It all had started with an alarm that didn't ring. It made her arrive half an hour late to her conference with Admiral Anderson. She was already in a bad mood when in the Mess Hall the coffee machine refused to give her some.
"EDI, is any problem with the coffee machine?" she was upset. Without coffee mornings sucked more than the rest of the day
"No, Shepard. All artifacts in the Normandy are in perfect condition"
"Right" Sighing she had make a cup of whatever that was, manually, using one of Liara's little packages. It tasted like dirt.
"Hey, Lola, you into asari things now?" James approached to her holding a hot cup of coffee into his hands
"What? Why you and not me? The stupid machine refuses to serve me and I'm already late. I had to be in the CIC 15 minutes ago" she said throwing her cup into the sink
"So, see you later as we arranged?" he said with a smirk
"Wouldn't miss it for the world" she said grinning at him
Her day passed between meetings and conferences. The salarian dalatrass was proving to be a douche one more. When things cooled off she went to the cockpit to see Jeff; she hadn't had the opportunity to see him all day. It had been almost a year since they'd been together.
Approaching to his chair, she extended a hand cupping his face.
"Hey Jess! Being busy huh?" he grabbed her hand giving her a soft kiss. "So how was your day baby?"
She fell into the empty chair next to him
"Hey, where is EDI?"
"Dunno. Talking to Legion maybe, she wanted to exchange data bases, recipes, who knows" he stopped working to look at her. He couldn't still fathom how Shepard, the Commander Shepard had told him she loved him and was his girlfriend for more than a year now. He was completely and utterly in love with her; she was his world.
"Uggh. My day sucked. First no alarm, I had to pass without shower, thank god Anderson couldn't smell me through vidcom. Then no coffee and had to drink something that I'm sure asaris use to fertilize their crops. The dalatrass was a douche as always, that wasn't out of the ordinary, but yeah. Only good thing in my day was see you babe" she closed the distance between them kissing him softly making little moans.
"Stop with that Jess or I'm gonna have to be relieved from duty" his voice was deep and full of desire.
"Ugh. Ok. I'll leave, I still have to deal with the Primarch. I cannot present to him smelling like you and sex. Turians, great sense of smell" with her index she tapped her nose
"Me and sex are the best smells in the world y'know? Hey, so, see you tonight?"
For a millisecond she seemed uncomfortable but it passed quickly.
"You can wait for me in my cabin. I'll probably have to work on my guns and upgrades for a while after finishing my shift"
"Oh ok. Don't take too long" he gave her a final kiss and waved at her. "I'm so damn lucky" he thought
Walking down the bridge Jess felt guilty; she had lied to him for the first time in their entire relationship, but brushing it off she went off to see the Primarch. She had work to do.
After the meeting ended she walked towards the elevator. It was already time to see James. She stood in front of the closed doors but they didn't open. Crap, what know. She pushed the buttons but the elevator didn't respond.
"EDI, can you see they fix the elevator? Have it ready in an hour"
"Of course Shepard"
She didn't believe it. She had to use the maintenance shafts to get to the hangar.
"Ugh!"
Fifteen minutes later she was in the hangar with grease on her hands and face. She almost gave Cortez a heart attack when the hatch opened beneath the Hammerhead.
"JesusChrist Shepard! What are you doing here and why are you using the hatch? A more dramatic entrance?"
"Hey Steve, the damned elevator didn't work"
"It's working perfectly fine right now" he said watching how "Electrodes" the meca dog ran towards the door and this opened for it.
"EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard. It seemed some switches were off on the panel. I fixed it remotely. I would have told you but you were already on your way"
"Well, at least is fixed" she said walking to her work bench, scratching her face.
"Hey Lola, you wanna start now?"
"Steve is here, didn't you tell me he would be out or something? Anywhere but here?" she said whispering agitatedly to James
"Yeah yeah relax. It's almost time for his dinner" he retorted muttering
In that moment Steve stood up from his station
"Hey, I'll go the Mess, I'll take "Electrodes" with me. He needs a walk" and grabbing the meca, making sweet sounds, he left the hangar
"Ok, so-"
"Wait. EDI?"
"Yes Shepard?"
"Close the channels of vid and sound feed on the hangar"
There was a silence that lasted .46 seconds more than the usual, imperceptible for the humans.
"Of course Shepard. Logging you out."
"You are taking great lengths to keep this off Joker, don't you?" said James raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms around his chest
"Well, he is jealous and I don't want to upset him. Besides I don't want him to know" Jess seemed a little uncomfortable
"Yeah, I would be jealous too if I was with you and you were with someone like me" James stretched showing himself off before her
"Yeah, yeah, don't sweet talk to me. I need you for one thing and one thing only" she said heading to James' bunk "Coming?"
/
Two hours later she arrived to her cabin with a headache. The lights were off and Joker was already asleep, with a peaceful look on his face, "god, he is so gorgeous". She approached to the bed undressing slowly, and lifted the covers sliding inside. With the soft rhythm of Jeff's breathing and the smooth feeling of his skin in her hands she fell asleep.
"Good morning beautiful" Joker woke her up with a kiss on her cheek. This was promising to be a very good day.
"Hey sexy. Sorry, worked hard 'til late yesterday, but I'll make it up to you I promise" a sting of something indecipherable attacked her chest
"What about now?" he was already kissing her, his hands creeping up her legs
"Ugh. I wish" she whispered against his lips "Can't. Gotta go to a committee with the Primarch and Wrex" using all the will she could muster she stood up. "Don't you have a ship to fly?"
"Therapy with Chakwas and then free until 10:00. Maybe I'll play that game I bought for us. You are gonna love it really, I'm sure you are born to play it" he said watching her entering the shower.
A few minutes passed and then he heard a loud
"Shit! Fuck!-AGHHH! Damn it!" The scream sounded a little horrific
"Shepard? Everything all right?" Joker sounded concerned
"EDI WHAT THE SHIT?" Shepard was out of the shower soaking the entire cabin floor
"Yes Shepard?" said EDI's calmed voice
"I ran out of hot water and when I tried to close the shower it fucking TASED ME!" her voice sounded furious
"I'm sorry Shepard. It must've been a small short-circuit in the heater system. I'll fix it right away"
"See? It's fate. You should stay with me and cuddle" Joker was grinning, enjoying the view of Shepard's voluptuous body still slick from soap.
"So, this is your idea of fate? Me being electrocuted to go into bed with you?" she was laughing, it didn't matter how awful things were. He always made her laugh.
Giving him a final smile, she tried to change into her uniform feeling weird with the remnants of the soap she couldn't take off.
Ten minutes later she was out the door giving Joker a final and intense kiss.
/
"So, what about tonight?" James was leaning on the kitchen fridge while she prepared herself a meal
"I'll try. I don't want Jeff to suspect anything. Tomorrow probably I'll have to go to Tuchanka so I'll have to polish my guns and armor. I'll tell him that" in that moment she saw Joker walking towards them, with the corner of her eye.
"Hey James" she could see Joker was a bit stiff. Immediately his arms went around her waist in a possessive movement she saw too well. She had felt too conscious when he approached them, and feared the lieutenant could say something in front of Jeff.
"Sup man; so Lola are you gonna put a good word for me with Ashley or what?" what a poker face James!
"Yeah yeah, I'll see what I can do Mr. Vega"
James left them without adding another word.
"I hate that he is always around you, calling you Lola and such ya know? Ugh" Joker said as soon as James left, kissing the back of her neck while she kept preparing her sandwich
"Relax babe, he has a big mouth, that's all. Doesn't he remind you of someone?" she turned around throwing her arms around his neck while the crew screamed things like "Get a room!" "Videotape it and send it to the Reapers!" "Don't break him Shepard!" "Want me to kill them?" she said while kissing him
"No, no, we need them, remember?" said Joker
"Besides it's not like this is a secret, everybody knows I'm yours" she said taking his hat off and placing it in her head
"Can you say it again?" he said with a smirk
"Maybe later if you behave and promise not to beat the crap out of James, please I need him"
"Haha, very funny, I could use EDI, she would help me"
"See? You can't tell me anything about anyone when you sit 24/7 next to a sex robot. I bet you look at her tits at least 8 times a day, hell I'd look at her tits 8 times a day" she said with faked resentment
"Fair enough, and now I'll go or we´ll never arrive to the Krogan DMZ" he said giving her a kiss "And by the way, I like your tits more, so you know" and with a swift movement he took his cap out of her head.
/
Her day was proving to be more disastrous than the day before. After the electric incident from the morning, an attempt of biting from "Electrode" whatdahell?! it doesn't even have a mouth! and the fact that she had to go up to her cabin every time she wanted to take a leak because crew deck bathrooms refuse to open to her presence, she had had enough.
"EDI? What the hell is wrong with bathrooms' doors?"
"It seems the motion detector scan is tarnished Shepard"
In that moment a private passed next to her causing the door to open, completely oblivious of Shepard's angry face.
"WHAT? Why her and not me?! EDI?!"
"I'm sorry Shepard, it's an eventual coincidence. I'll see it to get fixed"
Something very weird was happening in the ship and she had started to suspect. Going to her terminal in the CIC, she tried to read her messages but the device froze every time she tried to open one. After a few attempts to repair it by Traynor, Jess gave up.
"Don't worry Sam, I'll use Jeff's" she said shrugging her shoulders "I have to talk to him anyway"
"Of course Commander"
Walking down the cockpit she had turbulence in her head. What is going on? Lost in her thoughts she stood behind Joker's chair for a few minutes.
"Hey Jess, can I get a mirror up here? You know, so I can see when someone is standing behind me?" she seemed startled by his words
"Oh Jeff, sorry, I was… thinking"
"Hey baby what's wrong?" He said frowning
"It's nothing, just- EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard?"
"Close comms in the cockpit"
"Very well Shepard"
"Jess, wha-"
"Wait" she looked at the ceiling of the cabin for a few minutes before proceeding "You are gonna call me crazy but I think EDI is jealous!" her voice was almost a whisper
"WHAT?!" he was so surprised for what she told him that almost jumped out of his chair
"Yes, Joker, listen. All these things that had happened to me, just me, not everyone else, could've been controlled by EDI" making a succinct list, she told him everything that had happened in the previous days.
"Babe you're trippin'. Why now? Why not before? She had had plenty of time to do more terrible things than these" he rubbed his beard tilting his head to the side
"I don't know! But I'm certain. She had always had a thing for you"
"Hahahaha, are you jealous? C'mon Jess, you know you are the only one I love. Don't worry. I'll talk to her smoothly" he leaned to give her a soft kiss, stroking her cheek with his thumb "Speaking of more pleasant things, I just have half hour to the end of my shift. See you in your cabin?"
"Oh, Jeff. I'm sorry. You know tomorrow I have to go to Tuchanka and I really need to leave my equipment ready. My rifle it's not well adjusted and I bought new parts" she was trying hard not to blush under his piercing emerald gaze
"Well, it comes with the territory of being your boyfriend" he smiled warmly
I'll go to hell!
Half an hour later she was in the hangar, James already expecting her.
"Did he suspect anything?" he asked
"No, not at all. Wait, EDI?"
"Yes Shepard?"
"Can you please clo-"
"Closing video and sound feed, Shepard. Logging you out."
"It's starting to freak me out" she said out loud
"What?" he said interrogatorily
"Nothing. Well…" she said rubbing her hands in anticipation "Let's do this"
/
Joker had a rough day. Avoiding the Reaper menace after leaving a system an entering another was hard, even with the stealth system. After leaving his station, he went directly to her cabin; even if she wasn't there, that was the place where he felt more safe and comfortable. He started to think that even in this mess of a galaxy he was lucky. Jess was with him, she loved him for what he was; it was the purest and greatest love he had experienced in his entire life. He still remembered the first night they spent together, the passion that burned inside him after being able to touch her for the first time, how she drove him to the edge of sanity with her body and mind. Lingering in these thoughts he felt the urge to please himself, maybe even seeing her beautiful face.
"EDI? Can you connect the vid feed from the hangar into Shepard's computer?" he said as one hand traveled down his pants
"I'm sorry Jeff, I'm afraid I can't do that"
What?
"Why not EDI? It's a common space in the Normandy!" This is starting to get weird, he thought
"The Commander canceled remote access for video and sound feed from the hangar. It was an explicit order. Second day in a row" Joker moved uncomfortable on the bed, any desire long gone. His palms were starting to get sweaty.
"Is Jess there?" there was anxiety on his voice
"Yes" was EDI's only answer
What was going on? Was Jess doing something confidential for the Alliance? No, it couldn't be that, she would be on the war room. Was it a malfunction of some sort? Maybe she was trying to fix it, maybe but…two days in a row?
"EDI? Was there a malfunction with video and sound feed on the hangar?" He asked, his voice more strained as the minutes passed
"All video and sound feed are working perfectly throughout the entire ship"
Then what?! What was on the hangar tha-
James.
"EDI? Is Commander Shepard alone?"
For the first time, EDI didn't answer.
"EDI, Is Commander Shepard alone?!" Joker was yelling at the air
"No, Jeff" EDI´s voice was soft, almost sad
"Who is with her?" Jeff didn't want it to believe it. It had to be a mistake. It had to be. His heart pounded heavy in his chest, his stomach felt empty.
"James"
Tears of anger fell to his feet
"And yesterday?" He had to know, it didn't matter how much it hurt
"Commander Shepard was with James too"
He had heard enough. Standing up with difficulty he went to the door. He was going to the hangar and they both should have to listen, probably James will break him in two but he didn't care.
"Jeff… I'm so sorry" said EDI before he left the room
"It's all right EDI, thanks anyway" he murmured
He felt the tears running down his face. Why was Jess doing this to him? Did she love him like he loved her? Was just sex? Wasn't he pleasing her enough?
He felt dizzy, feverish and nauseous.
Entering the elevator was the toughest decision in his life. He wanted to know, but at the same time he didn't. His head hurt remembering all the beautiful moments they'd spent together, he couldn't contain his tears that made his cheeks feel cold. Jealousy and rage were killing him. He wanted to kill James, but he couldn't fathom hurt Shepard, no matter how much she was hurting him already. Images of both of them fused in an embrace, kissing each other, James sucking her neck, her breasts, pounding into her, making her gasp and moan. Joker was seeing red.
When the elevator door opened, Joker wanted to announce he was there screaming at the top of his lungs, but in that moment he heard James voice very clearly
"Fuck Shepard!"
Joker made a decision. He had to see them, as sick as it was, he had to see them.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Jane's voice sounded excited but it lacked something
Trying to make as little sound as he could he kept forward
"Shit, Shepard, you really suck at this!" James voice sounded playful but there was no sign of agitation
What? Joker doubted. Did James say, Shepard you suck at this? Because for what he remembered Shepard didn't suck at that, in fact she was very good at that.
"Argh! Fuck, I told you! You should have let me grab the sniper rifle! I suck with the shot gun!" she sounded upset. What? "Play it again, I have to master this shit"
"Lola you are a vanguard, a fucking spectre how can you suck so much at this?!"
Making a final push, Joker arrived to James bunk
Shepard and James were both sitting on the bed, holding some controls facing a virtual screen. They were playing a videogame. A fucking videogame.
Joker burst out in laugh startling both of them.
"Shit, Joker!" James stood up from his bed like if he were sitting on a spring
Joker couldn't stop laughing. After having imagined the worst case scenario, after feeling he had lost Shepard, he felt alive again
"James, can you give us a minute?" asked Shepard
"Sure Lola" he left his bunk as if he were afraid of Joker
Waiting for the outburst to fade, Jess remained silent. When Joker was more calmed she had the courage to talk
"Hey" she said sheepishly
"What were you thinking Jess?!" He knew everything he imagined was not true but he couldn't help to feel angry "You almost killed me from anguish! I thought… I thought I lost you! That you were cheating on me with James!" He kept screaming, and grabbing her wrists he pinned her against the wall
"No, baby, no, never! I would never leave you! I would never cheat on you! I love you Jeff!" she cried. She knew he had every right to be upset.
"Then way all this charade for a videogame?!"
"Because… because I suck at it! And you told me how you had bought it for the two of us, and how I was born to play it, that sure I was going to be great and NO! I SUCK!" she was looking down "I noticed it meant a lot to you so I asked James to help me, I didn't think it would be so hard y'know? I didn't want you to know, so that way I could surprise you" her eyes still lingered in the floor. In that moment Joker kissed her, roughly, crushing her lips with his, biting her upper lip while his tongue roamed her mouth. He still held her hands pinned above her head.
"You are mine Jess, you know that, don't you?" he said, his voice dangerously low
"Yes, babe" she felt good; better than she had felt in ages. She liked this possessive Joker.
"Next time, please, I prefer you tell me you suck at something instead of preparing surprises that could kill me...please" his voice was now the same as always
/
Up in her cabin, they were already in bed
"How did you find out?" she wanted to know, she had thought she was good at stealth
"I wanted to see you but the feeds were out. EDI told me you block those two days in a row. You know? It's weird, I think she thought you were cheating on me too" he said remembering her last words "she told me I'm sorry Jeff"
"What? But how and wh- OH!" an unexpected realization hit Jess
"EDI?"
"Yes Shepard?"
"Did you think I was cheating on Jeff?"
"Yes Shepard"
"Did you caused all the problems and accidents I had with the Normandy's equipment?"
The IA took a whole second before answering
"Yes Shepard"
"What?!" Joker was baffled
"Wait babe. I think I understand now, you'll see" Jess said with a grin "EDI, thank you for doing that, I appreciate it"
"Of course Shepard"
"What?! Why are you thanking her for all the disasters she created?"
"Because she was trying to protect you by punishing me. It seems that she loves you just as much as I do, baby" and without adding another word she pulled him close kissing him deeply.