikachu swore to never forgive Will for what he did to HIS ketchup.
Finally, Bugsy was gone, so now, our heroes finally had a private moment to talk near the fountain.
"Hey Misty, could you please explain something to me? I still don't get it," Ash said.
"Don't get what?" Misty asked.
"I still don't understand what's so funny about the name Willy," he wondered.
"Well, Willy is what some people call a penis," she explained.
"And why is it so funny to give that name to a Metapod? I really don't get this shit..."
"Because Metapod uses Harden and it's shaped like a penis."
"So a willy means a penis? Then I have a hard willy! What does that mean?"
"Oh my god, Ash! That's not funny!"
"Funny? I'm serious, I have a hard willy!"
"Really? But we didn't see any girls for an hour, so it can't be some hot girl. And besides, you're not like Brock!"
"It's not because of another girl. I have a hard willy... Because of you!" he blurted out.
"What, really? It's not the most romantic way of hearing it, but I've been waiting for this day for twenty years!" she cried, just before she grabbed him and shoved her tongue in his mouth.
Then, the two quickly undressed each other. Then, after Misty played around with Ash's hard willy, the two started performing the act Brock always knew they would perform someday.
Just before Ash's willy entered the part Misty wanted him to put it in for twenty years, he decided to kill the mood. "Misty, Bug Pokemon brought us together. You've got to admit bugs aren't that bad after all!"
"They still are! Fuck bugs!" Misty snapped. But nothing could kill the mood for her, as it was the day of her dreams.
To give his trainer and Misty some much-needed privacy, Pikachu decided to take a walk through the park, where he saw a familiar face. It was Will the Butterfree, who carried a ketchup bottle with him by using his Psychic.
"Pika Pika!" the electric mouse screamed, meaning "KETCHUP! MINE!"
And so, Will explained that he wanted to apologise for what happened during the battle, by giving Pikachu this bottle.
"Pikapi!" Pikachu said. "Bugs aren't so bad after all!" he meant.
Before flying away to follow Bugsy, Butterfree nodded. "Free!"