I really wish I understood my own mind when it comes to what I write but to be frank—it's scary in there and I don't go in, I just let things out!
One of the Girls:
The first person Scott tried to fall in with was Sam Wilson. It made the most sense given he met the man first but he quickly found that Sam's pastimes just weren't for him.
Sam's taste in music was a drag.
His idea of fun included horror movies, daredevil training feats flying around with those wings in the backpack, and exercise; Scott didn't find a single one of those to be on his 'fun things to do' list.
The only thing they had in common was the type of women they found attractive however Scott learned quickly not to use the wing man as his 'wing man'. The guy gave terrible advice and he had gotten slapped on two occasions in as many weeks.
Scott also had a niggling feeling that the man did it on purpose given the smirk he hid into his drink both times and the way Steve Rogers' face palmed before scolding his friend. It was certainly entertaining to go out with them but it really wasn't Scott's cup of tea.
The next person he attempted was the good Captain Rogers himself. The soldier had no qualms with Scott's attempt at friendship, in fact he was quite eager to engage—engage in various vigorous training exercises that is.
Scott was not interested in that.
He also realized that Steve also had really terrible taste in movies. Of course that was probably because Sam Wilson was the one who made half his movie bucket-list. Occasionally a decent Rom-Com was put on and Wanda would chuckle into whatever book she was reading, that was always his indicator that she was the culprit for the addition. On other occasions a good action movie or action comedy were put on and considering the too nonchalant expression on a certain redheaded spy, he knew Natasha was the one covertly adding those ones.
It turned out Steve was also terrible at dating advice. It seemed that awkwardly uncomfortable and a little old-fashioned only worked when you were America's Golden Boy—and the man wasn't even trying. Women just swooned to him and he would awkwardly flounder until Natasha rescued him.
That was always highly entertaining because she tended to make their leader even more uncomfortable while saving him than the hordes of women did when they were flirting with him.
And Vision?
Just no.
That was like trying to talk to a walking Google search. Any questions he gave the guy on dating usually involved what percentage of the time a pick-up line worked.
And it wasn't that Vision was usually wrong—it was just that Scott was clearly on the wrong end of those percentages every damn time.
Scott's first hint of where he belonged in the group came during an outing for a few drinks. Sam liked to have Vision attempt pick-up lines on the two female Avengers all the time to, and as quoted by Sam, 'help adjust Vision to social interactions'.
They were always terrible.
Not that Scott couldn't tell that Wanda had a certain affection for the Android, something that their resident spy enjoyed to play with too, but saying 'I lost my number, can I have yours?' was certainly not going to endear him any further.
As it turned out, Natasha was a lot better at giving cheesy pick-up lines to use on women. He saw the mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she leaned over, whispered to Vision, then watched as Vision lit up with joy before he moved to Wanda.
Scott nearly keeled over at the line Natasha had fed the guy.
"Wanda, it would seem that someone has stolen the stars from the sky."
The brunette blinked quickly several times as she gave Vision a quizzical look, "Why would you think that?"
"Because I see the stars in your eyes."
Wanda actually turned a little pink and Scott guffawed a little before he glanced over to see the smug look on a certain spy's face as she collected a $20 bill from Sam.
Of course it was the next outing for drinks that gave him a second reason to believe he needed to spend more time with Wanda and Natasha. Those two were a lot more fun. The women were sitting off by themselves at the bar and Scott was getting himself another beer when he heard the two men approach the ladies.
It was almost laughable—even more so when they used one of Sam's terrible lines.
"Ladies..." one of the men leaned on the bar top, "did it hurt?"
He saw Natasha lean over towards Wanda while the witch asked her own question, "Did what hurt?"
"When you fell from Heaven?" the second man asked with a cheeky smile.
Scott knew Natasha had fed Wanda something to reply with while she had asked the necessary question before, and now Wanda was smirking as she replied, "Oh you have it all wrong. It was quite the opposite..."
Natasha finished the statement as she leaned in towards the second guy and trailed a fingertip down his chest, "We clawed our way back up from Hell."
The man looked a little horrified by the response and the both of them quickly moved away from the two women.
Scott snorted, coughed, then sipped his beer while trying to pretend he hadn't seen a thing as Natasha and Wanda glanced over at him with knowing smiles.
The final moment that proved the two women were the right ones to hang out with was during a training session. No suits. No powers. Just hand-to-hand combat training.
And the damned uniforms were not comfortable.
Scott shook out one leg, then the other leg, then walked stiff like something was stuck up his ass; he was pretty sure it was the suit stuck up it.
"Something wrong, Lang?" came the redhead's question.
Other than his uniform being about two sizes too small? "Uh...nope, nothing," he insisted.
He saw Wanda chuckle, lean in towards Natasha, and whisper.
Nothing good ever happened when they whispered. Something bad and funny always happened when they whispered. He wished he would have remembered that before they convinced him to do the dumbest thing in history.
"You look a little stiff," Wanda mentioned a moment later as she folded her arms and studied him.
He sighed, "Now that you mention it...this uniform isn't easy to walk in."
Natasha tilted her head to the side, one arm across her chest while her other hand was balled up under her chin as though she were in deep thought for a fix to his issue. "Hmmm..." she hummed out as she glanced him up and down before she commented, "you are used to a little more maneuverability."
"That's putting it mildly..." Scott mumbled as he shook out his legs again.
The redhead narrowed her eyes and knitted her brow before she snapped her fingers, "I know the problem."
Scott frowned before he asked his question, "What is it?"
"You need more leg breathability," she informed his with the tiniest shoulder shrug, "just cut them and make them shorts. That way you have better lateral movement."
It had seemed like a logical statement when she said it so matter-of-factly so he wandered off, took the shears to the legs of his uniform, and made his way back into the gym.
"Woah, look what the spanks dragged in!" Sam hooted out with a laugh.
Steve looked absolutely horrified while Vision just looked a little befuddled.
Scott blinked twice, glanced down, looked over at the full-length mirror in the gym and went slack-jawed. He looked like a gigolo. When he dared to look back at Natasha and Wanda, the spy was smirking and Wanda had a hand covering her mouth to stifle her laughs.
"Better lateral movement, eh?" he questioned the spy.
Natasha snickered.
And he couldn't help it as he turned, placed a hand on one hip, and edged his left cheek a little more in Natasha's direction. "Admit it, you just wanted to see all of this."
Much to his surprise, Natasha snorted out a laugh.
It really only left him one choice when it came to the monthly guy day in or girl day out. It only happened once a month and every time the guys wound up wanting to train—vigorously. No holds barred.
Scott just barely caught the two women as they were heading out the door. "Don't leave me alone with them again," he couldn't resist pleading.
Wanda chuckled.
Natasha just raised a single eyebrow up before she responded, "Not into the male bonding, Lang?"
"That is not male bonding. That is a savage rutless workout meant to lay me out for the next week and a half," he told them with a frown, "they're inhuman."
Wanda smiled, "Only one of them."
"Steve is superhuman!"
"Fine, only two of them," Wanda corrected.
Natasha chuckled.
"Please?" Scott questioned, "what are you two doing?"
"Spa day," the redhead answered casually, "massages, face masks, mani-pedi's."
To be honest he thought they were screwing with him but it sounded a lot better than dying of exertion.
"I can do that."
Natasha looked more than a little amused, "Really now?"
"Seriously ladies," Scott assured them, "I can't handle guys day again. I'll be hospitalized and if not that, I'll definitely need to be institutionalized."
The two of them glanced at each other.
"You made me cut my uniform into leather shorts."
Wanda immediately laughed.
Natasha just smirked, "Alright, Lang. I'll give you that one, you can come."
He grinned, "Let's do this!"
Apparently it hadn't been a joke.
Though if he were really honest...it was definitely better than guy day.
"How's the massage, Lang?" Natasha questioned.
It should have been strange to be inside a room with two naked women, specifically Natasha and Wanda, with all of them only given a semblance of decency by white towels. Yet he was more relaxed than he had been in ages.
"Amazing..." he mumbled, "girl's day out rocks."
He heard both women chuckling.
After the face masks it was Wanda who spoke, "Still enjoying girl's day, Scott?"
He tapped his cheeks and grinned over at them, "My face has never felt more exfoliated."
Natasha quirked and eyebrow up as she smirked, "What do you know about exfoliating?"
"A lot more than I did an hour ago," he answered with a grin, "my face feels great!"
It was the mani-pedi that he realized really rose him up in their ranks. He went for the nude buff and polish on the mani but the pedi...
Wanda was the one to ask, "And you really sure the coral pink was a good idea?"
Scott glanced down and wiggled his toes as they dried before he glanced over at Wanda and Natasha's paint jobs. The redhead had her toenails bright red and Wanda's were a deeper hue of purplish red. "I'm not sure I can pull off fire engine red or burgundy," he told them, "I think the coral pink really highlights my delicate features."
It was Natasha who cracked first. Wanda looked stunned but Natasha released a full-on laugh that he never imagined was possible from her.
"What?" he dared to ask, batting his eyes innocently at them.
"You're welcome to girl's day any time, Scott," Natasha assured him as she leaned over and tapped him playfully on the side of the face, "I haven't laughed that hard in ages."
And at dinner that night it was Sam who asked the question, "Where the hell were you today, man? You missed guy's day."
Scott kicked his bare feet up on the table and folded his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the seat, wiggling his toes.
Steve sat there with his mouth hanging open a little, Sam was wide-eyed and Vision was looking over at the colored nails with a studious expression.
"Sorry boys," Natasha stated with a cheshire grin.
"Scott's with us now," Wanda finished with a smile.
Sam laughed in an instant, "We're revoking your man card."
Scott grinned but he didn't say another word.
Natasha winked, Wanda chuckled, and both the women went up to their rooms when dinner was over.
Sam leaned over as he snickered, "Seriously, man? You did spa day?"
"Massages, Wilson," Scott informed him, "all in the same room."
Sam's face dropped a little before his mouth formed an 'o' shape. "You...and them?" he questioned.
Steve just looked confused, "I don't get it. Why does it matter if they were all in the same room?"
Vision was the one to answer, "Most massages are done in the nude with just a towel to cover up any of the bare essentials, Captain."
"You were naked in a room with Romanoff and Wanda?" Sam finally questioned, "and you're alive?"
Their fearless leader turned a decent shade of red.
"I can't decide right now what shade the Captain's face is," Scott mentioned as he wiggled his toes, "but I think it's somewhere between my coral pink toes and Natasha's fire engine red."
Sam hooted out a laugh, "Lang...you're brilliant."
"Nah," Scott waved him off with a lazy smile, "I'm just one of the girls."
I legit have no idea...my mind is a weird place.