Kathryn Janeway looked at the tricorder in disbelief
Kathryn Janeway looked at the tricorder in disbelief. They had been back on board Voyager for six weeks. New Earth was far behind them. However, it seemed not all that happened on New Earth would stay on New Earth.
Her mind drifted to the first night they made love. It was after he'd shared his "Angry Warrior" legend. From that night on, they'd spent every night together. Her flesh heated up at the memories of their passion filled encounters. The thought of pregnancy never crossed her mind. Perhaps the virus also affected the effectiveness of her birth control injection.
When Tuvok contacted them saying Voyager was on the way with a cure, they had talked. Though Chakotay did not agree with her, he said he understood. Now it seemed as if the fates once more had turned her life upside down.
She stood and walked over to the viewport. As she stared at the passing stars, her hand settled on her still flat stomach. She could no more kill Chakotay's baby than she could kill Chakotay. What was she going to do? Reflected in the glass of the view port, she saw her medicine bundle sitting on her shelf.
Kathryn walked over to the shelf and picked up the bundle, then returned to the view port and sat down on the floor. She opened it and began to spread out her things. First, her akoonah, then the small carving Chakotay had given her last Christmas, and finally a picture of Molly. Closing her eyes, she placed her hand on the akoonah. Concentrating on the shore of the Pacific, she opened her eyes and saw her gecko. As usual, she sat down in the sand, held out her hand, and the little gecko climbed onto her palm.
"Hello, gecko."
"Hello, little one. I sense you are troubled."
"Yes, gecko, I am deeply troubled. Once again, circumstances have turned my life upside down. This time, there is no easy solution."
"What has turned your life upside down, little one?"
"While we were on New Earth, Chakotay and I became lovers. Once we were rescued, I insisted that we return to the parameters that define our positions here on Voyager. But...but now..." her voice trailed off.
"Now you carry his child," finished the gecko gently.
Tears swam in her blue eyes. "Yes," she whispered brokenly.
"What will you do about the baby, little one?"
"I can't kill my baby, Chakotay's baby, but he was so hurt when I insisted we go back to 'status quo.'" Tears trickled down her cheeks as she recalled their conversation after Tuvok had contacted them.
"So, you plan to have the child?"
"Yes, but I don't know what the crew will think, what Chakotay will think," she said in an agonized whisper.
"The reactions of your crew may surprise you, little one. They were all disappointed to see the distance between the two of you once Voyager returned. The crew held high hopes that a loving relationship would have fully blossomed during your sojourn on New Earth." The little gecko studied her patiently as his tongue flicked briefly out of his mouth.
"Star Fleet protocols state..."
"Star Fleet does not expect you to spend the next 70 years alone, little one," the gecko admonished her. "You cannot put off living your life because you hope to get home sooner."
"I know," she wiped tears from her eyes. "After I've broken his heart, will Chakotay be willing to risk loving me again? After yet another betrayal by Seska that almost got the entire crew killed…will he be able to trust any woman again?"
"Two souls are suffering deeply because they are apart one from the other. You know what you need to do, little one."
The beach faded and Kathryn found herself in her quarters. Slowly, she gathered her things and wrapped them up in the medicine bundle. Now, she merely had to gather her courage to tell him.
In his quarters, Chakotay was on a vision quest of his own. The female wolf cocked her head as she listened to him.
"She wolf, I don't know what to do. I promised Kathryn that I would never leave her. After what we had on New Earth...it's so painful to be on the ship with her."
"You have always been a man of your word, my warrior. Know that you are not the only one who suffers."
"I know she's unhappy too. What can I do? Her parameters...they're so meaningless out here. We both love each other so much. Her sadness breaks my heart." His voice was rough and strained.
"Kathryn needs your support more than ever, my warrior. Those of us who walk the spirit sky can't share most future events with those who walk the mortal plain. But heed my words carefully. She needs you now more than she ever has before," said the she wolf cryptically.
Chakotay pondered she wolf's words. No matter the pain that Kathryn's rejection has caused him, he would continue to stay at her side. He wondered what she wolf knew that was not able to be shared. The flickering campfire faded, and he found himself in his quarters. He reverently folded his medicine bundle up and put it away. After ordering a cup of tea from the replicator, he sat on his couch.
Kathryn had finally summoned the courage to tell Chakotay about the baby. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."
She tapped her com badge, "Janeway to Chakotay."
"Chakotay, here, what can I do for you, Captain?"
"I need to talk to you." Her voice was soft and uncertain, which was very uncommon for her.
Chakotay wondered if this had anything to do with she wolf's cryptic statements. "Where would you like for us to meet?"
She thought a minute. If they met in his quarters, and he rejected her; rejected the child that was growing inside her, she could quickly retreat. "Can we meet in your quarters?"
"Sure, come on over."
"I'm on my way. Janeway out."
With a firm resolve not to break down in front of him no matter what happened, she quickly walked from her door to his and pressed the chime. The door slid open and she walked in.
Chakotay stood as she entered. Her eyes were red, it was clear that she had been crying. "Come sit down, Kathryn," he said softly gesturing towards the couch.
She sat down, and an awkward silence permeated the room. Finally, Chakotay spoke. "Can I get you a cup of coffee?"
She nodded and gratefully accepted the steaming cup from him.
He sat with her, waiting for her to speak her mind. The tension in the air was palpable. Clearly, something was terribly wrong.
Finally, she looked him in the eye. "Chakotay, I don't know how to tell you this..." she drew in a shakey breath.
He put a hand over hers. "No matter what it is, we'll face it together, Kathryn. I promised never to leave your side, and I meant it."
She blinked against the stinging tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. "Chakotay, I'm pregnant." In spite of her resolve, she could not stop the tears that began to course down her cheeks.
Without hesitation, Chakotay gathered her in his arms, holding her as she cried. "Shhh, it'll be okay, Kathryn, it'll be okay," he murmured over and over again.
When she was finally able to stop crying, she lifted her head to look into his soulful brown eyes. "I'm sorry," she began, but he put two fingers over her lips to still her voice.
"No apologies needed, Kathryn. How long have you known?"
"Well, at first, I just attributed my 'lateness' to the adjustments my body was going through from being on New Earth, then back on Voyager, then on Hanon IV, then back on Voyager. When other symptoms began to manifest themselves..." She drew in a shakey breath. "This evening, I scanned myself with a tricorder. I'm two months pregnant."
Chakotay studied her face carefully. "Are you going to have the baby?" He waited hoping for the answer he wanted her to give, but fearing she would have other plans.
She nodded slowly. "I could no more kill this baby than I could kill you, Chakotay."
He let out a breath he did not realize he had been holding. "I'll be here for you, Kathryn. I promised to stay by your side, making your burdens lighter, and put your needs first. I'll do whatever you ask of me." His calm, sincere tone, helped put Kathryn at ease.
She rested her cheek against his chest, drawing strength and comfort from him. They could do this together. She hadn't lost him.
"I think you should let the Doctor check you over, just to make sure everything is okay with our baby," suggested Chakotay.
She nodded, her cheek still resting on his chest. "I do need to do that. We also need to decide how to inform the crew."
"When do you want to see the Doctor?"
"I'll go now, if you will go with me." She looked up at him.
"Okay, but first, go the bathroom and wash your face. A tearstained Captain might draw more attention than you want right now."
She stood up and walked to the bathroom. He watched her go. A baby...they were going to have a baby. He hoped she would let him back into her life. He longed for a return of their New Earth relationship. He worried that she might hold Seska and the Kazon's taking over the ship against him. Especially since Seska's child had been Cullah's and not his.
She walked back out into the main room. "Am I more presentable now?"
"Yes you are, shall we?" He gestured towards the door.
She nodded, and they made their way to sickbay in a companionable silence. When they arrived, the Doctor was already activated. He was working in his office. As they entered, he stood and met them.
"What can I do for you this evening, Captain, Commander?" he asked in a professional tone.
"Doctor, I need you to confirm the results of a scan I did on myself earlier this evening. If you confirm those results, then we will go on from there," her voice was cool and controlled.
The Doctor picked up a medical tricorder and began scanning her. His expression changed as he read the results. "Captain, if your results showed that you are two months pregnant, then I can confirm that."
Kathryn was warmed by the Doctor's calm steady manner. "That's what my results were. Now, I guess a more thorough exam is in order, and we'll need to set up a prenatal care plan."
"If you will follow me," he said as he led the way to a biobed. As she settled herself on the bed, he continued. "You should limit your coffee intake to no more than three cups a day until after the baby is born—even longer if you decide to nurse your baby. Caffeine in limited quantities should not be harmful."
"I know," she said with a sigh. "And nursing makes sense when you consider how often the replicators malfunction. Besides, mother's milk is the best thing for a baby."
"Those are valid reasons. Given the amounts of coffee you drink, I can give you an analgesic that will not harm the baby to ease any headaches consuming less caffeine may give you."
He continued with his scans for several minutes. "You're perfectly healthy, Captain. You will need to modify your diet. I am authorizing an increase of replicator rations for you. Do you wish to know the baby's gender?"
She thought for a few moments, and then glanced at Chakotay. She could not read anything in his face that would reveal his preference.
"Yes, I would. That way I can be more prepared."
The Doctor smiled. "You're going to have daughter in about seven months."
A small smile played across her face. She looked at Chakotay and saw a pleased expression on his face as well.
"I'll get a list of the days I want to see you for checkups to you in the morning. Meanwhile, I suggest you get some rest. It's getting late."
She slid off the biobed. "Thanks, Doctor, I'll take your advice. Have to take proper care of this little girl." Her hand drifted to her stomach for a few moments.
She smiled up at Chakotay. "Commander, shall we?"
Chakotay grinned and followed her out of sickbay. He was relieved to know that everything looked good as far as the pregnancy went. When they reached her door, she paused. "I know we have a lot to discuss, but I'm really tired. Breakfast in my quarters at 0600?"
"I'll be there," he assured her. "You get some sleep like the Doctor said." He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and walked on down the corridor to his quarters. He felt more at peace than he had during the past six weeks. He felt certain that most of the crew would not only accept the fact that the Captain was pregnant with his child, but be happy for them as well.
In her quarters, Kathryn Janeway changed into a gown and slipped into bed. She had not planned on having children out here in the Delta Quadrant. It was something she had hoped she would be home in time for. She hugged her extra pillow against her chest and imagined a young girl with her father's dimples and thick black hair as she drifted off to sleep.
On the other side of the bulkhead, Chakotay was in bed. His mind was awhirl with thoughts of the baby Kathryn carried. Their baby...in his mind's eye, he saw a diminutive, lively, red headed little girl with blue eyes who looked just like her mother. He knew the odds of genetics were very much against it, but there had been a few Anglo ancestors in his family tree. He settled into a more restful and contented sleep than he had since Voyager had returned for them.
The next morning, promptly at 0600, Chakotay pressed the chime to request entry into Kathryn's quarters. The door slid open almost immediately. He entered and walked over to the table where breakfast was waiting.
"Hello, Kathryn," he said warmly.
She gestured for him to sit down, and he complied. She sat across from him and uncovered the dishes. Both had oatmeal with blueberries, toast, juice, and milk. Chakotay had tea and she had coffee.
"I see you're having your first cup of coffee for the day."
"I am, but all of us are in for a rough ride while I adjust to only getting three cups of coffee a day. I'll be getting the hypo from the Doctor today in case of any headaches."
"You'll make it, Kathryn. What about decaf coffee?"
She made a face. "That stuff tastes worse than Neelix's cooking." She pointed to the food. "Hey, we'd better eat while the food is still hot."
They picked up their silverware and began to eat. After a few bites, Kathryn took a sip of milk. As she sat the glass down, she looked up at Chakotay.
"I've been thinking. I thought it would be best to tell the senior staff at the briefing, and then send a text message to the rest of the crew. How does that sound to you?"
"If that's what you're most comfortable with, I say let's do it. I'm certain that most of the crew is going to be thrilled." He flashed her a dimpled smile. "I know I am."
She smiled too. "When I got over the initial shock, I have to admit I was excited. Part of me is still scared, though. We have a difficult life out here."
"Yes, we do, but our daughter will have the two of us to protect her, along with the entire crew. This crew is so loyal to you that if an alien as much as looked the wrong way at her…"
They both laughed. "Well, that's true, Chakotay." She spooned up another bite of oatmeal. "I just hope they don't try to 'mother her' while I'm pregnant."
"You can always give them that 'death glare." He smiled innocently.
She became quiet and pensive for a few moments, then handed him a PADD. "I was working on composing a text message to send to the entire crew after I tell the senior staff. What do you think of this?"
He took the PADD and read it. "I wouldn't change a word," he said as he laid the PADD on the table.
"Part of me wants to start trying to think of names, but another part of me...well what if…"
He reached across the table and took her hand. "Are you worried about a miscarriage? The Doctor said you're perfectly healthy."
"I know. I think it's something that every woman fears when they're pregnant. And out here, we face all of these unknowns…some safe, some deadly…"
He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "We'll do all we can to protect her. Try not to worry."
She gripped his hand tightly for a few seconds. "I'm still having trouble believing this is actually real. Of course I wanted children, but I hadn't planned on having one in the Delta Quadrant."
"But then, you can't put off living your life in the present in hopes that we will get home sooner either, Kathryn."
"That's what my animal guide told me last night." She grinned at him.
"Sounds like yours is as wise as mine." He took another sip of tea, his eyes twinkling at her over the rim of his mug.
""We'd better hurry; we don't want to be late for the meeting. That would certainly raise a few eyebrows considering what I'll be announcing."
They finished the meal with light chatter over plans for the day.
The Captain listened patiently as her senior staff reported on their various areas. She accepted PADDS as they handed them to her at the conclusion of each report. As soon as the last officer had finished, she glanced over at Chakotay, who nodded his silent agreement.
"I have one more thing that was not on the agenda." She looked at all of them for a few moments. "Last night, I went to sickbay, and the Doctor confirmed that I am two months pregnant."
All of them save Tuvok gasped in surprise.
Unfazed, she continued. "This will not change things on ship. We will still continue our ultimate mission of getting home. I'll be sending a text message to all of the crew at the conclusion of this briefing. Dismissed."
They all smiled and offered their congratulations as they left. When only Chakotay was left, she looked over at him. "Well, that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."
"I knew they would accept this, Kathyrn. The Doctor wanted to see you this morning. Do you want me to come along?"
She smiled gratefully. "Yes, I would. Just let me send out this message." She pressed a few buttons on her PADD. "There, now everyone has been informed. Let's go."
Mariah Henley turned to Kenneth with a huge grin. "Hey, take a look at this." She gestured towards the computer screen on her desk.
Kenneth read it, grinning back at Mariah as he finished reading. "I guess something did happen between them on the planet after all. I hope they manage to have as good a relationship as we do." He kissed her tenderly. "Now, we'd better get to our duty stations. I think just about everyone on this ship is going to be really happy."
The Doctor walked to the door of his office as the Captain and Chakotay entered sickbay. "Ah, I see you came without me having to ask. That's a surprise."
Captain Janeway glared at the Doctor. "I can assure you that I take this pregnancy very seriously."
"I apologize Captain. Please step into my office." He handed her a PADD. "Here's a tentative list of appointments for you. I have also included dietary, exercise, and rest suggestions for you as well as information on the various stages of pregnancy." Next, he handed her a hypospray. "Here's an analgesic in case you get headaches from reduced caffeine intake." He then picked up a bottle. "Lastly, prenatal vitamins, those will make sure you and the baby get everything you need."
"Thank you, Doctor. We'll review the information and let you know if we have any questions," said Captain Janeway.
"You may think check ups each week are excessive, but considering your age and the stress of your position, it's really necessary."
"It does seem to be a reasonable precaution, Doctor." She turned to Chakotay. "Well, Commander, let's head to the bridge."
As Captain Janeway emerged from the turbolift, Harry Kim called out, "Captain on the bridge."
"As you were," said the Captain before anyone could get up. She and Chakotay went and sat in their seats. "Status, Mr. Paris?"
"We on course for the Alpha Quadrant at warp eight." He turned and looked at her with a charming smile. "How do the two of you feel?"
"We feel fine, Tom. Thanks for asking." She turned towards Chakotay. "I'll be in my Ready Room. I want to start reviewing the information from the Doctor and upload the appointments to my computer so I'll remember. Join me at 1200 hours for lunch."
He nodded as she stood up. "Commander, you have the bridge."
In the Ready Room, she sat at her desk, reading the information the Doctor had gathered for her. She was resisting the urge to replicate a cup of coffee. Now that she was limited to just three cups a day, she had decided to have them with breakfast, lunch, and supper. The information on 'morning sickness' drew her attention since that was the one symptom she had not yet experienced. She was surprised to learn that only one third to one half of pregnant women actually suffered with morning sickness. She counted herself lucky to be among those who hadn't. At least it hadn't happened yet. She found it amazing that at two months, the baby already had a heartbeat. She decided to ask the Doctor to let them hear the heartbeat when she went in for her appointment next week.
After studying data for an hour, she decided to walk the ship. One of the physical activities the Doctor had recommended was a brisk walk lasting about 30 minutes. This would also give her a chance to touch base with the crew and see what sort of reactions they had to the news of her pregnancy.
Chakotay stood as she stepped out of her Ready Room. He smiled as she gestured to the turbolift with her head.
"Join me for a tour of the ship, Commander," she invited with a small smile.
"Be glad to, Captain," he replied with a smile. "Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge."
Once they were inside the turbolift, she turned to face him. "The Doctor wants me to take a walk for about thirty minutes every day. I think it will be a good way to connect with crew during this time." She sighed deeply.
"What is it, Kathryn?"
"He also wants me to 'rest' for at least half an hour after lunch everyday."
"Well, as tired as you've been, that makes a lot of sense."
"I know, but there's always so much work to do. He specified that 'resting' did not mean going over reports. At least I can rest in my Ready Room."
The tour of the ship took a little more than the minimum thirty minutes the Doctor wanted her to walk each day. She had been heartened by the reaction of the members of the crew they encountered. Everyone had offered them their congratulations and promises to baby-sit.
They entered the mess hall and got meals from the replicator. Sitting at their usual table, they began eating. She picked up her mug of coffee and smelled the fragrant aroma with a smile. "Ah, this is just what I needed," she said after a sip.
"How many cups does that make for you today?" asked Chakotay.
She gave him a slightly annoyed look. "It's only my second cup. I decided to have my coffee with my meals. I'm not planning on disobeying the Doctor's orders. I want this little one to be born healthy." Her hand drifted down to her stomach. "Next week, when we go in for my checkup, I'm going to ask the Doctor to let us hear her heartbeat. At two months, she already has a heartbeat. Isn't that incredible?"
He smiled at her, "Yes, it is. For that matter, the whole process of a baby developing from the sperm and ova joining to a tiny little person is pretty incredible."
"I was thinking about what she might look like last night. A beautiful little girl with dark hair and brown eyes just like her father." Kathryn blushed and looked down at her plate.
"I had similar thoughts, except, I saw her as a redhead with her momma's blue eyes."
"That's not likely, Chakotay. Brown eyes are usually a dominant gene."
"Well, I do have a few Anglo ancestors, Kathryn. In fact, one of my ancestors actually had a blue eye and a brown eye. Tribal legend says that such a child is a special blessing from the gods."
"Hmmm, I have heard of that. I can't recall what it's called. I'll have to look that one up. It's very rare in humans, but does happen. I don't remember the scientific basis of it either."
Chakotay looked down at the empty dishes on their trays. "Well, it seems that you have a better appetite, you've eaten everything. That has to be a first."
She flashed him a mock glare. "Well I am eating for two now." She unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn.
"Well, I think you need to take that rest break the Doctor wants you to."
"I plan to." She smiled. "How often does a Captain get to nap in their Ready Room?"
"Probably not too often, and you have orders directly from the Doctor to do so."
They both rose and put the trays in the recycler and headed to the bridge.
"I'll be in my Ready Room, Commander," she said as they stepped out of the turbolift. "You'll have the bridge."
Tuvok rose from the command chair. "We are on course for the Alpha Quadrant at warp eight, Commander."
"Thank you, Mr. Tuvok. Steady as she goes, Mr. Paris." He sat down and began studying the screen on the control panel between the two command chairs.
Meanwhile, in her Ready Room, Captain Janeway pulled off her boots and lie down on the couch beneath the viewport. "Computer, set alarm for 30 minutes." She closed her eyes and let her mind drift to thoughts of the little girl she was carrying.