TheEmperor'sEmpress»
» Blame Vocaloid songs for all the angst.
xoxoOoxoxo
* It's That Kind Of Feeling *
xoxoOoxoxo
"So this is goodbye," Akashi murmured, running his elegant hand through his crimson locks, standing outside the gates of the airport. He glanced at his watch.
He's running out of time.
Akashi glanced at the group of people who was there to see him off. There was the old Rakuzan team, the Kiseki no Sedai, Momoi, Kagami, and of course —
Kuroko Tetsuya.
Everyone fell silent as Akashi looked at the bluenette. "Tetsuya."
He saw him took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. His voice was shaky when he spoke.
"...Sei-kun."
With small steps, Kuroko slowly approached him, and Akashi met him halfway. To his and everyone's surprise, the bluenette almost ran them to the ground as he rushed into Akashi's embrace, burying his face into Akashi's chest, breathing in his scent, hands clutching at the front of the redhead's suit, careful not to crumple it. The redhead blinked at this sudden behavior from the usually composed boy, then sighed and put one arm around Kuroko, while the other, he placed on top of the phantom's head, caressing the hair that was the color of the sky.
No one made a sound as the emperor hugged the phantom, who was clutching to him for dear life. They were surprised — well, everyone knows how close the two got after Akashi reawakened his old self, and after Winter Cup, the two were occasionally seen together, hanging out at Maji's or playing basketball in the streetball courts. All throughout the rest of their high school life, Akashi and Kuroko became a sort of best-bestfriends — they would do things together, even inviting the other to spend the weekends at each other's houses. Thus, Akashi became sort of an 'adopted' member of the Kuroko family, and in turn, Kuroko became another 'young master' of the Akashi household. Kuroko's parents were very fascinated by Akashi, and he had charmed them completely to the point that he had gotten them on his side to watch over Kuroko's 'unhealthy' obsession with vanilla milkshakes. On the other hand, Akashi's father didn't mind the bluenette's presence at the manor, rather, one can say that he even fond of the bluenette. Times are when he would invite the two teens to join him for tea, and they would have some sort of a debate on a certain topic, and he seems amused when his son would snort when he says that Kuroko has a better point.
So, the two were that close, but this display of intense emotion from the bluenette at Akashi's departure was something that no one anticipated. Not even Akashi saw it coming. It was supposed to be a simple pat on the shoulder — okay, so a hug would be fine as well, but not with this intensity! And the tears..
"...You're set on going?" he heard Kuroko mumble in his chest. Suddenly, Akashi felt a lump forming in his throat. He swallowed it slowly.
"I have to," he said softly.
"When are you coming back?"
"After five years. Father ordered it."
"Sei, I wish... I wish I could go with you..." Kuroko suddenly said, surprising Akashi, though he didn't show it.
"I know. I wish I could take you with me, too." He felt that that was the right thing to say as a response. Without thinking, Akashi inhaled in Kuroko's vanilla scent. He felt him tremble in his arms.
"Tetsuya."
"...What?"
"Are you crying?"
Kuroko shook his head. "I'm not―"
Akashi chuckled as he pulled away to look at the bluenette's face. A single tear made its way down Kuroko's cheek, and Akashi smiled as he wiped it away with a brush of his thumb. "You can't lie to me, Tetsuya."
His hand remained on Kuroko's face as he caressed his cheek almost lovingly, and this gesture raised a lot of eyebrows from their spellbound audience. Kuroko stood there biting his lip to stop it from trembling as he tried not to cry.
"Sei."
Kuroko grasped Akashi's arm. He felt like he could endure no more.
"Don't go, Sei. I want to be by your side. I want you to be by my side. That's all I wish for," he pleaded in a broken voice.
Hearing the phantom sound so desperate, something wavered inside Akashi. His heterochromatic eyes softened as he let out a small sigh.
"We've already talked about this, Tetsuya, haven't we?"
Kuroko looked at his feet and tightened his grip around Akashi's arm.
I know. I understand. But― "Sei, I can't —"
A finger hooked on his chin, and yanked it upwards.
A set of crimson and gold eyes were right in front of him.
"Yes, you can, Tetsuya." It was a gentle voice, one that Akashi only uses for Kuroko.
"Sei―"
This time, it was Akashi who hugged him. Resting his chin on the crook of Kuroko's neck, Akashi whispered softly, "I promised, Tetsuya, didn't I?" Akashi smiled as he pulled away. "And I know you're stronger than this. A few years of separation isn't gonna weaken our friendship. We're bestfriends, aren't we?"
Kuroko nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak. His tears fell, but this time, it's for another reason. He wiped them with his own hand. Reluctantly, almost painfully, he released his hold on Akashi's arm.
One last embrace, and Akashi turned his back to him, dragging his suitcase with him.
Kise and Aomine went to comfort Kuroko.
Everyone watched as Akashi's figure grew smaller and smaller.
He never turned around once.
"Sei—!"
Akashi didn't hear that faint cry — the sound of his own name being called in vain.
"Kurokocchi!"
"Tetsu!"
In the distance, he never heard them call Kuroko's name in panic.
There's no turning back. If he did, then maybe he would have seen a very heartbreaking sight.
That behind him, a bluenette had fallen on his knees to the hard cement, eyes overflowing with tears of the pain of being separated from his loved one, and that no amount of comfort from the people around him can probably console him.
Kuroko only needs Akashi, but then that very person was leaving him behind.
And he called him bestfriend.
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Bestfriend.
That night, Kuroko replayed Akashi's words in his head, and that word was the only one that he can remember.
Deep in his heart, Kuroko wanted them to be something more than that. He wanted Akashi to love him, not as a friend, not as a bestfriend, but as a lover.
But now Akashi was leaving to study in Harvard University, when Kuroko was planning to confess to him when they got to college. If ever Akashi was to study here in Japan, Kuroko knows that he'll probably chose the University of Tokyo, which is the top university in the country, thus Kuroko had done his best to be accepted in it. He was yet to surprise Akashi with the news, but it seems that he was too late.
Akashi had already left for another country. And try as he might, Kuroko can never hope to follow him to Harvard — it's something way out of his league, no matter how painful it is to admit that.
And so Kuroko had to wait again. For another five years.
Kami, I must have the patience of a saint. Middle school, he was unable to do so because Akashi had changed. In high school, when he finally got the old Akashi back, he was seen as a mere friend. Kuroko actually hoped that college would be the time that he could finally confess to Akashi about his long-hidden feelings, but Fate intervened again.
Why can't I be with Sei-kun?
Kuroko sighed as he opened his email account using his laptop and without hesitating, he typed a message to Akashi, who was still probably in the plane right now.
Oh well, he'll read it when he'll read it, he sighed.
It was a short message, but he cannot think of how to express it better.
Kuroko clicked the 'Send' button.
To: Akashi Seijuurou
Message: I miss you, Sei-kun. I'll be waiting for your return.
xoxoOoxoxo
"Sorry but the number you dialled is busy or either unattended. Please try again later."
Tsk, come on, Sei-kun, pick up, Kuroko thought as he dialled the number once more. It was a futile attempt, seeing as he had done it almost a dozen times each night and getting the same result.
"Sorry but the number you dialled is busy or —"
He slammed his phone on the bed.
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"Oi, Kuroko, you okay? You look like hell," Kagami said as he and Kuroko walked to the cafeteria.
"How can someone who looks like hell be okay?" Kuroko snapped, rubbing his tired eyes. Lack of sleep made him easy to get irritated with just about anything. The dark circles under his eyes do not help things, either. Everytime he sees his weary expression in the mirror makes him want to give the glass an Ignite Pass Kai.
Why is Sei-kun not picking up any of my calls? Kuroko wondered, not seeing the worried glance that Kagami was giving him. The bluenette did not even as much looked up when the taller redhead yanked his arm to prevent him from colliding with a pole. How many months has passed? He counted them on his pale fingers. Eight months... It has been eight months...
And not as much as a whisper from the emperor.
"Yo, Tetsu, Kagami!" Aomine greeted them at the entrance of the food joint. The three of them, plus Midorima and Momoi, had made it to Tokyo University, the tanned teen having reformed during his second year in high school and had taken his studies seriously. Momoi, who was beside him, also helped him a lot with the reviews for the entrance exam.
"Tetsu, you look —" Aomine was saying, but stopped when Momoi elbowed him sharply while Kagami gave him a death glare. "What?" he asked them in annoyance mixed with confusion.
Kuroko merely brushed past him into the door of the cafeteria, muttering darkly, "Another word about me looking like hell or a zombie, and I'll give you an Ignite Pass Kai to the face for all your troubles."
The others followed after him in shock.
"Geez, you've been hanging with Akashi too much," Aomine said, the other two unable to stop him from opening his mouth. At the mention of the redhead's name, the bluenette's steps faltered and he whirled around, hands clenched tightly at his side.
"I'm not hungry." His eyes were hidden behind his bangs as he stomped his way past them and went out the way they had come in. Aomine blinked at his retreating form, then turned to his remaining companions who were both glaring at him murderously. If looks could kill, Aomine would have been six feet under by now.
"What did I do wrong?" he asked, palms up in surrender.
"Do you really not know?" Kagami asked as he facepalmed at his friend's obliviousness.
"Ahomine-kun," Momoi bit out, her eyes looking through the doorway where her beloved phantom had gone off to who knows where. She bit her lip worriedly. What's wrong, Tetsu-kun?
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Kuroko had went home after his outburst at the cafeteria, regretting the harsh words that he had said to his former light. He then laughed bitterly to himself as he reflected on Aomine's statement.
Maybe I've been hanging around Sei-kun too much. Too much that I don't know how to live without him by my side.
He sat tiredly on the couch. Good thing his parents were out of town for the week. Kuroko needs some time alone.
As if I need more time for myself, he thought. I've never felt so lonely in my life up until now.
Before, Kuroko didn't mind being alone. He didn't mind being ignored or forgotten. If not, he was even thankful for his misdirection because it was what allowed him to play on the same court with the Kiseki no Sedai. It was what led Akashi to him. It was what helped him bring back Akashi to his old self. However, after the time he had spent with the redhead, after having been exposed to that wonderful feeling of having someone who really sees him, who knows that he exists, someone whose eyes never lose sight of him — having all that gone in the blink of an eye sent Kuroko almost to the depths of despair.
Sei-kun spoiled me too much.
Akashi has always indulged him, now that he thought about it. Especially when it comes to his favorite vanilla milkshake. Akashi would just sit across him on the table, arms crossed as he eyed the sweet drink in Kuroko's hands, clearly displeased at the amount of sugar present in that certain concoction that the phantom loves so much.
"You're going to get sick with diabetes if you keep this up, Tetsuya," Akashi would say.
"But it's delicious," he would reply. "Sei-kun should try it sometime."
Akashi winced at the offer. "Thanks for the offer but I'd prefer to keep myself healthy."
"Suit yourself," and Akashi would sigh in resignation, glaring at the drink but making no move to take it away from him.
"Just don't overdo it, Tetsuya. Anything that's excessive is never a good thing."
Funny how Akashi seemed to have failed to heed his own words, Kuroko realized. Just what did you do to me?
Right. You just made me fall hopelessly in love with you, then left me all by myself.
Did Akashi even knew about Kuroko's feelings for him?
I highly doubt that, Kuroko found himself thinking. But then again, doesn't Sei-kun knows everything?
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Kuroko walked aimlessly around the streets of Tokyo as he searched for the perfect gift for the redhead. It's been what? Three years? Three years of absolute silence from the redhead. Not even a birthday greeting — something that had killed something inside him when he stayed up all night during his birthday — his first birthday after Akashi's departure — hoping against hope that somehow, Akashi would make it. Ever since knowing the emperor in middle school, Akashi had always been the first to greet him a warm yet simple 'Happy birthday, Kuroko" over the phone, with the exception being their last year in Teiko, when things had been in chaos, and then changing to a "Happy birthday, Tetsuya" during their high school years. At exactly 12 am of January 31, Kuroko's phone would ring, Akashi's name on the caller ID, and in his velvet voice, he would say those three words and Kuroko's day is already complete, never mind the extravagant gifts that would follow soon after.
However, in his first year in college, there was nothing of that sort. His phone remained silent, not a call, not a message — nada.
Kuroko convinced himself that it was just a miscalculation on Akashi's part as 12 am passed by with his phone in perfect silence, yet another part of him argued that Akashi would never make such a mistake. Akashi was perfectly aware of the difference in their time zones and would have calculated it perfectly down to the last second. Dawn passed, and Kuroko cannot find the strength to drag himself from the comfort of his bed, and spent his birthday locked inside his room in complete misery, no matter how hard his friends tried to convince him to get out and celebrate with them.
Kuroko never celebrated his birthday after that, yet every 19th of December, he would find himself hunting for a present for Akashi. Not that he would be able to give it to him. Already, in a box beneath his bed were a glass shogi board and hand-knitted scarf, kept hidden away from prying eyes, his gifts to Akashi for the past two years lying there wrapped in red gift wrapper, along with a birthday card and an envelope containing a letter with his feelings and thoughts that he was unable to convey to Akashi in person.
As the snow fell slowly around him, Kuroko was thinking, Now, what could be the perfect addition to my collection?
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Aquamarine eyes stared at the clock, waiting for the second hand to complete its revolution. December 20 was but a few ticks away, and one Kuroko Tetsuya was up and awake to wait for it to happen.
"Happy birthday, Sei-kun," he whispered the moment the three hands of the clock aligned together at the number 12. Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand, he reached from under his bed and pulled out the box, where he placed his gift of an exquisite calligraphy set, along with the customary card and letter. Pushing the box out of sight, he sighed, then turned off his bedside lamp and cried himself to sleep.
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"Tetsuya dear, a delivery man is looking for you!"
His mother's voice from downstairs shook Kuroko from his daydreaming. With great effort, he hauled himself out his room and down the stairs, looking completely disgruntled. It was the morning of December 24, but the bluenette was not feeling the least bit festive. Absentmindedly, he thought that it was supposed to be Akashi waiting for him in their couch in the living room, sipping his morning tea with Kuroko's father before the two of them go off somewhere to celebrate their Christmas together as they would be spending the actual Christmas with their families.
Instead, some stupid delivery man was waiting for me on our doorstep.
He opened the door none too gently, surprising the delivery man who was clearly expecting a warm greeting. Instead a grumpy teenager was looking at him with pale sky-blue eyes.
"Where should I sign?" Kuroko asked even though he was already reaching for the clipboard in the man's other hand. After several times of receiving gifts from Akashi in this manner, Kuroko already knows the procedure. He signed the receipt without looking at the name of sender, gave it back to the man who handed him the package, and Kuroko turned on his heel, retreating back inside the house and into the room without a care in the world.
To his surprise, his phone was ringing when he got back to his room. Even more as it was ringing with the tune that Kuroko had not heard for almost three years now.
The package was forgotten as he chucked the box to his bed in his rush to get to his phone.
"SEI-KUN!"
Hearing the redhead's chuckle for after so long a time sent a wave of indescribable happiness to Kuroko. Even more when Akashi spoke his name.
"Tetsuya," Akashi said in that silken smooth voice of his. "Do you really have to shout my name out loud?" He was thoroughly amused. "I take it you have received the package?"
Kuroko blinked. "Package?" he echoed. The box lay on his bed. "You were the one who sent it?"
Silence. Then came Akashi's voice once more. "I take it you didn't look at the sender's name."
"I—"
"Even though you didn't, I at least thought that you would know that it was from me. Unless someone else has been sending you gifts through courier."
Kuroko shook his head, forgetting that he was talking to Akashi over the phone and thus he won't be seeing the gesture.
Okay, so maybe he did, for he replied with an amused tone, "Anyway, have you opened it yet?"
"Not yet. I-I have just received it shortly before you called."
"I know."
Kuroko pouted a little at the redhead's teasing tone. "Then why did you ask?"
His breath hitched at Akashi's answer. "I just missed hearing your voice, Tetsuya."
Tears flowed anew as Kuroko replied with a shaky "M-me, too, Sei-kun. I missed you too." The last part was almost a whisper.
Akashi was about to speak when in the background, Kuroko heard someone call the redhead. The voice was somewhat familiar — Kuroko can vaguely remember hearing that voice somewhere before.
"Sei, come on, I've gotten us a taxi already!"
Akashi must have covered the phone's receiver with his hand as Kuroko can only hear his slightly muffled voice speaking in perfect English.
"Just a minute, Chihiro."
Teal eyes widened. Chihiro? And then it clicked. What is Mayuzumi Chihiro doing in America, much less with Akashi?
And why was he calling him 'Sei'?
His hands grasped at the bedsheets so tight that his knuckles turned white.
Whatever the redhead was about to tell him was forgotten due to the other phantom's interruption. Akashi didn't bother to explain Mayuzumi's presence as he continued with an apologetic tone, "I'm sorry to cut this short, Tetsuya, but I've someplace to go. I'll call you later and then we can catch up, yes?" He didn't wait for Kuroko's reply — the bluenette can almost see Akashi walking towards the waiting Mayuzumi. "By the way, Merry Christmas, Tetsuya. Hope you like my gift. Which I'm sure you will." And with that, Akashi dropped the call.
For a long time, Kuroko stared at his phone. He should be happy. He heard Akashi's voice again, right? And he had sent him a gift — a gift that he had been ignoring all this time. He reached for the package. As he started opening it, he stilled for a moment as he realized something about their short phone call.
He forgot to greet Akashi a 'Merry Christmas'.
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After that, Akashi started calling him regularly, and even explained his three years of no communication with his friends in Japan. Life has been very hectic, he had said, and his father had been pressuring him too much. He feared he had awakened his 'other' self again as he struggled to meet what was expected of him, and he hesitated to reach out to him and the others in fear of doing something he'll come to regret. However, it seemed that Mayuzumi was an exception to that.
Chihiro has been very helpful ever since he came here, Kuroko remembered Akashi saying, his tone when talking about Rakuzan's phantom too fond and carefree for Kuroko's liking.
What is Mayuzumi Chihiro to Akashi Seijuurou?
And who am I to him?
A dark voice in his mind whispered mockingly to him. Bestfriend. You're his bestfriend. Or have you forgotten?
"I don't want to be his bestfriend!" Kuroko shouted in defiance.
Only to have his whole class to look back at him — or rather, in his direction. Even his seatmate hasn't realized that it was him who caused the noise. Kuroko slumped in his seat.
"We don't care if you don't want to be his bestfriend, boyfriend, whatever," the professor said to no one in particular, though to Kuroko's ears, his words were directed specifically to him. "So please refrain from causing such distractions. You are disturbing my class."
As the man resumed with the lecture, Kuroko was lost in his own thoughts. No one cares, he tells himself, no one, not even Sei-kun.
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It was lunch break when Kuroko suddenly had the impulse to call Akashi. He perfectly knows that their clock was running on opposite sides, but he doesn't care. One sleepless night will not kill Akashi Seijuurou.
He just need to hear his voice. Desperately so.
He held the phone to his ear, hands shaking a bit from fear and anticipation. After several rings, Akashi answered with a sleepy "Tetsuya?"
"Sei-kun," he breathed in relief.
There was a ruffling sound as Akashi shifted in his bed. "Is anything wrong, Tetsuya?" The redhead seemed to be worried for him, and it made Kuroko a bit happy.
However, that happiness was short-lived. For another voice joined their conversation. Mayuzumi's voice, Kuroko realized with bitterness. The grayhaired male seemed to be close to Akashi, specifically Akashi's ear, if his voice was that loud and clear through the line. Voice low and husky from what Kuroko can only guess as sleep, he could Mayuzumi ask Akashi, "Who's on the phone, Sei?"
There was a pregnant pause amidst the ruffling of the blankets before Akashi hummed in response. "It's Tetsuya," he replied silently, too quiet that Kuroko has to strain his ears to hear it.
"Can't he wait till morning?" was Mayuzumi's retort, and Akashi chuckled, as if knowing the reason for the other man's grumpiness.
"I'll be fine, Chihiro," Akashi murmured placatingly. "This won't take an hour."
"Hmp. Keep it as short as possible. You're barely getting enough sleep as it is."
"Hai, hai. Now go to sleep, Chihiro. I'll join you later."
As he listened to their conversation from the other end of the line, the pain in Kuroko's chest kept getting worse. Every word, every laugh that comes from the redhead but was not directed to him was like a knife that was being stabbed to his heart over and over again. Mayuzumi's last statement was pretty much telling Kuroko to bug off and let the redhead rest; he had the odd sense that Mayuzumi knows he was listening and was indirectly telling Kuroko that he was being a nuisance.
Am I? Am I being a nuisance to Sei-kun?
"Sorry about that, Tetsuya. Chihiro does not like it when someone calls me in the middle of the night. Personally, I do, too, but I don't mind if it's you," Akashi said as if reassuring him.
Knowing that Mayuzumi was the one taking care of the redhead was the final straw. "Ma-mayuzumi-san is right." I was supposed to be the one to say that. "Sei-kun should go to bed now." I should be the one beside you. "G-go get enough sleep—I-I am perfectly fine." No, I'm not fine. "So-sorry for waking y-you up. I-I didn't me-mean to—to be a n-nuisance to you. Sorry." I'm so sorry for thinking that we could be more than what we have.
And Kuroko hung up, just as the rain poured over him, drenching him with the tears of heaven.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for loving you.
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"Sei-kun—Sei-kun is already drifting away from me," Kuroko muttered, words slurred by the alcohol in his system. "I don't want Sei-kun to go away. I want him to come back... Why is Sei-kun not coming back? Why...?" He sniffed, slouched in his seat, his arm folded on the counter, his head resting against it as he talked to the glass of vodka in front of him. "Tell me, why? Why did he have to leave?"
On the seat beside him, Aomine and Kise were watching him with mixed expressions.
"Aominecchi, maybe it's not wise to introduce Kurokocchi to alcohol..." Kise murmured as he took a sip of his own poison.
"Well, he wouldn't talk about his problems when he's all sober, the secretive bastard," Aomine shot back, a bit drunk himself. "I've a better chance in getting the answers if I get him drunk. Besides, I've been curious as to how Tetsu would behave when intoxicated..." He sniggered as said bluenette poked the glass with a pale finger as if prodding it to speak.
Kise was not amused. He pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Still not a wise idea, Aominecchi..."
But Aomine was not listening to him. Instead, he was talking to Kuroko, answering each question directed to the innocent piece of glass, making it look like the glass was indeed responding to the bluenette.
"Akashi has to go to America to study," Aomine said, trying to make his voice tinier but failing miserably. Kuroko didn't seem to care, as he slowly raised an eyebrow at his glass.
"Oh, so you can talk. Funny, you sound like Ahomine-kun..." he drawled. "Ne, Glass-kun, why does Sei-kun have to go to America?"
"Are you not listening, idiot? I told you, he went there to stu—"
"He could just stay here! Is Tōdai not good enough?" Then, in a quieter voice, he added, "When I have done all my best to pass the entrance exams..."
"It's good enough for him. But not good enough for his father."
Kuroko bit his lip. He was silent for long that Aomine thought he had fallen asleep, but then when Himuro, who was working part-time as a bartender, went to get their glasses since they were no longer using them, Kuroko suddenly lashed out.
"Put him back! Can't you see we're talking?"
Himuro's lone visible eye widened in surprise. "...Pardon?"
Kise sighed, then apologized for his dear tealhead but not before giving Aomine a not-too gentle jab in the ribs. "Ah, Himurocchi, sorry about that — Kurokocchi's pretty drunk. By 'him', he means the glass... If you could just kindly put it back in front of him..."
Despite not really understanding the situation, Himuro did as he was told. Only when Kuroko continued talking to the glass, with Aomine answering, did he get it.
"So it has worsened to this level, eh?" he asked Kise, who was watching the two engaged in their twisted conversation, a helpless look marring his pretty face.
"Not really... Kurokocchi is not like that when he's sober... It's Aominecchi who thought about getting him drunk in order to have Kurokocchi spill out all his problems..."
"So it's Akashi..." Himuro scratched his cheek with his index finger. "He still has one and a half years, if I remember correctly..." Looking at the bluenette's wasted appearance, he voiced out his worries. "Do you think he can bear it when he comes back?"
And Kise, who was as usually an optimist no matter what the odds are, shook his head once more, finding himself unable to find the bright side in this bleak situation. "No. I don't think Kurokocchi can bear it. There's no way he can do that."
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Akashi called unexpectedly then, shocking Aomine as the ringing tone that he knows Kuroko had assigned to their fearsome captain came blaring out from the bluenette's coat pocket.
Shit, he mentally cursed. If Akashi knows I'm the one who brought Tetsu to a bar, he'll kill me!
"Ah, Sei-kun is calling," Kuroko said as he fumbled clumsily for his phone. "Excuse me for a moment, Glass-kun..."
"Ah, maybe you should not answer it, Kuroko," 'Glass-kun' said. "Akashi will be mad at you for drinking alcohol..."
Too late for that. Kuroko had already fished out his phone and was already holding it to his ear. Worse, he'd already pressed the 'Answer' button. "Then I can just tell him that it was Aomine-kun who invited me for a drink."
"Daiki did what, Tetsuya?" No greetings — just straight to the point.
Aomine facepalmed. He can already see his death one and a half years later.
"Aomine-kun invited me for a drink." Kuroko might as well have been telling Akashi about the weather.
"Is that so? Why did you agree to him, then?" Kuroko could feel that the redhead was reigning his anger.
"Because I need it" was his nonchalant reply.
"You needed a drink," Akashi echoed in confirmation.
"Yep."
"Why."
"Because I was thinking about you," Kuroko supplied without missing a beat.
A pause. Kuroko counted the seconds on his fingers. One, two, three... He got to eight when he heard Akashi silently clear his throat.
"You needed a drink because you were thinking about me?" His voice clearly expressed his disbelief. Somehow the picture amused Kuroko that he even chuckled, shocking the hell out of those who heard him.
He raised his hand and wiggled his finger in the air. "Should I make things clearer, Sei-kun?"
"Please do," Akashi said, his tone dry.
"Hmmm, a single word will do," Kuroko mused out loud. He let out a huge sigh, bracing himself for the backlash. "Seijuurou-kun."
"Yes, Tetsuya?"
"Aishiteru."
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Stop ringing, you damn thing. He repressed the urge to throw the damn thing out the window. A few seconds after he rejected the call, it would begin ringing once more.
What a persistent person, he thought as he switched the phone to vibrate mode, then putting it under two of his pillows to silence the accursed device. He could have just shut it off but Kuroko can't find the will to do so.
It has been two days after his drunken confession to Akashi, and he has been out of sorts since then. Despite his drunken haze, he could still recall with startling clarity their exchange after his one-worded confession.
"You're drunk, Tetsuya."
"No, I'm not, Sei-kun.
"Yes, you are. Else, you won't be saying such ridiculous things."
Well, that hurt. "'Ridiculous'? You call my feelings 'ridiculous'?"
Akashi sighed. "Tetsuya, let's talk about this when you're sober, okay?"
"So you're saying you don't believe me then?"
"If you remember this in the morning, then I'll believe you."
And it has been two days since, but Kuroko did not dare pick up any of Akashi's calls for fear of the redhead's reaction.
xoxoOoxoxo
"Tetsu-chan! There you are!"
Fast forward to four days after his slip-up. Kuroko whirled around, and found himself face-to-face with a breathless Mibuchi Reo, clutching his phone as it it was his lifeline. Before he could do anything, the former shooting guard of Rakuzan had him in his grip, mumbling a quick apology before unceremoniously shoving the phone to his hands. Which, to Kuroko's horror, was in a video call.
To Akashi Seijuurou, nonetheless.
"Got him, Sei-chan!" Mibuchi proudly stated over his shoulder, to which the redhead nodded.
"Thanks, Reo." Heterochromatic eyes locked on wide pale-blue ones. As he stared at the redhead's face, he noticed that Akashi looked weary, his eyes lacking their original luster. "Tetsuya," he began, but Kuroko panicked at having his sharp gaze on him.
"Se-sei-kun, I'm sorry for not answering any of your calls! Y-you see, I have been quite busy and I've been feeling unwell and —" then he froze upon realizing that he was using the same reason that Akashi had told him on why he was unable to contact them during his first three years abroad.
He must have known something else from Kuroko's answer for a pained expression crossed Akashi's handsome face for a split second before he resumed his cool, calm facade. "I see. Later then, Tetsuya. If you can return Reo's phone to him."
"Sei-kun —"
"Later, Tetsuya. I understand that you are busy. I am, as well." It was only then that Kuroko noticed that Akashi was in an office. "I am just taking a short break to talk to you, but as you have told me, now wasn't a good time. I apologize for disturbing you."
Mibuchi, though he had stood at a distance to give them privacy, knew that their conversation is over, for he sidled up to Kuroko's side, an apologetic smile on his face, albeit a forced one. He wordlessly retrieved his phone from Kuroko's shaking hands and began to talk to the redhead in a hushed voice, his back to Kuroko who was still standing rooted to the spot.
"Sei-chan, are you alright?"
"I would be lying if I say I am fine. A bit exhausted, but manageable."
"Did you and —" Mibuchi stopped for some reason, his shoulders tensing for a moment before dropping wearily as he held a sort of a quiet exchange with Akashi. "If you say so, Sei-chan," was his resigned answer before he ended the call. Turning to Kuroko, he said, "I'll be going then, Tetsu-chan. See you around."
And then he was gone, leaving Kuroko alone but not before giving him a somewhat disappointed look for some reason that was beyond his knowledge.
xoxoOoxoxo
"Don't you think we should have told Kurokocchi about this?"
Aomine shrugged. It was a nice Sunday morning, and the two were lying on the cold cement, tired from their intense one-on-one game. "You know better than I do when it comes to such things," he grumbled. "All I know is that I'm gonna die right after I graduate from college."
"Aww, don't you worry, Aominecchi! I'll make sure to attend your funeral..." Kise laughed.
"It's not funny."
"Yeah, it's not," Kise replied in a low voice. "How can Akashicchi not realize that Kurokocchi has fallen for him? I mean, they're practically joined at the hip back in high school! Before that, even in Teiko, Kurokocchi has always admired Akashicchi from afar... Just... How can Akashicchi not realize?!"
Aomine reached out and flicked him on the forehead. "You're too loud, baka. As for your question, my answer to that is 'I don't know.' Maybe Akashi is dense?"
"With that eye of his? I think not..."
"Then how can you explain why he friendzoned Tetsu?" Aomine demanded.
There was a momentary pause as Kise thought of a probable answer.
"Hmmm... Because he thought that it was the best thing to do?"
"That's a load of bullshit," Aomine can't help but curse. "If hurting Tetsu is the best, then Akashi is the biggest idiot in the planet."
"Aominecchi!" Kise looked horrified. "Don't talk about Akashicchi like that! I'm sure he has his reasons..."
"Like what?"
"God, Aominecchi, you're making me think so hard my brain's gonna short-circuit anytime now!" Kise complained. "Okay, possible reason number one: Akashicchi knows he's going away for college and, and he wouldn't want to burden Kurokocchi with a long distance relationship!"
The tanned male thought it over for a moment before snorting in disagreement. "Laaaaame... Give me something more acceptable."
Kise sighed. "Possible reason number two: Akashicchi was under the assumption that Kurokocchi was just being his usual-friendly-adorable self but was instead enamored by Kagamicchi!"
Still, Aomine was not easily persuaded. "Another."
The blonde model was already running out of ideas. "Akashicchi was feeling guilty about his past mistakes and thus, he can't... bring himself to... to return... Kurokocchi's... feelings?"
"I never thought Akashi to be the mushy-mushy type..." Aomine commented.
"I give up!" cried Kise. "Why don't you give your own theory as to why Akashicchi refused to acknowledge Kurokocchi's feelings?"
In his usual lazy drawl, Aomine laid out the facts to Kise. The facts as he believed them to be. "It's simple. Akashi doesn't love Tetsu the same way that Tetsu loves him."
xoxoOoxoxo
After that video call incident, Akashi never called him again, but merely passed his messages to Kuroko through his former Rakuzan teammates. Mibuchi, Hayama, and Nebuya would once in a while hunt him down, relay to him Akashi's words, then ask him for a reply. The three Uncrowned Generals soon took on another role — they were Akashi's messengers and delivery boys now.
When Kuroko's birthday came, it was Mibuchi who called at 12 AM to greet him happy birthday — 'Sei-chan says "Happy birthday, Tetsuya!"' — while it was Hayama and Nebuya who dropped by later that day to pick him up and drop him off to a party that Akashi had organized for him. Akashi was also the one who invited the guests for him — the rest of the Kiseki no Sedai, the Seirin team, and all the others whom Kuroko had befriended along the way. There were Takao, Kasamatsu, Himuro — even Imayoshi was there — though none of the Uncrowned Generals from Rakuzan was in sight.
It was after this that Kuroko tried to reach out to Akashi. By then, his fourth year in college was already nearing its end. He asked Mibuchi for Akashi's new number, which the Yaksha had given to him with hesitation, and spent a whole Sunday just staring at the piece of paper containing the redhead's digits before finding the courage to actually save it on his phone. A few more hours of pacing around his room, and Kuroko managed to press the 'Dial' button.
Only to get his voicemail.
"This is Akashi Seijuurou. I am preoccupied as of the moment, so please leave your message after the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm able to."
Kuroko seems to have a rotten sense of timing as this was always the case when he tries to reach the redhead, yet he finds it strange how the Uncrowned Generals seemed to be able to contact Akashi with perfect ease.
And before he knew it, his fourth year in college has come to an end.
xoxoOoxoxo
As his last and final year in college rolled around, the gap between him and Akashi had grown so big that it was almost impossible to repair. By that time, Kuroko had become numb to the point that he can no longer produce tears. Nights spent crying on his pillow was the most probable cause.
On the outside, he seemed to have reverted back to normal — the stoic, blunt, yet polite Kuroko Tetsuya that everyone was accostumed to. Only that his eyes, which were once the sole indicator of his emotions, are now truly and utterly dead and lifeless — perfectly and completely blank, reflecting the hollowness of his very own being.
It's not easy to let go, Kuroko realized, not after hanging on for so long. It hurts, excruciatingly so. It was like a twisted version of that soldier who vowed, as a proof of his love for her, to wait for his beloved princess for a hundred days under her balcony's window, only to give up on the 99th day. Love wasn't supposed to hurt like this. Only, in Kuroko's case, Akashi did not actually asked him to prove his devotion to him. It was Kuroko and Kuroko alone who decided to put himself in such a mess — waiting for the emperor to look behind him to see the faithful shadow who was waiting for his acknowledgment, who had been standing in that spot for years now, hoping for his feelings to be returned in kind — only that the emperor didn't.
Or maybe he did. Just that he saw the wrong shadow. The shadow that was Mayuzumi Chihiro.
It hurts, living like this, without Akashi beside him. Not just in the physical sense, but in every aspect possible. As days turned to weeks, Kuroko was starting to fear that he no longer means anything to Akashi at this point in time.
Maybe, just maybe, hopefully 'maybe', that Akashi had finally come to replace him — both in his heart and his mind.
If that was the case, then, what am I to do?
The weeks turned to months, and before he knew, it was December once more. The last, he realized with a start, before Sei-kun comes home. The last time that I am going to buy him a gift only to stuff it in that box under my bed. The last time that I am going to write him a letter in that scented red ink.
The last... before I —
"Before I what?" Kuroko mumbled in the winter chill. He looked down on his glove-clad hands — gloves that Akashi had given him one winter evening in their second year in high school.
Kuroko rubbed his bare hands together as he and Akashi walked towards the waiting limousine that was to take Akashi back to his family's Tokyo branch house. The two had spent the day going just about anywhere, talking about random things, eating snacks here and there. And now it was evening, and Akashi has to go.
The redhead noticed him trying to warm his freezing hands by breathing over them. Without a word, he took off both of his gloves and reached for Kuroko's hands, and put them on him. Kuroko was too surprised that they were already standing beside the car where his chauffeur was already opening the door for Akashi before he managed to say a word.
"Sei-kun, I can't —"
Akashi shook his head and merely stuck his hands in his coat pockets. "Keep them. Since you were so adamant about not letting me drive you home, then you should at least take them. Else your hands will freeze by the time you reach your house."
"But how about you, Sei-kun?"
The redhead smiled at him. "I'll be fine, Tetsuya. It is warm inside," he said, gesturing to the sleek black vehicle. "Now just stop arguing and wear them home, Tetsuya."
"If you say so," Kuroko replied shyly. Already, his hands are warm from the heat provided by Akashi's gloves. "Th-thanks, Sei-kun..."
"You're always welcome, Tetsuya," Akashi said. "You sure about walking home?"
"Ha-hai! I-I'll be fine... You really shouldn't trouble yourself over me so much..." The last part was a low mumble.
To his surprise, a warm hand pinched his cheek lightly. "You're not causing me any trouble, Tetsuya." The words were as warm as the hand against his skin. "You never did, and I doubt if you ever will..." Akashi then fixed his scarf, tugging it here and there until it looked perfect to his eyes before he withdrew his hand. "I'll be going then. Take care on your way home."
"I will. Take care on your way home, too, Sei-kun."
Looking back, everything seemed like a distant dream to him now.
I miss Sei-kun. Does he miss me too?
xoxoOoxoxo
"Happy New Year!"
Kuroko watched as the fireworks that Aomine and Kagami had set up succesfully rocketed up into the midnight sky, exploding and illuminating the darkness in blooming flowers of crimson and gold. They were brilliant, yet Kuroko thought that his eyes were even more so in comparison.
"Tetsu-kun, look here!" He turned, and a camera flash momentarily blinded him. He saw Momoi pout as she looked at the captured photo. "Mou, Tetsu-kun, smile a little more..."
Luckily, Aomine interrupted him as he was about to make his reply. "What are you even saying, Satsuki? Happy, sad, angry, surprised, whatever, Tetsu looks the same... You have to tickle him to death or do something extreme to make him crack a grin or something."
Hmm, funny how Sei-kun can easily read my emotions, Kuroko thought as he continued to watch the fireworks. Everyone was having fun, it seemed. The Aho-Baka duo was loudly arguing about the fireworks, Murasakibara was demolishing the food with ease, Takao was annoying Midorima, while Aomine and Momoi was bickering about the pictures, and oddly enough, Kise and Himuro was talking animatedly with each other while each holding sparklers in their hands.
Yes, everyone was having fun. Everyone.
Except him.
He was supposed to be right here, Kuroko glanced at his left, in that very spot. We would be talking about how troublesome everyone is, how childish they are, before we join them in their antics. Sei-kun would probably mess up with the fireworks just for the heck of it. Like that one time when he planted a dud along with the others, that when Kise set them off, one of them launched in a projectile path, landing to where Aomine was standing. Or he would probably be the one holding the camera and taking photos of all of us in terribly awkward poses. Whoever said that Akashi Seijuurou has no sense of humor was completely off the mark.
I wonder how he's spending the New Year...
He got the answer to that once classes resumed.
"Sei-chan! That's horribly unfair! How come you and Mayu-chan got to spend the New Year in New York?!"
Kuroko was on his way to his next class when he passed by Mibuchi who was talking to Akashi loudly on the phone. Isn't it the middle of the night over there? Then what was Akashi doing staying up just to have such useless banter with this guy? He purposefully slowed down his steps in hopes of getting more information.
"Aww, Sei-chan, that's very sweet of you..." Mibuchi giggled at something the redhead told him. "Of course, I do! I can hardly wait! I mean, I've taken to marking down the days on my calendar..."
Akashi must have asked him how many more days remain before his return because Mibuchi answered with a proud, "96 days!"
Kuroko's eyes widened as needle-sharp pain erupted in his chest. 96 days — that's three months... Three months before Akashi comes back to Japan...
Will I be able to face him when that time comes?
xoxoOoxoxo
"So why are we gathered here exactly?" came Kagami's bored voice. It was the evening of Valentines Day, and the Tōdai gang was gathered in that very same bar where Aomine had gotten Kuroko drunk for the first time. Himuro was on the other side of the counter, giving them their drinks. Momoi, who was the one who called them together, zeroed her gaze on Midorima, who had been acting oddly ever since they stepped inside the establishment.
"Because Midorin has an important announcement to make!"
"Ooooh," Kise quipped, craning his head to look at the doctor-in-training. "What is it about, Midorimacchi?"
Viridian eyes glared at them from behind his glasses as he took a gulp of his beer, which surprised everyone because Midorima was never one for alcohol, especially beer. But tonight, it seems that he was in a hurry to get drunk tonight.
"I don't know what you are talking about, Momoi." He then proceeded to ignore everyone around him when the late Aomine made his entrance, along with a certain hawk-eyed boy.
"Shin-chan!" Takao's eyes lit up as he caught sight of the greenhead and before anyone could react, he proceeded to hug Midorima and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Settling on the vacant seat beside him, Takao grinned at his startled audience before asking, "So, did Shin-chan told you yet?"
When no one answered (due to shock), he pouted in slight disappointment, but was easily reverted to a smile. "If that's the case, then I'll do it instead!" He grabbed Midorima's hands, and that was when they noticed the identical silver rings on their fingers. "Shin-chan and me is now engaged!"
"I-I'm happy for the two of you, Midorima-kun, Takao-kun," was all he said, rising from his seat. Kuroko then promptly excused himself.
xoxoOoxoxo