Hi its me. i really failed at updating my last wh13 fan fiction. but i really love this one a would love to continue if people like it. This is about a week or two after Myka has told the team she has cancer. It is a Pyka C: i love that ship. thanks for reading please review.

I'm scared,

Yes me Myka Ophelia Bering. I'm so terrified I want to cry.

I hold myself steady as I cry, the harsh tears running down my raw cheeks.

I try to stop. But I can't. I have cancer. I repeat it in my head until it blurs and hurts again.

And I cry out and I quickly cover my mouth, disappointed I dared to make noise it's like two in the morning. Get it together Bering, get it together.

I close my eyes and try to soft my breathing.

"Myka…Myka are you alright?" I jump up as the door creaks open. I roughly wipe the tears remains and sit up on my hands.

"Pete." I say fighting to keep my voice steady. I see the light of the hallway illuminate his face. His signature good looks make my attention change for a second. Just like Sam. Or used to anyway.

"I'm alright." I hear him shuffle on his feet. "No you're not…I got a vibe anyway."

I sit up fully the covers falling off of me.

"Can I come in?" Pete says his voice soothing, the familiar manly rumble.

I nod timid and he crosses the room quietly. Pete softly turns on my nightstand lamp, and sits on the side of the bed. His eyes meet mine; they shimmer causing my emotions to lighten a little. Tears brim my eyes again threatening to fall yet again, when the small asshole voice in my head says.

He will never be yours to cry over you idiot.

His eyes study me, and I think notices the way I curl in as my thoughts crush me. Then a tear falls and he pulls me into him. And relaxing reassuring warmth covers me. It feels wonderful. Just the way I love, when Pete holds me. Pete's arms tighten and hands settle on my back. I breathe in his musk scent. I feel loved and comforted.

I love you. The only real thought that made sense in my mind right now.

Our bodies melt and I let him lay beside me and he wipes my tears. He shushes my sobs telling me comforting words.

"A beautiful woman, who is much more brave and stronger than me, has the right to cry." Pete says quietly, snuggling his head by mine.

I shrug and almost pull away. But the feeling intoxicates me. I should have let him go by now. I should not love him. I work with him, in a job where we can both die. I think a crazy thought.

I don't want to die without him. I want to be with him, forever and always. I want to live with him his arms around me. I want his touch before I die.

But most important.

I don't want to die at all.

"Why did you come here Pete?" I ask from his chest.

"What do you mean my dear Ophelia?" Pete says smiling down at me, making me smile gently back.

"Why did you come and comfort me?" I say.

"Because you are my partner. And you are the world to me Myka. You're my break from porn and football." Now his grin grows. And then he grows quite serious.

"I will not let you die. Not if I can help it." Pete says voice semi thick with emotion.

I settle back in and do not say anything.

"Everyone dies Pete."

"Mykes you know that's not what I mean." I sigh breathing in his scent one last time. Before pulling away and rising.

"Come on, look at the time three am sandwich."

Pete sighs in a little frustration at me. But rises off the bed and follows me down the stairs down to the kitchen.

Remember Bering. Not yours to cry over…but you already know you're going to.

Pete and I sit and laugh together. His crude jokes and constant talk about food makes me accidently spit all over the table, and water comes out of my nose. To which that he laughs obnoxiously and I hear another familiar groan.

The adorable red head shuffles down the stairs. Claudia sees us and grins sitting on the arm of my chair.

"We wake you?" Pete says already knowing the answer, mouth full of three am sandwich.

"No." Claudia says sarcastically and punches his arm. "Gimmie some please." She pleads puppy eyes tugging at Pete's heartstrings. Pete shrugs and gives in.

She munches, listening with me to Pete's story of us waking up in bed together.

We all laugh as he remakes my face when we woke up and I make his. We laugh and it doesn't surprise me when Steve stomps down.

"SHUT UP!" Steve says throwing a pillow at us. It lands in the middle of the table and Steve has to do the walk of shame to get it back. Claudia laughs loudly and tells him to piggy back her up stairs. Steve grumbles and she frowns. He smiles finally and lets her climb on.

"Up the stairs peasant!" Claudia laughs yelling in his ear.

We laugh and once they disappear upstairs we are alone again.

I rise up from my chair at the table. "Time for bed Pete."

"Yes mommy." I smile as he makes a face.

I turn off the light and it's dark. I turn looking back at Pete.

"Pete-" I begin. "Shhhh." He cuts me off raising a finger to his lips. I get quiet and follow his gaze out of the window.

The gazebo light nicely with the pretty sphere lights, as my gaze stays on the gazebo. I do not notice Pete come up behind me and place hands on my back his front flat against my back. My heart jumps in excitement. Silent in one swift motion he turns me. There is no room between our bodies and once again his heat engulfs me.

The only light comes from out the window and makes his features glow beautifully. His face inches from mine, his arms on my waist holding me there. I turn my head watching his and our eyes stay locked. Pete's breath- taking brown eyes skim over me. Softly and briefly our noses touch and I close my eyes.

"Myka. I…I..." His voice is shaky, and he somberly pulls away, regaining the distance between our bodies.

"Good night Pete." I say and smile squeezing his hand softly. And the sweet memories of his touch linger on my skin as I go back up the stairs. I feel and know his gaze on me as I walk. It makes me calm.

"Good night Myka…I…"

Not sure if he finished the sentence since his voice faded even as I sat on the step listening.

I love you Pete Lattimer.

thank you for reading please review lots of love- cnwnc