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I salute those who can write awesome Noir humour! I wish I had your delightful unbridled randomness. There is something about my writing that just does not do humour … but, one can always try, and if it burns your eyes, don't sue :) \ Disclaimer: I do not own Noir; I apologise if I have used anyone else's words; and I know nothing about Paris :)
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Track 12 - Chloe (Reprisal)
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Along the streets of Paris, a bowed purple head marched on with pace, with purpose.
Chloe was back, and making her way to the old apartment that Mireille and Kirika shared.
As she walked she entered into a flashback, of waking up on the cold stone bier … finding that fork at her side. It had taken a while to become re-orientated with her surroundings, and to remember what had happened. The carnage she found at the Manor had been kind of devastating. For all that she had been raised with blood and violence and death, the Manor was her only home and the nutcases that passed through its corridors were her only family. On top of that, there was no trace of Altena, anywhere. Not even a plate of cookies. Or a note to say she had left a plate of cookies.
Chloe did not like this. Altena ALWAYS made cookies when she was going away. And even if they were hard as rocks, that had been where Chloe had acquired her skill in the use of knives, which she needed to break up the burnt black rocks into chunks that wouldn't choke her.
Apart from a lot of dead bodies all over, there really were not many clues as to what had happened. She could only gamble on the chance that Kirika and Mireille had returned to Paris – together – and they at any rate would have answers.
Now, walking here along the streets of Paris was not by any means proving to be a pleasant experience. People were looking at her. Staring. A random infuriating old lady even dared to sidle up to her, tugging at her purple locks.
'Why darling, what's the matter with your hair?'
'Nothing!' She pulled away in horror but the old lady suddenly held a clump of loose purple curls in her hand, and dropped them shrieking.
'Eeekk! Leave me alone!' Chloe would have thrown knives if she'd had any, but she only had forks from Mireille's apartment, many of them, hidden inside her clothes and poking her in suspicious areas, and she intended on keeping them. So instead she simply marched away. Remembering her training, she looked right and left before stepping out onto the street, but failed to notice where her foot landed and promptly fell down into the drain. \AN: personal experience... -.-'\
Chloe was grateful to finally arrive at the turn-off that meant her destination was very near. She located the apartment, and stood in the solace of the darkening square looking up at the window railings and the rooftop she remembered well. But the windows of the apartment were shut and the room beyond was dull. This had not been in her grand re-entry plan … She wondered for a moment if perhaps Mireille and Kirika were not out for the evening, or else inside hiding, before her gaze lowered and fell upon a sign that shouted 'FOR RENT'.
The world momentarily froze.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' screamed Chloe tearing at her hair. The rest of it fell out with horrible ease and she was left standing in a pile of purple fuzz.
'I come all this way to reclaim my future, and they are already gone!! Those wretched horrors! How shall I find them in such a large city!' She began to wail noisily throwing away lots of random forks in a symbolic gesture of loss.
A shoe came out of a window beyond and hit her, suddenly joggling her memory.
'Kusoooo, it is the wrong one!'
She took one step to the right and looked in the next set of windows. They looked exactly the same but were open, and there was a soft golden glow coming from inside the apartment. Then voices came floating out into the evening air.
'Mireille …' (Chloe's eyebrow wiggled on hearing the name.)
'Mmmmm …'
'How about here?'
'There? Hmm … hmmmm … Oh yes Kirika, that's good.'
'Here?'
'Yes … There! Right there …'
Chloe's eyes expanded rapidly until they took up half of her face.
'And this …'
'How about there?'
'Ahh …'
Somebody let out a giggle, the kind of which Chloe had never heard before, and her brains suddenly exploded at the realisation of what she was hearing.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' screamed Chloe tearing her eyebrows because she had no more hair to pull. The sound travelled clearly into the apartment and in five seconds Kirika and Mireille appeared above, leaning over the railings looking at a bald screaming Chloe with no eyebrows.
'Chloe!' gasped Mireille.
'It is a little cold – isn't it?' said Kirika.
'I thought you were dead!'
'Rubbish! Did you really think I could die from two little fork holes? You are even more stupid than I thought!'
Kirika was already lost in looking at the beauty of the snow on the rooftops and missed the slight on her professionalism. Mireille pulled her boot from the end table next to the window. Her boots were already wrecked from the abuse of days on the feet of Noir, but she kept them for sentimental value and to throw at any flea-infested stray animals or door-to-door salespeople. They were covered in a terrible green stink cloud. Chloe sweatdropped in horror.
Now Kirika looked at Chloe. 'So, you weren't dead … You're a good actress. Did you ever consider joining a drama group?'
Another sweatdrop joined the first one on Chloe's temple. She began to speak just as Mireille yelled 'You should have stayed dead!' and threw the boot. It flew gracefully into her open mouth.
'Ughhhh!' Chloe gagged. 'Shut up! You pushed me out of my rightful place! You and Kirika living here in Paris – it was supposed to be me! ME! And now I come here and find you, doing all sorts of unspeakable—'
'It's not what you think it is,' said Mireille hurriedly.
'—buying new furniture! Re-arranging the apartment! As though you would be here forever—TOGETHER!'
'—Ehh??'
Mireille and Kirika suddenly went very red and hot in the face so the snow on the window melted and splashed onto the ground, washing Chloe's hair away.
'Uhh—'
'Actually …—'
'Well—'
'A—Anou …'
'Shut up!' cried Chloe in despair. 'This is all wrong!' She swayed on the spot covering her eyes, then fainted dramatically like a damsel as if in defeat. Kirika and Mireille stammered themselves into silence and stood there for a minute looking at her. Then a clock chimed loudly somewhere, shocking them.
Mireille sighed. 'What a day. We really ought to go to bed soon – ne, Kirika?'
It was six o'clock in the evening.
'How about some tea first?'
'Sounds good.' They shared a mushy fuzzy sort of smile. Kirika moved to close the windows looking down at Chloe's slumped figure. Looking over at her partner, Kirika was startled to see that she suddenly looked a little contemplative.
'What's wrong, sweet?'
'You know – I am surprised – I actually feel a little sorry seeing Chloe lying there in the snow. It must be rather cold.'
Kirika was horrified and took a step backwards, slipping on a loose pool ball. 'Who are you?! What have you done with Mireille? The true Mireille would never say such a thing!'
'No, no.' A soft, sweet background music started to play. Mireille reached out and took her hand, and her voice lowered gently. 'I know that you didn't want things with Chloe to end the way they did, and for your happiness I would bear her presence. Really, she has nowhere to go after all. Just promise me …' she touched Kirika's fingers to her lips '… that you are mine.'
Kirika smiled up into her eyes, puppy-dog browns into endless blue. She leaned in and kissed Mireille quickly.
'My love …'
A moment later after the cute music finished, Kirika returned to the window and called down to Chloe. 'Would you like to join us for some tea?'
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It was quite like the first moonlit mad tea party, only this time Chloe was the one doing the glaring. Mireille set out the plates and food while waiting for Kirika to prepare the tea, and took advantage of her absence to taunt the hunched figure at the table.
'Here we are again, the three of us, drinking tea by moonlight. Just like you wanted before, hey?'
Chloe continued glaring, but as she no longer had eyebrows to convey her point Mireille simply smiled irritatingly at her, not noticing anything.
Kirika came to the table with three cups. She set down her own, and Mireille's, and then turned to Chloe. 'Here. I'm sorry … we didn't have enough teabags.' She handed Chloe a cup of hot water.
A twitch formed at the back of Chloe's head.
'I'm sorry, Chloe. Would you like a cookie?'
Looking down at the plate of cookies before her, Chloe suddenly took a step backwards (as much as you can step backwards while sitting in a chair) and let out a cry of horror, her eyes wide in shock. She fell into a flashback, a repeat of the footage of her waking up from the dead; then a flashback within the flashback to all the times that Altena had left her cookies – chocolate cookies, chocolate chip cookies, butternut cookies, raisin cookies, raw cookies – all scorched and burned charcoal black (yes even the raw ones … somehow). Unfortunately, unlike the Soldats watch the oven in the Manor didn't play a dinky melody, but it had a funky kind of 'ting!' sound for the timer which became the background beat of the flashback.
The camera zoomed right in on the blackened cookies before a sudden snap back to the present.
'… Chloe?' Kirika pushed the plate towards her.
Chloe picked up one of the small round mounds and bit tentatively into it, promptly losing a tooth.
'We would have liked to have something softer, but all of our forks have mysteriously gone missing.' Mireille's smile was sweet but deadly. 'Have another cookie.'
Another tooth cracked onto the floor and rolled away out of sight.
The three of them sat in silence for a while, sipping tea and nibbling cookie crumbs. Chloe tried to enjoy her hot water. Her eyes darted back and forth between the other two, narrowing more and more with every glance until it was surprising she could see at all.
Finally, Kirika finished her tea and stood up.
Chloe almost died in terror at that moment, expecting to be thrown out of the apartment by that cow Mireille Bouquet; but, to her surprise, the cow turned to her, lips deathly thin.
'For Kirika's sake, you can stay – for now,' she said, eyes shut as if praying for strength. 'But on one condition—I will not tolerate such a hideous sight in this apartment. Tomorrow, we are taking you to get rid of that eyesore on your head – oops I mean, that used to be – uh. Never mind.' Chloe's eyes were already starting to water from the memory of her beautiful mushroom-shaped hair.
When the tea things had been cleared away and they were ready for bed, Mireille banished Chloe briefly to the bathroom (being the only room in the apartment that was shut off by a door). She stood with her hands on her hips and frowned at the bed. 'Kirika, sweetheart?'
'Mmm?'
'Where shall we put Chloe?' She looked about the open-plan apartment in disdain. 'I'll not have her sleeping in the same room as us.'
'Well …… but Mireille, the bathroom is—'
'Good idea!' Mireille promptly barged back into the bathroom and tossed Chloe down onto the cold tile floor. 'Bonus! You get to sleep here. Ii ka, Chloe?'
'UH! IT'S F-F-F-F-FREEZ—' stuttered the elite assassin.
'—Good! Sleep well!' Mireille chimed and slammed the door shut. She crawled quickly into the warm bed beside Kirika, leaving Chloe shivering away on the bathroom floor.
No-one in the apartment got a wink of sleep that night.
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