A/n:This is a total crack!fic based off a tumblr post (I dunno where the original is bc it was part of a compilation post) that said:
daddycroft: how terrified do you think Harry would be if he scar started hurting again tho like omg
alwaysblind: harry potter age 35 gets a sinus infection that causes shooting pains into his forehead he is next seen screaming and running naked in the streets of london firing expelliarmuses into the air
had-just-ten-hours-training: i want to read the daily prophet article about this
Disclaimer: I definitely don't own the characters or series. No harm is meant by this little piece of fun.
Ginny Potter, had put up with more than a few crazy Daily Prophet stories so far during her marriage to the Boy Who Lived, but this one really took the cake. It did this, because—though the publishers rarely came across something factual to report about—this story was true.
Closing the paper, she stood from her seat at the kitchen table. She heaved a sigh and walked into the sitting room where Harry sat reading a book by the window. Wordlessly she dropped the copy of the Prophet into his lap. His own face sat on the front page waving up at him. "Gin, I really don't think—" She shook her head. "Go on, read it. Aloud." He cleared his throat awkwardly and began to read.
"Harry Potter: The Boy Who Streaks?
19 July 2014
It was in the early hours of the morning when Muggle witnesses say they saw a man running through the streets of London shouting and setting light to sparklers as he rushed by. (Sparklers are, according to the Department for Muggle Studies, a kind of handheld firework that gives off sparks the way a wand can appear to.) However, we at The Daily Prophet, as well as the rest of Wizarding UK, were shocked to discover that this was not in fact some drunken Muggle, but our own distinguished war hero, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived.
As you know, Mr Potter vanquished Voldemort over ten years ago at the Battle of Hogwarts during the Second Wizard War, and has since been a respected and noted member of society. The Potters are active in volunteering, as well as being fierce supporters of friend Hermione Weasley's, nee Granger, organization for Elfish rights. He appears, in all aspects to be a normal functioning member of society, a loving father to three, and a top performer in the Auror department at the Ministry of Magic. That was, until today.
Eyewitness reports claim that Potter apparated into the middle of Piccadilly Circus, stark naked. He then began, allegedly, to run through the middle of the crowd shoving people out of the way as he went. Dorothy Scuttle, who was in that part of Muggle London at the time, stated,
"It was crazy! There he was, Harry Potter himself, screaming and running through the crowd. He was shouting things like, 'You won't kill me this time, Riddle!' and 'Back you Death Eaters.' The whole scene was quite frightening for my children who were with me at the time. They didn't know what was going on and it took a right hour to completely calm them down! Little Jimmy, he's only three bless him, was convinced You-Know-Who was coming for him."
Another witness, who wishes to remain unnamed, states that they saw Potter casting the Expelliarmus charm into the sky multiple times as he ran. Expelliarmus is known to be the man's charm of choice, and was famous for using it successfully against Voldemort in a number of cases. This report corroborates the Muggle sighting of a naked man lighting sparklers as he ran.
Investigators are still looking into the matter to figure out just what the Chosen One was doing naked in the middle of Muggle London with his wand out, and have told us that more information on this event should be available before printing tomorrow.
For more on this, turn to page 4B to Rita Skeeter's newest column, "Potter's Broken Psyche," a look back into Prophet archives to see what went wrong in our hero's brain to cause such an act.
Harry's words jerked to a stop as he finished the article. With a forced chuckle he added, "At least they aren't making up a story this time." Ginny lifted one perfectly crafted eyebrow, keeping the rest of her face passive. "It's really kind of funny. I'm sure that one day we will look back at this and laugh….just, not today…I guess." Before his wife could respond they heard a sharp crack, followed by a rap on the front door.
"Ginny, Harry? It's me, Hermione." The redheaded woman went to the door, opening it to allow her friend into the house. "I guess you've read the paper today," the brunette said taking in the other woman's stony expression. She turned toward Harry. "What in Merlin's name were you thinking?"
He shrugged apologetically. "My scar hurt and it sort of really freaked me out."
"What?" she asked, mouth gaping. "It hasn't hurt in years. What made it start to now?"
Ginny snorted, holding back a wry laugh. "He has a sinus infection."
"I'm sorry, what? Did you just say…"
"He has a sinus infection. The pain shot into his forehead when he was getting in the shower."
"Oh," Hermione groaned, "you have got to be kidding." She crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. Looking at Ginny she said, "I don't know how you put up with him."
The other girl laughed, "Some days, neither do I.