Fandom: Superman Returns
Pairing: pending
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Superman
---
As time passes by
Analiria, Mar 2007
---
Clark Kent knew that everything around him already moved on. He also knows that he should try to move on, too.
But the problem is that he can't. His alter ego might be able to save the world a million times and again, but he can't find it in himself to save himself.
Five years already passed since he returned to Earth from his futile mission to find his birth planet; two since Jason White had been officially declared a very healthy boy, his boy. The moment he saw the young boy from that window, his heart rose and his stomach churned. Imagine his excitement when he found out that he had a son with Lois Lane, the love of his life, when all the odds were against their having a family together. Oh, how he remembered that time when he gave all he had and all he is for her, how she accepted him and how she reciprocated his surrender by giving herself to him - body, mind and soul.
And oh, imagine how he felt when he found out that the woman he gave his all to was already married to Richard White.
Since then he lived as Superman, trying to block out all things that is Clark Kent. He soon realized though that he could not live his whole life trying to save lives when he couldn't save his own. Hence, he went back to being Clark Kent, journalist for New York Times. Thus started his five whole years, wasting his life watching in the sidelines when he could've been in the picture.
His mother asked him why he had let things flow the way they are now. "I don't know," he silently answered then. It was the first time that he had lied to his mother.
Truthfully, he knows why. He keeps telling himself on a daily basis that the reason why he didn't interfere with Lois's and Jason's life is because he loves them both and he would do everything for their happiness even if it meant letting Lois be with a man who wasn't him... even if it meant that he wouldn't be able to fully participate in his own son's life.
Though, was it really the reason? Even if was true, it didn't reason out why he can't set things straight and tell Lois all truth. Really, many people wouldn't be laughing when they find out the real reason why Clark Kent couldn't take his responsibility as a father, since he's practically invisible from the world. Maybe they would be laughing when they find out why Superman couldn't take his responsibility as a father, since Superman is practically seen as the good and respectable hero. Deep inside, he knows that it's because he's scared; scared that Lois would look at him in disbelief, anger, and disapproval before completely disappearing from his life when he reveals to her that Clark Kent is Superman. Scared that she won't see him like she sees Superman, since the hero is actually only a part of Clark Kent. Scared that Lois would not let him be a part of the life of their son when he already missed most of Jason's life.
So, he keeps watching in the sidelines. Sometimes, he got lucky enough to be able to baby-sit Jason when Lois went out on a date with Richard even if the latter idea didn't look welcoming. Sometimes, he got lucky enough to get a drawing and a smile from Jason.
Sometimes, he got lucky enough to feel and to experience what it was like to be a father.