Set in a fantasy AU, where the Host Club forms a party of adventurers who fight monsters, rescue lovely maidens, and generally get into trouble. This fanfiction is rated T, for some mild violence and language.
OHSHC belongs to Bisco Hatori.
Chapter 1: Interview with A Vain Idiot
Fujioka Haruhi looked at the tavern sign, and steeled herself to enter. It looked like a respectable place, and from what she had been able to find out, the people she was to meet had a good reputation. That is, she mused to herself, they always get the job done. But you have to wonder about their name.
She opened the door, entered the tavern, and peered around. She approached the bar, and asked the barkeep if the "Host Party" had arrived. He jerked a thumb towards a back corner, where she counted six figures around a large table.
Nearing the table, Haruhi studied the people. The ones she could see the faces of were all quite attractive. First, the most eye-catching, a blonde knight in shining armor. What working Knight actually polishes his armor like that? she wondered. It's not like he's a palace guard. Well, anyway, that must be the leader, Suo.
Looking to his right, she saw a dark-haired man with glasses, dressed all in black. That must be the Assassin. Never did find out his name. She hadn't heard much about him, but with Assassins, that usually meant they were good. Because dead men tell no tales.
The next two people were seated away from Haruhi, so she couldn't make out much. They wore dark, hooded cloaks, and one had a quiver slung across his back. On the other side of that one sat... a little boy? He certainly didn't look old enough to be in here, sitting among a group of adventurers. He had tousled, golden hair. And next to him sat a very tall, dark-haired man, wearing heavy armor. His wasn't shiny. It looked like respectable, serviceable stuff that a soldier would wear.
By this point Haruhi had slowed to a stop, watching them. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, chatting and laughing. One of the cloaked ones waved a beer at the shiny one, who turned his nose up, preferring the wine in front of him. The little boy took a small cake out of a box and started to devour it.
The man with glasses, the Assassin, looked up sharply, straight at her. He said something, causing the others to start looking around. The little blonde boy put down a forkful of cake and stared at her. The others found her as well, and she figured it was time to move. Nodding at them and giving a slight smile, she approached the group.
"Hello," she said, pulling up a chair. "Are you the Host Party?" Upon their nod of affirmation, she sat down. "I'm Fujioka Haruhi, the Mage who contacted you about a possible job. I understand you're in need of both a Battle Mage and a Healer. I'm qualified as both."
The Host Club shared a quick look, although Haruhi wasn't sure what it meant. Then the taller blonde, the one with the shiny armor, smiled and spoke. "I'm Suo Tamaki, Level 20 Knight, and leader of this lovely Host Party. So pleased to meet you. Everyone, say hello."
The other blonde, the small one, started. "Hi, Haru-chan!" Haruhi twitched at his familiarity. "I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni, but you can call me Honey! I'm a Beast Tamer!" For the first time Haruhi noticed that he had a small monster, a pink puppet rabbit, sitting on his lap. It was nibbling a piece of cake. "This is Usa-chan! Takashi, you next!"
The tall man nodded his head, and spoke in a quiet, deep voice. "Morinozuka Takashi. Level 23 Dragoon." And that was apparently all.
Next came the two cloaked men, who were red-headed, golden-eyed, identical twins. They spoke in unison, in matching bored drawls. "We're Rangers." Then, the one without the quiver (and Haruhi now noticed a longbow in the corner) said, "I'm Hitachiin Hikaru." His brother said, "And I'm Hitachiin Kaoru."
The brothers turned to their leader. "Tono, this one's too ugly. Turn 'im down," Hikaru continued. Karou nodded in agreement. "He doesn't match the high aesthetic standard we promise."
Haruhi's mouth dropped open. Were they really dismissing her out of hand because she wasn't as good-looking as their group?! Because her hair was a mess and she wore unfashionable glasses? They hadn't even asked for a magic demonstration! (And the back of her mind thought, And apparently they think I'm a boy.)
Tamaki narrowed his eyes and snapped, "Hikaru, Kaoru, apologize! Not everyone is blessed with divine looks like ours!" And that pissed Haruhi off even more. The man with glasses just sighed, and said, "Please ignore the twins and this vain idiot. I'm afraid they're simply unbearably rude people." He gave her a chilly smile. "I'm Ootori Kyoya, an Assassin. Pleased to meet you."
Haruhi shifted uncomfortably. "Excuse me for being too ugly for you!" she grumbled at the twins. Then she shifted her glare to Tamaki. "Does that have something to do with why you call yourselves the 'Host Party?' Is physical attractiveness a requirement for joining your group?" She let a little bit of distaste seep into her voice.
Tamaki gave her a dazzling smile, and said in a soothing voice, "No, of course not! ...Well, not really." He paused, searching for the right words. "It just so happens that we are all really, really good-looking, and many of our jobs involve rescuing fair maidens. So I figured it was a good name." He beamed. Haruhi's estimation of him dropped. Apparently he was both narcissistic and stupid.
The Assassin took over. "Appearances aside, we are in serious need of a Mage. Possibly two. If we can hire someone proficient as both Battle Mage and Healer, then all for the better. So we are perfectly willing to consider you. Perhaps we can see a demonstration of your skills? And a document to verify them. Your Magicians' Guild Examination results would suffice."
Haruhi nodded, calmed down by logic and an interest in her skills. She rummaged in her satchel, and handed a scroll to Kyoya. "Here are my results for the test. As for a practical show of skill, we'd better go outside. Don't want to damage the bar." The group finished their drinks (and cake) and gathered their belongings. Haruhi studied their equipment. Tamaki had shortsword and small shield, both polished as brightly as his armor. Kyoya had no visible weapons, but it was likely he had hidden blades on him. Hikaru had a rapier at his side, while Kaoru carried the longbow. Honey also wore no weapons, and all he had in the way of armor was a pair of leather bracers, soft brown with small pink flower detailing. Mori wore a mixture of chain and plate mail, and wielded a longsword and a heavy shield.
Once outside, and at a little distance from any dwelling, Haruhi approached a great tree. She rested her hands on the bark, and closed her eyes to concentrate. The tree erupted in flames, climbing high, and burning bright and hot. Haruhi let the fire rage for several long moments, then stole the oxygen from the fire using wind magic. She then used her healing powers to fix the tree.
She turned to the watching Hosts. "I could have doused the tree in a lot of water, but that wouldn't eliminate the fire as quickly or thoroughly as depriving it of air," she explained. "And while plant magic could have healed it, it was easier to use a basic recovery spell. Although I could have used any of these techniques, it's important for a Mage to economize their strength."
There were whistles of appreciation from the twins. "Well, I'll be damned. He ain't half bad," said Hikaru. Kaoru smiled and asked, "So what Level are you? Past 20?" "Um, 18. Pretty close to 19, I think," Haruhi muttered.
"Nice!" exclaimed the twins, grinning. "That's a pretty good trick," added Hikaru.
"Yes! Simply wonderful!" Tamaki clasped her hands enthusiasticly. "What do you think, Kyoya? I thoroughly approve!"
The Assassin wore a small smile. "Yes, quite impressive. And I see that you were the top scorer in your testing class for the Magicians' Guild Examination. Where did you study?"
Haruhi had be dreading this question. "Well, I'm mostly self-taught." She received blank stares. "I mean, obviously I had some training," she continued hurriedly, "but only on the basics. I had to learn everything else on my own. But I am very well-practiced, and I did get the Guild's top score."
"Oh my, were you too poor to attend any of the magic schools?" exclaimed Tamaki. "And yet you still tested so well. Amazing!" Haruhi could feel an eye begin to twitch. Surely he didn't mean to sound so rude...
The Knight turned to his team. "Men, in response to his brilliant display of magic, I think we should overlook Fujioka-kun's humble origins and allow him to join us! What say you?"
Honey bounced with excitement. "Yeah, Haru-chan was great! Haru-chan, you should become our Mage! Takashi agrees, too!" Mori nodded his head.
The twins had their arms draped across eachother's shoulders, and they had matching sly looks on their faces. They spoke in sync, as usual, saying, "We'll accept him, under one condition..." "We're going to give him a make-over," continued Hikaru. Haruhi sighed. It seemed they really were too caught up in appearances. But she needed the job. Not everyone was willing to hire a self-taught Mage, no matter how good their test scores were. And it wasn't like she was against dressing up. She was just too lazy to make the effort.
"Well, Fujioka-san, welcome to the Host Party," Kyoya said, ignoring the twins' comment. "I'm pleased that we've found such a qualified addition to the the group. I'll draw up a contract for you tonight. Let's do business." And so, shaking the hand of the Assassin, Haruhi promised to meet her new employers again in the morning.
A/N: Welcome, and thank you for reading the beginning of my very first fanfic! As a brand-new author, I am eager for all the constructive criticism I can get.
About the story... I don't want to blabber on about it for too long, but I figure I should explain a few things. Yes, Haruhi's true gender will be revealed soon (although Honey and Kyoya both already know; I was careful to never let them use any pronouns that would give the game away), and she'll be getting the make-over in the next chapter.
Now, about the names and honorifics... I decided to keep the Japanese format, because it shows the character relationships well. And because I didn't want to change Usa-chan's name (yup, really, the rabbit was a deciding factor). Also, you may note that I only use honorifics when the characters are addressing eachother, not when it's just me writing about them. I do that because it's easier for me. You'll also notice that I may capitalize some words that you wouldn't expect, like "Assassin". That's because (at least in this case) it's a Class, a title for someone with a certain skill set. And yet "puppet rabbit" (the type of monster that Usa-chan is) isn't. That's because it's the common name of the species, like "gray wolf". Well, this footnote is getting long, so I'll end here for now.