AN: So, this is my second story on FanFiction and my first for Criminal Minds, which surprises me because I'm am so obsessed with this show it's not even funny. This is also my first multi-chapter fic so it would be really awesome to have some reviews about how it is (a.k.a. was it sucky or did it drag on?). It's about what was going through Reid's mind when Maeve died.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and or the show or the quote.

Thanks for reading! Please review!

The World She Left Behind

Thomas Merton said, "Every moment and every event of every man's life on earth plants something in his soul."

She lifted the gun to her head, and all Reid could do was scream, "Wait!" He wanted to tackle her with his lithe body and make sure that she was separated from Maeve, so he could save the woman he loved. One shot was all he heard, because he went blind for all of two seconds. It was like those old dramatic movies. If they wanted to make the murder even more dramatic, they would make the screen black and all the audience would hear was the single gunshot that inevitably killed the character. Unfortunately, Spencer did not have the comfort of the movie theater or his own couch to bring him back to reality. Instead, when he regained his sight, he watched as Diane and Maeve fell together, side by side, heads containing the exact same wounds. Their blood mingled and pooled around them and finally Diane was on the same "level" as Maeve; but only in death.

As soon as Spencer processed what happened, which did not take that long, he felt the pain. No, it wasn't the pain from the gunshot to his arm. It was the pain in his heart, his mind, his everything. She was his everything. Before he just couldn't focus because her life was in danger. Now, he doesn't know if it's possible to work properly ever again.

2,412 hours. 100.5 days. That was all he got. That was all he got to love her. All their letters and phone calls. From the Penrose Triangle to Thomas Merton. All those memories were all he had left of her. He never even truly got to say "I love you." She understood that he didn't mean what he said before, but that wasn't the same. All he wanted to do was to hug her close and whisper those three words in her ear.

So, he did. After crumbling to the ground, tears falling from his eyes in waterfalls, he slowly made his way to her body. Carefully, he picked her up. Cradling her in his arms, he examined her pale, perfect face through his bleary eyes. She was perfection. Her body still held some of the warmth of life, making her appear as if she was sleeping. Then the tears flowed ever faster down his cheeks. He would never see her eyes open again. Spencer pulled Maeve's body impossibly closer, not caring that the blood was dripping on his clothes from her head. He sobbed into her neck, forgetting that he wasn't the only one in the room.

The team stood around him in a protective circle trying to find a way to comfort their broken friend. Spencer's body convulsed with the muffled sobs and all they could do was watch. Rossi and Hotch both barely kept their emotions unseen as they remembered their lost loved ones. Alex, being the first to know about Maeve, although accidentally, had felt so much for Reid and she stepped outside of the building, not being able to take much more of the terrible scene. JJ tried to touch his shoulder but, as soon as she made contact Spencer shook her off and looked at her with the saddest eyes that held the most emotions she's ever seen in him. In that instant, JJ's steel composure cracked and a single tear spilled out of her eye. It was worse than the day she told him that Emily had passed. She stepped back and accepted the shoulder of Derek Morgan who was so distraught for his best friend. His "Pretty Boy" was rocking back and forth now still holding Maeve's immobile form as close as possible. Derek had promised that they would get her out alive. He had promised that they would catch the unsub and Reid would get to tell her that he loved her. Morgan wished so hard that he could make that true; that this was a dream and Reid could have the ending he wanted.

Slowly, they each left the room so Spencer could mourn on his own. That might have not have been a great idea because when the coroner and medical team came, Spencer would not let them take her. He tried to keep her, now ice cold, body in his arms. Only when he screamed for the medics to get away did Derek come in to pry his arms from her body. It took Derek a lot more strength than he predicted but then again, Reid was holding on to the woman he fell in love with.

When Reid was separated from Maeve, he turned on Morgan. "You promised me that we would get her back safe and alive!" he spat, "This is all your fault! Why couldn't one of you guys shoot Diane before she shot Maeve?! Don't you care about me and my happiness!" Spencer yelled viciously at his teammate. He pushed himself away from Morgan and ran out of the building past the team and down the street. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. All that mattered was that Maeve was gone and he was broken. Spencer was blaming himself now.

Why couldn't I have thought of a way out of there alive? She loved me and I loved her but when I had my chance, it was gone! Why am I so stupid?! I should have found a way out! Everybody thinks I'm so smart but I can't even save the woman I love!

These thoughts replayed over and over until Spencer couldn't run anymore. He slowed to a walk and found the nearest bench to curl up on. He wrapped his arms tightly around his middle as if that was the only thing keeping him together. The sobs calmed but the tears continued. Soon, he was asleep, dreaming of his lost love.

He was sitting in the restaurant where they were supposed to meet. He was so nervous that his hands were getting clammy and he just kept playing with the napkins. He was looking around the room to see if he could find her, but with no such luck. When he turned back, there she was, beautiful as ever. But there was something a little bit off about her. Spencer just sat there and stared at the gaping hole in her head. Then she started talking, but it wasn't about the memories that they shared, no. "You were supposed to save me." she said. Baffled, Reid leaned forward and asked her to repeat herself. "You were supposed to save me. I thought you loved me. Maybe you were lying to me. Maybe you did love her!" Maeve spat.

But the thing is, she wasn't yelling. Her face was as blank as when he last saw her. Her voice was steel and cold as she yelled louder and louder at Spencer until she jerked to the side, like she was getting shot again, and fell to the floor. Spencer stood up and knelt to her side. Gone was the restaurant and the table. They were back in the warehouse, but instead of seeing Diane's body as well, Maeve's lay alone on the icy floor. Reid picked her body up again and cradled it like he had before. This time, she did not stay in her eternal slumber. He held her in his arms and the waterworks started flowing. But, for one second her eyes opened and she glared at him. "Why couldn't you save me?"