by Angua27 (novstarr) and Pan6871 (Dark Lord PMT)
As can be infered from the title this is offensive. I mean, Hitler's in it. How can it not be. Just so you know we wrote this through AIM so I didn't bother taking out the "brb"'s and stuff. If you have flame's go ahead and send them, but I recomend not reading if you think you are going to flame me. I have absoluetly nothing against the Jewish community just so you know. And I think the Holocaust was horrible so don't tell me I'm heartless or something. Even though I might be. Grr! Can't keep those smart comments out. Anyways, we don't own anything in this fic except our screen names. We especially don't own Hitler because let's face it... who would want to? Hope you can take this lightly.
Pan6871:
NovStarr: Hitler turns his head. "Was gibts, madchen?" (what's up girl?) "Ich bin Hitler und du bist mein." Hitler winks.
Pan6871: "Oh, yes, and then I was going to kill each of those dirty thieving Jews..." Hitler says.
Malfoy, who is sitting infront of him, looks up at him with rapt attention. "Did any of those 'Jews' have black hair? Any scars? Glasses? Did you kill people that had all three?"
NovStarr: "Hmmm... I think so. Black hair, yup. And they all had scars when I was through with them. Alas, though, they couldn't afford eye care.
Pan6871: Malfoy sighed. Could he get this new student to finish Potter for him? If he did, he could just get rid of him later, taking all the credit. His father would be so proud.
NovStarr: "So... What do you guys do for kicks around this place? Any weapons of mass destruction?" Hitler asked.
Malfoy grinned, wondering if this guy knew about Aveda Kedavra. Yes... that would work. Then the new kid would go to Azkaban.
Pan6871: Malfoy couldn't help but grin. This kid was too eager to cause trouble. Getting him to hate Potter wouldn't be as hard as he thought. "Well, the fun thing here is to make fun of kids with scars. And girls that follow them around. And don't forget any red-haired dork that follows them. We do it all the time. You should try. It's fun. Passes time."
NovStarr: "Oh, like that kid over there?" Hitler asked.
Malfoy followed his gaze to see Harry Potter. "Exactly who," he said.
"He kid!" Hitler called. "You're a Jew!"
Harry Potter looked around. "A what?" he asked.
Pan6871: Malfoy snickered evilly. He knew something about Muggle religion, although he would never admit it openly to anyone. "You should see him! Wearing a yamica and playing with draddles all day! He's an evil Jew!"
NovStarr: "What's a yamica?" Harry asked, overhearing Malfoy and getting a bad feeling. "I think I've seen that new student before...in a history book or something," he added to his friends.
"Yeah," Hermione said catiously. "He looks a bit like... couldn't be. Never mind."
Pan6871: With that statement, Herimone ran towards the library. Harry and Ron watched her go. "She does that. Every book. Every single one." Ron commented. Harry looked back to the new student and Malfoy.
"Shut your mouth Malfoy!" Harry shouted across the hall.
"Stupid Jew! Shut your mouth!" Hitler relaiated. "You're just jealous cause you're not Aryan!"
NovStarr: "What?!" Ron asked. "What did he call you?!"
"He says you're a mud-blood, Potter," Malfoy called.
"But I'm not!" Harry gasped.
"Mud blood?" repeated Hitler. "Wow! Wish I thought of that. Mud blood! Mud blood! Mud blood!"
Pan6871: And then Ron went red with anger. "Don't you talk about my friend like that!" He brandished his wand and with a shout, a dangerous blast flew towards Hitler and Malfoy.
NovStarr: "What the heck was that?" asked Hitler, but Malfoy was already on his feet.
"Expeliarmus!" he said. Ron's wand went flying. Harry was about to cast a curse of his own, when Filch walked up.
"What are you boys up to? Detention! All four of you."
"Crap," said Hitler.
Pan6871: Herimone sat alone in the library. She was looking through the small amount of books dedicated to Muggle history. She knew that face somewhere, but where? She wondered if Harry and Ron was alright.
NovStarr: 'Maybe I should check on them,' she thought and was about to close the book when she saw it. Looking sternly out of the pages was none other than Adolf Hitler, and she knew she'd just seen him in the Hogwart's hallways.
Pan6871: Halfway across the world, the Dark Lord of all time, sat alone in his room. He was petting his animal and watching TV. His favorite show was on "Emeril Live". Wormtail stood alone in the corner, frowning. He hated cooking shows.
NovStarr: "Ooh! Ooh! Wormtail, how come you can't do that?" Voldie asked. Wormtail decided not to honor this with an answer. "You know, though," the Dark Lord said. "Despite the excitement of Emeril, this is a repeat. I'm getting quite bored. Perhaps we could try to kill Harry Potter tonight."
Pan6871: "Yes! That would be a very good idea Lord!" Wormtail smiled excitedly. He hated Harry Potter, the boy who spared his life. Oh that little brat would pay for that dishonor.
NovStarr: "Perhaps we could apparate to Hogwarts and then..."
"Er, master, I hate to bring it up, but you can't apparate to Hogwarts."
"Damn, I keep forgetting. Still got that portkey?"
Pan6871: Wormtail frowned. Did he? He started to search through his pockets and then through the house. After several minutes of searching he came back. "Umm...Master? I can't find it..."
"WHAT?! You incompetient fool! You can do nothing right! I should take your other hand for that!"
Wormtail wimpered and craddled his still attached hand. "Please don't Master..."
NovStarr: "That is unless you want to give me another kickass one. That would be alright."
"Oh, Wormtail..." voldie sighed. It was so hard to find a good servant. They kept getting killed or going insane or something. "We'll take the Knight Bus."
"Oh, yipee!"
Pan6871: brb online
Pan6871: Back!
NovStarr: yeah!
Pan6871: Once again, halfway across the world...
"Why do you always have to talk about Harry Potter?"
'It's just so cool! Lupin is so mine."
"Nope. Nope. He's all mine. I'm just that cool."
"Harry Potter is soooo stupid. DBZ is a whole lot better. Piccolo could wipe the floor with Harry Potter."
And thus began the spiral that would lead everyone to Hogwarts...
NovStarr: "WHAT? Where did that come from?" Frodo looked around. "What the hell am I doing in this story?"
Pan6871: "Well, Pinky, Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That if Harry Potter didn't have glasses then he'd never be on the Quiddich team?"
WHACK!
"You stupidy amazes me, Pinky."
Pan6871: brb
Pan6871: back
NovStarr: Thank goodness.
Pan6871: Hehe
Pan6871: I didn't know you liked me that much.
NovStarr: Harry sat in detention with Filch. And Ron. And Malfoy. And Adolf Hitler. Everyone was being pretty quiet except Hitler who kept pointing excitedly at the torture devices on Filch's walls.
Pan6871: Malfoy was delighted. Once he taught his Hitler kid to used some of the illegal curses, Harry, the 'Jew', would be good as dead. Maybe his father would be proud of his maliousness. Maybe his father would actually pay attention to him. Maybe his father would hug him! Malfoy let out a sob.
NovStarr: So did Hitler, but for a completely different reason. He had just discovered a very uncomfortable looking chair with big spikes sticking out of it. "Can I PLEASE put the Jew in it?" he aske Filch. Filch's fear of being sacked by Dumbledore was immediately overcome by his love of seeing students tortured. "Why not?"
Pan6871: And Harry was strapped to the chair. Ron was saying little about it, for Malfoy had cast a spell on him behind Filch's back that kept him completely silent and immobile. Everyone but Ron smiled as Harry screamed like a little girl.
NovStarr: Just then, a bolt of lightning crashed outside the dungeon window (don't ask how there's a window in the dungeon) and an amazing thing happened. A Crossover occurred. Voldemort, Wormtail, Frodo, Pinky, and Piccolo along with other random characters were suddenly standing in the dungeon. Harry screamed louder.
Pan6871: Vegeta, pissed off at the fact of randomly being transported, started to blow things up. Piccolo sat there and meditated. Pinky looked around and started to crawl up Filch's shoe. Tinky Winky started to prod and poke Hitler. Jesus looked around and shook his head.
NovStarr: Hitler looked at Tinky Winky and began to twitch nervously. "What...is...that?" he asked.
"I think it's a Jew," Malfoy sputtered desperately.
Hitler passed out.
"Could...someone...help...me?" Harry asked in between screams.
"Sure, pal" said someone coming over to him.
"Thanks...AH! You're Voldemort!" Harry screamed. He jumped and landed on something small and squishy. It was Frodo.
Yes, it ends randomly, but we couldn't think of anything else to say. It will not be continued, but perhaps we'll write Mussolini goes to Middle Earth, huh?