Prologue

I really didn't deserve either of them at this point. Things had gone way too far; farther than I'd ever planned. Though I really hadn't planned any of this. That, at least, was a small reassurance. Tiny, to put things into perspective. But a reassurance nonetheless. And I needed lots of those, lately, to convince myself I wasn't a completely horrible person.

It wasn't really my fault at all, I kept telling myself. Hormones had twisted this lie, had spun this messy web.

But a small voice in the back of my head kept repeating itself, like a scratched disc; had you been in better control of them…

I groaned, trying to push myself deeper into the mattress, to make myself disappear forever. That way I might be able to save them from hurting. But no matter what, I was going to hurt one of them. Or both, really, just one less than the other.

Or you could stop being completely selfish.

I hated that voice. It was always right.

Chapter 1

I thought back to that dreary autumn day. The sky was a consistent shade of grey, spreading itself as far as I could see. My toes were going numb in this cold weather, I could feel it. I hugged my bear arms, rubbing my hands against them, trying to warm them up with the friction. I rebelled against the weather, wearing flip-flops, shorts and a tank. Now I just felt ridiculous.

Ducking under the low branches of a pine tree, I followed the winding familiar route that took me to one of my favourite places in the world. It was also one of my least favourite, in a way.

Pulling open the heavy door, I felt the corners of my mouth turn up. I breathed in the familiar scent of the forest after rain, and was greeted with a gruff, "'Morning, Molly." from Woody. He was old, with thick white caterpillar eyebrows and a snowstorm of silvery hair on his head, but he was strong. His face was lined with creases, and yet he was still able to haul about as many logs around as the his two teenage apprentices combined.

Joe, the older of the brothers, walked in with a bowl in one of his big sun-kissed hands. "'Mornin'" was all he could say in between bites.

"I could cook, if you wanted…" I said, my voice trailing off as I eyed whatever Joe was eating.

"Don't worry yourselves over these boys," said Woody with a low chuckle.

"It's good," added Joe, pushing a spoon of muck into my face. I back away. "Try some."

"No thanks," I said, wrinkling my nose.

"Aww, cut it out, Joe!" A tired Kurt called out as he came down the stairs. His brown hair was sticking in every different direction, and he yawned loudly.

"Jus' tryin' to give your girl a little extra protein." Joe said, ruffling Kurt's hair, which matched his own. That was about the only resemblance between the two. Joe was almost a head taller, and Kurt was much skinnier. Kurt wore his hair shorter, but Joe kept his almost to his chin. Joe had dark chocolate eyes, but Kurt's had more green in his, more of a topaz.

It was a good thing they were bickering, not paying attention to me at all. Otherwise they might have noticed the way I had reacted when Joe had said your girl. They might have noticed the way that my smile wasn't as wide as before, the way it looked almost forced.

Because that little voice in the back of my head told me that I knew I wished it was the other way around; Kurt referring to me as Joe's girl. It told me not to deny my attraction for Joe, when I knew there was nothing there for Kurt.

I told that voice to shut up.

It wasn't like this in the beginning. When I first showed up, I hadn't noticed Kurt at all. I had seen nothing but Joe.

The first day I had arrived, I had met Gwen, whom I had made an instant connection with. She had bright, dancing eyes and long blonde hair. We had talked for a bit, and I thought that was the end of it. But later that night she showed up at my door, telling me to forget packing, and that we were going dancing. Dancing! I didn't think there was any place to go like that in such a small town. I was thrilled.

It wasn't really like any of the clubs we had in the city. Actually, it wasn't a club at all. It was a bar, but that worked just the same. Apart from the waitress, Gwen and I were the only females in there. Which suited me just fine. And we were the only ones dancing, which suited me just fine as well. People were looking, but I didn't care one bit. I lived for the spotlight. At least, I used to. But that's a story for later.

When Gwen and I went to sit down and get a drink, I noticed the beautiful boy, well man, really, staring at me, a crooked smile on his face and his eyebrows raised. It was dark, so I couldn't really see the color of his eyes, only that they were a darker shade. He had a straight nose and his lips were full, for a man. I felt my heart hammering away at my ribs, as if it were trying to break them.

I felt my mouth open in a little o, and I heard my sharp intake of breath. Gwen turned to me.

"Who is that?" I asked, mystified. Gwen let out a little laugh at my reaction, silver bells tinkling.

"That's Joe," she answered, giving him a small wave. He raised his glass to us. "Want me to call him over?"

"No!" I said, feeling my face flush, hot under my touch. "I mean, no. No, I don't think I could handle that." My voice was barely a whisper, now. She looked at me, her perfect eyebrows slanting in and her lips pursed, but she didn't ask any questions. I liked her for that.

For the next few weeks, I tried to make up for my behaviour that first night. Every time I saw Joe, I'd give a little smile, or let my eyes flash to his face for a second before looking away. Most of the time he was looking back, a mysterious smile on his face. This continued for a while, but never went any farther than that.

Then came the fireworks festival. Gwen and I had planned to watch them together, seeing as how we were both dateless. But she got asked out last-minute, leaving me by myself. I knew she felt bad, because she told me and asked me if I was ok with it before she said yes. I told her to have fun. Date or no date, I was going anyways. So I ended up on the scratchy sand of the beach by myself, watching the way Joe's face in the bright colors that only lasted for a second at a time more than the fireworks themselves. One time I must have started spacing out when I was looking at him, because when I came to I saw him looking right at me, a big grin stretched across his face.

My face flushed, and I was grateful for the darkness so that he couldn't see. I scrambled to stand up, wiping the sand off my bare legs and my skirt, before walking as fast as I could without running until I was out of his view. The instant I was sure I was, I kicked off my flip-flops and started full-out sprinting back to the Inn where I stayed, a shoe in each hand.

I ran all the way to the Inn and up the stairs to my room , not bothering to put my shoes on. Throwing myself onto the bed fully dressed, I buried my face into my pillow, wishing I never had to get up.

Unfortunately, I forgot about Gwen. She woke up early, even when she stayed out late, and she needed almost no sleep to run at full pace through the whole day.

"Molly, Molly, Molly!" She cried, and I heard the springs in the mattress squeak as she bounced onto the bed next to me. As usual, she looked gorgeous, though she was still in her pyjamas and her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. No dark circles under her eyes, either.

"How many hours of sleep did you get?" I asked, yawning and stretching my toes off the edge of the bed.

"Three," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Normal people need sleep," I told her, but she acted as if she didn't hear me. That, or she just didn't.

"Guess what, Molly?"

"Wha-at?" I said, managing to stretch the word into two syllables thanks to the yawn in between.

"He kissed me!"

"What? Who did?"

"Dan, duh. Who else?" She rolled her eyes at my slowness.

"I don't know- I'm tired." Only then did she notice that I looked worse than usual in the morning.

"What happened to you?" Her eyes grew wider, taking in my appearance. I groaned.

"Joe caught me staring at him." I said reluctantly.

"Were you?"

"Well, yeah… but I spaced out." She frowned. "Here, take this." I said offering her my pillow. "Hold it onto my face 'till I stop moving, 'kay?" Gwen took the pillow, but put it behind her head instead, laying down next to me.

"We're going out." I started to protest, but she shushed me. "I don't care what the weather is like today, put on whatever you look best in." She looked over at me, and took in my expression. "Then," She continued, smiling, "we're going to walk over by the wood shop."

"That's it? That's your brilliant plan? What if he doesn't see us?" Another question popped into my head, enveloping me in fear. I didn't say it out loud, though. Gwen frowned, finally realising how many ways her plan could fail.

"Then we walk by again?"

"We'll look like stalkers."

"Hey! What day is it today, anyways?" My eyebrows furrowed; I tried to see where this conversation was going.

"Tuesday, I think. Why?" Gwen smiled, which made me believe I didn't really want to know.

"No reason. Do you want to go swimming?" I eyed her, wondering why the sudden change in topic. I sighed, giving up.

"…Fine." Gwen let out a squeal of joy.

"I'll meet you back here in a few minutes, ok?" It wasn't really a question, because she didn't wait for my answer. Instead, she raced out of there before I could change my mind. I had a bad feeling about this.

Nevertheless, I pulled on my bathing suit and put on my flip flops that were still at the end of my bed where I had dropped them the night before. Wrapping a towel around my waist the same way Gwen did, I had just finished when I heard a knock on my door.

The way to the springs was fairly quiet, as I was deep in thought, trying to decipher Gwen's relentless train of thought. My most reasonable theory was that she had ADD. I didn't need to wait long, though, because as soon as we stepped into the clearing nestled into the rock, I realised I was dead wrong.

My words came out in a growl, "Gwen, I hate you."

Author's Notes: Well, here it is; the first chapter. Which I still haven't named (suggestions are welcome!). Still not quite sure what to put here. Oh well. Constructive criticism is always needed; I'd love to hear your questions, thoughts, musings- anything!

Edit: Thanks to Sleepy Snake for pointing out my punctuation error!