(pre) Authors Note:Until now I have been strictly writing in the Castle Fandom. So I'm excited to say that this is my first ever Rizzoli & Isles Fic, and I'm having a blast writing it. I hope you enjoy it also.
Memories came in waves. An undertow of flashbacks pulling her under, lungs begging for oxygen, heart beating, racing, a pulse so strong and hard it was able to be felt from fingertips weakly wrapped around the cold trigger of her gun. Jane Rizzoli sat, knees against her chest. Pressed hopelessly against the chilled metal of her island kitchen cabinet, she swallowed hard the spit of a dry mouth and raised the gun held between shaky fingers.
It was real for her. He was there, somewhere, hidden and ready to finish what the doctors had intercepted; her death. She was reminded of the perfectly round patch of scar tissue in the pulpy flesh of her palm. She raised her shaky hand, and let the pads of her fingertips run across the tight, slightly rough patch of skin. Her arm erect with a pointed, but not aimed gun, fell to the floor; and the weapon slid from forgotten fingers. Her body fell limp, throwing out her arm to catch her collapsing body, then slowly lowering it fully to the chilling tile floor. Knees being brought closer to her chest, tears started, without an end in sight. Silently she lay there with droplets of salty wet liquid, pulled by gravity down, and across the side of her face. They fell slowly at first, then all at once, leaving a glossy trail she had no desire to dry up. She couldn't see, but she knew there was a small puddle of tears between the floor and her face.
Seconds became minutes, and minutes turned into hours. Hours; she laid there for hours, helpless and without the strength to move, having to remind herself to breathe, but only managing short sharp breaths. The salty line across her face had dried up and was now pulling her skin taunt. She was convinced there was no humanly possible way her body could shed another tear.
The sound of four bony knuckles taping on wood broke the silence. Jane's body found a inhumanly amount of strength, and sprung to action. Her hands scattered to find the gun lying on the ground, and again pressed herself against the metal of her island cabinet. The memories started flowing; laying hopeless in his basement; crucified with scalpels into the well worn wood of his floor; sharp burning in the center of her palm; the warm trickle of blood slowly racing down the length of her arm. She still remembers; everything.
Jane was so mentally paralyzed she hadn't heard that the person who was at her door was now walking through her apartment. Long soft strides tapped against the floor. This person, this intruder, walked so knowingly through all the rooms of her apartment. Every possible bad scenario flowed through her head. They started speaking, calling something; something so familiar yet so distant. Her breathing was fast and erratic, eyes frozen in a wide open and dried out state, unblinking. Jane was torn. She wanted so badly to be the amazing cop that she was and stand up to put whoever was walking so knowingly through her apartment in their place, the scary half, wanted to just stay there and let them finish her off, and put a bullet through her brain; a scalpel through her heart, anything other than what she has been feeling would be better. If the bullet would just stop her heart and steal her last breath, she would be willing to fathom the few seconds of excruciating pain for the peace that would be her eternity.
The strides were getting closer and louder an accented click more prominent. But Jane couldn't hear over the ringing white noise in her ears. They stepped around the corner with a careful stride, rolling their foot from the end click of their heels to the tips of their toes.
The pieces of her body that had once felt as if they were floating away from each other collided back into place, and Jane's cop reflex took over. She instinctively turned and pointed her gun at the woman standing next to her.
"Ja— oh my god, Jane, it's me, Maura!" She jumped back and threw her arms up in instinctive mercy. "Jane. Jane what's the matter? what's happening? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" the doctor slowly lowered herself to the ground; her voice leaking concern. She was not prepared for what she was about to see. Jane Rizzoli crumbled, shattered into a million scared and vulnerable pieces. Maura reached out slowly and wrapped both hands around the gun, gently pulling it from her fingers, then sliding it across the floor as far away as from Jane as she could. Her heart broke seeing her best friend so hurt, so scared, that it nearly scared her. Maura always believed that Jane Rizzoli was scared of absolutely nothing, nothing at all had frightened this tough as nails, thick skinned detective. Maura soon realized she had been wrong all along. What she saw, what Jane allowed her to see during the day, was not the same person when Jane was left to herself and her broken mind. She was at a loss for what to do other than to hold Jane. Maura sprung forward startling Jane, and wrapped her arms around Jane's stiff body, pulling Jane into her tight and protective embrace.When it registered with Jane what she was doing, she broke even more. Tears falling again mercilessly down her face, dampening the collar on what was most certainly a designer shirt. "Jane. Jane. It's okay. I'm here for you. I'm not leaving you. I'm right here" Maura's quiet feminine voice soothed her. Jane's arms snaked around Maura's back, grabbing ahold of her shirt; as if for dear life. The doctor rocked her from side to side whispering short soft words of comfort against her ear. They sat like this for what seemed like forever; Jane's face nuzzled into Maura's neck, Maura's arms wrapped unrelenting around Jane until the sobs had turned into silent tears. Maura slowly pulled away and felt Jane tighten the persistent death grip she had on Maura's shirt.
"Hold me Maura" Jane whispered almost too soft to be heard.
"I am. I will," Maura assured and pulled away from her again. Jane let go of her shirt with much resistance. Maura stood up and Jane looked at her with hurt and teary eyes. It shattered Maura's already broken heart, but she continued to lean down and slide one arm under Jane's knees and the other behind her back to pick her up. "I just want to get you off this cold hard floor," Maura continued with a forced smile. Jane instinctively wrapped her arms around Maura's neck and pressed her face against Maura's chest. She walked over towards the couch and set Jane down as if she were glass. Jane instantly missed the warmth. Maura herself sat next to Jane in a way only like Maura would; feather like. She started reaching for a blanket at an attempt to fight December's bitter cold and Jane's refusal to turn on the heat, but Jane quickly swung her leg around and straddled Maura's lap facing her and wrapping her legs around Maura's feminine and curvy waist, crossing over behind her back before Maura could reach the blanket or even protest. "Uhhh Jane, wa-what are you-uh doing?" Maura barely managed to get out. Jane responded only by snaking her arms under Maura's to wrap around behind her back, and hiding her face in the crease of Maura's stale perfume scented neck.
It was then when Maura understood. She used to do this as a young nieve child, when it would thunder and lightning, or she would hear weird noises outside her window during her attempt at slumber. She knew what Jane wanted and why she did it. It was simple, Jane was scared. Scared of what, Maura was yet to understand but she knew Jane wanted nothing more than to be protected. Jane, wrapping her body around Maura's, was her way of saying I'm trusting you to hold and protect me. At this realization, Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's body, squeezing tightly to pull her impossibly closer into her skin. Feeling Maura hold on to her so protectively, Jane nuzzled her face further into Maura's neck, inhaling deeply and tightening once again, her grip on Maura's shirt.
"Jane. I have you. Nothing will hurt you. I promise. Breathe. Relax. I'll protect you" Maura assured in short soft sentences, knowing that was the only thing that jane could comprehend at the moment. She subconsciously started rocking Jane from side to side, further tightening her hold on Jane. Maura knew that there was no one she needed to protect Jane from, but in Jane's mind there was. In Jane's mind some unknown person, some trained follower of Hoyt's teachings was there and ready to finish what Hoyt himself didn't do. And Maura knew that right then, in that moment, that's what Jane wanted to hear and feel; protected. She needed to hear it come out of Maura's mouth; feel Maura's attempt to cover and protect as much area of her body as she possibly could. After the words were spoken Maura felt a fall of warm tears tickle down the side of her neck, and her heart ached. She couldn't do much more to help the fear and sadness that was pulling at Jane's body and mind.
She angled her head to press against the side of Jane's, and inhaled Jane's strong vanilla sent salted by the sweat that came from fear induced panic not that long ago. She held it deep in her lungs, hoping and wishing that the intoxicating scent would rush through her veins. She released it slowly, tasting the tickling sensation it made on her tongue as she gathered her thoughts.
"I'm here when you're ready to talk. We don't have to talk now or ever if that's what you wish. but if you keep it in, it just bottles up and adds to the explosion you're destined to have. Not only that, but bottling it all up can also attribute to anxiety, and has been linked to bouts of depression." Maura stated in seriousness. Jane let out a slight chuckle, and sniffled up the dripping snot that was coming out of her nose.
"The encyclopedia never gets shut off, does it?" She let out a huge gust of air. Maura felt Jane physically loosen and relax against her, and she grinned. Maura opened her mouth to argue back, but controlled the impulse to tell Jane that she was serious, and keeping things in is not good for you. Instead she pulled her face out of the warm crease of Jane's neck and pressed her cheek against Jane's hot wet and tear slippery cheek, letting her hot breath ripple over the grooves of Jane's ear, sending a shudder through Jane's body.
"I know this is your apartment, but would you like me to make you some tea or a cup of coffee?" She completely ignored the fact that her breath ticked Jane and again sent chills up and down her spine.
"No. just hold me." Jane replied sleepily as her emotional hangover had already began to set in.
"Okay. Will you tell me if you need anything?"
"Mmmhmm" Jane moaned deep in her throat unable to find the strength to open her mouth and annunciate her words. Maura let go of Jane, temporarily, to slide herself further back against the couch, careful not to scoot too far back and hurt Jane's legs still wrapped around her body. Jane shifted her almost nonexistent body weight further down Maura's legs, and rested her head lower on Maura's well risen chest. Maura allowed Jane to make herself comfortable on her body, then placed a hand gently at the small of her back, only to find bare skin exposed by the tank that had slid up. Jane inhaled a quick, sharp breath and tensed up.
"Oh. Sorry." Maura innocently apologized, then lifted her hand to place up higher on Jane's back where skin was covered by fabric. Jane smirked, and Maura could feel it against her chest.
"It's okay. It felt g— I don't mind your hand there, it just kinda shocked me because your fingers are like ice" Jane felt heat paint her face, and hoped that Maura didn't catch what she almost said. Maura didn't respond, but simply slid her hand down gently and cautiously, giving Jane time to take back what she had said. Jane felt Maura's fingers slowly, almost tauntingly, make contact with her skin, and let out a long, low moan that she had not realized she had done until after she had done it. Maura couldn't stifle this a giggle, and was almost sorry she didn't because she knew it would only make Jane's embarrassment worse. Jane sank against her even more, wanting to hide her face, and wishing the floor would open up and to consume her whole; then let out an embarrassed grumble. Maura couldn't help but to giggle even more.
"Don't be embarrassed Jane. Certain feelings make certain parts of our body more sensitive than usual. It was only natural for you to do that" Maura consoled and raised her other hand to run up and down Jane's back, trying hopelessly to warm her fingers and signifying that what she had done was okay.
Jane could have fallen asleep right then and there but refused and fought it off with all the strength she had left. She wanted to relish in every second of the other woman's touch. Maura's fingers were now running up and down Jane's bony spine; slowly and softly grazing the prominent bumps. Jane's eyes fluttered closed and she silently cursed the barrier of fabric in between; she wanted to feel Maura's fingers run along her back, well, her bare back, over skin not covered by a shirt. Then a realization hit Jane. Why is she thinking of such things, such intimate things about her friend, her best friend? She mentally asked herself looking for any other answer than what she knew was the truth.
(post)Authors Note: Thanks everybody who took the time out of their day to read this. I apologize as I am trying to wean myself out of one of the worst writers block I have ever had. So this will not be one of my best works. I hope you will stick around for more chapters. I will try to post as often as I can. If you can take a second and review that would be amazing and greatly appreciated. I'm always open to new ideas and critiques.