Disclaimer: I own nothing including the song Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz (Galeotti)
Important Facts: Sandy lied about being pregnant, however, before Martin realized this he confessed to Ruthie. (The same scenario, which took place in Turkey.) Martin is still at school, but Ruthie has shut herself away from him and the rest of her family.
A/N: This is a much darker fic than I am used to writing, however, I couldn't get this idea out of my head. It is a Ruthie/Martin fic, however, their relationship needs to be rebuilt and this will not happen right away. A lot of the story will be in Ruthie's P.O.V., however, there will be a lot of dialogue. This prologue must only contain Ruthie's thoughts for the story to work. Please read and review to let me know if this is worth continuing.
Prologue
I never promised you a ray of light Why do you put me on a pedestal? One thing is clear
I never promised there'd be
sunshine everyday
I'll give you everything I have
the good,
the bad
I'm so up high
that i cant see the ground below
So help me down, you've got it
wrong
I don't belong there
I wear
a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from
here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so if you were
me
And I, I just wanna love you
The cold darkness surrounded the pretty girl as she stared up at the starry sky, deep in thought. The chilled breeze did not bother her nor did the fact that she was alone in a deserted park. A few months ago she would have felt the chill and been frightened by the quiet solitude of the deserted area, however that was months ago. She had changed so much during such a short time that it was unbelievable. The beauty in question had spiraled into a pool of misery and despair, which left her empty. She sometimes wondered whether or not she was alive.
Following Sandy's pregnancy scare and her falling out with Martin, Ruthie had become somewhat of a loner. She was beautiful, yet unapproachable. Ruthie drifted away from her friends and began to enjoy her quiet self destruction. Eric and Annie, of course, noticed the changes in their baby girl, however they could not help her due to the fact that she refused to acknowledge them or the rest of her family, aside from Sam and David.
So here Ruthie sat, friendless and alone, yet she was too empty inside to feel the weight of the past few months' confessions. She was tired, depressed and more than a bit dead inside. Few things could make her feel alive. However, one thing always brought her back to life, if only for a few moments.
Ruthie began to repeat Martin's mistake over and over again. She wanted to forget. Ruthie wanted to forget Martin, Sandy, her family and herself. She began hooking up with random guys. Sex was her new addiction. During these times of despair she would find a young, handsome and willing man and forget her life, if only for a short time. She wanted to forget herself this night. Tonight, however, was different from all of the other nights. Tonight she needed her family and friends, and how she hated to admit it, Martin. But she refused to go to them. She wouldn't go to them. They had crushed her and that she refused to forget. She could not forgive. Ruthie knew she needed Martin, however, she was utterly alone— and she had repeated Martin's mistake.
Ruthie was pregnant, but she couldn't keep the baby. With no one to turn to, Ruthie walked across the street into the abortion clinic and prayed for God to forgive her. She prayed that she would forgive herself. Ruthie had become a hypocrite, but in her eyes, that was better than being a pregnant, single, faithless, loveless teenager.
I always said that I
would make mistakes One thing
is clear
I'm only human and that's my saving
grace
I'll fall as hard as i try
So don't be blinded
See
me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So
pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But
standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so
if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you