So many stories trying to form in my head and so little time to write them! But I do promise I am working on that Edith/Anthony Christmas story that everyone voted for in my poll;-) Meantime here's a little something that popped in my head for Robert & Cora. Happy reading...
Cora Levinson Crawley, Countess of Grantham, stood near the window watching her husband as he chatted with Lady Wortham. He had his head lowered to hear whatever it was she was whispering and both looked like conspirators from one of the trashy novels that were gaining popularity. Cora's patience, already worn thin these past few months, was quickly coming to an explosive end.
It had been his idea, she fumed, to come to this blasted party. In fact, it had been his suggestion that they come to London at all. She hadn't wanted to leave Downton, not just yet. The days with little Sybie were so precious as Cora healed from the loss of the baby's mother. And Edith was still so unsettled after the disastrous day of her wedding and her attempt at a writing career. And of course, there were Mary and Matthew, still bickering as newlyweds were wont to do from time to time. Thankfully Robert had finally come around to the plans Matthew and Tom had made for the estate. It was about the only thing in her husband's favor as she stood watching him make a fool of himself across the room. What was he thinking, Cora wondered.
Something inside Cora clinched as Lady Wortham, Sarah, grasped his arm and squeezed and then…oh how dare she? Cora was infuriated as she watched the woman giggle and fuss over a man who was not hers but the last straw was when the odious woman brushed something off his cheek. To add to her ire, Cora observed that Robert seemed happy to allow it. Just wait until we return home, Cora thought with vehemence.
Realizing that if she watched any longer she might make a scene, Cora moved away and began to mingle with a group just outside in the great hall. It was a safe group, people who she knew and they knew enough about her that they might credit her quiet reserve tonight to the events of the last few months. She was relieved that she at least didn't have to worry that they might suspect the reason for her inattentiveness. After a few minutes, she moved to another group, and then another, and kept moving away from where ever Robert and his highly born trollop might be. Until finally she felt him beside her, his hand just grasping her elbow as he leaned down to suggest that they might leave. She looked into his face, noticed the signs his slight inebriation, and agreed. Oh yes, she thought, it is past time…
The ride back to their London house was quiet. She was too angry to engage in any chit chat and Robert seemed to need quiet as well. After a few brief instructions to Carson as they arrived, Cora began the climb up to her bedroom. She felt Robert following and stopped just at the top of the stairs. Turning, she glared at him. He looked up at her sappily, and grinned. His expression only added more fuel to her fire. "I think it best you sleep in your dressing room tonight," she declared.
Robert's face fell. "But why?" he whined.
"After your rather ridiculous display tonight, I think I'd prefer to sleep alone…and you need the sleep as well," Cora hissed. "You've had far too much to drink."
Robert frowned and watched his wife as she moved down the hall and disappeared behind her door. "But I don't want to sleep alone," he muttered as he began the trek to his room. As he passed her door a sudden flash of insight sparked in his drink fogged brain. And I won't, he thought. Turning back to Cora's door, he opened it bravely, fully understanding that he might be venturing into dangerous waters. "But I don't want to sleep alone," he announced to her back as he stepped through the doorway.
His sudden appearance in her room startled Cora and she turned quickly to face him. Only then did he realize how serious matters truly were. She tried to hide her face but he saw the tears trailing down her cheeks, tears he must have put there, although he couldn't fathom what it was he had done to cause them. Still… The fog lifted from his brain as he took in her despair. "Cora?" he said gently as he stepped closer to her. "What is the matter?"
She sucked in a deep breath and he could see that she was fighting to maintain her composure. "Oh my dear," he breathed out as he wrapped her in his arms before she had a chance to protest. He held her snuggly, her head just under his chin, but somehow that didn't seem close enough. Dipping his head, he nuzzled against her face, tucking her into his shoulder as he breathed in her light perfume. "Oh my darling, what has upset you so?"
The force with which she pushed herself away from him was surprising. "Don't you dare…" she growled. "Don't you dare act innocent with me….after tonight." She walked to the other side of the bed, effectively placing a barrier between them.
Confused, Robert simply stared for a moment. Deciding he needed to delve further he asked, "What about tonight?"
"You…the way you behaved…with that…that….woman!"
Robert let out a breath as he glanced around the room, searching for some bearings, some way to right whatever it was that was wrong, some understanding. "I behaved? What woman?"
"You know very well what woman," Cora hissed.
Robert decided instantly that he didn't like Cora hissing at him so… "I… do?"
"Really Robert…"
"Cora, I don't…" and then it hit him, like a horse kicking him in his stomach, it hit him. "You mean Sarah Wortham?"
"Yes, of course. Or were there other women this evening that you flirted with that I missed…"
She was hissing again. Robert really wanted the hissing to stop. "But I wasn't…" He sighed as he saw her expression of absolute ire. "Cora, I've known Sarah most of my life. We have things in common and I do enjoy talking with her but I was not flirting. I don't flirt…well, except with you." He tried his innocent puppy look that so often worked with her.
Cora glared at him angrily. At least she isn't hissing, Robert thought guardedly. When she spoke her tone was low and dangerous. "Well you certainly didn't discourage her from flirting with you," she challenged.
"I don't know what you mean. And it really doesn't matter," he huffed, his own anger rising.
Cora drew herself up in a pillar of fury. "Doesn't matter? Doesn't matter!"
"No, it doesn't," Robert said softly, "because there is only one woman who can quicken me. Sarah Wortham can flirt until her dying breath and I will be oblivious because you see my dear," he said as he stepped around the bed to her, "you are the only woman at whom I ever really look. The room can be filled with beautiful women and I will still think you the most beautiful one there." He watched as his words had the desired effect and Cora's anger began to lighten. "Cora, I could have married Sarah had I wanted but then I met you. I could have married any number of the women in the room tonight if I had wanted. They all were after my title."
"But none of them had my money…" she interjected.
"Some did but none have your beauty, or personality, or your heart. I don't love them, Cora. I never could have. Since the first time I laid eyes on you, there was only one for me, although I was too daft at the time to realize it. It took some time for me to see what you saw immediately; that we are so right together. Please Cora, don't let Sarah's mischief tonight or my allowing it, upset you like this." He braved another step closer. "I love you Cora. There can be no one else."
She looked down at the floor, her stance now submissive. "There was the maid," she whispered brokenly.
Robert closed his eyes in self flagellation as the enormity of his misbehavior hit home once again. With a sigh of regret, he nodded. "Yes," he whispered, "there was the maid. I…was lost for awhile and allowed myself to forget how very much you mean to me and I kissed the maid. Twice. It could have been more; she was willing… But when I realized…when I saw where it was going…"
"I was in the next room, Robert…perhaps dying and you were…"
"A fool," he said bluntly as he wondered how she knew. "And I have regretted that lapse ever sense… even more now that I know you were hurt by it."
"Hurt by it…of course I was hurt by it. But I thought all that was past, whatever it was you were going through…I thought it was past…" The tears began to seep down her face again creating a lump in Robert's chest.
"Please Cora, don't think … Sarah's behavior tonight and my part in it… it was nothing, just revisiting our childhoods." He reached for her and pulled her to him, holding her tightly as if she might slip away. "Please Cora, know that I love you, only you…there can be no other. You possess my heart, you see."
"I want to believe you…I do…but…"
Something was terribly amiss but Robert couldn't understand what. He thought they had found their way back to one another after… after those horrible weeks after Sybil's death. He remembered those days with a heavy heart and then the ones after the healing had begun; the days when he'd so stubbornly clung to his pride over the estate. And then he remembered the times before, the night that he'd told her of his abysmal failure with investments and lost her money. She had been there for him so completely, had ignored her own pride and loss to assure him. With quiet resolve, Robert knew he must do the same for her. "Cora, it seems I have failed at so many things these last few years…" She started to interject but he put his fingers over her lips to quiet her. "I have," he admitted. "And you have not once blamed me for any of it…always standing beside me and even defending me."
"I…I blamed you for Sybil's death," she whispered desperately.
"That was a different matter. And in the end, well…you were my comfort, my only comfort through it. But all of my failures pale in comparison to what I am feeling at this moment. Somehow I have failed in expressing just how very much you mean to me. The fact is, however, that I am not certain that I can. I don't believe I possess the words… but Cora, please…" He paused and with his fingers raised her chin so that she was looking up at him. Searching her eyes, he looked for her understanding but all he saw was misery. "My darling, I cherish you. Love seems too small a word to express my feelings. Quite simply, you are my everything. I am sorry you were hurt by my behavior tonight. I assure you, it was never my intention to hurt you. Please Cora, please forgive me."
"Why Robert? Why do you love me? I…I'm still an outsider. After all these years, I still don't really fit into your world. Wouldn't you have been so much happier if you had married Sarah Wortham or one of those other women?"
He hugged her again, his heart sitting in his chest like a rock. "No Cora, I would not have been happier. You are not an outsider…my darling, you are my world." Straightening up so that he could look into her eyes, he continued. "Why do I love you? I can't stand here and list reasons; it would be like listing reasons why I eat, sleep, and breathe. I love you because I must; I need you just as I need those other things. Without you I am nothing." Tentatively he leaned in for a kiss. He hadn't felt this nervous about kissing her since they had courted for that is what this felt like, a courtship. He was fighting to win her over…again.
Again she stepped out of his embrace until she had backed herself into the corner of the room. Her expression was one of confusion and fear. Robert wondered why she was suddenly so afraid of him. But then his heart told him why; he had hurt her, hurt her deeply in a way no one else could. "Tell me what I can do…how I can reassure you," he pleaded.
"You had too much to drink," she said flatly. "We'll talk in the morning if we must, but right now please…just go to your bed and sleep. I don't wish to share a bed tonight."
Her wounded, fearful expression ripped through him. Briefly he considered her request. But as he watched her, he decided that if he left her alone tonight, something might be lost forever between them. Backing away, he loosened his tie and slipped out of his jacket, throwing it carelessly on a chair in the corner. "No, I will not," he stated firmly. "If you don't want me in the bed, then I will spend the night in the chair but I am not leaving this room; I am not leaving you alone tonight, Cora…not tonight or any other night… not ever. We've had quite enough of sleeping apart. If you wish to go to bed, then do so but I am not leaving this room."
Anger returned to her features but Robert thought it was far better than the injured look just seconds before. "Then I will leave," she blurted out with a huff. She started toward the door but Robert's own frustration took over before she made it and he grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around to face him.
Her face was flushed with anger and her eyes were blazing, the blue in them intense; but there was something else there too, failure. And trembling with confusion and grief, and his own anger, Robert decided at that moment he simply must kiss her. Backing her into the door, his body pinning hers to the slab his lips descended, fiery and hot. Hers were cool to his which sent a frenzy of fear through him. He needed her; how could she leave him tonight like this? How could she not see that he needed her so? His mind was aflame with such thoughts just as his body was ablaze with need and desire. "Oh god Cora, please don't leave me tonight; don't leave me to sleep alone. I need you. I need to hold you and caress you…to love you."
"Love?" she hissed. "What you want is not love, you want… that's what you wanted from the maid…base and…carnal. That's all I was ever good for I suppose…my money, then as a breeder although I never gave you a son, and now…I'm just a receptacle for your needs."
Robert shook with frustration. "No, no…Cora… no!" He stared at her, completely befuddled. "How can you …why do you think that? And you…we…there was a boy…" And then he realized what this might be all about. He fought through the mass of fog and confusion in his mind to put it all together and yes….he knew. "He would be ten now had he lived. I think of him, you know. We never gave him a name so in my thoughts I just call him my son. But I do think… He would have had your eyes… that's how I imagine him, with your eyes." He eased a step back, never taking his eyes off of her.
"I'm so sorry," she mumbled brokenly. "So sorry…"
"But you have nothing to be sorry for," he replied quickly, without thought. "It was an accident. I know how much you wanted him, how much we both wanted him even before we knew it was a him. It was such a surprise, having a baby at our age…such a wonderful surprise. All of our babies were such wonderful surprises…" He watched as relief mixed into her expression. "But my darling, you are and have always been so much more to me than just the mother of my children, although I can't think of a greater gift. Please Cora, let's not argue tonight, especially over something we shared that was so precious."
"Really? You really think of him?" her question was timid and unsure. "We never talked about him…about what happened; at least not beyond the first few days."
"I do think of him…of what we lost. But I also remember how it was between us then. Somehow the shared grief seemed to bring us even closer together…and then we just seemed to grow apart. I miss what we had then Cora, I truly do."
She looked away anxiously. "I …I've always thought of him as Rory."
Robert began to relax a little. "Rory?"
"Robert and Cora together…but that makes Rora and that's just silly. So …Rory."
"Rory, it sounds very…American," he said as if he were trying out s new taste.
She frowned. "I knew you wouldn't like it."
He heard the resignation in her voice and cringed. "I…actually I do. And thinking on it, I believe it comes from Ireland or Scotland… and since he was our little miracle, it is appropriate that his name should be a combination of ours. So now he has a name. We should have named him long ago. But I will still imagine him with your eyes." Somehow that seemed to appease her so he braved pulling her close again. She settled snugly into his chest. "But he would be handsome like his father," she cooed.
"Cora, there have been so many things that have threatened to come between us these past ten years…please, let's not keep things hidden. If you …if Rory is on your mind, please let's speak of him. I know I am guilty of keeping things from you. I suppose it is my British upbringing but I find it difficult to speak of what I am feeling."
Cora looked up at him and smirked. "Oh my dear husband, you are speaking rather forcefully about your feelings just now," she teased.
It was then that he became aware of just how very much he needed her. Blushing slightly, he tried to ease away from her but she held him close. "Oh no, no you don't," she chided. "After all these years I confess that it still pleases me when that happens, when in an unguarded moment, your body responds to me in that way. It makes me feel quite desirable…and desirous." She slipped from him, her hand catching his as she did. Gently pulling him, she guided him to their bed. "Why don't you explain more of your feelings to me and I can respond."
Robert's face lit like a child's might at the promise of candy. "Oh my darling Cora, you do know that I adore you, don't you?"
Unfastening her night clothes and letting her gown slip from her slight frame, Cora smiled at him. "Why don't you show me?" Then reaching for him again, she placed his hand strategically on her body so that he might have a sense of his effect on her. His knees went weak with anticipation as her wetness flooded into his hand. "Oh my god Cora," he mumbled as a fog of need and desire descended on him, wiping all coherent thoughts from his mind. From there, it was if another body had possessed his, and in truth it had for Cora took command of him, ravishing him as if he had no will; which he didn't. In all the frenzy of sensations, the waves of craving and want flooding over him, and the complete lack of self control, only one thing remained constant and sure; Cora, his lovely, often demure wife was wantonly doing this to him. .
Later in the night, in darkness with only the moonlight through the window to illuminate the shadowy room, Robert lay very still with Cora still snuggled closely to him. Listening to her breathe, he let his fingers slide gently over her smooth skin as he marveled at the gift she was in his life. She stirred slightly, responding to his touch even in her sleep. And then she mumbled, "you ever flirt with another woman again and I'll chop it off."
Robert's fingers stopped their movement as he frowned at her. Was she awake or talking in her sleep? As if reading his thoughts, she reached for his manhood and squeezed it gently. "If I lose this, then so do you," she said more clearly. Chuckling, he rolled to his side and pulled her into an embrace. "My wicked darling, you have quite made your point. After your provocative performance earlier, I'm quite sure that I will be your lapdog for the rest of our lives."
"I don't want a lapdog," she said coyly. "I much prefer a wolf, as long as he understands that he is my wolf."
Robert nibbled at her neck, just below her ear. "Always," he mumbled as his hands began to prowl over her. He kissed and nibbled his way to her abdomen, where he nuzzled his face into her. Settling there, breathing in the scent of her and of their love making earlier, he smiled. This was happy contentment, he realized. There was no where else he would ever find this. Quietly, he let out a small contented "wuff."