Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain
Matthew Arnold
He hadn't seen Taylor in nearly two years so his first sight of her was rather unnerving. It had been a brief encounter the day before; she had been running out with Summer while Ryan had been running in to get Seth. That entire day had been a busy one, filled with last minute wedding preparation. Still, however, the memory of her lingered with him.
"It's because you are still in love with her." Seth had said this half in seriousness and half in joking. Ryan had merely shrugged his shoulders; he didn't really know if he still loved her. He had certainly once loved her, but that had been four years ago, when they were all starting off college.
It was now the day of Seth and Summer's wedding and the two young men waited patiently, if not nervously, in the guest bedroom of the Cohen household.
"You should go down there and talk to her."
"I'm sure Summer would love that." Taylor was Summer's maid of honor—in fact she was the only member of the wedding party—and Ryan knew that Summer WOULD not like Ryan trying to command the attention of the woman who was supposed to ensure that Summer looked lovely. "I can talk to her after the wedding."
"True enough." They both sat in silence for a few moments and Seth was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. It was Julie Cooper.
"Everyone's ready." She smiled and left the two boys alone. Seth looked at his friend and sighed deeply.
"This is it man."
"I wasn't sure we'd ever see that day."
"Me either." Ryan watched as Seth made some final adjustments to his tuxedo. It had been a difficult run getting Seth and Summer to the alter. It had almost fallen apart two years earlier. As the two men walked out the door and down the stairs, Ryan could not help but remember the time when Summer had left Seth for a boy she had meant at Brown. The situation had lasted much of sophomore year, but in the end Summer returned to her senses and Seth—after allowing enough time to let the wounds heal—took her back.
The walked out into the Cohen's backyard, the same backyard that had seen the abortive wedding of Gordon Bullitt and Julie Cooper. Whomever Kirsten had hired as the wedding planner had done a good job. The yard was tastefully yet simply decorated. Summer had wanted that. As Ryan stood by Seth's side and smiled over at Sandy and Kirsten, he tried to imagine how Summer felt about not having her father at the wedding. He had died two years ago—of a heart attack, and Summer had hardly been the same since. Ryan knew how hard it was to lose so many people in your life.
There waiting was for only a few moments. Suddenly music began to play and the attention of the guests turned to the vine covered archway that the bridal party would progress down. First came the young Sophie Rose, pretty and blonde. She was a young thing, a handful, but everyone adored the young miss. Ryan smiled down at the blonde creature and then lifted his eyes.
"Oh my." She was stunning in her black dress. The years had not made her less beautiful to him. It had always been in the back of his mind that he would date her again—even when she was in Europe, even when he was lying in the bed of Vanessa and Imogen. Now she slowly walked down the aisle. Taylor's eyes were on him—Ryan could feel it. He could also feel the warmth of her smile as she slowly made her way towards him. Her loveliness was on display and she seemed very pleased to have it shown.
Taylor stood to the side and for a moment their eyes were on each other. Ryan and Taylor smiled at one another and as Ryan's mind slipped pleasantly into past memories, a new song floated over the soft summer air. It was time for the bride. Again, the admiring faces of the guests turned. Now it was Summer whom commanded the attention of all.
Ryan could see the pride on Seth's face as his wife to be slowly walked towards them. He hoped that one day he too would find such a love that Seth had found. He thought he had found it once with Marissa, but that had been cruelly taken from him. Maybe with Taylor it would flourish. He did not know; they had not had enough time for him to really know, but he felt it could be so.
Summer, as she walked, stuck her tongue out at Seth. Ryan watched as his friend laughed and then walked as Summer handed off her flowers to Taylor. The two friends hugged and as the ceremony began, Ryan could only see Taylor's eyes. They shot into him an intensity that all her words would fail to match. The fire was too bright; he had to look away.
Ryan did not recall much of the ceremony. It was a confusion of words and prayers that rose above him but did not stick. He imaged that Taylor did not understand either. No, she was not in love and these prayers seemed to belong to lovers. Maybe later, when the ceremony was over, Ryan thought to himself.
Suddenly there was the smashing of glass and it was finished. Ryan watched as Summer and Seth kissed each other was husband and wife. Sophie the flower girl followed behind them and suddenly it was only Ryan and Taylor. She did not speak to him, but her eyes conveyed things, forgotten things. Ryan held out his arm for her and she took it. Her body pressed against his quickly for a moment. It was soft and warm and Ryan knew that he wanted that, needed that.
They continued to walk in silence, until they had passed underneath the arches.
"Hello." She kissed his cheek and smiled gaily at him.
"Hello." He could only laugh at her charm, at her beauty. Her hazel eyes were on fire and as he looked at her, he felt younger, happier.
"It's been ages."
"A day."
"Too long." Their conversation was cut short but Summer and Seth. They wanted pictures; so too did Sandy and Kirsten. With the flashing bulbs of the cameras, there was not much time for either to say what they wanted, what they felt. Before Ryan knew it, Summer had taken Taylor away.
"Did you get to talk to her?"
"Not really—your wife stole her."
"I think Summer's having dress problems." Sandy and Kirsten came over to them. They told their two boys how proud they were.
"You were an excellent best man Ryan. You looked so suave up there."
"And did you notice how pretty Taylor looked." That was Sandy for you, always pressing Taylor's cause.
"He certainly did." The two girls came out and as Summer paired off with Seth, so too did Taylor select Ryan.
"I hope that you saved a dance for me." There was music playing now—it was the cocktail hour before Seth and Summer were officially introduced as a couple. The newly weds were inside now, getting comfortable before dinner.
"We can dance right now." It was a slow song; Ryan hated to dance but Taylor looked too lovely to leave alone.
"Well this is a new side of you Ryan Atwood."
"The things you miss while in Europe." He put his arm around her waist and she pressed close to him. They danced slowly and for a moment neither spoke. She smelt like honey and vanilla and her scent went straight to his head—it seemed like this was a perfect moment.
"I have missed much—but I don't regret going away."
"No—it sounds like you were happy at the Sorbonne."
"I was—and Venice is lovely."
"No thoughts of coming back?"
"No—not yet." They danced and Ryan tried to hide his disappointment. After the Sorbonne Taylor had repaired to Venice and now lived among the ruins of Italian glory. "I still love it there too much to leave." They began their turn through the dance floor once more.
"But someday."
"Yes—someday." For a moment she sounded sad but then she lifted her head up to him and smiled brightly. "And you—starting Stanford in the fall. I was very proud of you when I heard."
"Well it wasn't easy."
"No—things never are." The song came to a close and it seemed like a carrousel, full of magic, had stopped. The day seemed suddenly less bright and colder. He waited for a new song to start, hoping that it was slow. It was not. They smiled at one another and as Ryan thought of something to say, Taylor asked if he would like a drink.
"Yes—of course." He felt foolish for not asking her—but she did not seem to mind. Again Taylor took his arm and let him lead her to the bar.
"Two glasses of champagne please." They both watched as the bartender poured out the drink. "Thank you." Ryan slipped him a tip and then turned to Taylor, who was waiting with her glass in hand.
"A toast to you I think—for getting into Stanford."
"Thank you." They clicked glasses and drank, watching each other. "I"
"Do"
"Sorry—go ahead."
"Do you want to walk to the front for a moment?" Ryan lead her around the corner to the front of the house. They sat on the stoop and drank in silence for a few moments.
"This house has a lot of good memories for me."
"For me too." They both remembered that day like it was yesterday. Their desire and love for each other had been aching then. "I hear you almost were engaged."
"To a girl named Imogen."
"What happened?"
"I discovered I didn't love her—not enough anyway." It was a summer ago since that madness had taken hold of him. He had been engaged to her—for two months, but by the fall that had died.
"That's sad." Taylor finished her champagne and looked over at Ryan. "Were you heartbroken?"
"Yes—for a while."
"Now you are happy?"
"Yes—pretty happy." Looking into her eyes, he could see happiness, feel it in her eyes; it was like the warmth radiating from the sun. "How about you—are you or were you engaged?"
"No," she shook her head, serious now. "Ever since I've been in Venice there has been no men for me."
"But in Paris yes?"
"Yes—I left Venice partly because of a man." Ryan felt a quick stab of jealously. He did not except it, but it was there.
"Who was he?"
"A student like me—an art student." Her eyes grew sad, as if a cloud had suddenly covered the radiant sun. Ryan felt the shadow fall upon her. "He was a very sweet young man—I think—I know I was in love with him." Taylor turned to Ryan and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to bore you"
"No—don't." He reached out and took her hand. She was cold now. "We don't have to talk about it."
"When he died Paris felt so empty."
"He died?" He felt shocked and foolish; he had not meant to interrupt her private grief.
"He drank." She spoke the words as if they explained it all. "He was very brilliant but very sad—when he killed himself it was such a shock." Taylor stopped suddenly and then broke out into desperate tears. "How awful that day was—you can't possibly know." He held her quietly and let her cry for a few moments. Finally her tears seemed to stop and when she looked up at Ryan, Taylor tried to smile up at him. "I was very sad—was broken-- but I feel like I am becoming whole again. I think one day I will be able to love again."
"Yes." He could only nod his head; he did not know what words to use with her. It was all so horrid.
"You will visit me in Venice, no?"
"I will." Taylor smiled again, brighter this time. She rose from her seat and told Ryan she probably looked like a mess. "No—you look beautiful." For a moment Taylor looked at him in silence; then she beamed at him. As he looked up at her, he noticed how the sun's light cast its radiance down upon her. She almost looked like an angel.
"You're very sweet."
"You are too." She reached out her hand and he took it. He rose and stood next to her; her deep tear stained eyes were on him. There was sadness mingled with desire and lust. Taylor and Ryan looked at each other in silence for a moment and then he leaned in and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss that promised future fire.
"Don't forget to visit me in Venice."