Introduction

"I'm done!"

Those words were spinning on her head since the moment he left her apartment. They fought and he left. But how could he ask her to stop the investigation? To stop looking for her mother's killer, for the one behind all of it?

He didn't have the right to keep important information regarding her mom's case from her. He should have come straight to her and told her about the mysterious man who was protecting her as a favor to Roy. Instead, he went behind her back and hid that from her.

Just when she thought they were doing great again and that the possibility of them getting together grew stronger with the pass of the days. He had even invited her to stay with him while Alexis was partying, and she said yes, knowing exactly how the night was going to end… They were finally getting together for good.

And then they got that case that started the dominos fall. He lied to her and she found out, he said he loved her and she cut him out, he practically asked for her to choose between going after the person behind her mom's killer and his love, he said he was done and she said nothing… domino after domino fell right in front of her eyes and there was nothing to do but stand and watch.

If he had come clean about that sooner, she could go after him and demand some answers. She probably could had found the responsible for her mom's death already and she probably wouldn't have fought with him, gone rough, suppressed evidence, got her ass kicked and almost getting thrown from a roof… She probably wouldn't have gotten suspended and, in a rush of emotions, confusion, adrenaline, broken heart hate toward Castle and fear, quit her job.

Either way, no matter how much she hated him for doing things the way he did, when she was hanging from the ceiling on her finger tips, all the hate was pushed aside and there was that emotion that she was trying to shut down since he left her apartment the night before – FEAR. Fear of losing him, because the only thing she had on her mind during those few seconds before Ryan and the other cop grabbed her hands was him. She only could think about Castle. It took her the possibility of losing him (more than dying) to admit to herself what everyone else already knew – an, sometimes, pointed out – that she loves him.

Fear for admitting it. Fear for giving up to the feeling. For letting someone in on her fortress, and getting hurt once more. For surrender to it and to him and someday they end up exploding and hating each other and hurting each other. She couldn't bear losing another person she loves.

A few rain drops started to fall on her face. Sitting on that swing, where they buried the hatched not so long ago, she couldn't avoid thinking about everything she did wrong, every choice she made during those four years and that messed up the possibility of a relationship between them. Lying, shutting him down, keeping him out no matter how hard he tried to put down her barriers or how much she wanted him in.

And now, he was inside and she was afraid that he was not going to like what he would find. Since her mom's death, something changed inside her, she went to a lot until he arrived. She drop Stanford, saw her father lose himself to alcohol and then fought hard to bring him back and reconstruct his life, she became obsessed on finding her mom's killer and, just like her father, she lost herself, her life, to her job. Before he came in, she wasn't having fun (even Montgomery told her that) and he messed everything around, turned her life upside down and now, now she couldn't see her life without him on it.

Soon enough the rain grew stronger and she lost herself completely in her thoughts, drowning on every thought and every scenario that her mind played. Her tears mixing with the water that soaked her hair, clothes and skin. The rain washed the remains of her makeup – already ruined by her crying – and for a while she didn't wanted to go anywhere else. She was unemployed, hadn't get much sleep on the previous night, practically ate nothing the whole day, almost died, was hurt, exhausted and, probably, had lost the love of her life…

Castle would never forgive her!

'Or maybe…' She thought, getting rid of the tears on her eyes and standing up. Determination dancing on her eyes and pushing away the fear from her mind. She had to get him back! She had to go to his place and try to get him to forgive her… Do anything she needed to do. Even if she has to beg on her knees… she couldn't let the love of her life slip throw her fingers because she was afraid of what could happen or because of her mistakes.

Holding on to that thought, either he forgives her or she dies trying because she would never get over losing him forever.

With that in thought, Kate walked under the pouring rain about to become a vicious storm to her car, starting the ignition and getting the fast route to his apartment on Soho. Alexis' graduation should be long over by the time and he would be all alone at his place, if he was still following his plans like he had told her the day before.

So, a few minutes later, there she was , standing by his closed-door, her phone on her hand searching for his number, staring at his photograph on the bright screen. She pressed call. Tears rolling from her eyes when he refused her call.

Kate didn't want to consider that he could reject her. That he wouldn't answer her call, what would happen if she knocks on the door?

Well, the worst that could happen was him slamming the door on her face or screaming, or both… However, she tried calling again and again and again.

She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Actually, she took a couple of ones before the knuckles of her fingers hit the hard wood. Her heart fastens on her chest, betting aggressively against her ribcage, her breath shallow, eyes full of tears… Then, she heard noises coming from inside and the door being unlocked ahead of her.

Her heart nearly stopped when he opens the door and they are facing each other. His eyes full of rage and resignation. His eyes full of pain staring at her.

They said nothing… she couldn't even start the speech she formulated on her way to his apartment.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

She was tired and she couldn't say a word and, out of the blue, she started to feel dizziness.

"Kate?!"

Castle reached out for her when her legs failed, holding her tight on his arms when everything went dark and her eyes shut.

"Beckett?"

He called out again but she passed out. Holding her with one arm, he used his free hand to push her hair away from her face and noticed the bruises, showing up after the rain removed a huge part of her make up. She was soaking wet, cold, shivers running along her body.

Rick took her in his arms and carried her inside and to his bedroom, carefully placing her on the bed.

No matter how much pain she had caused him or how much he was hating her at that moment, he couldn't just let her that way. He knew on his guts that he had to take care of her.

Kate was feverish and ice could and he had to take her out from those wet clothes. Castle left her on the bed and went to his closet, picked up a t-shirt and some shorts then he returned to her, starting to gently take of her wet clothes and changing her on his. He pulled the blankets over her so she could warm up. Sitting by her side, on the edge of the bed and checking her temperature once more. He would have to keep one eye on her the whole night in case she gets worse.

'Too much to ask for cold turkey with Kate Beckett', he thought.

"Castle…"

She murmured, her eyes flickering.

"I'm sor…"

"Shhhiiu… It is okay. You need to sleep now. We can talk when you wake up."

"Promise?"

Her voice was weak and her touch on his check was subtle, her eyes only half-open. She was really, really exhausted and all she needed on that moment was a good night of sleep.

"I promise! Good night Beckett."

"Night Rick."