What if Sam had to fake his death b/c he had to go into witsec b/c Anton Hill escaped prison? He couldn't tell anyone not even Andy and how is she going to react to thinking that he really died?

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Chapter 1

Andy thought her world was coming to an end when she was called into Best's office and he told her the news—the news that Sam had been killed while doing his UC job. Now her hate for Boyd became even greater, she had never liked that guy always wanting him to go back under and now look where it got him—killed, dead and not coming back—she wanted to kill him, wanted him to suffer like she had but she wasn't going to do that because that would be murder. After leaving his office, she was autopilot to where she just aimlessly went into the women's locker room and sank down on the bench. Traci came in and immediately knew something was wrong with her—her shoulders slumped down, head down looking at the floor not even acknowledging that she came in and tears just pouring out but she wasn't even bothering to wipe them away—so she was immediately at her side putting her arms around her, "Andy what's wrong? What happened?"

She didn't even look up, "Sam's gone…he's not coming back…oh god Traci! WHY! He…he…he said he would never leave me…DAMN BOYED! I HATE HIM! It's because of him that got Sam killed!"

Her body was shaking with sobs and she couldn't stop the waterfall of tears as Traci held tightly on to her and Andy just clung to her like she was drowning. The sight made Traci's heart break, this wasn't how it was supposed to end…they had just barely even begun to get started even though it had been a year since their suspension but still it just was not fair that it had to end this way. Andy then pulled away from her and stood up and started pacing back and forth, breathing heavily trying to regain some sense of composure but every time she thought she had a handle on her emotions she would just breakdown again and at this point 15 minutes had gone by and Andy was getting more and more frustrated by the second. She finally got tired of it and let out a scream—it wasn't one of those high pitched ones—no this was deep, guttural and from the deepest part of her chest; her heart was breaking and she didn't care if everyone heard it. That sound-that scream was possibly the worst scream Traci had ever heard and she hoped to god that she would never ever hear it again especially from her best friend. Then she heard a banging sound and she looked up to see Andy punching, hitting and kicking the life out of the lockers; she knew that Andy would hurt herself so she bolted to get Jerry and Oliver because she knew that she couldn't do this alone. A few seconds later they all came rushing in but stopped when they saw her still beating the life out of the lockers. Her hands were bruised and bloody from her knuckles but they couldn't see what her ankles looked like since she was wearing her shoes. Jerry went behind her, put his arms around her and pulled her away from the lockers even though she put up a fight because she didn't want to stop. Her legs finally gave out and she just fell to the floor taking Jerry with her even though he tried to hold her up. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them then started rocking back and forth and sobbing uncontrollably. Frank came in to see what all the commotion was about then he saw Andy was and he knew that she had a breakdown. "Take her home…I'm giving her a week off. Take care of her…all of you." he told Traci, Oliver and Jerry.

"Come on Andy lets get you home." Jerry said while pulling her up and leading her out to the car. They pulled up to her and Sam's place—she had moved in with him 3 months after they got together—slowly she got out of the car and made her way up to the apartment; unlocking the door and going in she just stood in the doorway trying to regain some sense of composure to go into their bedroom and change out of her uniform that she still had on but her feet were unwilling to move. "Andy, are you going to be alright?" Traci asked.

"I don't know if I'll ever be alright again Traci…there's this part of me, a big part, that has died and there's no going back…so much for being normal. But I need to be alone, please leave, all of you please."

After they left she locked the door and made her way to the bedroom where she began taking off her uniform. She put on a shirt and pants and went into the kitchen, grabbed a beer and then set down on the couch and turned on the TV.

A week had passed by quickly with Jerry, Oliver and Traci checking up on her and she just kept saying that she was fine even though they knew that she wasn't but they didn't push her. Traci had told her that she would come and pick her up to go to work and Andy just agreed. She felt like she was just going through the motions because frankly nothing really mattered anymore. They were actually on time to parade and Jerry and Oliver looked at her and knew that she hadn't had much sleep—she had bags under her eyes, looked like she lost a little bit of weight, and her hair was in a messy bun which was not her usual style—Best began doling out the assignments and she got put on desk duty with Diaz which she was thankful for because she was in no mood for chatterbox Dov. She was thankful that Chris got her a cup of coffee because she felt she couldn't go over there because there were so many memories. "Thanks Chris…oh my god not him" her eyes immediately zeroed in on who was walking through the station, "What the hell is he doing here?" she said kind of loudly to which he heard this and turned around and walked over to her to which she back up a couple of steps. "Andy I ju—"NO! You do not get to call me by my first name! You have no right after what you've done! Get out of my face NOW!"

"Alright but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry…I'm so very sorry"

"SORRY…SORRY…YOU'RE SORRY…yeah right I do not believe that…you took away the only thing that ever mattered to me! I HATE YOU!" she was now in his face screaming at him then he tried to push her back a little and that was a very big mistake because the next he knew she threw a right hook and he was down on the floor and she was on top of him continuing to punch him like her life depended on it and she just kept yelling at him, "YOU DID THIS, YOU KILLED HIM YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU! YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM; HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO UNDER BUT YOU MADE HIM NOW YOU HAVE HIS BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS…" she finally let out a painful guttural scream just as Jerry came rushing over to her and pulled her off him and took her to the break room where she completely came unglued and had a breakdown. Jerry was getting her some water when she began talking again, "I can't do this…this pain is too unbearable…I can't live like this" with that she shot herself twice in the stomach and fell back to the floor. As soon as Jerry heard that last sentence he tried to get to her but her fingers on her gun was quicker and the next he knew she shot herself twice. He took off his jacket and put pressure on the wound, "HEY…GET SOMEBODY IN HERE NOW, CALL A BUS…IT'S MCNALLY SHE SHOT HERSELF!" he yelled out at the top of his lungs. "Please Andy don't leave us too…we need you." he pleaded.

Little did they know that Boyd was talking to Oliver telling him the truth about Sam when all hell broke loose; they heard gunshots, people running and someone saying McNally. He stopped a rookie, "Hey rookie what happened?"

"Sir, Officer McNally shot herself. Jerry's trying to stop the bleeding."

"Has someone called a bus?"

"Yes Sir."

"Okay thanks you can go now…' he turned back to Boyd, 'You do know this is your entire fault. Why the hell didn't you tell us that Hill escaped?"

"I don't know…"

"Like I believe that…you know if he's gunning for Swarek then he must know about Andy and she's a target! I want round the clock protection on her immediately and do not even think about arguing with me on this! Oh and another thing if no when she makes it out you are going to tell her the truth because this is literally killing her—that man is her life and you have no right, NO RIGHT, to keep something like this from her, you got that Boyd?"

He looked down, "Yes Sir"

They all rushed to the hospital and waited for her to come out of surgery hopefully alive. Boyd stepped outside and made a call.

"Thought you weren't supposed to call me"

"Yeah well things have changed…"

"What happened?"

"Sam…umm it's McNally…"

"BOYD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"

"She uhh she was very upset at your death, Frank gave her a week off and today was her first day back…I was going to see Frank when she saw me. I tried to tell her that I was very sorry but she went into a rant and then punched me which knocked me down and then she continued to hit me then she screamed as Jerry had to pull her off of me…"

"Boyd, get to the point what happened?"

"She had a breakdown and shot herself twice in the stomach."

"WHAT? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS…THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU HADN'T PUT ME THE UC JOB NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED! YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE ME TO HER AND YOU BETTER PRAY TO GOD THAT SHE'S ALIVE WHEN WE GET THERE OR ELSE…"

Sam slammed the phone shut and quickly gathered his things while he waited for him to get there all the while praying that Andy makes it because he would kill him if she didn't.

AN: Okay I know that I keep posting new stories but I have a little bit of writers block on a couple of the other stories but don't worry I did not forget about them…this came to me yesterday and just wouldn't go away…please review…unfortunately I do not own the wonderful Rookie Blue or the amazing Ben Bass as Sam Swarek.