Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson
Summary: Keitaro knew that coming with Kitsune to a party with her drinking buddies might be a bad idea, but that it could change his life to this degree, he didn't know.
Disclaimer: Love Hina, Hinata Sou, Ai Yori Aoshi and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine. This story deals with some very unpleasant things. If this disturbs you, don't read.
If the layout looks screwy or symbols seems to be missing, you're probably reading the quickedit-mangled version of this fic on ff dot net, if it grates on your nerves too much, read it on hawksgalaxy dot com or something.
Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860, MSN Messenger/E-mail as iamhawk at yahoo dot com, though not very frequently as real life lately interferes with my online existance more then I'd like. More stories are available at my nifty lil' site at hawksgalaxy dot com or by clicking on my handle up above.
"speech"
emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
/thoughts/
/telepathy/
translation
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+
Muhahahahahaha! I finally, finally got my hands on books 10-13 of the Love Hina manga, I expect 14 to arrive shortly. :P
I read through part of book 10 at breakfast before I had to sod off to work and the possibilities for fun'n fiction were endless! Mutsumi's memory loss and the faux marriage to Keitaro in particular just screamed for attention, which is why I started writing on Shotlove Wedding. Ah well, I've already got about 400 fics in the works, so what's another four or five? ;) ( The 400 fic bit is no exaggeration either, there are 552 files in the story-folder on my hard drive right now 051004. And that's just on my stationary computer! Got a laptop, a PDA and a computer at work as well, all of which contain fics in the works... )
Anyways, this fic has nothing to do with those volumes. It's completely unrelated.
What? It does say 'Mad Demented Ravings' a couple of lines up, doesn't it? Exactly. So why were you expecting something that's actually related to this particular fic? ;)
Anyways, this is a Kei/Kit/Naru love triangle, for those of you that wish to know such things in advance. And for those of you that don't, well, you shouldn't have been reading the author notes in the first place. :D
"Neh, Keitaro. Aren't you pleased that I managed to persuade you to come with me for a night out?" Kitsune drawled, leaning forward across the table and thus offering Keitaro a splendid view at her cleavage in the process. He blushed profusely and felt familiar stirrings in his nose, but it seemed as if he wouldn't embarrass himself just yet, as no fountains of blood erupted. He really was getting better, perhaps all that time spent around the girls, as well as a long string of rather embarrassing accidents had finally managed to raise his tolerance level somewhat.
Well, it was either that or simply the alcohol dulling his reactions. One simply didn't accompany Kitsune to a party and remain sober, not for long. He knew he should have been suspicious when that damnable girl asked the guy handling the drinks to get Keitaro a tea, with a pleased smirk on her lips. He wasn't quite sure what or where Long Island was, but whatever people lived there had to be chronic alcoholics if that damnable drink was any sort of indicator of their regular drinking habits.
"Yeah. I wouldn't want to do this every night, but it's a nice change of pace." Keitaro admitted, sipping from his beer. After downing two of those Long Island thingies, he'd switched to beer and didn't intend to let Kitsune order anything for him ever again. Though the 'tea' and the three beers he'd had after that had made him pleasantly plastered, dulling his sensibilities and near-constant worries, actually felt kinda nice. "You have some... Ahhh... Interesting friends." he ventured with a grin, looking over at one of Kitsune's drinking buddies whom he had seen her with as he entered the flat earlier in the evening, wandering into a party already in progress.
"Oh? Ah, well... That's Tina for you." Kitsune commented with a faint blush after looking over and spotting her friend hanging over the shoulder of another girl, laughing it up while fondling her chest. "Yo, Tina! C'mere, I want'ya t'meet Keitaro!" Kitsune hollered, waving at her foreign friend who made her way across the room, where she starting hanging on Kitsune's shoulder, though she settled for wrapping her arms around Kitsune's neck, rather then outright fondling her ample assets. "Keitaro, this is my good friend Foster Tina. Tina, this is my manager and pal Urashima Keitaro."
"Pleased t'meetcha, Kei." Tina offered, scrambling aside in order to offer a low bow, during which she exposed a cleavage that was just as impressive as Kitsune's had been, if not even more so. Keitaro would have to make further studies into the situation to be sure. A mental eyebrow went up at that line of thought, he wasn't supposed to think things like that, was he? He shook it off, he was a mite bit tipsy, Tina wasn't slugging him for being a pervert and oh, did he mention that he was a little tipsy?
"Nice to meet you too, Foster-san." Keitaro stated in return, bowing as well though he wondered about Tina offering a bow. Westerners usually did the hand-shake thing, didn't they?
"Foster-san? That sounds as if you're talking about my father. Tina, Kei. Tina." Tina insisted, strolling over to wrap an arm loosely around his shoulders, pulling him up against her. "I've heard a lot about you, Keitaro... Kitsune just can't stop talking about you." she purred into his ear and then started nuzzling her face against his cheek, causing him to develop a slight shiver. It was bad enough when Su did it, but having Tina rubbing herself up against him was tons worse!
Of course, he wasn't going to complain about it as long as Naru or Motoko didn't see it! It was a nice kind of worse.
"Oh, stop lying." Kitsune admonished her friend. "I do not talk about him all the time." she added, trying to suppress a furious blush.
"Nah, not all the time." Tina agreed. "Just most of the time." she continued unabashedly, then grinned and lowered her gaze. "Is it true that you're hung like a..." she began, but didn't get any further then that, before Kitsune almost seemed to teleport to Tina's side, putting one of her hands over Tina's mouth to silence whatever she had been about to inquire about.
"Heh, heh, heh..." Kitsune laughed nervously. "Tina! Shut up!" she hissed into the ear of her friend, trying to maintain the strained smile she was displaying to the world.
"Oh, live a little." Tina snorted as she removed the offending appendage. "He seems like a nice guy. Surely he wouldn't mind knowing that you've got the hots for him." Tina continued, slinking around Kitsune and leaning on her shoulder. This time, she did grab hold of Kitsune's breasts and started fondling them in a very absent manner as she continued to speak. She didn't even seem to be aware of what she was doing. Judging from the distressed look on Kitsune's face, she was however very well aware of it. "You don't mind, do you, Kei? Naw, thought not. All guys enjoy knowing that girls are interested in them." she declared without actually waiting for a response from Keitaro, while Kitsune struggled to retain her composure while being fondled and having her attraction revealed to a now very flustered Keitaro.
"How do you do it, Kei? How do you prevent yourself from succumbing to temptation when you know that every girl in the dorm has the hots for you?" Tina inquired, causing Kitsune to pale significantly and Keitaro to gasp in shock.
"What!" he demanded, then smiled sheepishly as the entire room turned to look at the hollering partygoer. "What!" he repeated in a somewhat more subdued volume. "Every girl has... For me! Impossible!" he hissed, the surprise momentarily penetrating the dazed alcoholic fog of his mental landscape.
"You weren't kidding about the low confidence, were you?" Tina snorted in Kitsune's ear. "No matter! I know the cure for that. See ya later, Kits." Tina said, then staggered over to Keitaro, grasping one of his arms and throwing it across her shoulders, holding it down with a firm handhold. "C'mere cutie. You an' me're gettin' outta these here public surroundin' fer a while." she announced, then dragged the stunned Keitaro towards the hallway, taking off to the opposite direction from the entrance.
Keitaro was still surprised that Kitsune knew somebody loaded enough to afford a flat this big. It had to be worth a fortune. But even as he now got to see more and more of it, as Tina dragged him off to a bedroom where she promptly pushed him down on top of a bed, he didn't really register it as he was still completely flabbergasted from the earlier revelation that the other tenants lusted after him.
Of course, this too faded into the background as he got yet another surprise as Tina joined him on the bed and he suddenly found himself lying down, his arms wrapped around the beautiful foreigner who was now kissing him passionately, as a stunned Kitsune stared at them from the doorway.
"Perhaps bringing him wasn't as good an idea as I originally thought." Kitsune muttered, then shivered as she came to a realization. "Naru is going to kill me..." she gasped, then blinked. "If... If she finds out..."
Neither of which either Tina or Keitaro noticed, as they were quite busy snogging on the bed like two people possessed. Which wasn't that far off the mark.
Keitaro was a seriously sexually frustrated individual who spent the better part of his spare time around women, often stumbling across them in various states of undress. He had zero privacy and his chances of seeking some sexual relief were severely limited to the very few times he had the building to himself. He hadn't had a girlfriend, ever, and he was a twenty-one year old virgin. A drunk twenty-one year old sexually frustrated virgin. Now when he had a beautiful, willing, sexy, eager, beautiful and oh, yeah, beautiful girl who didn't seem to mind his pervertedness in his arms, he wasn't about to pull away.
Or, at least not until his stunned, drunk and reeling mind caught up with what his body was currently doing.
Tina was in a similar situation, though it wasn't quite as bad for her. While she wasn't constantly surrounded by men, she did spend the greater part of her time around Kaoru and while she'd never admit it to anyone, she did have a rather serious crush on him. She had more privacy then Keitaro, so she did occasionally seek some sexual relief by parting the red sea and getting down with her naughty self. But still, she was nearing her twentieth year, was still a virgin, didn't get the relief she wanted nearly as often as she wanted and was ordinarily too damn shy to do anything even remotely resembling something like this.
But she too was too deeply submerged in her alcohol-induced haze and desire to help out the cute friend of a good friend that her mind hadn't quite caught on to what she was actually doing.
She had intended to give him a kiss and a talk, perhaps let him feel her up for a bit, but she had gotten derailed the moment their lips met and now found herself entirely lost in the moment. If he pressed the issue, she could find herself short one virginity before she even knew it!
"Tina! Keitaro!" Kitsune hissed at them, slamming the door shut behind her before she stalked up to the bed and dragged Tina back away from Keitaro by the scruff of her neck.
Both of them kept up the kissing motions for a few seconds, before they seemed to notice that something was amiss. Then both sets of eyes opened and thought processes were restarted.
With predictable results.
"Gahck!" Keitaro gasped, then his eyes rolled over in their sockets and twin fountains of blood erupted from his nostrils, before he lost consciousness.
"Gyu!" Tina exclaimed, then her eyes rolled over in their sockets and she blushed into a furious red, before she lost consciousness.
"Oh, man!" Kitsune exclaimed with a defeated groan, then dropped Tina, allowing her head to drop down right into Keitaro's lap. "Not both of you!" she continued, rubbed her temples and sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to think of what to do. While leaving these two where they were and returning to the party was more appealing then getting further involved in this mess, it would probably be better if she ensured that this matter got handled in a satisfactory way.
One never knew, while Naru was prone to blame Keitaro for just about everything, she might just come to blame Kitsune as well for this mess and Kitsune had no desire to be exposed to that. While Naru never got violent with her, like she did with Keitaro, Naru sulked, pouted and was generally very boring company when she was ticked off.
Unfortunately, no really good ideas for how to handle this mess came to mind. The only conclusion she managed to reach, was that it would be best to somehow insure that none of the other tenants at the Hinata Sou ever found out about this. Naru wasn't the only one who could get ticked off or otherwise upset at her, if they found out about this party and what had happened during it.
"MMmmmyeah, do it to me like that, Tina-chan..." Keitaro moaned, causing Kitsune to snap him out of his snoozing state by applying the palm of her right hand against his cheek, spiced up with a fair bit of momentum.
Slap+
"Ow!" Keitaro exclaimed as he emerged into the land of the conscious once again. "Ow!" he whimpered in a lower voice, as the stinging cheek struck him like a mallet to the face. He looked around and blinked, where had he woken up now?
Keitaro quite often found himself waking up in unfamiliar surroundings, but they usually weren't this nice. He was lying on something very comfortable, there were no holes in the roof above him and except for his cheek, he didn't really hurt anywhere. That was a first for him.
"You awake now?" Kitsune inquired, appearing in his field of vision.
"Morning, Kitsune." Keitaro mumbled, rubbing his head. "Kitsune? What... Who... Where am I?" he asked, then the reality of the situation struck him like a Naru-punch to the head, as recollection of past events returned to him. "Ah!" he exclaimed and bolted into a sitting position, nearly colliding with Kitsune whom just barely managed to pull back before she received a head-butt from the manager of Hinata Sou.
"Mmmm, Kaoru..."
"Heh?" emerged from Keitaro's mouth, then he glanced down and spotted Tina lying across his legs, with her head nuzzling against his groin. "Ah!" he repeated, putting a few fingers on a trembling right hand against his lips, before shaking his head in denial. "I'm a dead man." he murmured.
"I see you understand the gravity of the situation." Kitsune commented. "You can never tell Naru. Not ever. You understand that, don't you?"
"It really happened? A pretty girl kissed me? Of her own accord?" Keitaro mumbled, as he dazedly stared at Tina.
"I'm guessing it was more frustration and strong drink that caused her to do it, rather then any strong feelings for you." Kitsune sighed as she considered Tina and her situation, her inability to confess her feelings for Kaoru. "So don't get your hopes up on finally landing yourself a girlfriend here, okay?"
"I wasn't... Okay." Keitaro agreed, slumping a little bit.
"Though it might solve a few problems if that were the case. Naru would only have herself to blame if she let you slip through her hands, the kissing would be all right and Tina wouldn't be moping over..." Kitsune rambled on, then blinked. She knew that it was her own frustration at the situation talking, but perhaps her frustration did have a point. Keitaro's and Naru's odd on/off relationship was causing a lot of problems, Naru would be to blame if he found someone else and if he did, she didn't have a right to complain about him getting a little lip-action with his girlfriend.
Kitsune didn't really believe Naru had that right now either, but Naru wouldn't see it like that. But with a girlfriend, perhaps even she would realize that she had no reason to ream him out. Problem was, Tina wouldn't agree to something like that. Not while she was sober at any rate. She loved Kaoru. On the other hand, there was someone else available, wasn't there?
Keitaro wasn't such a bad catch, now was he? Sure, there was a lot of room for improvement, but he had potential. He was aiming for Todai, Seta was his mentor and he was sort of cute, very kind and easily controlled. In a few years, he would probably be a very eligible bachelor. Archaeologist, some of the boyish charm replaced with more manly appeal and a nice steady salary. Yes, he'd be quite the catch then.
And she didn't think it'd be all bad to land him now. In fact, that would allow her to have a direct hand in his development, giving her a chance to make him turn out more to her own liking.
And he was cute.
She'd made a few half-hearted attempts on his heart before, but never really gotten into the game for fear of angering Naru, for fear of betraying her friend. Despite the fact that she really, truly, honestly liked Keitaro very much. But Naru was always complaining about Keitaro, always belittling him. And now she was going to be angry either way.
Perhaps...
"Keitaro. What do you think about me?" Kitsune inquired, before she lost her courage and chickened out.
"Huh? What? This isn't the time for that." Keitaro mumbled while blushing furiously.
"If you had a girlfriend, Naru won't be able to complain about what just happened here. And I'm willing to take on that position." Kitsune ventured with a sultry smile on her lips.
"She won't find out!" Keitaro cried out.
"I wouldn't worry if it had happened to any other guy. But you... Keitaro, you don't have a poker face. Not the slightest hint of one. She'll know something is up and I know you, you won't be able to shut up or lie about it. She'll get mad, things will be disrupted, the mood at the Hinata Sou will be bad and you'll most likely receive some extra Naru-punches over the next couple of weeks." Kitsune stated. "I don't really think she has a reason to be upset, seeing as how the two of you aren't together. But she won't see it like that. She'll get mad." she continued, then grinned. "But if you had a girlfriend, even Naru will realize that she doesn't have any right to complain about your actions."
"But, won't she be even madder if I suddenly show up with a girlfriend. With you as a girlfriend?" Keitaro objected.
"It's all in the setup." Kitsune drawled. "Oh, she'll be mad and disappointed, there's no avoiding that. But, it's also a perfect opportunity for you. By making her face what she's missing out on, making her realize that you can and will turn elsewhere if she doesn't shape up, you'll be all set once we 'break up'. She'll be all over you like a pack of wolves on a two-legged lamb."
"So, it wouldn't be for real? Just for pretend?" Keitaro asked.
"I've told you before, Keitaro. I like you. If you want a girlfriend and a real relationship, I'm your girl. If you want a way to get Naru off your back and improve your chances with her down the line, I'm willing to be your girl for now." Kitsune revealed, then sighed. "If you want pretend, we'll pretend." she announced, then smirked. "If you want to get your hands on these babies on a regular basis, we'll go steady and see how that works out." she offered, putting her hands on her breasts. "It's up to you."
Had Keitaro been sober, the answer he gave most likely wouldn't have been anything even remotely resembling the one he gave Kitsune now.
The End! ( For now... )