I, Edward.
By inktheory.
Chapter ONE. The Meaning of Humanity.
So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have last.
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand.
-T.S. Eliot
La Figlia Che Piange.
--
Don't forget 3 Oct 10.
Winry still recalled the writing on the silver watch. It was first and foremost among many of her memories of the Elric brothers. This particular one was hard to forget.
Curious enough, the incident happened in october too, after almost ten years. Winry never learned the exact date, because they didn't tell her – and she wasn't even aware of the situation until he was brought to her on the night of a raging thunderstorm, not looking much different from the day Edward and Alphonse had tried to bring their mother back.
Ten years had not changed Winry too much from the outside – Edward and Alphonse's parting from their world was followed by Pinako's death after two years. Though sometimes it discouraged her from continuing with her life, being cold-hearted seemed to be the only way out for Winry. After a certain period of time, it even became easier for her.
Several years spent fluttering from internship to internship in Rush Valley and badgering Mr. Tommy to take her in as a disciple eventually led her home, back to Risembool four years before the incident, and to her surprise, she was fine. Not achy-breaky, not without a head on her soulders At certain times, nostalgic, yes, but overall fine.
Then of course, something had to happen to turn the world upside down again. Not only her world, she dared to venture, but apparently the game was not over in either case. The return of the prodigal Fullmetal Alchemist had caused quite an uproar in the millitary. Of course, they didn't tell anything to her, but Winry didn't care, because people had a habit of doing that ever since forever. The only important thing was that he had returned, at least for her.
There were rumors flying around, naturally. The young man had been found on the outskirts of central, in the center of a black, ashen yet non-existent crater, a strange sight even for those who had witnessed the opening of the gate of shambles, or whatever it was called, in Lior. It was a large blurred outline of something that had imploded into central somehow, and then had disappeared. And in the center of it, there was a pile of shivering clothes, which the millitary officers who had found it discovered (after certain rude questions, catcalls and poking with rifles) to be a wreck of a human being formerly known as the Fullmetal Alchemist.
Not responding to anything said to him, quivering, and running a high fever, Edward Elric refused to eat or drink, and was immediately transferred to the hospital wing of the unit he had been most familiar with – that of the Flame Alchemist and his subordinates.
Roy Mustang was (avoiding) signing papers when he recieved the news. He was surprisingly quick to take matters into his hands. His subordinates watched the silent process in unflattering disbelief. Mustang knew he was not perfect, but he had decided that while some mistakes were inevitable, one particular mistake could not be repeated twice. He had made that promise to himself on the day of Maes Hughes' burial.
The doctors were pleased to see a sign of recognition for the first time since he had arrived on the boy's face, even if it was an extreme one. Upon the arrival of the flame alchemist, he launched into the process of wailing loudly, and had to be restrained if the man tried to approach his bed. For several days, there were no intelligent words exhanged between the two.
Though the colonel had to admit that Edward was acting crazy, he did not blame him for it. It would pass at some point, however long it took, because the fullmetal alchemist was strong, and definitely stronger than him. To put it more simply, he seemed to be going through the same ordeal the colonel himself had went through after the war in Ishbal – he couldn't do anything about it, but he could at least stand by the boy, as Hughes had done.
"Colonel..."
Roy Mustang jumped in his chair and struck a flame out of sheer reflex. It was a habit of his: he would react this was if he was startled out of his sleep. Regaining his composure in a fleeting few seconds, he realized that the boy was sitting up, though he did not know for how long. He kicked himself mentally for falling asleep on the job. "Fullmetal," he said, trying to sound calm, "you're awake." What a stupid thing to say to him after all this, he added to himself.
"I couldn't sleep," Edward replied in a voice hoarsened from not being used for a long time, except for crying or screaming. There was a pause, and Mustang found himself wishing he was a woman, no, stupid idea, idiot, or at least not a soldier, leave alone his superior, so he would be free to display some emotion. There was an aching silence for a moment, and Edward ended it by asking "Am I dead?"
He thinks he's dead, the colonel said to himself in awe, I wonder if he sees this place as heaven or hell, but he had to sense to not state his thoughts out loud. "Of course not," he chose to snap reasonably, in his superior voice, "you're in the hospital wing, at Central."
"So it's true..." Edward said faintly, paling, if it was possible, more than he already was. Mustang thought he would burst into tears yet again, but he didn't – apparently he was done with that part, and was straining to act like his old self, though failing miserably, as Roy could see it in his eyes. "What's true?" he wanted to ask Fullmetal, but the boy spoke first:
"When are you going to execute me?" he asked, causing Roy's eyes to widen slightly. He couldn't even snap this time. "What the hell are you talking about Fullmetal?" he was able to ask himself instead, but was startled out of his thoughts when the boy grabbed his hand. It was cold. He realized that it was his auto-mail one.
"Al..." he said, before Mustang could react to the contact.
"Wha-"
"Al," Edward repeated croakily, the hand gripping his shaking furiously. his facial expressions worked horribly, as if he was experiencing severe pain. "I killed him."
--
"The remains indicate the opening and sealing of an alchemic gate," Armstrong explained as they toured the spot they had found Edward with a group of state alchemists. He eyed the group in disgust, most of them were eyeing the burns keenly as if this was some sort of a zoo, and as if Edward Elric was the animal in the cage. It was fortunate that no one was allowed to see the boy.
"But how would the boy open the gate?" one of them asked. "He couldn't have," another voice replied. It belonged to Roy Mustang. "He was too weak to be able to unleash that much power. It requires a great deal to transmute something like that."
"Maybe he was looking so fucked up because he used that much power," the other state alchemist insisted. "No," Mustang replied, "because the gate was opened and sealed as Major Armstrong said, and to do both is impossible for a single human being, he would either not be able to make it here, or be found dead." Smarmy bastard, he added as an afterthought.
"Then who was his accomplice?" another state alchemist asked. "We don't know that—" Armstrong started.
"His brother Alphonse," Roy stated. Everyone looked at him in surprise. Before anyone could say anything that would probably cause Roy to burn everything in the vicinity to cinders, he went on "though the details of the situation are unclear, there was a situation of mortal peril in which the younger brother sacrificed himself in order to save the fullmetal alchemist."
"What exactly—"
"Is Fullmetal to be interrogated?"
"Where was—"
"Colonel!"
That afternoon Winry recieved a phone call from the Amestris Armed Forces, inquiring whether she would accept a connect-call to Central. "Sure thing," she acknowledged the operator. "Afternoon Sciezka, how are the aliens?"
"Can I speak to Dr. Winry Rockbell?" a familiar – yet bewildered – voice asked. Winry went a bright shade of red. She had not been embarrassed this much, not since Ed and Al had simultaneously proposed to her from beneath her window. In the middle of the night. Singing "Daisy, daisy". And all the while fighting. Concentrate, she slapped her forehead mentally. Stop thinking about them, they're gone. "Hai!" she squeaked, "Colonel Mustang. How are—"
"Winry-san," Roy interrupted her. "Are you available this night?"
She froze. Roy Mustang, who – given the circumstances of her parents – tried (subtly) to avoid her when they were faced, was calling her from a millitary line to ask her out?"
"Colonel Mustang, I don't—" she started. "You have your own house, yes?" he barked impatiently. "I – yes, but..." How bold, she thought. Did he finish with all the girls in Central?
"And you're not going out of town, burning the place down or committing suicide in the next couple of hours?" Roy went on in the same impatient tone. "I should think not!" Winry replied, clearly scandalized.
"Fine," the Colonel said brusquely, "I will be there at ten o'clock sharp with Fullmetal. I appreciate your help, Winry-san." The phone went dead with a click.
Fullmetal. Edward. "But that can't be true!" Winry shrieked at the dial tone. "How can that be true?"
--
"Winry?" Edward asked with a hint of surprise. "when did you contact her?" His tone was neutral, but Roy could detect the excitement in it. I made the right decision then, he smiled to himself. The boy will recover quicker there.
"A few hours ago," he said non-chalantly. "She will be expecting you."
"What were you thinking Colonel?" Edward said. Roy turned away from the window to look at him. He did not seem to be angry, but worried. "Winry is going to hate me when she learns what happened, I can't stay there. Why don't you just—"
"There is no reason to kill you Fullmetal," Roy said swiftly. "We've already been through this. Alphonse did this of his own free will."
"Yeah, well Al is a bit of an idiot who can't think of himself in dangerous situations!" Edward retorted, grumpily. He still wouldn't talk about his brother in past tense, and Roy was in no hurry to correct him in the near future.
"He did it to save you," he said in a hard voice, "I would respect his decision if I were you, and stop being a child. Be ready in an hour in front of the main gate. A car will be taking us to the station."
The finality of his tone seemed to be the thing that silenced Edward. His lips moved in a soft mumble, and he scowled – to himself – but did not pursue to subject. However, he did call out "Mustang!" just as Roy was shutting the door. Up to this point, the younger alchemist had always acknowledge him as "colonel". In fact, it had been so since the day they had first spoken on the phone, nearly ten years ago. It seemed to be his way of showing he was cutting himself away from being a dog of the millitary.
"Yes Fu—Edward?" Roy asked. Edward, he repeated, Edward Elric. Edward. Ed. Edward. "Are you sure?" Edward inquired in a tentative voice. The colonel sighed. "You said yourself that you did not want to be a state alchemist anymore," he replied, "in that case, you don't have to be here." There was a slight pause. "I don't want people poking and prodding into your life. You have enough on your mind already, staying here will just make you feel miserable."
"Miserable," Edward mumbled. Several other words, among which Roy recognized "worthless", "fool" and "murderer" were uttered. "Winry-san," he went on, shutting his ears to the running commentary from the boy, "will help you. She will be able to give you the compassion you are denied here."
"Compassion," Edward repeated in a dazed voice. He stared at his hands for a second, and for the umpteenth time, Roy wondered if he was going to start crying. But when he lifted his head and nodded at him, he couldn't help but notice that there was a slight twinkle of his old self there. "Thank you," the colonel said. "What for?" Edward replied in surprise.
"For trying, Full—Edward."
--
Edward.
Edward was coming back.
Winry spent the rest of the day and all of the evening in a complete haze and daze. A case rested on the dinner table, her best piece of work yet. She had recently re-arranged this set of auto-mail, adding an inch's length. According to the graph, Edward must have grown three inches since she last changed his auto-mail.
She also ran around, tidying up the house, straightening the sheets she had gotten out every ten minutes, and straightening her hair, less frequently, but definitely more than she normally did.
"Stop it!" she stuck her tongue out at the mirror after a while. "You don't know what it's going to be like, how he's going to be. Maybe he doesn't want this, or maybe he's sick, or injured or Al—"
Her train of thought came to a halt with a sickening crunch.
The colonel had said nothing about Al.
Winry had spent ten years getting her to accept she was a cold-hearted adult, that she was used to this and felt fine about it. That afternoon, however, she sat down at the dinner table and resting her head on the auto-mail case, she wept.
--
The journey passed without any incident. There were few words exchanged between the two alchemists. edward sat down in foreboding silence, displaying no hint of emotion. Roy did not push the subject – after all, they had reached an agreement.
He did however, pause as they were walking to the house in the darkness. Sensing that the boy had something to say, Roy too stopped in his tracks.
"Mustang," he turned to face him, extending his fist. He opened it slowly, as if he was going through an inner conflict. "I told you I did not want to be a state alchemist anymore," he said, "so there." He shrugged his shoulder imperceptibly, as if trying to shake off his second-thoughts, and handed Roy his silver watch. "Take it." The cold metal was pushed into his gloved hands when Roy hesitated.
"Edward," Roy said. "thank you."
The young alchemist raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he asked with a hint of amusement, "don't you already have one?"
"Thank you for trying," the colonel completed his sentence. "and for having the courage to go on."
He knocked. Not surprisingly, the door flew open immediately to reveal the out-of-breath automail mechanic, who looked as if she had run across the country.
There was a strange silence between the three of them. An okay silence, the colonel mused, just awkwardness I presume.
"W—Winry..." Edward stuttered, breaking the silence.
Clang.
And apparently what Armstrong said about the wrench is true, Mustang roared with laughter, at himself, of course. He would never openly cut into a sentimental moment.
"Ed, you idiot!"
Author's notes:
-I debated whether I should do a manga-based fic or an anime-based one and decided on the anime, though there might be slight twists of the plot thrown in (nothing important though) from the manga. Because I'm evil, and take amusement from screwing up FMA.
-Reviews are appreciated, though I'd be grateful if you didn't flame me – such as "OMG, u killed all teh characters off I HATE YOU". I'm not "killing them off". Character death has happened before in FMA, and stuff that happens here happens for the plot and not because I enjoy it. That would be like having characters make out for fun. I tried to address the most probable protest here, so there you are.