I apologize in advance for this story.
The views expressed in this story do not necessarily reflect the views of the author and are not meant to offend any persons, groups, or fans of the characters satirized in this piece.
Rated for adult language and sexual content.
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Vegeta's Day Out
Chapter 1
The long empty corridor stretched out before him. Ten meters of cold laminate illuminated in the dull blue light of his home in West City. It was quiet in the hall. Relentlessly quiet. The lack of sound pounded his ears, threatening to drive him to madness. He took a step forward, eyes on the bedroom door standing menacingly at the opposite end of the hall. A soft bar of light crept from under the door and across the floor as a passageway of light, leading Vegeta to his triumph. He took another couple steps, cringing at the gentle padding of feet on the smooth floor. He spun around, facing the darkness, searching for the culprit. The hallway stretched on into an eerie emptiness behind him. Dark hollows in the walls indicated other doorways to less important rooms. He thought now that he could hear a feint snoring coming from one of those hollows. Trunks' room…or maybe Bra's, he couldn't keep those kind of things straight. He took a deep breath and turned back to again face his greatest challenge. Steeling himself for the final steps, he exhaled slowly, deliberately and moved forward. Now, lifting his hand to the doorknob, his heart began to pound. He slowly turned the knob and paused before pushing it open. Vegeta closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Be cool. Just be cool." He whispered to himself. The door creaked open.
He surveyed the scene cautiously before stepping in the room. The blinds were open allowing the street lights to illuminate the large room in that strange fluorescent glow. Bulma lay in bed sound asleep, an almost cherubic expression on her pale face. Her perfect mouth slightly parted, the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the light bathing the satin sheets accentuating her every curve, everything was perfect. He crept into the room and closed the door behind him. Vegeta slipped out of his fluffy pink robe as he approached the bed. He stopped again unsure of how to start. He stood for a few moments staring dumbly at the sleeping woman. After running through a number of different scenarios in his head he finally nodded with new determination and crawled into bed. "Woman." he rasped in what he thought to be every bit of a seductive voice. No response. "Woman!" he growled again, louder. He lifted his hand to her shoulder. It hovered there as he debated whether or not he should try to touch her. "Wake up woman!" he repeated, getting annoyed. He grabbed her shoulder and gave her a relatively small shake. Bulma's eyes fluttered but she only groaned and rolled away from him. Angered now Vegeta shook harder. "I demand you wake up!" Still in a dream state, she mumbled some obscenities and slapped sleepily at his hand. Clenching his teeth and hands, he jumped suddenly to his feet on the bed. "I am the prince of saiyajins! I will not be ignored!" He began to gather a disc of energy in his hand. Bulma blinked a couple times and stretched lazily. She squinted at the light from the destructo disc and realizing what it was squealed as she rolled out of the bed. The blast ripped the bed apart and splinted the frame to pieces. "Vegeta!!" She screamed hoarsely from where she lay sprawled on the floor. " Ha ha ha! Victory is mine!" Vegeta beamed from his perch on top of the wreckage. "Now you will give me oral pleasure!" he commanded dropping his trunks where he stood. Bulma visibly fumed, teeth clenched, fists balled and growled with a fury greater than the saiyajin prince. She opened her mouth to begin a tirade the likes of which the saiyajin has never seen but stopped as a diabolical plot formed suddenly in her head. She smiled at the prince who continued to bask in his imaginary triumph. "Alright Vegeta. Whatever you want. Just let me slip into something a little more comfortable." She stood calmly and disappeared into the bathroom.
Vegeta ceased his celebration, taken aback by the sudden cooperation. It never goes this well. Something's up he thought. But this thought quickly left his mind as the thought of getting lucky over took the rational parts of his brain. He quickly checked his breath and sniffed his arm pits. Good to go he decided. He jumped down from the bed and tried several seductive poses before he heard Bulma returning. The bathroom door flew open before he could finish his macho man pose and light flooded the room. It took a moment for Vegeta to adjust to the sudden light and then he saw her, arms bracing herself in the door way and she was wearing…No…not again He shook his head in horror and disbelief. "Not the flannel! Why?! Why does this always happen!?" The shapeless form of the flannel night gown hung loosely over her form. She stood in the light, head thrown back, laughing a laugh more evil than anything Vegeta could produce. "Damn you woman! Why cant you just give me what I want!!" He cried, falling to his knees and pounding his fists into the ground. "But honey. I do have something to give you." Bulma said in a scarily sweet voice. She threw a small tube on the floor at his knees. He stared solemnly at the label, the two letters mocking him. He pushed it away. "Don't get too excited in here… The children are sleeping." She said cheerfully with a little giggle. She picked up her pillow from the bed debris and skipped to the door. "Good night." Her sing song voice echoed in his head as he sat alone in the room with a bottle of lotion.