A/N: Just a silly story I wrote for a contest over at Fanlib.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jeeves and Wooster
If I Eat This, Will I Die?
"What, Jeeves, are these?" I queried brusquely, eyeing the box my Valet had placed before me with disdain.
"They are called 'Peeps,' Sir, as you can see on the box," Jeeves informed me. I glanced up at his perpetually expressionless face, then back down at the foreign object gracing my table. The box did indeed have the name across it, in large bubbly letters. I mouthed the words, then turned my gaze to the product they supposedly described.
"Why are they shaped like a rubber duck?" I inquired, because they did resemble my bathing buddy.
"They are meant to resemble chicks, Sir," Jeeves replied. I cast him a wary glance, then lifted on of these 'Peeps' from the box. I turned it around in my hands, running my fingers over the rough, yellow exterior.
"And what are they made of?" I asked.
"Marshmallows, Sir," Jeeves said. "They are, I believe, a relatively new ddition to the Easter Celebrations, Sir." I nodded and gave the thing a sniff, finding that it smelled of nothing but sugar.
"Jeeves?"
"Sir."
"If I eat this, will I die?"
"No, Sir."
I looked up at my Valet. He looked calm and certain, but I still didn't particularly want ot ingest such a strange item of food.
"Are you sure?" I queried.
"Would you like me to demonstrate, Sir?" he offered. I shook my head.
"I can't ask you to do that, Jeeves. Whatever would I do if you were to die?" I asked. Jeeves raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, obviously either confused or amused my my inquiry. I, however, saw nothing odd in posing such a question; it was completely valid considering that Jeeves has been with me a good thirty years or so.
"Indeed, Sir" Jeeves said after a moment's pause. I nodded sharply and took a ravenous bite of the 'Candy Coated Marshmallow Peep' (as the box called it). The sweetness of my snack enveloped my taste-buds and I gagged as I forced myself to swallow what I'd bitten off. I set the headless Peep on the table and stood, dabbing at my mouth with my handkerchief.
"Where did these come from, Jeeves?" I asked.
"I saw them at the market and thought you might enjoy them, Sir," he replied. I stared at him, wondering what about these new desserts had struck Jeeves as something I would enjoy.
"Well, you were mistaken, Jeeves," I said. "Now, let's be rid of them, shall we?"
"Very good, Sir," Jeeves replied. I turned and left the kitchen, wondering what the world could be coming to with companies creating such things as Marshmallow Peeps.