Disclaimer: the usual
AN: Don't get me wrong, I'm a G/S shipper all the way, but this idea just
wouldn't leave me along. R&R, please.:)
---------------------- There can't be a spot on this ceiling that I haven't memorized. I've been staring at it for the past four hours. The lumpy hotel chair wasn't made for sleeping, and no matter how many positions I discover to twist myself into, I can't. But the array of stains on the bedspread that appeared to be far older than any I've ever seen was simply too much to stomach sitting on, let alone sleeping in. No doubt, the chair wasn't much better, but it looked slightly less contaminated than the possibilities that lurked within the burnt-orange shag carpet, and at least I couldn't see the stains against its dark fabric.
So far, I think I've contemplated every coherent subject within my mind, and many that aren't. It doesn't matter. I'd do anything just to forget, to be able to think of anything but him, even for only a moment. I was stupid, and I know that now, but why won't the thoughts go away? If given the chance to go back in time, I'm almost certain that I would never have come to Las Vegas, that I would have spent the last three years in a completely different place with completely different people, and that scared me. My philosophy had always been to live without regrets, to never look back and want to change anything, much less everything.
I tried to move on. God knows I've tried not to replay every moment spent alone with him, not to memorize every word, not to lose myself in his eyes, but I can't help it, and that scares me too. He had complete control over me and had no idea. Hell, with the way he's acted recently, I'm not even sure he has any idea that I'm still alive. He probably doesn't even realize I'm gone yet.That's okay, though, because I don't need the attachment. I was willing to give it one more chance, and he shot me down. He completely ignored me as though nothing at all had happened.
For not, I'll just close my eyes and try to forget. Because what do you do when life leaves you behind? You do what I did and do the same in return.
---------------------- There can't be a spot on this ceiling that I haven't memorized. I've been staring at it for the past four hours. The lumpy hotel chair wasn't made for sleeping, and no matter how many positions I discover to twist myself into, I can't. But the array of stains on the bedspread that appeared to be far older than any I've ever seen was simply too much to stomach sitting on, let alone sleeping in. No doubt, the chair wasn't much better, but it looked slightly less contaminated than the possibilities that lurked within the burnt-orange shag carpet, and at least I couldn't see the stains against its dark fabric.
So far, I think I've contemplated every coherent subject within my mind, and many that aren't. It doesn't matter. I'd do anything just to forget, to be able to think of anything but him, even for only a moment. I was stupid, and I know that now, but why won't the thoughts go away? If given the chance to go back in time, I'm almost certain that I would never have come to Las Vegas, that I would have spent the last three years in a completely different place with completely different people, and that scared me. My philosophy had always been to live without regrets, to never look back and want to change anything, much less everything.
I tried to move on. God knows I've tried not to replay every moment spent alone with him, not to memorize every word, not to lose myself in his eyes, but I can't help it, and that scares me too. He had complete control over me and had no idea. Hell, with the way he's acted recently, I'm not even sure he has any idea that I'm still alive. He probably doesn't even realize I'm gone yet.That's okay, though, because I don't need the attachment. I was willing to give it one more chance, and he shot me down. He completely ignored me as though nothing at all had happened.
For not, I'll just close my eyes and try to forget. Because what do you do when life leaves you behind? You do what I did and do the same in return.