A quick oneshot from Jude's point of view. Takes place in Wired, when they are taking the chips out at the Safe Haven. I may do more of these from different parts of the series, but maybe not. I just wish there were more fics from this incredible series.
Trust
Sometimes, very rarely, he had to remind himself that he was a mech. A machine. There shouldn't be a pounding in his ears that sounded suspiciously like blood rushing to his head. Or an increase in the tempo of the gears in his chest meant to imitate his own heartbeat. Sometimes he hated that Biotech had gone through such lengths to imitate the human experience. Maybe it would've been better if they'd stopped at good enough; a hallow chest, a mass of wires. Maybe then his body wouldn't be reacting in a way that was so disgustingly human.
"Don't move," Lia whispered above him. Trust me, he wanted to say, I'm trying not to. Instead he hissed back a tense, "Do it already."
He knew it was just the adrenaline, or whatever substituted for it, that was making him so on edge. The thought that with one wrong move and his life, his only life, would be over was making this whole experience incredibly intense. He was focused on everything. And that unfortunately meant everything. The tickle of her hair on the side of his cheek; her breath against his neck and in his ear; her chest rising and falling against his back; the smooth inside of her thighs pressed against his sides where his shirt had ridden up; where those thighs led to...
He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, waiting for Lia to make the small cut that would set them free. His previous line of thought was going nowhere good, and it was making it hard to think. This is important, he reminded himself that this has to happen. They have to take the tracker out so they can find out what Biotech is up to. It's just hard when all he can think about is another outcome to the situation.
He thinks about the girl on top of him. In his bed. The girl he's kissed on more separate occasions than anyone else he's ever known. He thinks about how easy it would be to flip on his back, throw away the knife, and kiss her like he's wanted to on each of those past occasions and everyday in between. He thinks about how it would be a real kiss, not one for the vids or to prove a point; it would be because she's amazing, whether he admits it or not, and as much as she drives him crazy, he can't imagine not having that crazy in his life. They're partners. Or they would be... if she wasn't someone else's girl. His friend's girl. His best friend's girl. His dead best friend's girl. That sobers him up quick, and whatever neurological data was being fired out to his body to send liquid, or whatever, down... there, stopped in its tracks. He could never have Lia and Lia would never be his. Hell, even if she wanted it, he didn't think he could bring himself to break Riley's trust again, even in death.
"You want me to do you first?" He asked. He knew that he wouldn't be able to control his thoughts for long. They were on a mission he had just reminded himself. He needed to stay focused, and to do that he needed the chip out and her off him as soon as possible.
"No. I have this." He sighed. Or he would have if he had been an org. His body was better at preventing subconscious reactions than a human body. His mind? Less so. Even he couldn't repress the thought that went along with her words. Of course she had this. Did she really think he would trust his life to her if he didn't think she could do it? That was the problem though, and he knew it, even if she didn't. She didn't realize how big a deal his trust was. Did she realize how few people he trusted in this world? Ani had betrayed him, despite his attempts to explain it away. He would always care for her, love her even, but he didn't have the courage to ask himself if he trusted her still. Riley had betrayed him too; abandoned him, left him. Fought him. But he was gone now so he didn't have to ask himself if he still trusted the man he viewed as his brother. That left Lia. Riley his brother, and Lia his... what? That was the question that scared him. For not the first time, he was glad Lia didn't know enough about his past to read his inner psyche. That she didn't realize, or didn't care, that she was the only one left on this planet that he trusted. He didn't want to think about the fact that he had literally given his life to her. She could end it right then, a swift slice to the back of his neck and his life would be over for good. He didn't want to think about the fact that he wasn't worried, not about that at least. He was scared, if he admitted it to himself, but a good kind of scared. The kind of scared that sent his body hard-wiring haywire. Scared about what was happening to him that he would give his life to a pretty little rich girl. Scared about where they would stand when this was all over, if it was ever. Scared that his promise to Riley seemed further away than it had two minutes ago. Scared that he was actually enjoying the feel of her thighs wrapped around him. Scared tha-
He gasped as the knife slid under the synthetic skin of his neck, the pain sharp and instant; a lightning bolt to his brain releasing it from the fog of thoughts he had been engulfed in.
"Almost done," she whispered, her voice calm and soothing in his ear. Maybe it just sounded that way after his previous train of thought and the shock of the cut. Maybe she had nicked some vital wire. Maybe he was going crazy because suddenly her hands were on his neck, softly massaging the chip out of the tiny incision, and the combination of the tender motions and the pain nearly made him groan.
"Got it, " she said at last. Without waiting for her to move or to say more, he flipped on his back. They were face to face, eye to eye. He stared into her blue ones noting surprise along with the usual fire he had come to expect when looking at her. His brain was spinning, quite literally he supposed, and a dim part noted how close they were to achieving one of his fantasies. They were chest to chest, her breasts pressed against his hallow cavity in a way that would've made this mouth dry if it still did that. She was still straddling him, this time all the parts lined up the right way. Her hands were on either side of his head, her lips: inches from his. It would be easy, he thought numbly, stretch your neck, lift your head, lips on lips, arms wrapped around. Easy, he thought again. Easy. Easy like guilting Riley into staying. Easy like making followers instead of friends. Easy like a lot of things he had done in his life. Suddenly he didn't want to be easy. He was face to face with Lia Kahn, staring into the eyes of probably the prettiest girl he's ever known, not just because of the flawless body she was stuck in, but because of how incredible and brave and amazing she was, and she trusted him. He trusted her and she trusted him. She trusted him to cut the tracker out of her neck without killing her. She trusted him to help them escape. She trusted him to help end this madness. She trusted him to help avenge Riley. And that's what he would do.
He reached up slowly, his hand touching her elbow softly before trailing down to her hand, a quick touch of what he would never, could never, have. Their fingers tangled for a moment, his eyes never leaving hers, as he finally took the knife into his own hand. He knew what he had to do now. He had to be brave. He had to resist, the irresistible Lia Kahn and he had to avenge his best friend. He had to save the world.
"Your turn."
