Stepsiblings, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl
Savage Nymph (rough draft)
For Larxene, 12 December 2012
Summary: Someday, Larxene's life is no longer going to be defined by what happened to Relena. Modern AU fic for 12/12/12.
A/N: Stepsiblings universe, some parts of this make more sense if you've read that series.
There are time gaps, sometimes large ones, between scenes - it starts when Larxene is a young child and ends when she's in her...I don't know...her 30s, maybe? And, lol, there is one scene that was deliberately placed out of order. *sweatdrop*
Depending on how important pairings are to you, you might find some of the ones in here squicky or otherwise unappealing. :/
o.o.o
My sister's an idiot, she's only two years younger than me but she's like a freaking baby. I was looking at something else for like TWO SECONDS then I hear this thump and it's like 'Oh crap' and I turn around and she's lying on the ground like a doll. She fell out of the freaking tree. Like an idiot. "Relena!"
I'm running over to her and she's probably just fine, gonna sit up and start crying in a minute like a baby. A big stupid baby who looks way too much like me, except fatter. ...She's not moving, but she's okay. She's always okay.
"Relena wake up." I slap at her face, like you do to wake someone up when they're passed out. "Wake up! Ugh, I hate baby-sitting you."
She's finally moving slowly, ugh I hate her she's such a pain this feeling in my chest isn't relief it's I'm annoyed. She's so annoying. I'm glad she's not really hurt because...then Mom'd get me in trouble and it'd be stupid Relena's fault again.
"Sis...?"
She sounds so weak. "What? Don't be a wimp, get up."
"Sis...my back hurts..."
"'Cause you just fell out of a tree, moron. What'd you do, jump out and try to fly?"
She's clutching her stupid pink bear. She hugs it closer and says, "Sakura almost fell...I had to catch him..."
"Who cares about your stupid bear. Don't go jumping out of trees, moron."
She smiles at me. "Okay, Sis."
"...Get up."
"It hurts..."
"Get up or I'll hit you."
Why is she moving so slowly? Like a slug. I want to die waiting she's so slow, she's ALWAYS slowing me down.
But she's finally sitting up. Finally. She can sit up. That's good.
"I'm okay, Sis."
"Duh. Come on, help me finish."
Sloooooowly standing up, I want to hit her she's so freaking slow, like a big fat slug begging to be squished, but now she's getting in front of me and I can see her back and she's not bleeding or anything. Good. She's fine. "You take this side, I'll take this one."
"Okay, Sis."
o.o.o.o.o
What th- She can't last a freaking WEEK without getting in trouble. I can barely see I'm so mad, I charge straight at them and start beating them left and right with whatever's in my hands (realize later it's my science project), screaming at them until they're all on the run. I want to chase after them and tear them up, but Relena's back there and maybe she's hurt.
"Relena!"
"I'm okay, Sis..."
"Your face!"
"I'm...okay..."
"I'm gonna KILL them!"
"It's okay, Sis. You chased them off."
"DON'T BE SUCH A FREAKING WIMP STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, IDIOT! Tell them where to get off! Hit them! Call them names! Cuss at them, come on, show me you can cuss!"
She licks the blood off her lip and doesn't say anything.
"What was it this time?" I yell, trying not to hit her myself.
She shrugs, like she doesn't even care. "They said I smell."
"THEN TELL THEM THEY'RE A BUNCH OF CRAP-EATING UGLY MORONS WHO-" Wait. "Relena. You idiot. You do smell. When was the last time you took a freaking bath?"
She shrugs again. She makes me so freaking mad. "I dunno."
"What do you mean you don't know?!"
"...I dunno. I don't remember."
"Ugh, Relena! Duh you smell! Take a bath! Ugh! No wonder they keep bugging you and I have to keep chasing them off you!"
"I don't like baths..."
"I don't freaking care."
She sighs, like I'm the one being an idiot. "I don't like it. The water makes my skin all prickly all over and I hate it. It hurts. I want to just be dirty."
I don't say anything for a long time, and finally she looks confused.
"Are you okay, Sis?"
"...Shut up." Siiiiiigh. I bet this is why she refuses to swim, too. Lets herself be all weak and defenseless just because she's afraid of a little pain. "Relena, look. Water does that to me, too." Like when you touch something and it shocks you, kind of. Except slow and all over, like ants are crawling all over you and biting you. It hurts. "Mom doesn't believe me, because she took me to doctors when I was little and they said I was fine and I was just making stuff up. But it does hurt but it doesn't matter, because you have to take baths and be clean so you're not a disgusting reject and they'll leave you alone."
"I can be a disgusting reject."
"No! NO!"
But she just smiles at me. "You'll always protect me, right? You'll help me when people are mean? Then I can still be dirty and it won't hurt."
"You're so friggin' selfish! I hate you!" But it hurts that night, the prickling and the stinging when I'm taking a bath, and I'm a wimp too and I can't stop protecting her after all. She can be dirty. One of us won't have to hurt like this. I wish it was me, but she's the wimp, I'm the strong one, I'm the one who chases them off, and I'm the older one anyway so I guess it can be her. This sucks. She has a cute smile, though. She's fat and ugly and gross but for some reason she still looks cute when she smiles like the way she's smiling at me now. It's not fair.
o.o.o.o.o
"Larxene!"
"What?" I yell. They're always interrupting me.
Dad glares at me as he finishes tying his tie in the doorway. "I told you to put the pool cover on."
"You told me five minutes ago, geez, don't rush me!"
"I told you fifteen minutes ago - get it done now."
"I will, lay off!"
"I'd do it myself but I'm running late; get off the phone and do as I say!"
"I'LL DO IT WHEN I DO IT OKAY, LAY OFF."
"Do you want me to ground you?" he says, but he never actually grounds me so it's like Whatever, but if I pretend I care a little bit, he gets off my case.
"Fine, okay, I'll do it." I tell Natsue I'll be right back and go off to the back of the house to make Dad think I'm doing it, but I hear the front door shut and he's gone. I'm about to go back to the phone but what the heck, why is Relena out there. I open the door and yell out at her. "What are you doing? It's freezing!"
"I dropped Sakura," she says in this pathetic voice.
"Ugh, you're too old to play with toys, you know that?"
"Sis...please help me, I can't reach..."
I can see the stupid bear floating just under the water. Uuuuuuggghhhh, my sister is such a pain. "Just chill for a while, okay? I have to finish talking to Natsue first, go watch TV or something."
"Sis..."
Whatever; if she wants to freeze her butt off out there, I don't care. I slam the door shut and go find the phone again.
"Sorry, Nat, my family's being stupid again... So what'd she tell you?"
Everyone in the world is an idiot, but there's two kinds - the kind I can't stand and the kind who are hilarious. I'm laughing my head off as Natsue's telling me about Darci's pathetic attempt to steal Shane back from Marisol, and suddenly I see the shadows. They're different. I frown and sit up - I think I lost track of time. It's been a while since Dad left. "Hey...Nat? Hold on a second."
I can't hear the TV. The house is so...quiet. "Nat, I'll be right back, okay?"
The net is long enough why couldn't she reach it. She's always falling, idiot kid, can't she even walk right or is she too stupid to
"Relena!"
OH GOD THE WATER'S COLD UUUUUUGGGGHHHHH I hate this, I'm gonna kill her when I get her out I hate this.
"Relena, wake up!" Slapping her face, as best I can when I'm shivering so much. Slapping hard, her face is white and cold as ice. She smells. "Relena!" Sakura's still in the pool, a little spot of pink under the water. What's so special about that thing? Why couldn't she just leave it for two seconds until I could get it for her? "Relena..."
This time she doesn't wake up.
o.o.o.o.o
Can't breathe, can't open my mouth have to open my mouth, water pouring in choking me filling me writhing oh God it hurts I can't breathe-
Just a dream. It's just the dream, Larxene. Gah, I'm pathetic, too; it's not like I was the one who drowned, why can't I stop dreaming myself in her place? Though I feel like I'm drowning now, in a different way, with all these tears pouring out of me so hard I can't see and my chest hurts and I'm making the ugliest sounds, I hate this but I'd better cry as hard as I can now, when I'm alone in the dark, so that I won't cry later where people can see.
o.o.o.o.o
"Uhh...sorry, Larxene, I've got math next period, I was gonna try to finish my homework in the library during lunch..."
"Um - actually, I made plans with Jamie for this weekend...next weekend, maybe?"
"Oh...well, see, Mom's getting on my case and I have to run some errands for her, I can't make it to the mall today after all..."
I didn't believe the excuses the first time, and I didn't put up with them after the second time, either. I don't need friends. I don't want friends, with all their drama and interruptions and that horrible look in their eyes that everyone has when they look at me now, everyone thinks I'm a murderer. I don't have to put up with them, they're all idiots, anyway. I'm perfectly fine on my own.
o.o.o.o.o
The first thing I noticed were those beautiful green eyes of his, like Relena's. That's not why I let him flirt with me, though. It's just interesting being at a new school in a new town where no one knows anything about me.
"Rawr, easy! Just thought it couldn't hurt to check."
He's got such a ready smile, unruffled by my response. Maybe he's worth playing with for a while. "Oh, I can make it hurt all right." I make a show of gauging him, as if looking for the best place to bruise. "Still think it's worth it?"
"For a girl who can send a guy twice her age packing like that? Maybe."
He'd been watching long enough to see me chase off the sleazebag from earlier?
"It's...me who might not be worth it, actually." He smiles ruefully. "My family's kind of hard to deal with."
Why the heck is he bringing up his family?
"Trust me, if we get to know each other in the least, they are going to get involved."
That very afternoon, I start to find out exactly what he means.
...For his sake, though...this beautiful green-eyed boy with the ready laugh who never judges me...I can put up with it.
o.o.o.o.o
Until that little brat pries into the WRONG part of me. Everything else just makes me want to hit her, the big blue eyes and the ponies and the chatter and the questions and the fairy sparkly princess crap; but now, I want to kill her. ...It's not like I haven't done it before...
"GET OUT. GIVE me that, you little brat; get out get out get OUT!"
She's staring up at me with those huge horrible blue eyes like I'm the one who's hurting her rather than the other way around. I snatch the photo out of her hand and seize her shoulders, crushing her sleeves in my fists because I know Axel will kill me if I actually bruise her; shoving her out so hard she nearly falls, half-accidentally slam her against the wall, just barely managing to pull back so she doesn't hit hard, but gah I want to hurt her I can't stand her I can't stand her face I-
"Larxene."
I look up and feel like my heart's dropped out of my chest, seeing that look on his face like I'm dead to him. Xion runs to cling to him, nearly in tears, and he puts an arm around her like a shield. "Hey-"
"I can't stand you," I snarl before he can finish. "I hate your family and I hate your stupid jokes and you don't know anything about keeping a woman happy and it's OVER, Axel, it's over, I can't stand you, get out of here it's over!"
He takes Xion by the hand and leaves without a word. Not a single call or message, he barely even looks at me anymore, the next weekend he's making out with some nauseating brunette, and once again, I have to cry where no one can see.
o.o.o.o.o
Van's one of those pretty-faced bad boys I love, but the first (and only) time we ever kiss, he suddenly bursts into laughter in my mouth and I shove him away, grossed out and trying not to laugh at the same time.
"That was kinda disgusting," he remarks, his eyes humming amusement relief curiosity. "No offense, Larxie," he adds in a drawl, as if I can't see perfectly well what he meant. As if I couldn't feel it, too.
"Gah, this sucks," I mutter. "I don't wanna dump you..." We kind of lounge there until the movie ends. Then we lounge some more in silence for a while.
Then he rolls over and crosses his arms on my chest and says thoughtfully, "Well. You don't have to dump me."
It takes me way too long to realize what he means. It's been so freaking long since I've had a friend, it just...never occurred to me that I could have one again. That I don't have to lose Van just because I don't want to date him anymore. "Oh." I meant to say more. But my throat suddenly feels tight and I try to hide it but I can't, but it doesn't matter because he just looks comfort safety affection at me until the tears finally go away.
o.o.o.o.o
It's been so long. I didn't realize how much I missed Xigbar's smile - the real one, the one he's finally giving me again now. "Fine. What is it you're throwing at me?"
I take the end of his ponytail and swing it meaningfully. "Get rid of this. That's my condition."
His Shield goes up again, and he looks at me coolly.
"You only grow it long to spite her. But you know what, Xig? It's not her fault she's gone. And she doesn't care what you think anymore. And I'm not gonna marry you when you're still hating her for leaving you, because I've had enough hate in my life and I'm sick of having to deal with it."
"No one dictates to me," he Speaks. It's in words, though, not emotions - easier to twist and hide the truth. This is exactly what I told myself I wasn't going to put up with when he came barging into my life again. I pick up my purse and head for the door, but then I hear him getting up and yanking open a drawer, and I turn and see him raise his hand to fling something towards me. It's easy to dodge, and I have to smile a little as I see the blades embedded in the doorframe - our roles are reversed this time. He's a lot nicer than I was, waiting for me to see them coming first.
"You win," he chuckles wryly. "Sorry, though; I stopped keeping score a while ago."
"That makes two of us, then." I grin as I toss my purse aside and take the scissors out of the doorframe and move back toward him.
o.o.o.o.o
Can't breathe, can't breathe, chest hurts, filling me so there's no room left for me, this is what it's like to die-
Wake up gasping for breath, not drowning just asleep the dream the dream it never goes away, this room is stifling, I fling off the covers and throw the window open and gulp in deep breaths of cold air, breathing. I'm still breathing. She hasn't breathed for over twenty years now, but I'm still breathing. I can't stand it.
Footsteps approaching, the warmth of his body pressing against my cold skin. He doesn't say a word, just Speaks silently until I'm calm again. Xigbar's arms around me are the only ones that have never felt suffocating.
o.o.o.o.o
December 12th, my birthday. We're supposed to be baking stuff for the party tonight. Somehow it went from that to a food fight - Xion and I racing around the kitchen taking cover behind counters and doorframes, flinging handfuls of dough and pie filling and breadsticks and anything else that comes to hand, screaming like we're ten-year-olds. We are gonna get in so much trouble for wasting all this food, but right now I'm having so much fun I don't care.
"Say that again to my face, brat!" I yell as cherry sauce splatters across her chest like blood.
"Come out here and take it like a man!" she shrieks back, grinning wildly as the pasta barely misses my face and half of it gets tangled in my hair instead.
The kitchen is a wreck by the time we get tired of it, the two of us collapsing happily by the oven. She sits there smiling at me for a while, then reaches out and wipes some icing off my check with her finger, licking it up. "Mmm, tasty."
...She's still so small, even though she's a grown woman now. Beautiful even when she's caked with food from head to toe, with those eyes of hers sparkling. She never gets angry. She's always kind. She's the perfect girl I've never had a hope of being; she's just like Relena was, except prettier. It's easy to see why she means the world to Van - to all of them. I'm the only one who refuses to dote on her...and that's only because she's spoiled enough, she doesn't need yet one more person telling her how great she is and how much they need her.
"How can Axel stand you?" I ask, choosing the one I know will hurt most. She's too precious, I don't know how he can love her so much without being afraid. I don't know how Axel can give so much of his heart away to so many people without feeling empty. Maybe he thinks if he gives them the pieces of his heart, they'll hold on and he'll never be completely lost, the way I was for so long. Hearts are heavy things to carry alone, but they're also easy to bruise - people are careless with hearts that aren't their own.
Never gets angry. Just considers as if it's a serious question and finally says, "Maybe because he's never lost me."
This is definitely not fun anymore. I get up and start dragging the trash can around to shove ruined food into it, talking about the waste of time and money and how I am not going shopping again because this wasn't my fault and nothing's ever my fault but I get blamed for it anyway and I-
She puts her arms around me like she's my sister's angel, this girl who's what Relena would have been if Relena had gotten it right. I don't look at her, because I don't want to see that she's only Xion. My eyes are dry, I don't know how she knew I was crying anyway. The person I always lie to the most is myself. "Relena, I'm...I'm so sorry..."
She hugs me tighter. Instead of getting worse, the stifled feeling goes away. "I forgive you."
o.o.o
Author's Notes: I'm really self-conscious about this fic and was angsting about how to post it... DX I ended up not writing the part I was most nervous about, but still, there are things in this that make me squirm, thinking about reader reactions. I honestly have no control over my plot bunnies, I write the stories that come into my head ._.
...I feel bad about all that wasted food ._.
Ftr, Larxene didn't start dating Xigbar 'til she was in her mid- or late 20s. It's a pairing I've wanted to try out since I had to cut a small XigLarx tease out of Raindrops & Whiskers, and it finally found a home in Stepsiblings, of all things. Unfortunately, Xigbar is difficult enough to write IC on his own, but Larxene is harder (especially since I'm trying as hard as possible not to let her cuss), and they're even worse when they're together, I'm scared to write them. DX