Three alien words of control, strength, and action were repeated over and over, in a steady mantra, breaking the silence of the large living room. Its speaker sat cross legged, hovering in mid air, with the hood of her dark blue cape pulled back, revealing her face in a state of calm meditation and concentration.
The saying of the words, the feel of control and calm, and the peace and quiet of her times of meditation, were all things that Raven relished. She was alone in the tower today, the rest of her teammates having gone out for groceries, videos, and other goodies they would need for a weekend of veeging out. They had invited her along, but she had resisted to the end, even at the insistence of Starfire.
It was, in fact, because of Starfire that Raven needed some peace and quiet today. Some time ago, during an attack by a villain called the Puppet King, she and Starfire had exchanged bodies, and had to learn how to use each other powers in order to save the day. It had been frustrating, to say the least, and yet, looking back, Raven wondered if it also wasn't a missed opportunity.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
At that time, she had wielded powers using her emotions to an extant she dared not do with her own. And for the first time in a long time, there had been no worry, no fear, only joy...
Even though the joy had come at the thought of Starfire shutting up. There had also been the rescuing of her friends, and, well, yes, worry at Starfire destroying everything with her over bubbling joy and enthusiasm...
She sighed, and brushed those thoughts aside.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
The thought of using powers without fear, and maybe even fueling them, was something she simply could not shake off. It was... fascinating, so much so that she couldn't look at Starfire without remembering how she flew with joy, fired starbolts with righteous fury, and used her super strength with boundless confidence; it lead her to think about what other emotions Starfire thought with while doing other things.
And... if Raven could do the same.
For example, desire.
Yes, desire was a dangerous emotion as much as it was a driving force. It made people do the dumbest things, the most daring things, the bravest things... it had sent people into space, across the largest expanses of ocean, into wars and into... relationships.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
But as long as her powers were as dangerously reactive to her emotions as they always were, Raven would always continue to meditate daily, to place the power under her control so as to protect her friends and herself. Desire, as well as other such powerful emotions, was not something she could indulge herself in, no matter how much she wanted. She had seen first hand what had happened when Starfire had simply been herself in her body, destroying many an innocent object with barely a thought.
Still... perhaps there was a way to control her powers with these emotions as she had with everything else. Anger, excitement, fear, she had worked to control them all, so why not desire as well?
The sound of the door whooshing open behind her caught her attention, and she stretched out her legs, standing up from her hovering and watching as her friends and teammates came in, their arms overloaded with an overabundance of junk food, movies, and video games.
"Hello Raven! And how was your meditation session today?" came Starfires eternally friendly voice. "I trust it was most productive." A pause. "Raven? Is something wrong?"
Realizing she was staring, Raven shook her head. "No, nothing." She glanced over the pile of videos that Cyborg had dumped onto the couch and that he and Beast Boy were already arguing over.
"Kung-Fu Teenager 3!" Beast Boy was shouting, holding up said movie. "We've never seen this one before."
"Uh uh, we've seen it a few times already," Cyborg shot back, and waved his own movie. "I say we watch this!"
"Future Soldier Crusher? Dude, that'd way way old!"
"It is called a classic!"
"Classically old!"
As the argument continued, Raven tuned it out, a rather easy thing to do, and approached Starfire. "Actually, I haven't yet stopped my meditation... wanna... join me?"
Wait a second, this was a spur of the moment idea, the kind of thing that happened to everyone else, not Raven, And yet, what she was thinking about certainly wasn't something she could just plan out to the last minute detail.
She just hope she didn't end up blowing a hole in Titan Tower. That would be a bad thing.
Raven's Experiments, Part 1
WRITTEN BY: Jamie Jeans
Started: 2004/11/06
Finished: 2004/11/06
Edited: 12/12/2004
e-mail: characters do not belong to me but to the fine folks at DC, I am
merely borrowing them for the moment.
Enjoy!
For joy!
Starfire could barely control her enthusiasm, and took her friend up in a quick hug, knowing that she was not accustomed to such things.
"I would be delighted to join you, Raven! And perhaps afterwards, we can partake in the ingestion of overly salty food, soda pop, and view many old fighting films!"
"Yeah.. maybe," Raven said offhanded, and lead the way to her room.
Another pleasant surprise! It was not as though they rarely did things together, but more often than not, it was Starfire whom had to ask Raven out on excursions to the mall, to some coffee shop she seemed to like, and, once, to a... boy band concert...? Yes, that was it.
That trip hadn't gone so good, since it had been the first time Starfire had seen Raven's face go as green as Beast Boy's skin. It wasn't until later that she had learned that humans also saw green as representing sickliness as well as good health.
But to see Raven's room! As soon as Raven opened the door and let her in, Starfire quickly flew about the room, taking it all in and admiring how much the decor reflected her friend. It was all so... dark.
But why ask her now? Usually, such meditations were done in either Starfire's room or the main living room. It was strange, but not something Starfire was about to turn down.
She flew back to hover cross legged alongside Raven, and she in turn hovered around in front of Starfire, holding up her hands.
"We're going to try something a little different today," she said, her voice so low it was almost hard to hear. Perhaps she had something affecting her throat? "Place your hands against mine and close your eyes."
"Very well." Starfire did as Raven said, smiling at the warmth of Raven's hands on her own. "And to what purpose are we doing our meditation today in this fashion?"
For a few moments, Raven couldn't think of what to say. A lie? No, she was secretive, but never a lair.
"I... want to try something," she finally said, her eyes locked on Starfire's face.
"Very well." The Tamaranian took a deep breath and began chanting. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Raven soon joined in, but a small spot of nervousness almost made her stutter the words, and she had to concentrate harder not to make anything small go flying or cause anything to explode. That, if anything, was more than enough proof for her to have stopped right there, with no blame assigned to anyone, but also...
The memories of that night and the feel... the sensation of powers without the ill effects of volatile emotions... Small, she would have to start very small, and take her time... but it could happen, it COULD...
But nothing would come if she didn't at least try.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Raven closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of Starfire's bigger but no less slender hands pressed against her own, and allowed herself to begin to feel desire... just a little, of course.
A small amount, oh so tiny, like a seed planted in the ground, and then nurtured just so. And as to what to desire other than desire itself. Or in this case, the simple want of the warmth of Starfire's hands against her own. And it was a simple one too, one she had forced away time and time again when Starfire was only being friendly. But again, there had been the worry and fear of indulging in it too much to really enjoy it.
But here and now, hands on hands, the warmth she was allowing herself to want to feel was tiny, and easily controlled. It would not lead to anything more so long as she kept control, and not think of how the warmth would feel stretched along her own body, no matter how curious she felt.
Hmmm... it felt nice, this desire, and in a rare moment, Raven smiled, proud of the control she was keeping over herself and her emotions. There was no sudden urges to do anything more than she was doing, and her powers were kept in check by the soft chanting of her words of power.
After awhile, Raven even felt comfortable enough to allow herself to relax, and closed her eyes, although it did take some control not to take too much pride in her accomplishment. That could detonate the windows and probably send her entire set of furniture out into the bay.
What she didn't notice, lost in the comfort and the warmth of Starfire's hands, was a blackness swelling up out of thin air beneath Starfire and engulf her completely.
Starfire had about all of two seconds to recognize the familiar grip of Raven's energy before she was yanked forward and crashed headlong into her friend. The impact startled Raven, disrupting both her meditation and her powers, and sending them flying onto the bed.
"What... what happened, Raven? Was this a new exercise to practice defense? Because if so, I would have flew at you without you having to use your powers."Starfire looked down at her friend, and saw in her face the same confusion she knew was on her own.
Laying beneath her, Raven panted, not with exertion of any kind, but of shock. She could have swore she had everything under control, and yet, her powers...
"I..." She stopped, and Starfire waited for her explanation. When none was forthcoming, she got up off of Raven and helped her up. "Sorry," she finally said.
"Do not worry," Starfire said, smiling. "This was a good meditation exercise... aside from the sudden grabbing of my body and flinging of it at your own.Perhaps next time we could do it again, but without the tossing."
After Starfire had left, Raven heaved a sigh of relief and sat down on the bed. Lifting her hands up, she glanced at them, trying to recall what had gone wrong when everything seemed to be going so well. There had been the warmth, the comfortableness of it, and her control.
She frowned and took up a spot hovering in midair, cross legged. There was disappointment, yes, but it wasn't as crushing as one would have thought. She had been feeling something she usually did not allow herself to, and without the consequences that had followed. Sure, she had thrown Starfire at herself, but that wasn't too bad. It was certainly better than what could have happened, and she didn't really feel like cleaning up her room or putting the furniture back in order.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Later... perhaps later, she would try again...
Authours Notes:
Alright, just how the heck did I get inspired enough to write my own Teen Titan fanfic? Well, I got an encode of Switched from Racewing, my best hook up on all things cool and good in the world, and watched it. This fanfic is the result, although it didn't really turn out as I thought it would. But that'd alright,because there'd always part 2!
That should be coming out... whenever... have to research more. Damn, but I love this job...