Title: As Married As You Ever Need to Be
Author: f.f. lindy
Notes: I love feedback, good, bad, indifferent….PLEASE! (im not too good to beg)
We closed a case in Pittsburg on Friday night. Scully padded into my motel room, already out of the shower and in her pajamas. "I just got our tickets, we fly out at 8 am." She sat down on the edge of my bed. I was sprawled across my side, book in hand, reading by the bedside light.
"I think I'm going to hang around here tomorrow. I'll fly home on Sunday."
She raised an eyebrow. "What have you got up your sleeve?"
"Nothing, really. My grandma lives about 20 minutes away, and I haven't seen her in years. I was thinking I would pay her a visit."
Scully leaned back onto my bed, curling up in the spot that had become "hers" in recent months. "I didn't know you still had a grandma."
"Yeah. We were never close. She hated my mom."
"You're dad's mother, I presume."
I set down my book, realizing that she didn't feel like a quiet evening, she wanted to talk.
"Yeah."
"You're lucky, not many people our age still have grandparents around."
"I know. That's why I want to visit her. I feel like now that both my parents are gone…" I trailed off, not really knowing how to end the sentence.
She reached out a hand and touched my arm gently. I loved it. With every other woman I had ever been with, I took those reassuring strokes for granted, but with Scully, after 5 years of longing for them, I savored every one.
"Am I invited?" she asked timidly.
I felt a smile erupt on my face. "You want to meet Oma?" She was just going to love her.
"Oma?" she asked, her eyebrow popping back up.
"It's German," I explained.
"Yeah," she said a little smile still playing on her lips. "I would like to meet Oma."
"Then I'll call the airline and get our tickets changed to Sunday." I told her. She snuggled into the pillow and looked perfectly content lying atop the faded motel bedspread. "Are you going to get under the covers or just sleep like that tonight?" I teased.
"I'm not sleeping, I'm just, resting my eyes."
"Oh, alright," I agreed sarcastically.
I leaned over to pick up the beige phone on the night table.
"One," she mumbled, "412- 229-9345."
I dialed as she rambled off the number.
When I was off the phone, I looked over at her and realized how close she was to asleep. "Are you sure, you don't want to get under the covers?" I offered again, knowing she would be upset when I woke her trying to sneak under the blankets myself.
She groaned half-heartedly and tried to pull down the covers with the least possible movement. I helped her by pulling down my half and climbing in myself. When she was safely beneath the rough sheet, she settled in closer to me. I wrapped an arm over her and smiled inwardly as she burrowed into my side. I picked up my book in my free arm. "I'm almost to a chapter."
"Take your time," she said, sleep fogging her speech.
Two pages later her breathing was steady and deep, and she didn't even stir when I turned off the light and reclined the rest of the way into the bed. "I love you," I whispered, and kissed her forehead.
XxX
The next morning she was up with the sun. I had anticipated a lazy morning, like a Saturday at home when we were just off a case. She was up and dressed in a pair of slacks and a lavender sweater before my alarm would have gone off had I been flying out that morning. As I pulled on a collared shirt and a pair of pants, she made coffee in the tiny coffee pot provided by the motel.
She poured us each a cup full as I pulled the phone book out from the drawer in the nightstand. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Calling Oma."
"What? You haven't talked to her? She doesn't know you're coming?"
"No," I said guiltily.
"Mulder, she may not even be in town, certainly not expecting company."
"As spry as she is for 85, I doubt she has too busy of a schedule." I searched for my own last name in the phone book until I found her listing.
"Isn't it a little early to call?"
I looked over at the clock. It wasn't even 8. "Let's go get some breakfast," I suggested.
XxX
When we got back to the room, I dialed the number listed beside Mulder S. It rang a few times before I heard her voice on the other end of the line. It had been over a year since we had spoken, but her voice was still familiar. "Hello?"
"Oma? It's Fox."
"Fox!" Scully must have heard her proclaim it because she popped an eyebrow and smiled at me. "How are you, my grandbaby?"
"I'm good, Oma. I'm in town."
"In town? You're in Pittsburg?"
"Yeah, I'm here on a case."
"You shouldn't surprise an old woman like this."
"I didn't know how long I would be here. But I have all day off, and I was hoping I could see you."
"Well I'd be hurt if you didn't," she told me. "I'm just a mess. I wasn't expecting company. But I'll tidy up a bit, and get the place presentable."
"You don't need to do that. I'm family. What time should we come by?"
"We?" she repeated.
I tried not to audibly pause as I weighed my words. Girlfriend sounded demeaning, partner sounded gay, co-worker sounded like I was hiding our relationship. "Yeah, there's someone I want you to meet."
"Well I look forward to meeting her."
I was impressed by how sharp she still was at her age.
"You just feel free to drop in whenever you want. I'm not going anywhere."
"We'll be there around 11, then," I said.
"That sounds wonderful, dear."
"I'll see you soon Oma."
XxX
"You're going to love her, Scully," I said as we drove across Pittsburg to the suburb where my grandmother had lived for as long as I could remember.
"I'm sure I will. It will be great to meet part of your family."
"She is nothing like the rest of my family. That's what makes her so great."
I saw Scully smile, as if I was kidding.
When we pulled up outside the house, I couldn't keep the smile from my face. There was something about this place that made me happy, and something about the idea of introducing Scully to my grandmother that just left me in awe.
I took her by the hand and lead her up to the door, knocking nervously. This was the first time I had ever been to her house on my own. Every other trip had been with my parents, and this just seemed different somehow. "Fox!" my grandma howled when she opened the door. She wrapped me in a hug. "And who is this?"
"Dana Scully. My better half in every sense of the word." I said, again dodging the question.
Oma extended a hand and her eyebrows shot up. Scully shook her hand politely. "We work together," she said cautiously. I could tell that she thought I was ashamed of what she really was to me.
"Which is fortunate for me," I interjected, "because not many people get to spend all day every day with the love of their life."
Oma's eyebrows jumped again and she looked at Scully with a knowing smile. "Well come in, both of you!" She ushered us into the house. "How is work going, Fox?" she asked, as she offered us seats in the living room.
"Well," I said, "It's never dull, that's for sure."
"So, Dana, you are a part of the FBI as well?"
"Yes, Mul--" she caught herself, "Fox and I have been partnered together for close to 6 years."
"You can call him, Mulder, dear. His grandfather was the same way, wouldn't let me call him his real name. He insisted Elmer was an unfortunate name. I told him if I had to call him Mulder, he had to call me Mulder as well."
Scully beamed and looked up at me.
"So, tell me about what you two are doing here? Anything intriguing?" Oma asked us.
"A couple of teenagers were abducted," I began.
"Kidnapped, Mulder," Scully corrected. "They were kidnapped while hanging out at a park after dark."
"Scully, you cannot tell me you actually believe that man coerced two sixteen year olds into his van."
"They were on drugs. It would not have been a difficult thing to do. We got a full confession, and have all the physical evidence."
"I just cannot believe that they would have been on so many drugs to not even remember being taken, to not even know they had been gone, and to not be able to make an ID."
"But abducted you can believe?"
Just before I broke into a speech I caught myself and looked over at my grandma, a big grin on her face. "I'm sorry, Oma."
"I don't mind a bit, dear. It does my heart good. I like to see she keeps you in check."
Scully smiled at her sweetly. "I do what I can."
"And that is obviously quite a lot."
I shrugged. "I'm a pretty lucky guy to have such a smart partner. Dana is a doctor."
"A doctor?" Oma shot me a glance of approval.
"I went to medical school before I became an agent," Scully explained.
Scully sat close to me as we talked with Oma, and I couldn't help but notice the way Oma kept her eyes on our hands when Scully laced our fingers together. We all had lunch together, and talked well into the afternoon. Scully talked science with her, and copied down her recipe for the cookies she served after lunch. By 2 o'clock Oma had pulled out one of her biology books from the 1930s to show Scully.
"This is amazing," Scully said, her eyes full of wonder.
"I always wanted to go to college, but it just wasn't a part of His plan this time around. There were so few colleges women could attend when I was young, and my parents just didn't have the money to send me. You're so lucky to live in a time when your mind can be respected."
"Even 30 years ago I wouldn't have had the chance to do what I am doing now," Scully said. "We've come a long way."
"My mother was active in the suffrage movement. She dedicated her life to it. One day she was on the front page of the newspaper. I don't even remember what she did, but it was something that made waves. Oh my brothers and I were so embarrassed then, but now that I see what she accomplished, I must say I'm proud."
Scully was starry-eyed.
"Fox's grandfather was the oldest son of one of the writers for the local paper. I swear he spent as much time writing about my mother he did reporting on anything else. Elmer was supposed to marry one of the banker's daughters. One of those frail little blond things who just wanted to cook and clean and sew clothes for the children. But he chose me."
"He knew what was good for him," I interjected. I had heard the story before.
Scully still had the book in her lap, and rather than watch her flip through the pages, which I would have been happy to do, just because the smile on her face wasn't something I could ever tire of seeing, Oma had other plans for us. "Dana, will you excuse us for a minute? There's something I want to show Fox in the den."
"Oh, of course," she said, obviously suspecting something, but I had no way to reassure her. I didn't know what to expect myself.
"Fox," she said, closing the door to the den behind her. "When I was sixteen, your grandfather went down to the pawn-shop and bought me this ring. That night we got in his fathers model A coupe and drove to Arkansas so we could get married." She pulled a tiny black box out of one of the desk drawers. "He made me promise that I would never see it as something that tied me to him, but rather as a symbol that he loved the independent woman that I was. On our 25th wedding anniversary he bought me this ring," she held up her left hand, "because I wanted to pass on my wedding ring to a woman who would understand what it meant. We thought back then that your mother would be that woman. But, all she wanted out of life was to be your mother. She was Suzy-homemaker, the icon of her time, the 1950s housewife whose life revolved around a washing machine. I didn't want her to have my ring, but I promised your grandfather, when he was ill, that I would find the woman to pass this on to. And you found her."
I was taken aback. I'd never heard this story. "I, I don't know what to say."
She placed the box in my hand. "When the time comes, you will," she promised, "and if I had to guess, I wouldn't say it's too far off."
"I'm grateful, Oma, really I am, but I just, I don't know for sure I'm the one you should be giving this to. See, Dana and I aren't really," I searched for the words. "You know we work together, and probably won't ever be able to get married." I hated that I had to admit it, because I wanted so badly to make her my wife, but we couldn't. The bureau simply wouldn't allow it.
She looked me in the eyes. "Marriage isn't about the law, my boy. Marriage is about telling someone how much they mean to you, and promising that you will love them forever. Would you love that woman even if she were my age, even us she puts on 50 pounds and has a crooked back? Will you love that woman if she gets so sick, she may not make it back to health? Will you love that woman until the day that you die?"
"And then some," I said softly.
"Then you ask her if she will do the same, and if she will, then you give her this ring, and you tell her what it means, and then, well you're as married as you ever need to be."
I tightened my fist around the black box. "Thank you."
She smiled and moved to the door. She turned the knob and led me back out to the living room where Scully was sitting, the smile still on her face that just made my heart feel lighter. When she looked up I caught her eye and gave her a smile.
XxX
"She's amazing," Scully said when we were back in the car.
"That she is," I nodded.
"Do you realize how difficult it must have been to be such a strong woman back then? I get called names for it now, but can you imagine 60 years ago how she must have been treated."
"She was impressed by you too, you know."
"She shouldn't be. I've got nothing on her."
"You should give yourself more credit, Scully. You're a strong woman. She has every reason to respect you. You are taking the path she wanted women to be able to take. She doesn't like just everyone."
I saw the twinkle in her eyes. "I can't imagine that woman being anything but friendly."
"Well that's because you never spent a Christmas at the Mulder house. She hated my mom. Sometimes I wonder if that's why my dad married her in the first place. Oma wanted my dad to marry someone," I paused, "someone like you," I finished, realizing for the first time that it was the truth. "She didn't like that my mom wanted to be a stay at home mother. She didn't like that my father never encouraged her to be more. I remember her lecturing my mom about not turning Samantha into a priss, and she would try to convince my parents to let Sam spend a week in Pennsylvania every summer.
"I think Oma always blamed my mom for Samantha being taken, she said that if Sam had learned to put up a fight she would have been better off. I never let my mom take the blame. I never really understood what Oma meant. But I think I get it now."
She was quiet, but I could almost feel her concern.
"Thank you, for coming with me."
"I'm so glad I did. It gave me perspective," Scully said.
"Me too," I nodded.
We drove in comfortable silence until we were back to the motel. Six years of this, sitting in these same seats, had made a long drive as comfortable as a lazy night in for us. Scully had taken the liberty of extending rental of my room for an extra night, and had moved her things into it before her check out time. Although we had been sharing a motel bed for almost six months now, the chances to actually share a room were few and far between. I loved them.
XxX
The next morning when the alarm went off beside me Scully was still asleep in my arms. She groaned at the blaring noise and I whacked at the alarm clock to stop it. "It's early," I noted.
She nodded. "Early flights mean early mornings." She rolled out of my embrace and onto her feet. I followed suit and staggered to the bathroom to take a shower. When I walked out of the bathroom, clean and ready to start thinking about packing Scully was rifling through things quietly. "You want to run down and get some breakfast?" she offered. "We're all packed."
"I could get used to this roommate thing," I told her, looking at my neatly packed suitcase.
"I could too," she smiled. "We may actually make it to the airport on time this way."
I shook my head and took her hand to walk down to the lobby for my complementary doughnut and coffee.
I first noticed that something was up when she took a doughnut and sat down at the table. She didn't eat doughnuts. In all the motels all over the United States that we had stayed in, never once had I seen her take on. She always opted for the bran muffin, or the granola, or the wheat toast. I looked at her, picking apart the Chocolate old-fashioned doughnut, and wondered what had brought this on, but the far away look in her eye told me not to ask.
She didn't rush me out the door, she wouldn't let me help her with her bags getting out of the car at the airport, and I didn't once hear her tell me we were going to be late. It was out of character for her, and without her reminding me to keep up the pace, we almost didn't make it to the plane on time.
On the plane she was more quiet than usual, and when the stewardess came by she made a big deal out of ordering my coffee for me. She had never done it before. I didn't mind that she did it, but her tone struck me as out of character. As I sat there, sipping my coffee I looked over at her timidly, wondering if I was imagining all this, or if she really was acting strangely.
Once we were both back at our respective apartments, and I had unpacked my things to some extent, thought about gathering my dirty clothes for the cleaners, and eaten the five day old Chinese food out of my refrigerator and returned the Gunmen's call about a LAN party they had planned for Saturday night, the only other thing I could think to do was go for a run. At seven, once I was showered and dressed, I decided I had given Scully ample downtime. Her phone rang a few times before she answered. "Hello?"
"Hey," I said flirtatiously.
"Is it good to be home?" she asked.
"Lonely. Do you want to grab some dinner?"
She stumbled over a few ums before agreeing.
"Where do you want to go?"
"Wherever, we don't need to do anything special."
"Pizza?" I suggested.
"Sure. I'll meet you at Woodstock's."
"Okay," I said, a little put off by the fact that we were meeting somewhere. It pretty much guaranteed that we wouldn't be going home together.
Although the weirdness seemed to have compounded in our time apart, once the bill was paid I took her hand. "I think you still have a clean suit at my place," I reminded her.
She rolled her eyes. "The question is do you have a clean suit at your place?"
I grinned, glad to see she was at least teasing me, it was more than I could say for the rest of the evening. "I think I have one in the back of my closet."
"I'm not going to get your laundry to the cleaners again this month, Mulder. How did you ever have clean clothes before me?"
"I wore things more times before I washed them," I told her. I didn't however, mention the number of times I had been known to wear them. I gave her a quick kiss before letting go of her hand. "So I'll see you back there?"
"Yeah," she nodded.
She beat me back home, and I was surprised to see her standing outside my apartment when I arrived there. "Did you forget your key?"
"Yeah, I must have misplaced it," she said.
I tried to push from my mind that she typically kept it on her key ring with her car and apartment keys as I showed her in. She stood around uncomfortably as I toed off my shoes and plopped down on the couch. "Hey," I said looking up at her, trying to catch her attention. She didn't respond. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," she lied.
I stood up and took her hands in my own. "Are you sure?"
She wouldn't look me in the eye as she expelled a quick, "Yeah."
"Scully." I caught her eyes with my own for just a moment, but it was long enough.
"It's not that I don't love you," she began.
I felt my breathing stop and felt like I had been socked in the stomach.
"And its not that I don't think we'll be together forever, I just don't think this is the right time for us to… I found the ring, Mulder. When I was packing your stuff it fell out of your pocket."
"Scully I wasn't…"
She cut me off, "You don't need to explain. It makes sense now, I mean, I met your grandma…"
It was my turn to interrupt. "I wasn't going to propose. I know that this is not the time, I know that there may never be a time that this," I gave her hands a tiny squeeze, "will be okay to announce. Oma gave me that ring."
"What?"
"She wanted it to become a family heirloom, but she didn't want to pass it on to just anyone."
"So she gave it to you?" she asked, in the least abrasive tone she could find.
"She wants you to have it, Scully. She told me that she didn't want a woman to have it who didn't understand what it meant. And she knows that you would."
Her head was hanging in embarrassment so I gave her a gentle tug to pull her with me into the bedroom where I dug around to find the little box that was tucked somewhere in my suitcase. I pulled it out and opened the box to look at the ring. "This isn't a ring that ties you to me, Scully. It is not my way of staking a claim on you, or marking you as my own. It's something I want to give to you so you know that I love you; I love everything about you. I respect you as your own person, but want you to always remember, that I will be there for you, and even when we're old and ugly, you will still be the only woman I could ever need." With trembling hands, I pulled the ring from the box and placed it in her palm. "Its up to you what you do with it."
"You have no idea how badly I want to wear this ring on my…" she trailed off in sobs. "I love you so much, Mulder."
I pulled her to me and embraced her until her sobs were controlled.
She pulled away and unclenched her first from around the ring. I watched as she delicately slid it onto her right ring finger. It fit perfectly on her tiny finger. "You know I would wear it on my left if I could," she said, the tears staring back up. "Someday, Mulder. I promise you that someday…"
I brought a finger to her lips to hush her. "We know what that ring means, and that's all that matters."
"I'll love you forever, Mulder," she sobbed, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Then we're as married as we could ever dream to be." I leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.