Me, Own Wonka? Ha! No Way- at least not in this universe! And the same goes for the sexy slytherin Severus Snape, who is owned by a SANE british woman called Rowling. And don't forget Warner Bro's, the lucky bastards, they're the ones making the money, not me. (sigh)

A.N .

So I've had this idea bubbling in my head about a Wonka & Snape fic. Non slash of course, so this is the product of my pondering. Its my first fic- so I haven't got any beta's on hand. I apologize in advance for any errors in this chapter. I'm always looking for good review (I enjoy flames too)-- Enjoy!

"I have to get out of here!" thought Severus Snape, former Hogwarts Potions master and greasy git extraordinaire. "Once everything cools and Dumbledore's plan falls back into order, then I can come back. Stupid Harry bloody Potter! He wasn't supposed to witness that whole scene! And if 'Lord Draco' would have just listened to me instead of doing things the Malfoy way, well... the dunderheads, all of them." And with, that Snape threw up his hand. "I guess I could go hang out with one of my death eater 'buddies', seeing as they finally trust me. No, I don't want to be excommunicated from all of society- well, at least the people who were worth socializing with- which are few in number. My father- ha- no way. I refuse to succumb to that level of humility."

In fact, Severus Snape hadn't seen his father since he was eleven. Instead, he had lived with his relatives, the Snapes, the people from which he had adopted his surname. The Snape family was long gone though, along with his birth mother's line, the Princes. "So, where to go?" Snape asked himself aloud. It was then that he realized he had been pacing back and forth for more than an hour at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Surely someone was going to come any minute now- and he could not be found this early in the plan by a member uninformed of the plan Albus Dumbledore had concocted. Just then the exhaustion of the whole ordeal kicked in, and the Potions master blacked out on the dusty Love-Sofa of Number 12 Grimmuald Place.

"Minister! Minister! Minister Jordan! I found some information on Mr. Snape." squealed Jeff Lambert, assistant detective of the investigation of Albus Dumbledore's murder — which was had been open for less than 24 hours.

"Well, let's see it then, shall we?" ordered the Minister gruffly.

"Err… well... I didn't exactly find it," mumbled Lambert. "It was Mr. Weasley, sir. He's the red-head who used to work in Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. I… umm… caught him playing with a Muggle machine, a commuter or something like that. Well, it's a newer way of sending messages that Muggles use. Well, you don't have to have the messages sent to you to see them, in fact anyone can view most of them on their monitor, it's a thick parchment that shows pictures. It's really quite fascinating..." he rambled on until the minister interrupted his Muggle rant.

"AHEM."

"Oh yes, where was I? Mr. Snape has a living sibling."

Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy alive. He was the only heir to the world famous choclatier Willy Wonka. In order for him to prepare for his bright future, he and his family had moved into the heart of the Wonka factory. The chocolate room was the place where every candy got its start — even before it was ever attempted in the inventing room. Yes, the chocolate room was magical. In fact, the whole factory was magical.

Within the warded walls, you could find all sorts of creatures: from dragons with sugar scales, and geese that laid golden eggs to (as a side affect of candy grass called swudge) cotton candy sheep. Not only are the creatures magical, but so are the candies produced from them. The factory's size and build is just as amazing. It consists of 5,000,000 Sq. feet, yet it always seems larger. The rooms often rearrange themselves as well, and that is why a glass elevator was a must have for every human resident except Willifard Wombat Walter Wonka VI, who happened to be the most magical thing in all the factory.

He was eccentric to say the least, and was never afraid to make his feelings and ideas known when he chose, appropriate or not. At 6ft 3in and a woman's size 4 — yes, most of his clothing was purchased from women's boutiques — his appearance radiated selfish power, although in most ways, he was not selfish at all.

Charlie met up with his mentor in an excited mood. They were working on wax candied butterflies. Their goal for them was to flutter in little circles and land on your finger so you could eat them, but all they had managed to do was make sticky butterfly imprints on the wall. In the latest oompa loompa song, it was suggested to Willy that he close down his factory and open a flavored wallpaper store. For all their hard work and creativity they received only a candy coated scowl from Wonka.

"Starshine? Starshine? You there? Charlie!?" Hearing his name, Charlie instantly awoke form his thoughts, and headed to the boiled candy boat. He climbed in next to Wonka — only to be shoved back out. "Fiddle Sticks!" said Willy, punching his fist into his open palm as some sort of punishment. With a quick hand gesture, thirty oompa loompas were at Willy's side. He explained to them that he had forgot his cane in his bedroom, a place Charlie had never visited, and needed it before he could get to work. A LoodleLoodleLoodle sound later and they turned around and scattered off.

"It's just a cane, Mr. Wonka. Why do you need it?" Charlie looked up at his mentor seeing as there was no way he could look down at him. "I know you have been sneaking wonkavite, whether you'll admit it or not, so why do you need the cane?" Charlie's answer from Willy involved something mumbled about Doris and gossip, and planned murder sometime after taxes were finished. Not exactly what Charlie was hoping for — but funny nonetheless. Then Charlie thought about it more and more, and he really began to wonder why the cane was so important. Willy seemed to always have is cane — even when they were sitting around watching movies in the TV room, or having nap near the buttermilk falls. But the boat began to move again, cutting off Charlie's thought process as he leaned back to enjoy the chocolate rapids.

Alright- Wow! I did it. Well, some of it. It wouldnt be the same without my wonderful beta,Sylvia Snape, who saved my butt on this chapter. Now for my plea- Review please!