Part II of the series By watchfires and thrones of crowned kings. Here we're treated to Loki idealizing his past emotions and Thor trying to get him back anyway :3
Un-betaed for now. Please point out any errors! Hope you like it!
First published with the tags: Slashy, Loki Feels, Thor Feels, Warning: Loki, Thor will be Thor, Flash Fic, Translation, Loki Spitting Poison, Hopeful Ending, Constancy.
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Hope and courage
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War again, enemies once more, and Thor just wants it to end. Why?, he wonders, in a never-ending circle. Why did it end like this? Why nothing I do or say is ever enough?
He shouts it, hurling Mjolnir to the earth. Loki regards him with coldness; his face is hate and desperation.
"Why?" he says. "Because there comes a point, not-brother, where even the most sincere and faithful of loves sours. We are not stones, nor laws, nor ideals. Even the most wretched of men longs for a scrap of acknowledgement from those whom he loves with everything he is. But if that acknowledgement never comes... if so much devotion is neglected, always, in the end one must react, don't you think? You don't live of a broken heart; it's survival instinct to rebel. To despise those who despise you" he whispers between his teeth "is a feeling as golden as victory."
Thor can only shake his head. "I... Loki, had I known–"
It isn't enough, he's aware of that, and Loki laughs in his face.
"Liar! You did not want to know! You did not want to listen and discover what would have made me, if not happy, at least serene! You weren't blind, Thor, you just pretended to be. 'Who, my brother? Oh, a moper, always bent over his books. What can you do about it – one is born like that.' And now it's too late." He leans forward, eyes turned to slits. "Even ice lives, did you know? Pity not to have matured a bit earlier, prince. Now you may send your sentiments elsewhere: here" and he hits his own chest, too sharp to be genuine, "they only fall out of place."
He's breathing hard. They look at each other; all of a sudden there's too much silence.
"I admit to my every fault" murmurs Thor. "But I won't forswear the love I bear you, Loki. Accept a weregild, let's get over our disagreements. You always said that so is the way of the great kings." He steps forward, hands open. "Let me show you the regard I harbour for you, and–"
"'And then'" Loki interrupts "'show me yours, heal the wounds you opened in my heart. Then I'll be truly able to forgive you.' Is this what you wanted to add? Are you so naive?"
Loki is scorn behind a collected face, now. But there is something, something in the depth of his eyes, and for all his faults Thor knows he's not imagining it.
"I never said that. I know it won't be easy."
"But you're hoping it will be."
He can't help it: he offers a half-smile. "Why shouldn't I? It comes naturally. With you, one needs a lot of hope. As much hope as courage."
Even though Loki becomes livid, Thor doesn't retract: he's grown enough to know that, if they'll meet, they'll meet halfway.
"It's a pity that my collaboration is required to even nurture hope, then." A billowing of cloak – he'll disappear soon into the shadows. "Do go on, chase an illusion, you imbecile."
"I will chase and I will find"Thor retorts. "And we'll be much more than what we were."
He doesn't get an answer. But he knows that Loki heard.
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