Radar's Battle, a m*a*s*h fanfic

RADAR'S BATTLE

19-year-old Radar O'Reilly dropped his hamburger and stood up, stock-still, listening. Hawkeye noticed and dropped his spatula from where he had been barbecuing the burgers.

"Oh no, Radar, not now!"

Radar sighed. "I'm sorry sir."

"But the barbecue's barely even started, that's not fair!"

'Sorry Hawk," Radar repeated. "I don't make 'em come, I just hear 'em. CHOPPERS! CHOPPERS!"

By now everyone else could hear the air-ambulances as well. Hawkeye took off running to the landing pad, and Radar ran in the other direction to announce the "in-coming wounded" over the P.A. system.

"So much for the barbecue," BJ Hunnicut yelled over the whirring of the helicopter blades as he caught up with Pierce.

"Maybe there won't be any wounded tomorrow," Hawkeye said with a grim smile.

The operating room was in chaos, but it was an ordered chaos. Nurses ran back and forth, fetching instruments, masks, and fresh gloves. Orderlies brought pint jars of blood and plasma, and extra 3-0 silk thread. It was 12 noon, but lunch was forgotten. A plane buzzed loudly overhead, but it was ignored, mostly. Chief Nurse Margaret Hoolihan squinted out across the compound into the bright sunlight and came back a few seconds later with the report, unconcerned.

"Don't worry, it's one of ours."

Hawkeye finished scrubbing for the fourth time that day and turned to Margaret. "Glove me!" he said, with false enthusiasm in his voice. BJ came in from his five minute break and donned a clean surgical gown. He scrubbed up too.

"Ow ow ow ow owww! Hawk, I know what you meant the other day when you said your hands were screaming." He held up his red, chapped hands for their inspection.

Hawkeye nodded. "Be glad we don't have to wash in alcohol."

"Don't remind me," BJ said.

By that evening things finally seemed to have settled down. Hawkeye felt like he had just closed his eyes for a few seconds when Radar was shaking him awake for his shift in post-op.

Hawkeye immediately noticed that one man lying in the corner bed didn't look so well. He took his pulse and put a hand to the soldier's forehead. He was burning up. "Radar," he called, "who was on post-op duty before me? This kid's got a high fever, why wasn't anything done?"

"Oh, um, it was Major Burns, sir," Radar said.

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Figures. Where's nurse Baker?"

"She's in supply, sir. Is Chang Hee gonna be alright Hawk? I was just talking to him before, but he said that he was real tired, and his throat hurt real bad, so I left."

"Ya, he should be okay Radar, once we get some medicine into him."

"Good," Radar said. "We were just getting to know each other."

A thought occurred to Hawkeye as Radar was leaving, and he turned. "Radar, have you ever been immunized for diphtheria?"

"Immu-who?" Radar said.

"You know, given a shot so you wouldn't get sick," Hawkeye said.

"Oohh," Radar said, edging towards the door, "I think I was sick that day…" He remembered playing sick one day in grade school because he knew that a nurse was coming to give shots. "You know, I'd better go -- I have a lot of work to do."

Hawkeye's eyes narrowed skeptically. "Okay, but remind me to do it later. I wouldn't want you to get what I think Chang Hee here has."

"Umm, right, sir." Radar dived for the door.

Later that afternoon Radar glanced furtively around the corner. Hawkeye was nowhere in sight. He darted into the mess tent. Despite anything he had said, there was no way he was going to remind Hawkeye to give him a shot. He hated shots! He absolutely dreaded them. He thought it was best to lay low for awhile, lest his very presence remind the doctor. Maybe in a few days the Hawkeye would forget, and Radar would be home-free.

"Diphtheria?!" Colonel Potter was incredulous. "People have been immunized with diphtheria toxoid since the 1890's. Eighteen nineties," he emphasized. Hawkeye nodded. "I know, but I guess Korea didn't get immunized. All of the symptoms are there: fever, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes in the neck, white tonsils…" he, too, shook his head. "You'd think we would have eradicated this thing already."

Potter nodded. "The bacteria usually infects the throat, nose, or skin, but it can also infect wounds, and I guess that's how Chang Hee got it." He sighed. "Well, now we have something else to watch out for."

"I've prescribed the regular penicillin and antitoxin. We should see the fever come down soon," Hawkeye said.

"At least we can be sure none of our boys will get it; they've all been immunized," Potter said.

"Not all," Hawkeye said, suddenly remembering Radar. "Where has Radar got to?"

"He's just in the office doing some paperwork," Colonel Potter said.

Radar, being too curious for his own good, and concerned about Chang Hee, had been listening in to the conversation. Now he jumped up, knocking his chair over, and bolted for the door just as Hawkeye walked out of Colonel Potter's office.

"Radar!" Hawkeye yelled. Realizing what was going on, he was soon in hot pursuit. A group of bewildered nurses turned to stare incredulously as Radar pushed past and Hawkeye didn't even seem to notice them as he sprinted after the corporal.
"What's with Dr. Pierce?" Nurse Kelley mused.

Hunnicut was just stepping out of his shared tent, nicknamed "The Swamp", directly in front of the chase. "Don't just stand there, grab him!" Hawkeye yelled. Hunnicut, always willing to have some fun, dove for the corporal, but Radar, propelled by his phobia, dodged, and BJ landed in the dirt. Radar glanced back and realized that Pierce was gaining rapidly, and BJ was now a part of the chase too. In desperation, he sprinted into the motor pool and leaped into a Jeep. He turned the key and it roared to life. Seeing what had happened, Hawkeye and BJ jumped into the next jeep. Radar was already well ahead of them.

"Hey! You can't take those!" Sargent Zale yelled, but he was left standing in a cloud of dust.

"Why are we chasing him?!" BJ yelled over the roar of the engine. Radar was trying to lose them, making high-speed turns this way and that, but they could always tell which way he had gone because of the dust.

"He never got his diphtheria immunization!" Hawkeye yelled back. "He won't let me do it, and I saw him talking to Chang Hee. He's probably gonna get real sick real soon if we don't catch it in time."

By this time Radar realized the hopelessness of his situation: he had nowhere to go. He slowed down and resignedly waited for Hawkeye and BJ to catch up. "What was I thinking, anyway?" he said to himself. Maybe he could just explain things to Hawk and BJ and they'd let him go without being immunized. Maybe there were some sort of pills you could take instead, or even some sort of nauseating drink. Anything would be better than that horrible, dreadful panicky feeling, and the needle stabbing into his flesh…

The other jeep roared up and Hawkeye leaped from it. He grabbed Radar by the arm. BJ grabbed his other arm. "Whada' ya think you were doing?!" Hawkeye yelled.

"I don't know," Radar mumbled, "I guess I just panicked."

"Well that much is obvious," BJ said. "C'mon Radar, it's just a shot, how bad can it be?"

"Well, you're not the one getting it," Radar said. "I have this phobia…" his voice trailed off.

"We'd better get back to camp," Hawkeye put in. "It's getting late."

They had only been driving for about two minutes when there was a barrage of gunfire nearby. One bullet ricocheted off of the front of the jeep. "Head for cover!" BJ yelled, instinctively grabbing the jeep's emergency bag and jumping out. Radar grabbed a helmet from his jeep as he also bailed out, with Hawkeye close behind. They crawled on their bellies into the trees. There was a long, steep slope ahead and they half-crawled half-slid down it. Moments later there was a loud explosion, followed by another one a few seconds later.

"There go the jeeps," Radar said. "I think we're stuck."

Hawkeye crawled slowly back through the trees and peered through the foliage. Sure enough, there were two smoking hunks of twisted metal where the jeeps had been moments earlier. "Good thing we weren't inside," he said as BJ and Radar crawled up beside him.

"Our two-way radios were in there!" Radar said. "Now we have no way of contacting the camp and they don't know where we are!"

"It's getting dark," BJ observed. "How far do you suppose we are from MASH, Hawk?"

"At the speed we were going…" he paused, "I'd say about six miles."

BJ sighed. "That'll take about an hour and a half to walk in this terrain."

"Longer," Radar said. "We don't want to get captured. Maybe we should stay off the road."

"Good thinking," Hawkeye said. "I wouldn't want what happened to the jeeps to happen to us."

"Agreed," BJ said.

They started their hike as the shadows grew longer and longer.

"They did WHAT!?" A vein stood out on Colonel Potter's forehead. "Of all the loony ideas! You say they were chasing Radar?"

"Yes, sir," Zale said.

"Have you tried the two-way radios?"

"No response, sir."

Colonel Potter softened his tone a degree. "I realize you're not the one responsible, Zale, so I shouldn't be shouting at you." A worried look crossed over his face. "Radar and my two best surgeons are missing in action; what if we get wounded soldiers coming in? I can't handle the O.R. myself and Frank's not much help. No response on the radios you say?"

Zale shook his head. "None, sir."

Potter sighed. I hope those boys are alright. If they're not back within half an hour I'll send someone out looking for them."

"Ow!" Hawkeye cursed as another tree branch poked him in the face. "I can't see anything in these woods. I think we'd better stop and make camp soon."

"I agree," BJ said. "I'm not even sure if we're going in the right direction anymore."

They'd been skulking through the bush for about an hour now, and it was pitch black. "I hate to stop when we're probably only two miles from MASH, but I need daylight to get my bearings -- otherwise we might stumble right into a North Korean unit," Hunnicut said.

"Is there any water?" Radar asked plaintively. "I'm so thirsty."

Hawkeye turned around and studied Radar's face concernedly. The young Corporal's eyes were bright with the tell-tale signs of fever. Radar shivered suddenly and violently. "I'm gonna sit down and rest a bit," he mumbled.

Hunnicut & Pierce exchanged worried glances. "There was a small stream a few yard back," BJ remembered. "If we risk a small fire we could boil some water to drink."

"In what?" Hawkeye said.

"How 'bout that helmet?" BJ suggested, nodding towards Radar. He was still wearing the helmet he had grabbed from his jeep.

"Okay, let's go," Hawkeye said, taking Radar's arm and helping him up.

BJ rubbed his hands briskly over the cheery blaze he had managed to get going. Fires were good for morale as well as warmth. "I'm sure glad the jeep kit had matches in it," he said.

"And this penicillin," Hawkeye said, subtly preparing a shot of it behind Radar's back. The corporal was probably too tired and miserable to notice anyway. He was wrapped in a thin green blanket provided by the jeep's emergency kit, and was alternately sweating and shivering in the humid night air.

"How are you feeling?" BJ asked, as he sponged the corporal's forehead with a cool wet cloth. (He had dipped his shirt into the stream and now wore only his light jacket.)

"I'm so tired," Radar mumbled, "and I want water."

"I can help you there," Hunnicut said. He had boiled some water in the army helmet Radar had taken from the jeep, and it was now cool enough to drink. Hunnicut held the helmet to Radar's lips as the corporal drank awkwardly from one side. Then he lay back down on the green army blanket and closed his eyes. The doctor put his hand on Radar's forehead. "His fever's pretty high," he said quietly as Hawkeye came up beside him.

Hawkeye nodded. "This should help," he said, holding up a syringe with penicillin. He knelt down and quickly injected it into Radar's arm.

"Ow," Radar moaned. "Something stung me."

"Don't worry about it Radar, " Hawkeye said. "I got it. Just try and get some sleep."

"Just try and get some sleep, sir," Klinger suggested to Colonel Potter. "The MPs are out searching; they'll radio in as soon as they have news, and I'll come and wake you up."

Potter was pacing his office. "Thanks for the thought Klinger, but I can't sleep with my boys out there. What if they're wounded, or even captured?" He sighed, rubbed his tired eyes, and sat down at his desk to wait.

In the mess tent most of the camp sat drinking coffee and talking quietly. They couldn't sleep either. A few were angry that they couldn't go out and join the search. I-Corp had reported high enemy activity in the area, and sent in MPs instead. They had been unwilling to spare anyone, but they knew that surgeons might be desperately needed at anytime.

Father Mulcahy stood up and cleared his throat. "Why don't we have a moment of prayer for our friends," he suggested, and had to wipe a tear away when everyone bowed their heads. "Lord, we don't know what's happened to Hawkeye, Radar, and BJ, but You do, and we pray that You'll protect them and watch over them tonight, and bring them safely back to us. Amen." There was a chorus of quiet "amen's" around the room and everyone went back to the tense vigil of waiting.

Back in the office Klinger jumped as the radio crackled to life. "MASH 4077th, come in MASH 4077th,"

"This is MASH 4077th," Klinger replied. "We read you."

"This is Echo Unit, MASH 4077th. We've found the jeeps -- they've been hit by shells and are totally destroyed, but we're tracking footprints down the embankment and into the woods. We'll keep you informed. Echo Unit out."

Klinger and Potter exchanged a look, both worried and hopeful.

"They made it out, sir; they'll be okay," Klinger reassured. "They'll be okay."

Potter only hoped he could believe it too.

Radar stirred and moaned beside the small campfire. Hawkeye reached over and pulled the thin army blanket back over him. Hunnicut felt the corporal's forehead and exchanged a worried look with Pierce. "The fever's not coming down yet. Shall we try some more penicillin?"

"I guess it's all we can do, until we get back to MASH ," Hawkeye said resignedly. Radar's eyes flickered open and rested on Hawkeye's face. He shivered and swallowed thickly. "Hawk, am I gonna die?"

Hawkeye smiled reassuringly. "Absolutely not Radar, we'll have you better in no time. We just have to wait until morning."

"Okay," the corporal said weakly.

Hunnicut was ready with the second penicillin shot, and he gestured to Hawkeye to distract Radar. "Why don't you have some more water?" Hawkeye said. He carefully picked up the army helmet and held it to Radar's lips, supporting the corporal's head with his free hand. BJ knelt down beside Radar and pushed his sleeve up, but this time the young man noticed. He turned fevered eyes toward BJ. The firelight glinted of the syringe in BJ's hand. Radar jerked away in alarm.

"What are you doing?! Don't let him near me!" His eyes were filled with panic and he began to get up. Hawkeye seized him by the shoulders and grimly forced him back down.

"Radar, you're very sick – we're only trying to help you."

"No!" A sob of fright escaped Radar's lips and he struggled to get free, but Pierce held him firmly.

"Radar, calm down and look at me." There was a stern, commanding note in Hawkeye's voice that wasn't often heard, and the corporal obeyed. "Okay Radar, I want you to breathe deeply and slowly, in...out...in...out, okay?"

Radar nodded weakly. After a moment he turned to look at Hunnicut and began to breathe rapidly and shallowly again when he saw the syringe in the doctor's hand.

"Radar, don't look at him, look at me," Pierce said firmly. "Calm down and breathe, slowly, in...out...in...out. BJ's gonna give you the penicillin, but just ignore that and concentrate on breathing...you can do this Radar." This time the corporal didn't flinch as Hunnicut swiftly injected the penicillin. "Okay, try to get some sleep now," Pierce said, releasing Radar's shoulders. "It's done." Radar sighed and closed his eyes. Pierce and Hunnicut relaxed visibly as well.

"Thanks Hawk," BJ said quietly. "That was pretty good. Did they teach you that at your medical school?"

"Naw," Hawkeye muttered. "I just made it up."

Mosquitoes and gnats swarmed around the pool of light spilling from the lantern MP Captain George Beckett carried. A few darted too close and died with a hiss against the hot glass. Beads of sweat rolled off of Beckett's forehead, and he shifted his grip on the lantern handle. He knew that he and his men would be clearly visible to enemy snipers or whoever else might be in these woods, but the missing surgeons might be needed at MASH even now, and he couldn't track them in the dark. Suddenly Beckett tensed and motioned to his men to stop. "I smell campfire smoke," he murmured. "It could be an enemy unit, or it could be our boys."

"Sir, I see the glow of a fire at 2 o' clock," one of Beckett's corporal's said, gesturing to the right.

Beckett squinted in the darkness. "I see it too." He doused the lantern. "Move in and surround them, quietly. Have your weapons ready, but don't fire until I give the command."

Corporal Wilson was trembling with excitement. He had never been a part of a stealth mission before. He held his rifle ready and inched soundlessly toward the firelight. Then, without warning, a twig snapped under his boot.

BJ's head snapped up. "Hawk," he called in a strained whisper, "I think someone's out there."

Hawkeye looked up from once again sponging Radar's forehead. "You probably just heard an animal."

Hunnicut squinted into the darkness and listened. The only sound was the wind rustling through the trees. He went back to staring into the fire. Moments later something cold and hard jabbed into his back.

"Put your hands on your head!" a voice growled in distinctive American English. "Identify yourselves!"

"Captain BJ Hunnicut, MASH 4077th," BJ said rapidly. He felt relieved, but didn't dare move a muscle until the rifle was lowered.

"Stand down men!" Beckett ordered. "Let's get these boys home."

The sound of jeeps entering the compound startled Colonel Potter, and he rushed out of the mess tent, where he had gone to wait with the others, hoping for the best. Hunnicut and Pierce, faces smudged with dirt and worry, were climbing out of the back of the first jeep, supporting Radar between them. Potter felt the tension of the past half a day melt away, to be replaced by relief and exhaustion.

"Praise the Lord!" Father Mulcahy said, coming up beside Potter. And then, "Is Radar alright?"

"It's diphtheria," Hunnicut said. "We've got to get the antitoxin into him as soon as possible, but he should recover in a day or so."

"Antitoxin?" Mulcahy asked as they hurried towards Post-Op. "You mean, like, an antidote?"

"That's not far off," Potter said. "Diphtheria produces a toxin that acts as a poison to certain tissues. The antitoxin neutralizes it's effects."

Radar was only vaguely aware of what was going on around him. He felt himself being lowered onto a bed. There were bright lights above him. He saw Colonel Potter's face peering down at him, and then Father Mulcahy's. Their lips were moving, but he couldn't understand what they were saying. Hawkeye and BJ drifted in and out of view as well. One moment he felt like he was burning up, and the next he was shivering with cold. He felt a sharp stab in his right arm, and finally he slept.

When Radar woke up next it was late afternoon. "What am I doing in Post-Op?" he said aloud. His voice sounded weak and scratchy, and his throat burned.

"Oh good Radar, you're awake!" Nurse Baker hurried over to his bed. "Why don't you have a drink of water and I'll go get Captain Pierce." She handed him a cup and hurried off.

As Radar sat sipping the water, memories of the previous day and night came flooding back.

"How could I have been so stupid?" he said aloud. "It was all my fault."

"Radar, we're just glad you're okay," Hunnicut said from the doorway. Pierce was right behind him.

"He's right Radar. Don't worry about it – you've been through enough already." Hawkeye smiled a tired smile. "You sure had us worried there for awhile though."

"You must be hungry Radar," Hunnicut said. "Why don't I go to the mess tent to see if there's anything edible, and bring you back a tray?"

"Okay," Radar said with a weak smile.

Hawkeye sat down on the hospital bed that was next to Radar's. He reached over and felt the corporal's forehead for a moment, and then nodded, satisfied.

"I think you can sleep in your own quarters tonight – the fever's nearly gone." Pierce hesitated a moment. "I still need to give you one more shot of penicillin though." He met Radar's eyes. What did he see there? For a brief moment, panic, but then it was pushed away and Radar's gaze was steady.

"Okay, but I want to watch."

Surprise was mingled with disbelief on Hawkeye's face. For once he was speechless. "Um...okay," he muttered. He got up, dipped a cotton ball in alcohol and swabbed at a spot on Radar's arm. Then he filled a syringe and pushed the air out, half expecting Radar to bolt when a tiny bit of liquid spurted from the needle, but the corporal didn't move. Hawkeye paused.

"I'm ready," Radar said matter-of-factly. He began to breath slowly and deeply.

"Okay," Hawkeye said. He quickly jabbed the needle in and Radar did not flinch as it made it mark.

Then Radar smiled. "You and Captain Hunnicut saved my life last night. Thank you. And Hawkeye?" he paused, "...thanks for everything else you did too."

Hawkeye grinned. "Give yourself some credit Radar, that was you." He waited a moment to let that sink in. "Now, I'll go see why BJ's taking so long with your supper."

As Pierce walked away, Radar lay his head back down on the pillow and smiled slightly. The war was still going on, but this battle was over.

THE END