A Cruce Salus

Opened my eyes and walked out the door / And the clouds came tumbling down / It's bye, bye, goodbye / I tried / Dreading the sea of a troubled mind / Had to leave myself behind / Singing, bye, bye, goodbye

I Tried.

(( Landed by Ben Folds ))

"Ah, Boxing Day. Has it ever sucked more?"

"QUIET!"

Sirius Black, a.k.a. Padfoot--Gryffindor, marauder and pranker extraordinaire--lowered his voice and picked up a tattered book. "Damn it. This one's scorched, too. That's another detention."

"What does that bring the tally up to?"

"31. But the night's still young, boys!"

"I said, QUIET!"

The three seventh years were serving a "pre-detention", if you will. They had made their excuses to their parents to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas break, so they could be with their friend Remus Lupin on his time of the month. (That always made them laugh.) That had been three days ago, but Remus was still recovering from his assorted bites and injuries in the hospital wing. Then yesterday, it had been Sirius's brilliant idea that "since it's our last Christmas as students of Hogwarts, we bloody well make it a memorable one!"

One thing was for sure- they wouln't be able to forget this if they tried.

Most likely, it was more becaues he was incredibly bored with one fourth of their pack missing. Sirius had attempted to cast some "minor spells" on the library that would cause what they enjoyed most: chaos and disarray. Unfortunately, he said them wrong, and ended up setting nearly half of the spacious room on fire. Madam Pince had been so furious that she ordered their punishment would be sorting the damaged books from the unharmed ones- without magic. In addition, for every book that was hurt even slightly, they each earned themselves an entire night's worth of detention.

It was true that James Potter, who was considerably more practiced at these spells, could have performed them himself, but it had been hard enough convincing him to let the prank go on at all. His long-time infatuation, Lily Evans, had finally deemed his "big head" shrunken enough to go out with him, and he didn't want to do anything to mess that up. She could nearly always be found with her nose in a book somewhere, and somehow James thought that causing a panic in the library wouldn't do very much good for their relationship. That decision had landed all of them there at 9:45 on the day after Christmas.

He laughed and leaned against a shelf as he watched Peter Pettigrew struggle to decide what language the spellbook he was observing was written in. James decided to let it go a little while longer before he informed his friend that it was upside down.

Peter gave a sigh of frustration and threw the book to the ground. Unfortunately, he soon realized that was the wrong thing to do as huge red puffs of smoke and various jinxes came spewing out of the angered book at lightning speed. Their corner of the library filled with suffocating gases and each was hit with at least three hexes before one of them had enough sense to choke out, "Run!"

The three blinded boys bolted through of the library, no doubt knocking over chairs and tables in the process. When they finally reached the double doors, they kept running down the halls until they reached the bottom of the astronomy tower. There they collapsed on each other in a fit of hysterical laughter while wiping tears of mirth from their eyes.

"That.. was.. bloody.. amazing, Peter!" said James.

"Yeah, too bad Remus couldn't be here to see this!" he replied, and pointed to James's face. His hair had lengthened to down past his shoulders and was flashing random colors of the rainbow- hideous, fluorescent, colors of the rainbow. Currently, it was a bright yellow.

James looked down at his hair, his laughter ceasing immediately.

"MY HAIR!" he screamed, going into a minor panic attack. The sight of his most prized posession like that caused him to forget his wand.

"This is just painful," muttered Sirius, "Finite Incantatem. Damn, James, you scream like a girl- over your hair."

"Like you wouldn't," snorted Peter.

"Peter, has hell frozen over?"

"Then we all have yet to see my hair in a state any less than perfect."

James, who had just noticed Sirius's shirt, had fallen backonto the ground in a fit of laughter. Unable to make out the words, he simply pointed at his best friend's attire before throwing his head back and snickering until he couldn't breathe.

The other two's eyes widened as they realized Sirius was fully clad in a bold Slytherin green and silver, complete with a detailed emblem of a snake. He attempted to lift the shirt off of him, but it was plastered to his chest. Peter let him struggle for a while before finally performing the removal spell.

"You do realize we'll probably be in detention for the rest of the year, don't you?"

"Cheers."

They took for granted how simple and carefree their lives were, and how complicated and painful they could be. At that moment, they had no worries larger than if their friend was feeling better or how many detentions they were going to get. They had no appreciation for how sheltered they were, and what torture they would go through after walking through the halls of Hogwarts for the last time.

Fortunately or unfortunately for them, that was all about to change as a sudden flash of blue light emanating from the tower became synonymous with a bloodcurdling shriek and the distinct sound of someone tumbling ungracefully down it. Their eyes widened, the laughter they shared forgotten, as they tore up the staircase and stumbled through the darkness towards the source of the noise. Only after lighting their wands did they see the silhouette of a body sprawled across the ancient stone staircase.

Sirius picked the body up--a girl, he soon realized--and carried her back down into the hallways, where they could get a good look on her face.

Peter sucked in his breath and turned away after Sirius turned the girl over. He couldn't even bear to look at her face- it was that disfigured.What probably would have been midnight black hair was matted with thick clumps of dried blood, and another area still sported a steady flux of the sticky red substance. A jagged scar started at the bottom of her forehead and continued down her right cheek almost until her chin. Her nose looked as though it had been broken and there were various cuts and bruises covering her face. One was a deep purple surrouding her eye and everything around it for nearly four inches onward. Her lip was severed and a wound on her neck was oozing pus. The girl's robes were skin tight and looked as though they might be concealing something. There was many a tear or stain (mostly blood) on them. She had a wand holster, but it was empty. James noted that there was a knife sticking out of her dragon-hide boots.

She looked straight out of battle.

"Um.. Does anyone else notice anything strange about this girl?" asked Sirius.

James punched him.

"She was so light, almost weightless, and she's losing a lot of blood.. fast."

"Then we'd better get her to the hospital wing," Peter put in, his voice shaking and his eyes still distended.

They were all still in shock from such an unexpected and gruesome thing occuring so unexpectedly and quickly altering the mood from humorous to dangerous. However, when Peter said these words, they realized that someone's life was on the line here and began to levitate her to the hospital wing.

"Who do you think she is, Padfoot?"

"Prongs, even if we knew her, I doubt we'd be able to tell after.. whatever it is that happened to her happened."

"She just seems so.. odd. Like she doesn't belong, or something."

"How many Hogwarts students have you seen beaten up this bad?"

"So you don't think she's a student?"

"We should have checked for her attacker," whispered Peter.

"...What do you mean?" asked James.

"Her attacker! You don't think she did this to herself, do you? We just left him there. He was probably waiting in the shadows! He could've attacked us! Now he's going to get away with what he did."

"But who would do that? I mean, this is a new low, even for Slytherins."

"I wouldn't put it past Snape," said Sirius darkly.

"But Snape isn't capable of this- I mean, even if he wanted to, he wouldn't have the power to beat her up this bad, not without help."

"Then maybe the Slytherins helped him! Maybe my goddamned cousins decided to have a little fun with a defenseless student!"

"Er, Padfoot? She doesn't exactly look.. defenseless. Haven't you noticed the knives sticking out of her boots? I don't think the Slytherins did this. She looks like she could give them a hell of a run for their money."

"Well then, who did it?"

"POMFREY!"

The school nurse finally came into view as they reached the hospital wing.

"Merlin, what is it? You'll wake half the school!"

None of them bothered to correct her that it was only around 10:00, and therefore no one would be in bed this early. Instead, they soundlessly levitated the mystery girl onto an empty bed, next to Remus's. Who.. ironically, was asleep.

Poppy Pomfrey sucked in her breath at the sight of someone looking so close to death.

"What happened!" she shrieked as she started tending to her, but looked as though she didn't know where to begin.

"We don't know," started James, "We were by the astronomy tower, and Sirius kind of rescued her."

Madam Pomfrey looked at them suspiciously and narrowed her eyes. "Go get Dumbledore," she said gravely, rubbing some cream colored lotion on the bruise around the girl's eye, "All of you. I need to see what bruises she's hiding underneath these robes of hers."

Ginny Weasley tossed and turned on an uncomfortable bed, cursing whatever forces that be had put her in such unbearable pain. Ah, well.. She had been in worse.

Wait a minute. Where was she? She tried to make some kind of recognition, but the pain was blinding her.

Cool. Wet. Relief. Cool, wet relief. What was that? It trickled down her throat like a stream of heaven. She almost let herself relax-

But No.

That was Ginny Weasley's Number One Rule: never let your guard down. Unfortunately, that meant never relax. It came from three years of attempting to kick the Dark Lord's ass.

Well, at least she still had her sense of humor. Although it wasn't that funny, really. She had been captured and tortured near a dozen times, yet she always managed to escape (a fact she was rather proud of). Death Eaters had used the Cruciatus on her more times than she could count. She was second only to Harry Potter in how often and how violently they targeted her. Voldemort had grown increasingly interested in her as she grew up. He had heard of the incident in the Chamber, of course, and her death seemed to him a trophy that he had yet to win. A trophy that he wanted very, very dearly to win.

Ginny had changed a lot since innocent times, and not only in appearance (she had died her hair a deep black, for her brilliant red stood out too much in battle). The first catalyst to these changes had been Dumbledore's death, in her fifth year. The former Headmaster had been the wizarding world's sign of hope- as long as he was there, they stood a fighting chance. When he died, hope died with him. And hope- hope is a dangerous thing to take away from people. Just when she thought that she'd taken enough beatings for one day, her longtime love had broken up with her.. "to protect her".

Well, after that, she was damn well going to prove that she could protect herself.

With no Hogwarts to return to, Harry devoted his time solely to aiding the Order. He took Dumbledore's place at the head of the organization, though he was still in training. Despite the protests of her entire family, Ginny had joined up as well. In spite of the fact the he wanted to "protect her", Harry understood her wanting to help and allowed it. What a fucking hypocrite.

Things weren't quiet at all after the attack in her fifth year--with Dumbledore gone, why should the Death Eaters keep a low profile? Ginny got plenty of hands on experience in battle, and could remember her first Order mission as though it was yesterday.

Flashback

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't think.

Her feet were on autopilot, but her mind was screaming. She was supposed to be rescuing others from these dark and gloomy Death Eater dungeons, but she could only worry about herself.

What if someone caught her? What if they killed her? What if they killed her family? What if-

Oh.

No.

Where was the group! Why had they left her! They weren't supposed to split up! This was bad. This was really bad.

Suddenly, a hand snaked around her waist and another slammed itself ungracefully into her face.

"I got one!" someone shouted as they lifted her off the ground and began to carry her off. She couldn't see, and for a moment she was too shocked to do anything, but her survival instincts soon kicked in. Unfortunately, whoever was carring her was strong enough to withstand her frantic kicking and fighting. In fact, he acted as though he didn't even notice them, even though she was fighting with all her might.

Her wand! Where was her wand! She tried to reach her back pocket--"Moody would disapprove," she thought wryly--but her arms were pinned against this bulk of a man that was carrying her. She attempted screaming, but all it got her was a tightened grip.

Blackness.

End Flashback

That had been her first taste of torture. She realized that it was her own foolish mistake, but fortunately, the rest of the group had arrived and saved her--and the people she was supposed to be helping to save--before the Death Eaters could get any information out of her.

She remembered feeling so useless. She hated being a liability to the others. From that day forward, she vowed that if it ever happened again, it would NOT be because she was too lightheaded to stay with her team, and that she would escape herself.

Ginny pushed herself beyond her limits and trained day in and day out. She became an expert in muggle combat, magical duelling, and unfortunately, for it was necessary, Dark Magic. Killing and using the Cruciatus on Death Eater after Death Eater had hardened her into the person she had become. Sometimes, she even wondered if she had become heartless. Whatever the case may be, she made sure that her battles and missions were always spotless. It was quite easy, once she learned muggle combat, for most wizards don't stand a chance against that--especially ones who are so adamant about not engaging in muggle activites.

She lost many people along the way--her mother, Remus, Percy, Luna, Hermione.. and the list goes on. Other people were brokenhearted (even the twins' disposition wasslightly less carefree) but Ginny just fought harder. Nothing could stop her. People looked up to her almost as much as The Chosen One himself.

However, not even the most advanced soldier can escape everything. She had been tortured more times than she could count, but they never got anything out of her. Not one thing. Not even in front of Voldemort himself. But because she was so "goddamn stubborn", they wanted to, badly, and resorted to any means possible to try to.

Flashback

Ginny broke down and cried

And cried

And cried.

But it didn't stop their hands.. or their lips.. or thier bodies..

One after the other; all taken by force.

She had not been a virgin before, but it didn't make the process any less painful to her.

The way they sneered and offered her to the next person was the worst. As if she was just a good shag, and nothing more.

Because, to them-

She was.

End Flashback

They had done everything to her; had even held her under the Cruciatus for so long that the entire left side of her face bore a permanent battle scar, but this was the worst. She felt so violated and just so utterly disgusting.The hardest thing was when Draco Malfoy got his turn.That had almost gotten the information out of her, but she had held on to one ideal:

They've taken everything from you. If you give them this, you have nothing left.

Being captured and escaping--it was a two way road. Being rescued was absolutely unacceptable for her, and the Order had come to expect her to be back within the week whenever she was captured. It was a running joke among them. But this time--the first time they had tortured her in such a way--she was too broken-spirited to try and return home. She just waited in her cell until someone else would come to have their way with her. Finally, after two long months, she finally plucked up the will to survive and escaped.

She still remembered the worry and relief evident on her family's faces when she walked back into Headquarters. She hadn't even greeted them- just went straight up to her room, curled up into a ball, and cried. They knew what had happened right away. There was only one thing they could do powerful enough to break Ginny Weasley.

But the next day, it was as though nothing had happened, and she fought even harder. They hadn't broken her, because she would not give up until she destroyed every last one of them. Tragedy made her the toughest warrior, the one the Death Eaters cursed themselves for running into, the one lesser fighters looked up to. In a way, she was glad it happened, because if anyone was strong enough to get over it, it was her. Plus, it made her a better, stronger person who didn't take anything for granted anymore.

As times got harder, the Order developed code names for everyone. Ginny, Harry and a few others were allowed to choose theirs.

She chose Samara Davidson. It hadn't come from anywhere, she just liked the elegant mystery about it. And that was what it was all about, wasn't it? Mystery? Not letting anyone know who she was?

She liked it.

Through all this pain and suffering, she had emerged successful. She was fierce and able-bodied in battle, but outside of it, she was also sarcastic, funny and compassionate. She knew how to lighten the mood and get people to have fun for once in their lives. People loved her, feared her, looked up to her..

And so was her fault at her latest battle. The Death Eaters were, once again, attempting to ravage what little was left of Hogwarts grounds. It was a sorry sight- you could barely tell it had once stood tall as a castle. Somehow, she had ended up in what used to be the astronomy tower battling a particularly nasty Death Eater named Parker. As usual, she had the upper hand and was beating him up spectacularly. However, he was putting up a fight and doing quite a job on her as well. She could tell that one of her ribs were broken, and was having trouble breathing, not to mention the other assorted scrapes and bruises. In spite of this, she felt full enough of herself to allow a moment's hesitation.

It was a moment too long.

She couldn't even comprehend what spell Parker threw at her. It could've been anything, but whatever it was, it was forceful. The blinding light hit her in her already troubled chest and sent her tumbling down the tower with a shriek. The last thing she remembered was hitting her head.

For the past God knows how many hours, she had been drifting in and out of sleep. Sometimes she tried to tell the difference between the two. Was this white room part of her dream, or were these nightmares real?

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

Author's Note:

To all my loyal readers/reviewers of Remembering Sirius- consider it officially abandoned. I've grown extremely displeased with it and I love you all for being so supportive, but I really have no more motivation to write it. I've been posting this story on so I decided to make up for my lack of activity on here and post it for you all as well.

I'm not going to beg you to review, but if you're going to, I'd appreciate it if you would point out specific things that you liked/disliked. I'm very open to constructive criticism, and would like to know what you think I could fix about this.

"And hope- hope is a dangerous thing to take away from people." Whoever can tell me where I got that from will get their name in this fic! Finally, Samara is pronounced Suh-marr-uh, not Sam-uh-ruh, the same way they pronounce it in The Ring.

Thank you all again and enjoy A Cruce Salus.