Ian. Ian hasn't come back from the raid yet. My heart is pounding. Since I have got this new body everyone's perspective of me has changed. People are not giving as much work as they gave me in Melanie's body then in this one. I feel like a nuisance. Someone who just sits around and does nothing all day. I feel bad that no one lets me help or work. Especially now when I'm worrying my heart out for Ian. My Ian. I just love the way it sounds to me. Ian is the whole part of my existence here on earth my other half, my mate.

I just wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Ian. I love him so much it makes my heart want to burst. But now with nothing left to do and Ian still not back yet. I'm falling apart. They wouldn't even let me go on the raids! I mean that's one of the whole reasons I'm here right? So what am I suppose to sit around here for? When I could be helping someone do some chores or something. No one would stop me.

"No Wanda" Lily ordered. Gently pushing me away from the dishes. "You don't want to ruin those soft hands scrubbing dishes. Especially when Your mans going to be here any day now" Lily scolded me. I sighed. Resting my now small hand on my cheek. Using it for support. It still feels weird in this little body. I'm shorter than Jamie! Ian especially. He's like a giant now compared to how used to him I' am in Melanie's body. Oh how I miss him so much. I wish he was here with me right now holding me against him. His warm body comforting me in every way possible. He just makes me feel-

"Um Wanda can I talk to for a second?" I heard my voice ask. "In private". I shook my head. Melanie's voice asked not mine Melanie's. Okay here it goes. "Yea sure what do you want to talk about?" Melanie looked and sounded nervous that I've ever seen her before. I wonder what was wrong. I looked at Lily and she was just continuing the dishes as if she heard nothing. We walked to me and Ian's room. I raised my eyebrow. Why were going in here? When Melanie saw the look of confusion on my face she said." There's more privacy".

I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed while Melanie stood before me. She took a deep breath and started pacing the floor. What could possibly be wrong with Melanie. I mean she got worried but she is able to conceal it pretty well. " Ok Wanda . . .do you .. . Do you still have feelings for Jarrod?" She already now's how I feel about Jared." Of course Mel. He's a great friend and can be-

"No" she cut me off. " I mean do you still . . .love him?" He eyes were closed and she was barely breathing. Do I still love Jarrod? Well no, not that much but sometimes . . ." Well I still, But yes I do but not as strongly as before like when I look at him and were surrounded by people he a great person but when were alone its not that I want to . . . " I gulped this is REALY hard to talk about right now. " You must no what I mean it's just I don't have the urge to touch him. But still love him a little more than a regular friend loves another friend" I think.

Mel was silent for a moment. She looked so guilty that I began to feel sorry for her. "What's wrong Mel?" I said as she crumpled to the floor and sobbed. I instantly pulled her into my arms. Was it because I said I loved Jarrod more than a friend? " Mel I' am so sorry hat I hurt you. I didn't know you would react this way and I' am so sorry" I said feeling her shake harder. But all I could do is hold her until she was done .

When she finally pulled away her tears were dry and she stood up. " Wanda don't you ever say sorry for anything. Because you would never do anything as horrible as I did to you. You probably would flinch away from even thinking of it." I was confused."What are you talking about Melanie? I thought you were upset because of what I said about Jarrod." I didn't know what was going on here. " No, no Wanda. I' am upset of what I did. Of what I said." Melanie sobbed again. "What? About asking me about Jarrod? That was fine Mel" She kept on shaking her head tears coming out of her eyes. I was so confused I didn't know what to do. What was Mel talking about?" What are you talking about Mel I don't under stand-

"I still love him. I Melanie Stryder love Ian O'Shea. Me! I have this feeling for him Wanda that I can't get rid of. It's like pulling me closer to him every time I see him laugh or smile or even glance his way! I can't control it Wanda. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to feel his warm breath on my skin not yours. And I still love Jarrod. Jarrod is all that's racing through my mind. I can see that he see's the way I look at Ian Wanda, he knows or either suspects something. I just can't bear it.

"Jarrod makes my heart race. But Ian takes my breath away. He brightens my whole world. And that not even the worst part. Do you even know why he left for the raid and didn't stay behind like he usually did?" I couldn't speak. I couldn't even barely breath. Melanie loves Ian? How could this be? Ian is mine. Mine forever. Or so I thought. But my voice came out in a whisper. " Why? Why did he leave Melanie?"

Melanie looked at me and pleaded forgiveness. "I . . . I kissed Ian. I told . . . him that I loved him. He probably didn't' want to face me or you. Because he felt bad." I couldn't breath now. Literally the world collapsed underneath my feet. I struggled for breath but it wouldn't come. Just the salty drops of water seeping inside my mouth. My heart was breaking into a million pieces. I shattered and no one was going to be able to pick me up again.

The little heart that is now mine wasn't used to this kind of pain. It was never experienced. I couldn't handle it. "Wanda I' am so ,so , sorry I'll make it up to you. I promise. Just give me a-

"Please Melanie just go. Please? I . . . just need to be alone right now okay?" Melanie didn't move. "Please Wanda. I need you to forgive me I didn't mean to it was an accident." Melanie pleaded. I Walked over to the door and held it open. " Mel you can leave now. Please just go . . . I can't process this right now so can you please" I let out an uncontrollable sob. "Please just go and leave me alone for awhile?" Melanie simply nodded and walked out of the room.

I laid down on Ian's pillow and I could smell him on it. My heart, my soul, ,y whole universe was falling apart. And all I could do was cry. I cried loud deep sobs coming from the back of my throat. They were uncontrollable and I couldn't stop them. I didn't know how long I sat there and cried but I know it must have been tomorrow because there was a dinner plate and a breakfast plate on the floor by the red door.

My stomach would of probably thrown up anything that would be put in there and I wasn't hungry anyway. The pillow was soaked of my tears and was still damp. I took the pillow case off and spread it down by the floor so it could dry. My eyes hurt and were probably red rimmed from all crying I did. Because of what Mel-

I cried again more uncontrollable tears and sank down to my knees. My face in my hands and my blonde curls almost touching the ground. I was shaking horribly and I couldn't stop. But then that when I heard shouting. "Give her some time she needs to deal with what's wrong with her on her own time and at her own pace. Just let her be!" I heard Jarrod's voice outside the door.

An even more enraged voice said." She's my girl friend and I think I should help her if I want to! I care about her!" It was Ian's voice. Witch made me shake and sob even harder than before. I didn't here Ian's or Jarrod's voice anymore. But they door slowly opened up. "Wanda? Wanderer are you-

When he saw me on the floor he rushed over to me and embraced me into a tight hug. I didn't need his comforting right now. I flinched away from him and scooted off into the bed. He expression hurt. He walked towards me and I scooted further into the bed post than necessary. It dug into my back with made me jump back from it into Ian's arms. His worried and hurt filled blues eyes stared into mine. "Wanda? "Wanderer. What's wrong? When I first heard you weren't eating and you were just in here I came as fast as I could and- " This is the rudest thing I've ever said to anyone before and I didn't even regret saying it. I even interrupted." Ian get away from me! Don't touch me. Don't say a word to me ever! I hate you. Hate you! Hate you!" I screamed and ran out to the only place wear no one will find me. Ian didn't even stop me. He just sat there with the look of hurt written all across his face. And for once I didn't care. One bit.