Well this Oneshot is for deansass on tumblr who craved a deaged Tony and Steve FF. Prompt: "no one in the team really wants to babysit Tony since he's a brat and Steve's always polite. But it turns out that Tony's a really shy kid and Steve a little sarcastic shit". I hope I kinda got the picture you wanted! But I had to throw some hawky goodness into this one so: have fun!
Some days Clint just knew he'd better stay in bed. Something always went wrong on these days - just like an hour ago when that odd feeling took a hold of him and Jarvis alerted them of an incoming attack of Amora. Magic and boobs - a deadly combination. And he knew that shit had hit the fan when Cap and Iron Man where taken down at the same time by some strange green vodoo magic while the minx was laughing hysterically before disappearing into thin air. Well you had to admit - it could have been worse, like them both dying. But given the situation... he just wished it was different...
"What do you mean take care of them?!" glaring daggers at Natasha he tried to get a grip on the 5 years old Stark on his lap (Tony did tell him his age before because "He was a big boy and could count to a zillion!" but he couldn't bring himself to tell the brunette he was only showing four fingers) while keeping Steven from running around to much. "I know nothing of children Tash! Hell I didn't even have a normal childhood - how am I supposed to handle these guys?!".
The assassin just tsked him as if he was a petulant child, "just look out for them while we're working to find a way to get them back to their normal age. Do what kids like: give them some toys, paint a picture with crayons, get them ice cream - be creative Clint!". He wished her to hell as Steve practically began to scream for ice cream and he sighed deeply as he tried his last resort "can't someone like... Pepper handle this? Pls Tash you know I'm not good with this...". But as everyone was (supposed to be!) too busy at the moment he grudgingly took a hold of the small boys hands. "Well guys... let's go get some things then...".
He needed a full hour to get them into some respective clothes (he didn't know where they came from but he really suspected that the rest was pulling the strings in the background while not having any of "this motherfucking bullshit" as the director lovingly called it...thanks Sir!), convincing Steven to stop crying and wearing the brown but the black shoes and keeping Tony from taking off his jacket a million times over. As he finally reached the mall the little hellions seemed to quieten down, taken aback by the sheer number of people and shops present. While feverishly wishing for some to just gun him down already he somehow made it through the shopping for food (because big boys needed that one special cereals in the back of the top shelf and not one of the other 100 boxes standing directly in front of him), clothes (he really had to take some slow breaths as Steven asked him if he was dumb while he tried to figure out the difference between black and onyx - god that little...) now finally reaching the toy area where both of them disappeared faster than lightning.
He walked casually through the aisles buying some crayons and other stuff he thought a child might like (he would have liked these things when he was a kid but he had been happy to get through 3 days straight without getting hit by his drunk father so this probably wouldn't count) as he noticed Tony standing by a shelf, closely watching the lined up stuffed animals with a longing stare. He decided to stroll over and gave the best smile he could muster right now, "Hey... you like dat one?" and pointed to the black kitten he was standing in front of. As if burnt the little boy rapidly shook his head and took a couple of steps back. A sly smile was playing on his lips "This is for babies man! I'm way too old for this! Better get me a circuit board or something." it wasn't convincing in the least and neither Clint - hell nor even Tony- was buying any of this. But the archer knew this attitude: trying to appear strong and indipendent, trying too hard to impress... he didn't have to ask to know the answer.
So he leaned on the cart and pretended to muster the plushies with a calculating gaze. "You know what? Why don't we take both?" the hawk offered his smaller comrade a questioning look, "you can have your circuit board and do your sciency stuff... and we'll take this small one here too?". Clint took the toy out of the shelf and presented it to the little Stark - together with the implied possibility to actually decide for his own. "So when you have enough of science and no one's watching you can...well you know do whatever you want with it.".
The emotions playing on Tony's small face amazed and hurt him at the same time - longing, curiosity, maybe a small bit of happiness - but he couldn't miss the distrust joining in as well as if he waited for Clint to start laughing and belittle him for his childish behaviour. Some moments passed in silence before he extended his small arms and took the kitten into in ironvice grip to his chest, breathing a small "Thank you Clint" as he seemingly fought with some tears welling up in his brown eyes. Clint just smiled and ruffled his hair soothingly, "Nothing to thank me for Big Boy. Now go and watch out for Steven - we can't have him dress in a Captain America costume and walk out this store, can we?".
The answering giggle sounded kinda cute even to his stressed nerves. He watched the small one taking his leave and the thought crossed his mind that maybe - just maybe - this whole thing wouldn't be too bad in the end...
He scratched that thought from his mind as a loud shatter echoed through the shop and Tony's voice screamed through the aisles "Cliiiiint we might have a problem here!" while Steve cried pitifully in the background. His ran his hand over his face and slowy counted to ten.
He was so going to kill these brats...
-The End-