This is just a little crack!fic that came to me when I remembered something my middle school English teacher always said. I no own, read and enjoy!

Roy: Ed...I never knew you...

Ed: Roy...What are you talking about?

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.

-Mrs. Johnson

Roy smirked at the sight of Fullmetal shifting uncomfortably on the leather couch, a cute blush dusting his cheeks. "R-Roy….There's something I want to ask of you…" he mumbled softly, his face going several shades darker. His smirk widened at the awkward way the young man was shifting around in front of him; he had always felt that those temper-tantrums were to conceal something, and it appeared that that something was a crush. Hmm, this could get interesting.

"Yes, Fullmetal? Can I help you with something?" The blond teen mumbled something he couldn't quite make out. Roy gave a gentle smile, gliding over from around his desk to sit next to his subordinate. The teenager had grown into a young man, and he decided to have some fun with this. "What's wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything Ed, right?" Edward's golden eyes snapped up to meet his onyx ones, and Roy couldn't help but to loose himself in his amber gaze. Those eyes, there was so much behind those eyes. Roy found that he wanted to learn about the person behind those eyes, behind that mask of rage. He blinked in surprise, blushing as those eyes moved much closer to his.

Ed stared into Roy's onyx eyes with such intensity that is shocked him. Perhaps this was more than a crush. Maybe the little guy was…in love with him. But could Roy return his affections? Was he willing to risk everything he had fought for just for Ed? The plans Maes had made with him, all that Hawkeye had sacrificed for his cause, could vanish in the blink of an eye if their relationship was discovered. Mustang had originally thought that this was something that would pass, that it was just a fling. Was Edward willing to let it be that meaningless? Was Roy? He was broken from his train of thought as Edward's lips brushed against his ear. "Roy?" he murmured softly, his warm breath stirring his hair.

Roy gulped nervously. "Y-yes…?" he stuttered awkwardly, feeling his face heat up. Dammit, he wasn't some high school teen snuggling up with his crush! He was a grown man; the blond shouldn't be doing this to him! He couldn't deny that the young man was attractive, but was he so much so that he would act like this? What were his feelings for the eldest Elric anyway? Was he just appreciating his looks, or was he…was he…was he in love?!

Edward gave a soft murmur, and Roy barely caught his words. "I need…." Damn! He was running out of time! He needed to figure this out, and fast! If Ed asked for a long-term relationship, what would his answer be?! Edward could be a snot-nosed, loud-mouthed stubborn little brat, but there was another side to him; a deeper, more compassionate side that helped other in need even when they didn't want or ask for help, a side that could never kill another human being. He understood the precious value of human life, and his dark past helped him understand Roy's own. He was one of the few people who could understand him, and Roy thought to himself that maybe, just maybe, he had been in love with the runt for a while.

Roy swallowed drily, but his gaze was firm. He had made up his mind. "What is it that you need, Edward?" He would let Ed confess first, and then he could feel the relief of returned affections. He loved the shorter man, and he was willing to risk it all. He could get discharged for so many reasons: fraternization, having a relation with a minor, and homosexuality, which was still frowned upon in the military. He didn't care though. When he became Fuhrer, he could change those rules, and they wouldn't have to hide their love anymore. Ed's voice broke him out of his reverie. "What was that Ed?"

Ed shifted uncomfortably. "I need…" He leaned in closer to Roy, who was twitching with anticipation. "I need…." Roy's heart swelled at the uncomfortable look in his eyes. It must be hard for him to confess his feelings, and he couldn't imagine how long it had taken him to summon the willpower to confess. "Roy, I need…..to pee. Can I use your bathroom? The others are gross."

Roy grabbed Ed's shoulder and spun him around, pulling him into his warm chest. "It's okay Edward. You don't need to hide your feelings anymore. I love you too." He murmured into his soft golden hair.

Ed struggled in his arms, a look of total shock and horror on his face. "WHAT THE F***?! I said I had to pee! I have no idea what's wrong with you, but I gotta take a piss!" He jerked away from Roy, who was frozen with shock. "Wait…did you say you love me? I didn't know you played for that team, bastard. Sorry to say, but I don't. See yah!" With that, the exasperated and sniggering Fullmetal strolled out to go find an easier bathroom, leaving his superior unmoving on the couch. He blinked a few times as everything slowly began to sink in.

"YOU SHRIMPY LITTLE BRAT!"

Not what you thought, huh? Thanks again!

Roy: Damn you Fullmetal!

Ed: ~hehe~

Neko: REVIEW!